Would you be mad if you caught your lover looking at porn? - Page 5 - U2 Feedback

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Old 01-17-2007, 12:21 AM   #61
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Angela, not corn....PORN!
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Old 01-17-2007, 01:25 AM   #62
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haha that would make the worst spoonerism.
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Old 01-17-2007, 02:24 AM   #63
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I'm dealing with having had my email read by my spouse, and his being pissed off about what he learned about thoughts that I shared in some emails to a girlfriend about another guy...now *there's* a trust issue for ya!
What trumps what there?
He checked my email, just because he could (he knew the password; that's no longer the case) and he liked to check to see if I had read his emails to me sometimes (never knew about that practice til now). He saw an email to a friend who'd moved away, thought oh, that's interesting, and read it. Found out stuff he wasn't happy about (all thoughts, and relationship issues, the way girlfriends talk sometimes ya know), read *more* letters, finally stopped himself. Wouldn't talk to me for a week (things were already quite charged interpersonally) because he was so mad about these feelings I had about someone else, and that I shared intimate details about our troubled relationship with this friend.

Oh, and I think looking at porn is totally a private issue. If I truly 'caught' my lover looking at it...like I walked in and there he was checking out hustler or whatever...I might critique it, and voice my preference that he say use the victoria's secret catalog and his imagination for maintenance purposes. But checking histories on the computer? ew; I'd be left with serious trust issues. I feel like crap feeling like I need to close my email windows when I step away from the computer. Why would I think he's not going to check my mail again?
Couples therapy is a good idea though, surely! Gotta figure out ways to deal with all that, and communication is so important.
I just don't have time for it right now, and I've done it before and am not sure it would help with some of the issues that have come up since....

Good luck with it !
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Old 01-17-2007, 10:37 AM   #64
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this topic has come up in my relationship many times and fortunately we seemed to have resolved it and worked past it. And for me it is a sensitive issue and I don't like having porn in my home. It raises too many body image expectations. For me it was due to my childhood and that is all I will say regarding that, but my feeling is, if my fiance wants to look at that stuff, I wouldn't be so upset if he were looking at it with me. to me, that's more of a turn on. sharing that stuff together. I think it helps with intimacy in general. But stumbling across it like she did (I know many of you say snooping), I can see why she was upset. If you see a huge list of sites visited, sure that's gonna make her think that that is the first thing you do if you're not together, which could lead to her thinking that she doesn't do enough for you...etc. I think couples therapy is a good thing to help you two through this. Good luck!
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Old 01-17-2007, 10:59 AM   #65
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Quote:
Originally posted by AussieU2fanman
Maybe she should put out more
No offence....but seriously, it'll help.
Yeah, cause all male behavior is a woman's fault. Are you "joking" and/or intentionally trolling again?

That's bs- real men take responsibility for their own actions and for their relationships when they love someone and take positive action to resolve issues in their relationship, like he did.
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Old 01-17-2007, 11:33 AM   #66
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^ That, and a lot of people don't look at porn because they're not getting any or are sexually frustrated. Many couples watch porn together and get plenty of action, sometimes more. It's just another thing to do, it doesn't have mean something is lacking (though it can if one becomes addicted). I watch crime dramas and I've no intention of committing crimes or being a policewoman. I read classic lit and I've no desire to live in the 1800s. They're all just forms of entertainment.
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Old 01-17-2007, 11:43 AM   #67
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Good point Liesje

I just resent that sexist attitude, that men have to look at porn because their gf's, wives, aren't giving them enough sex. Dr. Laura revisited. A guy could be having sex with them numerous times a day and still want to look at porn, as you said.

I wonder what women do if men aren't "putting out" enough What if a female started this same thread here, would there be any replies of "he should just put out more, it'll help"?
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Old 01-17-2007, 11:56 AM   #68
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Quote:
Originally posted by MrsSpringsteen
Good point Liesje

I just resent that sexist attitude, that men have to look at porn because their gf's, wives, aren't giving them enough sex. Dr. Laura revisited. A guy could be having sex with them numerous times a day and still want to look at porn, as you said.

Yeah, most times I know of guys looking at porn, it's just because they like to look at porn every once in a while, no biggie. They still have girlfriends/wives/hookups and don't complain about not getting enough. The attitude that guys look at porn because they are driven to it really speaks worse about the guys than the women, IMO.
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Old 01-17-2007, 01:40 PM   #69
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but seriously boys...
most of the time the porn you're looking at while on the computer or in the bedroom or the bathroom is just to wank to, no?

I mean, I presume the practices of men looking at porn are quite varied, but my not-too-informed guess is that it's often something to look at for creating some sexual energy while masturbating and has less to do with bodyimage comparisons or thoughts about what you're getting from your lover than it does with what-will-get-this-maintenance thing done in good happy form?
I bet men just wank more than women, on average.
And are more 'visual' in their fantasizing necessary for a good session...
Oh yeah and think about sex more often than women, so it's not that their lovers aren't giving enough, it just comes into their minds more often on average than for women.
my two cents at quarter to two...
i hate dr. laura, do we have to call her dr, she's only a PhD right?

cheers everyone!
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Old 01-17-2007, 02:23 PM   #70
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In all the airbrushed images of surgically enhanced porn stars one would be hard pressed to find an excellent beauty.
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Old 01-17-2007, 02:36 PM   #71
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Quote:
Originally posted by A_Wanderer
In all the airbrushed images of surgically enhanced porn stars one would be hard pressed to find an excellent beauty.


there's this thing called X-Tube ...
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Old 01-17-2007, 02:52 PM   #72
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Pfft, i'll just research the old fashioned way google

"+Amateur + Brunette +Slight + Glasses"

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Old 01-17-2007, 02:59 PM   #73
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Quote:
Originally posted by Irvine511




there's this thing called X-Tube ...
You made me look

now i gotta clear my history
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Old 01-17-2007, 03:11 PM   #74
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Quote:
Originally posted by A_Wanderer
Pfft, i'll just research the old fashioned way google

"+Amateur + Brunette +Slight + Glasses"




Ugly Betty?
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Old 01-17-2007, 03:14 PM   #75
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Quote:
Originally posted by redkat


You made me look

now i gotta clear my history





sorry.

though i suppose my overall point is that i think porn can get silly. well, okay, it IS really silly, and filled with people who are almost cartoonish in their appearance, all airbrushed and chiseled and enormously endowed and whatever. sure, it can be visually pleasing, for a bit, but what i find far more interesting are photos -- nude or not, porno or not -- of real people who happen to be good looking, well built, or whatever, but not unattainable. it's their flaws, their nuances, that make them so alluring.

it's the attainability that makes them so attractive, as opposed to the squeezed-out-of-a-tube quality of so much pornography which is all very Attack of the Clones.
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