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Old 07-25-2006, 07:29 PM   #1
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Where's Dreadsox?

It is with great perplexity, deep foreboding, and no small--well, okay, pretty small, but that's beside the point--measure of guilt that I must inform you all that our longstanding FYM comrade, Dreadsox, seems to have disappeared. And unfortunately, I have reason to believe that the cause of his absence is something other than a pleasant family outing in the countryside.

Following a torrent of outraged PMs, emails and report posts spawned by the appalling disrespect Dreadsox showed us all by posting Fiddler on the Roof lyrics in yet another patently obvious attempt to detonate a perfectly cordial gay marriage thread a couple weeks back (followed by an equally tasteless "joke" about his ideas for an "updated" version), I fired off a pointedly no-nonsense PM to him entitled " Thanks For Posting This?!" reminding him, among other things, of the well-known Interference ban on invoking queer shtetl culture under the Tsars in anything but a historically appropriate context. Then I sat back and waited, fingers drumming irritably on my desktop and smirking disagreeably in anticipation of the string of lame and transparently unrepentant self-justifications I was sure awaited me in response.

Instead...silence. Hours turned into days as I kept suspiciously checking the active FYM threads for signs of a subversive attempt to flout myself and his other grievously offended comrades in "public." After a few days had passed, and still no reply, I wondered if perhaps Dreadsox was deliberately ignoring his PMs, and re-sent my admonitions by email. Again no response. I tried his AIM and Yahoo! handles, and even briefly considered soliciting donations for a humiliating singing telegram involving Fly shades, a pushup bra and a tzitzit, then realized this would be stooping to his level.

As days began to slide into weeks, I began to grow considerably--well, okay, mildly, but the point is I felt something--more concerned about Dreadsox's whereabouts. Perhaps I had been too harsh in my initial approach? Perhaps he had misconstrued my friendly, if perhaps a bit overdrawn, sarcasm in alluding to an Axis of Evil involving him, the LaLeche League, and Zero Mostel. Never having been one to hold a grudge, I resolved to let bygones be bygones, and extended the olive branch with a reassuringly how's-it-going PM entitled "Are You Dead Already, Or What?" Still no response. Finally, and with disturbing premonitions of darker prospects beginning to take shape in my head, I PMed him a couple irresistibly comment-worthy recent news items involving breasts and yellowcake. He did not take the bait.

Clearly, this was very unsettling news. No longer able to ignore the obvious if unsettling possibilities, I did a bit of user activity log research, and to my consternation discovered evidence that not only has Dreadsox indeed disappeared altogether, but furthermore there is reason to believe that someone else may be browsing under his user name. I'm afraid I can't reveal much more than that without compromising some highly questionable connections between Interference and certain mission-critical mainframes scattered across the country, though. But rest assured, if and when "Dreadsox" posts again, we will be tracing, tracking and minutely analyzing every last one of his(??) responses in search of leads. I realize this isn't much consolation given the circumstances, but I'm afraid it's the best we can do.

However. We do have one stellar, trump-card resource working in our favor in this investigation--and that is the seasoned perspective and (more importantly) well-honed skills at wildly improbable speculation to be found among you, Dreadsox's fellow FYMers. So, without further ado, I hereby implore all of you to share your theories as to what might have become of Dreadsox. Should your theory prove to be the one that cracks this case and leads us to the discovery of his true whereabouts and activities, you will become eligible for a varied range of highly (after a fashion) desirable rewards, including but not limited to the half-eaten lollipop featured in Dreadsox's avatar, which we promise not to take from you and make you cry. Time is of the essence!

yolland [at] interference.com

μελετώ αποτυγχάνειν. -- Διογένης της Σινώπης
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Old 07-25-2006, 07:47 PM   #2
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I think this is an annual trip for Dreadsox.

I think breasts might be involved

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Old 07-25-2006, 07:51 PM   #3
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There are rumors that his voice has shown up whispering on the beach clips that surfaced in the last few days. I think he was there doing research for our next 'breast thread'.
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Old 07-25-2006, 07:57 PM   #4
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He went to the Halls of Republican Orthodoxy and got in, but the key was ripped off and now he's trapped in the Halls. He wants out of there as he is not an orthodox Republican but they can't find the key. When someone finds the key they'll get him out.
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Old 07-25-2006, 11:15 PM   #5
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This is the weirdest thread I have seen on Interference in the 5 or 6 years I've been coming here. And its posted by a mod??
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Old 07-25-2006, 11:52 PM   #6
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Frankly, I think we all could use some humor around here these days.

As for Dread, maybe he's managing a Hooters restaurant and doesn't have time for us anymore.
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Old 07-26-2006, 06:57 AM   #7
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Yolland, you exceeded the word limit.

Doesn't Dreadsox go on a long break during the USA summer school holidays every year?
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Old 07-26-2006, 08:35 AM   #8
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[QUOTE]Originally posted by Shag On A Rock
[B]Yolland, you exceeded the word limit.

Best post eva!!!!
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Old 07-26-2006, 09:19 AM   #9
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I've been able to check in to read for a couple of days and wondered where he was.
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Old 07-26-2006, 09:26 AM   #10
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Originally posted by Shag On A Rock
Yolland, you exceeded the word limit.

"Knight in shining Zubaz."

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Old 07-26-2006, 09:40 AM   #11
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Dread is tied up in my basement.

(Yolland, your post is funnier than any midwestern political science professor has any right to be)
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Old 07-26-2006, 12:54 PM   #12
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he's having coffee w Jack Bauer just outside of Greenwich Village
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Old 07-26-2006, 01:42 PM   #13
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Originally posted by bonoman
This is the weirdest thread I have seen on Interference in the 5 or 6 years I've been coming here. And its posted by a mod??
It's kind of an annual thing...
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Old 07-26-2006, 03:07 PM   #14
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Lighten up peeps!
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Old 07-26-2006, 04:04 PM   #15
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i heard Dread was kidnapped by similarly breast-obsessed Scientologists and is on the very same spaceship as Suri Cruise and heading towards Xenu as we speak

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