What Makes A Good Mother? - Page 3 - U2 Feedback

Go Back   U2 Feedback > Lypton Village > Free Your Mind > Free Your Mind Archive
Click Here to Login
 
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
 
Old 05-06-2005, 09:29 PM   #31
Blue Crack Addict
 
Liesje's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: In the dog house
Posts: 19,557
Local Time: 01:19 AM
Point taken, yolland, but that still doesn't mean we can't have a sincere, positive thread about why we love our mothers for mothers day. If this is offends people for whatever reason, then they don't have to participate. Just because I've never given birth doesn't mean I can't sit back and appreciate my mom.
__________________

__________________
Liesje is offline  
Old 05-06-2005, 09:38 PM   #32
Refugee
Note: Troll-like
 
Palace_Hero's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: The Morning After. Ranking: Troll of Interference. Interference Hotness Level: 3rd. Sex: Yes please.
Posts: 2,098
Local Time: 01:19 PM
Someone who trusts their kids, unlike cardinso ((sp?) can't remember the name exactly, but it is nearly that)
__________________

__________________
Palace_Hero is offline  
Old 05-07-2005, 12:23 AM   #33
Rock n' Roll Doggie
 
DeadMansParty's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: South Bay, Ca
Posts: 3,837
Local Time: 10:19 PM
what makes a good mother?............Bonos american wife
__________________
DeadMansParty is offline  
Old 05-07-2005, 12:27 AM   #34
Forum Moderator
 
yolland's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 7,471
Local Time: 07:19 AM
Quote:
Originally posted by LivLuvAndBootlegMusic
Point taken, yolland, but that still doesn't mean we can't have a sincere, positive thread about why we love our mothers for mothers day. If this is offends people for whatever reason, then they don't have to participate. Just because I've never given birth doesn't mean I can't sit back and appreciate my mom.
Um, but that's not the theme of this thread. The theme is 'What makes a good mother?' and that's exactly what most of the posts are: lists of the qualities a hypothetical good mother ought to possess, as opposed to appreciations of the posters' own mothers. I realize YOUR post was just that , but it was in the minority in that regard.

Had the theme been 'Why I love my mom' and all the posts been as grateful and appreciative in tone as yours, I doubt very much that U2Kitten would have been irked by any of it.
__________________
yolland is offline  
Old 05-07-2005, 09:01 AM   #35
BAW
The Flower
 
BAW's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: The OC....!!!!
Posts: 11,094
Local Time: 10:19 PM
Quote:
Originally posted by DeadMansParty
what makes a good mother?............Bonos american wife

You really don't know how much that means to me Ricky...I'm about to cry right now

Having your son say your are a good mother is the best gift a mom could ever have.

I you son
__________________
BAW is offline  
Old 05-07-2005, 09:02 AM   #36
Blue Crack Addict
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Posts: 17,927
Local Time: 01:19 AM
Quote:
Originally posted by yolland



Had the theme been 'Why I love my mom' and all the posts been as grateful and appreciative in tone as yours, I doubt very much that U2Kitten would have been irked by any of it.
Exactly! "Why I love/loved my Mom" or "What does Mom want for Mother's Day", fine. But listing criteria as to what makes a good mother, especially when negative things they DON'T think make a good mother are listed, is very offensive and personal to me, as a mother. Some of the posts even seemed like they were saying what makes a BAD or 'ungood' mother. That is the problem I have with it.
__________________
U2Kitten is offline  
Old 05-07-2005, 09:06 AM   #37
Blue Crack Addict
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Posts: 17,927
Local Time: 01:19 AM
Normal

Quote:
Originally posted by yolland
I think I understand where U2Kitten was coming from. Every mother I know, from a single lesbian doctor to a stay-at-home ultra-Orthodox mother of six, laughs knowingly and sheepishly when the question of 'how mothering changed your views on mothering' comes up. It's like other relationship-based endeavours: what might sound eminently righteous and sensible when you're sitting in the bleachers, analysing things from a distance, is totally different from what works when you're out there in 'real-time'--with sibling rivalries, schoolyard bullies, raging hormones, medical crises, suppressed resentments, overwhelmed teachers, marital tensions, and financial woes all piling atop each other at once. You won't have time to consult your '101 Things A Good Mother Mustn't Do' list--nor is the resulting guilt trip likely to help matters. Besides, that actually takes the focus off where it should be, namely on raising decent, fair, good-hearted children with a will to give something back to their world.

I think mothers are also (understandably) more sensitive to the judgmentality implicit in these kinds of lists. By definition, a list of 'good mother' attributes suggests those who don't fulfill its criteria are 'bad mothers,' even if only on occasion. And there's no shortage of Twelve-Step 'toxic parent' gurus around to fuel mothers' fears that parenting is some sort of perilous minefield, where one unwitting slip-up from you could emotionally mutilate your child permanently. (This goes for fathers too, of course...though lists of 'good father' traits tend to be far less exhaustive and exacting.)

Personally, I don't consider it my right or place to judge whether my mother and father were 'good' parents or not. They certainly made some mistakes; so did I. They said and did a few things that were quite hurtful; so did I. My mistakes never stopped them from believing in and loving me, though, and I feel the same way towards them. That kind of faith in one another is far more precious than anything reducible to a list of dos and don'ts.
Thank you very much. After all the jabs, throwoffs and bad jokes, it's so good to see someone who understands how I feel and realizes I wasn't just being a bitch to ruin the thread. All good points, thanks for posting.
__________________
U2Kitten is offline  
Old 05-07-2005, 09:19 AM   #38
Blue Crack Addict
 
joyfulgirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2001
Posts: 16,615
Local Time: 11:19 PM
Quote:
Originally posted by U2Kitten


Thank you very much. After all the jabs, throwoffs and bad jokes, it's so good to see someone who understands how I feel and realizes I wasn't just being a bitch to ruin the thread. All good points, thanks for posting.

Instead of starting the jabs in this thread by accusing the people who have said in the past that they didn't want children of 'bragging' about it and being dismissive of their honest feelings, you could have just talked about the qualities mentioned here that you agree with or disagree with from the perspective of a mother, or even just made some of the points yolland made without the nasty tone. But instead you took jabs and then whine the victim as usual when people comment on it.
__________________
joyfulgirl is offline  
Old 05-07-2005, 09:27 AM   #39
Blue Crack Addict
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Posts: 17,927
Local Time: 01:19 AM
The 'jabs' were in those 'lists', and some of them I feel were personally aimed at me (like the don't be their friend one, and the have a good relationship with your husband one, people who have read my posts know that about me) As already stated, listing what you love or admire about your mother, okay, making naughty lists of what DOESN'T rate as a good mother, that's getting personal and stepping out of line. Suppose I made a list and said 'a good mother never kills her children, inside or outside of her stomach' Why you'd tear me to pieces! See? It's all in the attitude and implied intentions. This thread stopped being a happy thing as soon as the negatives appeared in the lists.

And I shudder to think what public admonishment I'd have gotten had I posted anything near as snotty as that 'cross' joke jibe to someone.
__________________
U2Kitten is offline  
Old 05-07-2005, 09:42 AM   #40
Blue Crack Addict
 
joyfulgirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2001
Posts: 16,615
Local Time: 11:19 PM
You assumed everyone was talking about you? These lists are so benign and general that it seems more than a little paranoid to assume people were taking jabs at you. Frankly, that seems ridiculous but whatever.
__________________
joyfulgirl is offline  
Old 05-07-2005, 09:48 AM   #41
Blue Crack Addict
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Posts: 17,927
Local Time: 01:19 AM
Quote:
Originally posted by joyfulgirl
You assumed everyone was talking about you? These lists are so benign and general that it seems more than a little paranoid to assume people were taking jabs at you. Frankly, that seems ridiculous but whatever.
Ha!Why did I know this was coming? In fact, I almost posted 'oh but I'm just paranoid' but erased it. Guess I shouldn't have. Look, as I said in another post here, there is enough past history with certain individuals- NOT EVERYONE IN THE WORLD!- that leads me to feel that way. But even if it weren't personal, it's still rude to make lists of what you think DOESN'T make a good mother, and that makes the difference in this thread.
__________________
U2Kitten is offline  
Old 05-07-2005, 09:56 AM   #42
Blue Crack Addict
 
joyfulgirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2001
Posts: 16,615
Local Time: 11:19 PM
So you and somebody don't get along. Fine. But the average person not in the know about the soap operas gong on behind the scenes is reading this nice little mothers day-related thread and then they get to your post and it's like, wtf is she going off on now. Always angry, always offended, somebody's always been mean to you, enough already.

__________________
joyfulgirl is offline  
Old 05-07-2005, 10:15 AM   #43
Refugee
 
Muggsy's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: I live in colombia, with a box of watercolors and butterflies in my tummy
Posts: 2,033
Local Time: 01:19 AM
Quote:
Originally posted by U2Kitten
The 'jabs' were in those 'lists', and some of them I feel were personally aimed at me
why?????!!!!... I mean, why do you think that every person here thinks about you in a negative way?... I was thinking about my mom for example and I wrote good things that I found in her... i don't know you, so you don't have to feel that way if you don't like the things we post
__________________
Muggsy is offline  
Old 05-07-2005, 10:23 AM   #44
Rock n' Roll Doggie
Band-aid
 
dandy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: styrofoam peanut commune
Posts: 4,310
Local Time: 03:19 AM
Re: What Makes A Good Mother?

Quote:
Originally posted by MrsSpringsteen
Besides some obvious ones, it's a subjective opinion I suppose. Hopefully people will respect that and this can be a nice thread
well, it was a good idea while it lasted.
__________________
dandy is offline  
Old 05-07-2005, 10:55 AM   #45
Blue Crack Addict
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Posts: 17,927
Local Time: 01:19 AM
"Nice little Mother's Day threads" don't list criteria of what is and is not a good mother, only positive things. Blame me if you want, it was not nice from the beginning- which is why I took exception to it.
__________________

__________________
U2Kitten is offline  
 

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:19 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Design, images and all things inclusive copyright © Interference.com