What Makes A Good Mother?

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Point taken, yolland, but that still doesn't mean we can't have a sincere, positive thread about why we love our mothers for mothers day. If this is offends people for whatever reason, then they don't have to participate. Just because I've never given birth doesn't mean I can't sit back and appreciate my mom.
 
LivLuvAndBootlegMusic said:
Point taken, yolland, but that still doesn't mean we can't have a sincere, positive thread about why we love our mothers for mothers day. If this is offends people for whatever reason, then they don't have to participate. Just because I've never given birth doesn't mean I can't sit back and appreciate my mom.

:scratch: Um, but that's not the theme of this thread. The theme is 'What makes a good mother?' and that's exactly what most of the posts are: lists of the qualities a hypothetical good mother ought to possess, as opposed to appreciations of the posters' own mothers. I realize YOUR post was just that ;), but it was in the minority in that regard.

Had the theme been 'Why I love my mom' and all the posts been as grateful and appreciative in tone as yours, I doubt very much that U2Kitten would have been irked by any of it.
 
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DeadMansParty said:
what makes a good mother?............Bonos american wife


You really don't know how much that means to me Ricky...I'm about to cry right now :hug:

Having your son say your are a good mother is the best gift a mom could ever have.

I :heart: you son :)
 
yolland said:



Had the theme been 'Why I love my mom' and all the posts been as grateful and appreciative in tone as yours, I doubt very much that U2Kitten would have been irked by any of it.

:up: Exactly! "Why I love/loved my Mom" or "What does Mom want for Mother's Day", fine. But listing criteria as to what makes a good mother, especially when negative things they DON'T think make a good mother are listed, is very offensive and personal to me, as a mother. Some of the posts even seemed like they were saying what makes a BAD or 'ungood' mother. That is the problem I have with it.
 
yolland said:
I think I understand where U2Kitten was coming from. Every mother I know, from a single lesbian doctor to a stay-at-home ultra-Orthodox mother of six, laughs knowingly and sheepishly when the question of 'how mothering changed your views on mothering' comes up. It's like other relationship-based endeavours: what might sound eminently righteous and sensible when you're sitting in the bleachers, analysing things from a distance, is totally different from what works when you're out there in 'real-time'--with sibling rivalries, schoolyard bullies, raging hormones, medical crises, suppressed resentments, overwhelmed teachers, marital tensions, and financial woes all piling atop each other at once. You won't have time to consult your '101 Things A Good Mother Mustn't Do' list--nor is the resulting guilt trip likely to help matters. Besides, that actually takes the focus off where it should be, namely on raising decent, fair, good-hearted children with a will to give something back to their world.

I think mothers are also (understandably) more sensitive to the judgmentality implicit in these kinds of lists. By definition, a list of 'good mother' attributes suggests those who don't fulfill its criteria are 'bad mothers,' even if only on occasion. And there's no shortage of Twelve-Step 'toxic parent' gurus around to fuel mothers' fears that parenting is some sort of perilous minefield, where one unwitting slip-up from you could emotionally mutilate your child permanently. (This goes for fathers too, of course...though lists of 'good father' traits tend to be far less exhaustive and exacting.)

Personally, I don't consider it my right or place to judge whether my mother and father were 'good' parents or not. They certainly made some mistakes; so did I. They said and did a few things that were quite hurtful; so did I. My mistakes never stopped them from believing in and loving me, though, and I feel the same way towards them. That kind of faith in one another is far more precious than anything reducible to a list of dos and don'ts.

:up: :hug: Thank you very much. After all the jabs, throwoffs and bad jokes, it's so good to see someone who understands how I feel and realizes I wasn't just being a bitch to ruin the thread. All good points, thanks for posting.
 
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U2Kitten said:


:up: :hug: Thank you very much. After all the jabs, throwoffs and bad jokes, it's so good to see someone who understands how I feel and realizes I wasn't just being a bitch to ruin the thread. All good points, thanks for posting.


Instead of starting the jabs in this thread by accusing the people who have said in the past that they didn't want children of 'bragging' about it and being dismissive of their honest feelings, you could have just talked about the qualities mentioned here that you agree with or disagree with from the perspective of a mother, or even just made some of the points yolland made without the nasty tone. But instead you took jabs and then whine the victim as usual when people comment on it.
 
The 'jabs' were in those 'lists', and some of them I feel were personally aimed at me (like the don't be their friend one, and the have a good relationship with your husband one, people who have read my posts know that about me) As already stated, listing what you love or admire about your mother, okay, making naughty lists of what DOESN'T rate as a good mother, that's getting personal and stepping out of line. Suppose I made a list and said 'a good mother never kills her children, inside or outside of her stomach' Why you'd tear me to pieces! See? It's all in the attitude and implied intentions. This thread stopped being a happy thing as soon as the negatives appeared in the lists.

And I shudder to think what public admonishment I'd have gotten had I posted anything near as snotty as that 'cross' joke jibe to someone. :eyebrow:
 
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You assumed everyone was talking about you? These lists are so benign and general that it seems more than a little paranoid to assume people were taking jabs at you. Frankly, that seems ridiculous but whatever.
 
joyfulgirl said:
You assumed everyone was talking about you? These lists are so benign and general that it seems more than a little paranoid to assume people were taking jabs at you. Frankly, that seems ridiculous but whatever.

Ha!Why did I know this was coming? In fact, I almost posted 'oh but I'm just paranoid' :rolleyes: but erased it. Guess I shouldn't have. Look, as I said in another post here, there is enough past history with certain individuals- NOT EVERYONE IN THE WORLD!- that leads me to feel that way. But even if it weren't personal, it's still rude to make lists of what you think DOESN'T make a good mother, and that makes the difference in this thread.
 
So you and somebody don't get along. Fine. But the average person not in the know about the soap operas gong on behind the scenes is reading this nice little mothers day-related thread and then they get to your post and it's like, wtf is she going off on now. Always angry, always offended, somebody's always been mean to you, enough already.

:down:
 
U2Kitten said:
The 'jabs' were in those 'lists', and some of them I feel were personally aimed at me

why?????!!!!... I mean, why do you think that every person here thinks about you in a negative way?... I was thinking about my mom for example and I wrote good things that I found in her... i don't know you, so you don't have to feel that way if you don't like the things we post :|
 
"Nice little Mother's Day threads" don't list criteria of what is and is not a good mother, only positive things. Blame me if you want, it was not nice from the beginning- which is why I took exception to it.
 
I didn't give up my Chitown tickets, but I am missing the U2Midwest party to stay with my mom for mothers day.

You can only try to be a good mother, no one is perfect. My son knows I love him unconditionally and that counts the most.

Great post BAW.
 
U2Kitten said:
"Nice little Mother's Day threads" don't list criteria of what is and is not a good mother, only positive things. Blame me if you want, it was not nice from the beginning- which is why I took exception to it.

This thread idea seems harmless to me. The poster asked for people to post positive things that they personally think makes a good mother. This thread has just turned nasty and negative, it wasn't from the beginning.

Can't people just post their gripe(s) and then leave instead of drawing people into a huge debate and getting at each others throats? It just forces perfectly fine threads to be closed and leaves a nasty atmosphere.

My Mum (and my Dad) did everything they could for me, they've always supported me and I know that they'll never let me down. I have always been shown lots of love. They've taught me right from wrong. I was spoilt but I wasn't allowed to get away with everything and if I stepped out of line I was punished and I really learnt my lesson. Now, I am an adult and they have given me, and still do, as much advice and guidance as I need but leave me to follow my own path in life. I know that my Mum will always love me despite any of my shortcomings. If I ever have children I hope I could provide the same unconditional love, support and knowledge that my Mum has given to us.
 
Well it started out a great thread. It's interesting how certain individuals can always make a nice innocent thread something not worth coming into anymore.
 
Jiminy Crickets, U2kitten, other than my "cross" remark, my original "what makes a good mom" opinions were not aimed at you. I'm sure you're a perfectly nice person, but you have one of the biggest martyr complexes I have ever come across. Guess what? My life hasn't exactly been a bowl of cherries lately, either. Remember, I was mugged and beaten only two months ago. I have huge medical bills to pay. I owe 50K in student loans. And I was passed over for a job by someone who talks like a valley girl and wears her hair in pig tails.

And if it takes a village to raise a child, this villager is definitely going to speak her piece, childfree or not!
 
BonoVoxSupastar said:
Well it started out a great thread. It's interesting how certain individuals can always make a nice innocent thread something not worth coming into anymore.

You are so right.....and I'm pretty new to Interference. I have noticed that when some of the threads are aimed at being fun and entertaining (such as this one)....there's always somebody who gets bent over nothing and ruins it. Why is that????
 
wow...when I saw the title of this thread I had no idea people were tearing each others throats out in here.....

U2kitten...were you not breastfed long enough? :wink:
I kid, I kid.

the best thing my mom ever did for me was leave, but my dad did a good job at being my mom too :yes:
And he was always proud of me in whatever I was doing. I think thats important in a mom.
Am I allowed to have an opinion if Im only 19 and not a mother yet?
:banghead: Sorry. Im probably not contributing to the friendly atmosphere of the thread :reject:
 
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