What do you see in your mirror?

[BonosSaint]

There's a greeting card that shows a beautiful woman looking into a mirror and seeing an ugly hag and a gross man looking into a mirror and seeing a stud. (On a whole, women love that card because it speaks great volumes of psychological truth, lol)

But if there was a mythical mirror that could show you your physical, psychological, emotional, ethical, "coolness", intellectual, creative, etc., etc., what would you see?

Would you see your shortcomings or would you see your strengths? Or maybe the better question is, which would you tend to exagerrate?

(Of course, you could be absolutely brave and be specific with what you'd see and impress us all with your openness.

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

Great thread

It would take me ages to articulate an appropriate response, but a quick one off the top of my head..

In the real mirror I see all my flaws- I hate my nose, my ears, my smile most times. I do like my eyes. My hair looks OK , if I put enough effort into it. I hate and magnify my lines and all that nasty stuff. I've internalized putdowns that some people have made of/to me. I am so pale and I hate that too.
Let's not even talk about the body..age, gravity, laziness. It used to look pretty good. Denial ain't just a river in Egypt. At least I'm still tall and I like that.

In the mythical mirror I try to treat myself better-I see a person who has been through many personal hells but is a survivor, who should give herself more credit and not be so hard on herself, who is sympathetic and empathetic, who has a pretty decent sense of humor, who is sensitive and vulnerable and that IS a GOOD thing (or so I try to tell/remind myself). I am reasonably intelligent and I am still curious about the world. I am too easily hurt, which can make life every difficult. I'm too often afraid to show people all of me, that they will reject me in some way. But there should be a part of yourself that you never show to anyone and keep to yourself, that's what I believe. But more and more I am comfortable with myself and like myself and can be more comfortable with people rejecting me for whatever reason. Usually I am attracted to a certain type of person who usually doesn't do that sort of thing, but people are people so..and when that happens the good old self-doubt creeps in. And boy is it ever a bitch..

I have high moral standards but at the same time I truly believe in letting people just be and be whatever they are, as long as they're not going around doing truly evil things and/or intentionally hurting other human beings. I want to be accepted for who I am so I do my level best to do that to others.

I like the "fantasy world", it's so much easier than the real world is. And sometimes it really saves my sanity. I am an introvert and a loner. I think I am humble and I love humility and other people who are truly humble.

My weakness are numerous-a few..

I don't suffer fools easily, am impatient with people and can hold grudges. Sometimes I give my heart away too easily when I should know better and protect it.

I don't usually like to tell people when they're hurting me, and that just leads to more hurt. I don't know how to be assertive, am too much of a people pleaser. I'm working on that.

Sometimes my standards/expectations of other people are too high, and that can lead to trouble.

General low self-esteem and self-confidence

There are many more

 

[deep]

Lately,
I have been seeing some older man that kind of looks like my dad.


And it's you when I look in the mirror

 

[Salome]

I only notice whether my hair is a mess or looks relatively good
I think I don't really notice the rest because I know what to expect anyway

 

[Muggsy]

in the real mirror.... I like to see my eyes, how I reflect myself in them and the weird way they shine. I also look how do I put too much effort in look excentric and unique, the bold lines of black eyeliner, the "geisha" makeup, the unmatching clothes.

then when I start to get deeper and deeper in my own reflection... I see a young woman who doesn't want to grow as an average adult, a girl who doesn't want to have a family, a white house and two kids, a girl who doesn't want a "normal" life, without any taste.

but, at the same time, behind the intimidating apareance, there's a quite vulnerable being... fragile and sensitive. The same being I see when I look into my bf's eyes which are so dark than I can't help to contemplate my own reflection and it is amazing -

 

[U2democrat]

I see a young face with an old soul...and lots of freckles

 

[maycocksean]

I see a skinny black guy with not totally flattering dreads, a black guy who keeps forgetting that he's black and really prefers to just be a person without the appendage of race.

I see someone who is funny, thoughtful, logical, smart, but not particularly charismatic. I see someone who hates to be wrong, and has a hard time being criticized and a harder time being disliked. I see someone who really, really wants people to like him and approve of him and doesn't like that in himself.

I see someone who is proud of the choices he's made in life, proud of the rather "non-traditional" life he's chosen, but also someone who fears that he's letting his dreams pass by and is not really having the guts to go out and do what he really wants.

I see someone who on the surface is pretty "moral" and good but though I "don't believe in forced entry, don't believe in rape, every time she passes by wild thoughts escape." I see someone who is a perfectionist, organized in the extreme, but who can be impatient with other people and remarkably self-centered.

I see someone who is a skeptical believer, someone who believes in God but is wary of claiming to know everything about Him, someone who is terrified of fanaticism, but also fears that perhaps I tailor what I "believe" to fit what I want. I see someone who at the end of the day really, really just wants to do what I want to do, but who doesn't usually follow through on that.

I see someone who appears very open but actually just has a high "sharing" threshold.

I see someone who believes in love.

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

Another question would be, what is the disconnect between how you see yourself and how others see you? We don't always know exactly how others see us, but sometimes from what the people in our lives tell us..

What do you do about that disconnect, if anything?

 

[A_Wanderer]

I see exactly who I wanted to be 5 years ago, I got my wits about me, got pretty much all I need to have and got myself togeter by myself and I can hold up a decent enough conversation (my worst problem is that the internet and global telecommunications has wreaked havok upon my pronunciation so every once in a while I slip a horrible Americanism by accident- perhaps I should be practicing the recieved pronunciation).

Insofar as other people and how they may percieve me, I am a closet straight guy

 

[BonosSaint]

Some of these responses have been more eloquent and open than I would have hoped. So I'm now obligated to meet my own challenge.

When I look in the mirror, I still see the nineteen year old I feel like. Just with graying hair when I go too long without coloring it.
I've put on too much weight, so I feel shapeless, so I just look at my face and since I can control the angle I look at it, the face is OK. I try not to look at my body, but I know it's there. My eyes are too small, but they are dark against fair skin and they can charm you with mischief or wither you with one glance. You won't see much expression from the rest of my face, but you will in my eyes.

I exagerrate my physical flaws. I wanted to be objectively beautiful and I am not.

I exagerrate my intellectual capability. If I come up against a truly gifted person, oops, I'm not as smart as I thought I was. But since there are not really a whole ton of truly gifted people, I can remain smug that I can hold my own.

I will cop to not knowing a ton of things. I'm a minor jack of trades, but somebody can beat me with factual knowledge. I don't retain facts well. But I take them in and coalesce and the sum total will be pretty accurate. So people can challenge me with facts, but it will be harder to challenge me on my synthesis.
My perceptions are pretty dead on. But I'm patient and willing to sit back and wait to form my impressions. Unless I am in a mood to hold court, I sit back and listen. I ask a million questions and I'm not afraid to admit I don't know something.

While I'm not always self secure, I'm brimming with ego.

When I look in the mirror, I see a fair person (often fair to the point of my own detriment, so I am not objectively fair). I do not see a particularly compassionate person, unless you are in the circle of people I care about. I can't pretend to feel something I don't feel. I can be capable of being absolutely cold. But if I think someone is being treated unfairly, and I can do something about it, I will move in. But I'm not feeling their pain. I don't feel much of anything. I'm wonderful at detachment. I do not feel much guilt. If I've wronged someone, and I do often enough, I try to correct it. If I cannot correct it, I generally do not lose any sleep over it. I don't often look back. I also don't often repeat the same mistakes over and over.

I consider that this lack of emotion a failing in myself. And that is my prime concern of what I work on.

I'm basically honest, but I will lie if it suits my purposes. I try not to lie to myself.

I will not attack unprovoked. But if you cross a boundary of mine (and there is a lot you would have to do to cross a boundary) or of somebody I love, I will exact revenge if I can. I will be patient and if it takes years, so be it. I'm a good friend, but I'm not a good enemy to have.

I'm physically fearful and mentally fearless. I don't censor myself in thought at all. Anything is fair game.

I like the bizarre and the offbeat. I value anyone who can give me a different perspective on something. I have no interest in anyone who can argue only one side of an issue and presents only those facts.

I'm neither religious nor spiritual. I do not understand the value of ritual. But I can be superstitious and if you can convince me something works, I'll ritual all day. To me, it's just a matter of practicality, lol, and I'm practical. I'm not above calling out for some outside help, even if I feel it is only a desperate cry in the wilderness.

There may be something of the sociopath in me, but it is tempered by other things.

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

I exagerrate my physical flaws. I wanted to be objectively beautiful and I am not.

("meaningless" internet hug just cause I feel like it)

But beauty really is in and of itself objective, so how can anyone ever truly be objectively beautiful? Unfortunately we have to live in society and with society's insanely superficial and unrealistic standards.

I know it doesn't ever change how we truly feel about ourselves, but beauty ultimately is so meaningless-I have known /know so many people who are beautiful on the outside and so many other things are so ugly. They have no honest and objective self awareness either, honest self awareness is truly beautiful. It's easy to put on a good show, a beautiful physical and psychological front, but I find real honesty about oneself to be so beautiful. I'm a lil scared of the sociopath thing , but your brutal honesty about yourself is a very good thing.

 

[BonosSaint]

Thank you. I'm flattered.

They had a scenario question one time, and I immediately answered it like a sociopath would, lol. So I leave it within the frame of possibility. However, I'm not a psychopath.
I think it's healthy to recognize the sociopathic tendencies in one's self.

You posted an interesting question above. I want to think about it a little.

 

[Angela Harlem]

God god, where do I start?


Ok:
I'm a drama queen.
I whine and complain and bellyache each and every single day away.
I live in lalaland with stupid big dreams and stupid big daydreams. I cant even differentiate anymore between dreams and daydreams.
No one annoys me more than myself, and I continuously waste precious time getting annoyed at others.
I perfected the art of procrastination and have lost possibly days, maybe weeks, in total doing god only knows what.
I am too fat for my own good, and know objectively that I am not hugely obese simply because I feel I am (though I need to lose some). I battle many weight issues as I have done my entire life and they are simply another trait. They live with me.
My superficiality is enough to make anyone cringe, and yet I do know that I value the big picture second to the people in my life.
I'm quick to explode, but love to move on once it's said and done. I hate confrontation and dragging things on. Fogiving/forgetting and carrying on as before is my preferred way. Maybe it's laziness, but I dont usually hold grudges.
I believe in simple karma, and am getting more inclined toward the 'bigger' karma. Maybe that's spiritual, I dont know. I dont like labels.
Speaking of not liking, I would need a piece of paper as long as The Great Wall to list my gripes and peeves with the world. Yet even the simple good things make up for it. I do know that.
I 'collect' phobias and am almost even afraid of my own shadow. I am petrified of spiders, heights, and planes, but among that is the unseeable, like death, the dark, shadows, failing, other people's judgement, other people thinking I am stupid (infact this also makes me extremely angry )...etc.
Autistic-like frustration at what I know is in here, but I cant get it out.

Hello. My name is Anna, and I collect issues.

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

I collect issues too Anna. My "gridges" are more like walls I put up against being hurt, the only real grudges I have are against the people who have truly hurt me so much that I fear I'll never recover from it. I have good ability to ignore and avoid people I don't really care for, in general I think I'm pretty nice and can get along with many different types of people-just certain types I have no interest in and no patience for.

I hope many more people willl respond to this thread. Interesting in general how women can so easily describe their self-perceived flaws.

I'd say the disconnect for me is that in general people tend to see me in a much more favorable light, physically and otherwise, than I see myself. I try to take that to heart but it's usually not possible.

 

[nbcrusader]

Looking in the mirror only causes me to work harder on who I am. I tend to see all the flaws, and have the added "bonus" of looking for my dad's flaws in me. In addition, I watch for and fear the Alzheimer’s that will inevitable come.

 

[Irvine511]

Hello. My name is Anna, and I collect issues.

you're also one of the most engaging and witty posters on Interference.

 

[yolland]

I'm literally looking in the mirror right now, and all I see is a thick film of dust, which I guess means I'm a slob.

 

[Irvine511]

welcome back!

how did it all go?

 

[Bono's shades]

It depends.

Some days I see a really cool, independent, confident woman who doesn't care what anyone thinks of her.

Other days all I can see are the big nose, skin problems and those annoying gray hairs that just started popping up about a year ago, making me realize for the first time that I'm no longer the 25-year-old I feel like inside but am almost 40.

 

[yolland]

how did it all go?

Just wrote about it in my journal. The classes went very well--a lot more work than expected, as I had to alter the curriculum quite a bit from my original plans, but very rewarding and very worth it. Didn't have as much time to travel as I'd hoped, but what I did get to do was great. The whole experience definitely opened my eyes to some upsides of American academia that I'd really taken for granted before.

Looking forward to checking out a few other peoples' travel experiences, too...

 

[Irvine511]

Looking forward to checking out a few other peoples' travel experiences, too...

i've been terrible about my journal -- check out the "Mr. Pussy's" room for many details.

 

[verte76]

When I look in the mirror I see my flawed character, and have to remind myself that not everything I do is wrong.

 

[Thora]

This has been a very thought provoking thread to read. I normally don't venture into FYM, and if I do, I lurk quickly and leave, but this thread piqued my interest and generated some thoughts, so here we go.

When I look in the mirrior, I see someone who is somewhat attractive physically. My friends and I always tell each other "you're so hawt," but sometimes I wonder if they're actually being serious about me. My favourite physical features are my eyes and my nose. I believe that the eyes are the most beautiful feature on a person, and can show so much about them. I like the colour of mine, and that there's little spots in them. They change colour depending on my mood, which is pretty sweet.

I've lost a fair amount of weight in the past 6 months, so I'm looking better than I have in a long while. I still feel a bit insecure though, and would like to lose more, even though everyone around me thinks I look fine. I've always battled with my weight though, and I know it's going to be a lifelong battle. I struggled with an eating disorder for several years, so I still carry the mental and physical scars of that disease. It's not something that just goes away, and I'm okay with that.

When I look at myself I see someone that has been through a lot, and come out a much stronger person. There's been a lot of shit, but I'm so much stronger because of it.

Something that my friends and family have always said about me is that I'm a wonderful friend. My friends mean the world to me, and they know that. I make it a point to always let them know how much I appreciate and value their friendships. I never forget a birthday, and I have the uncanny knack of sensing when friends are going through a hard time. I'm a good listener, and people say I make them feel so comfortable and important when I'm around them.

There are a lot of flaws that I see. I procrastinate, I avoid confrontation, and prefer to gloss things over and pretend that everything is okay. I'm an expert at faking that things are good, and sometimes find it hard to ask for help. I'm getting better at that though, because I've realized my desperate need for it at times.

Man, this is a frigging novel! I might write more later. This was really interesting!

 

[Angela Harlem]

you're also one of the most engaging and witty posters on Interference.

thank you, irvine! that's awfully kind of you. i'd have thought i'd appear to be the opposite.
i can see similarities in many of these replies. looks like we're all in good company, so dont sweat it, thora

can i ask, while i have your attention, what does the SEB mean? ive been looking at your name for months, wondering.

 

[Thora]

i can see similarities in many of these replies. looks like we're all in good company, so dont sweat it, thora

can i ask, while i have your attention, what does the SEB mean? ive been looking at your name for months, wondering.

Thanks.

Sure you can ask - SEB are my initials. I assumed that Thora would be taken when I joined, so I tacked on my initals to it. Turns out that Thora hadn't been taken, but oh well.

 

[JCOSTER]

I see the weight I gained back over the course of a year and think, how the hell did let myself get like this again?

Oh yeah, then I see everyones life in the mirror except my own.

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

I tend to see all the flaws, and have the added "bonus" of looking for my dad's flaws in me. In addition, I watch for and fear the Alzheimer’s that will inevitable come.

It's not inevitable. I know just what you mean about looking for his flaws in you, but honestly I think me doing the same has made me a much better person. I'm sure the same is true for you.

 

[maycocksean]

I tend to see all the flaws, and have the added "bonus" of looking for my dad's flaws in me.

Me too, Nbc. Me too. Seems like I've spent my life trying to make sure I'm nothing like him. (He is misogynistic, abusive, cold, religious fanatic, so you understand why). I guess I feel like I've succeeded though so it doesn't stress me as much as it did when I was younger.

 

[Laura M]

When I look in the mirror I notice my cheeks - very high cheekbones are common in my Mum's family - and eyes. I also like my freckles across my cheeks and nose. I don't notice them when I wear make-up and used to be very conscious about it. I like the person I can see in the mirror more than ever now. I don't think I am very pretty but I only want to have my health and family - they are 2 things you can't take for granted.

I worry too much - about people I love, what people think about me, what happened in the past and what may or may not happen in the future when I know that worrying brings nothing but more stress. I know I should let go of what did happen and focus on what I could change.

I am insecure and avoid topics that make me uncomfortable. I don't like asking for help. I also procrastinate.

I don't believe in myself as much as other people in me do. I can be too pessimistic.

I see someone who has changed a lot over the past few years and can stand up more for myself. I am stubborn, I stick to my opinions.

My family always say I am a very soft, kind-hearted and sweet person and I would like to think that I am. I care a lot about the people around me. I love the fact that I can see things in my personality and looks that I have inherited from other people in my family but I am still me and to the people who matter could never be replaced and that's one thing nobody could ever be better at than I am.

 

[BonosSaint]

Another question would be, what is the disconnect between how you see yourself and how others see you? We don't always know exactly how others see us, but sometimes from what the people in our lives tell us..

What do you do about that disconnect, if anything?

It depends on who's right. Because of how aware we are of how we feel inside, we are not always aware of how we appear outside. We are those two people--the inside one and the outside one. Both of them have their realities and if we are lucky, we will have a handful of people in our lives who are intimate with both of those realities.

The disconnect comes when we are not as intimate with both sides as we hope others to be. The disconnect comes when we either let others define us or when we define ourselves too narrowly when we are so much more. The disconnect comes when we take ourselves too seriously and take what others think of us too seriously.

People want to put other people in roles--not maliciously most of the time, just because it is simpler for them. They don't have to think too much then. We become the good girl or the bad girl (or boy), the smart one, the pretty one, the giver, the taker. We all do it. Ninety percent of the people in our lives are peripheral and we are peripheral to the same ninety percent. No big deal. But we all have to sort out the roles that are healthy for us to play and to understand we are just playing them and not to think they are our sum total.

(That's the part we are in control of. This doesn't deal with the times we are used or dehumanized or not given the respect we've earned, when it is something someone is doing to us, not what we are doing to ourselves. But that's another topic.)