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Old 08-21-2001, 07:11 PM   #1
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Weddings & Religion

Well, as most of you have heard, drgnwolf1969 and I are engaged now. We won't be getting married for probably 2 or 3 years though, as we both want to finish school first, and one of us will have to move to be with the other. However, we are doing some rough planning and speculation. One was the type of wedding we'd have. He is a Baptist, and I am a Catholic. He suggested a Baptist wedding, and I agreed. I told my parents and my sister, and they said, "Are you serious? Baptist? They don't drink or dance!" Mom says I should have Presbyterian wedding. That is what she had, but she is a Presbyterian.

I'll be honest, I possess very little knowledge on different religions and the types of weddings they have. Does anybody have any advice for us?

I know it may be a little early to be thinking about such things, but it has been eating away at my mind the past few days.

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Old 08-21-2001, 09:49 PM   #2
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Congratulations on your engagement!

My wife and I had a Methodist ceremony (we are both Methodist) at my childhood church, followed by a short reception at the church, but many of the weddings we've gone to have been followed by a reception elsewhere.

A Baptist wedding ceremony is usually shorter than a Catholic ceremony, as the Catholic ceremony involves more ritual. he Baptist (and some Methodist) ceremonies I've been to last about 20 - 30 minutes.

Alcohol wouldn't be served at a reception on the church grounds at a Baptist or Methodist church, and probably not at a Presbyterian church either. Some Espiscopal services may alllow wine and champagne to be served but probably not beer or liquor, all of which I have seen at Catholic churhc receptions.

Even if you had a Baptist church ceremony, you could have a drinkin' and dancin' and heck-raisin' reception afterwards at a nice house or country club or hotel, etc. I went to one like that last week and they played "Whoomp! (There It Is!)."

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Old 08-21-2001, 11:40 PM   #3
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Get the best of both worlds -- go Episcopalian. We dance, drink, and even say the 'F' word when appropriate. At our church we have a few openly gay folks serving in leadership positions, which is pretty rad. Wine and cheese are common at social functions, be it on the church grounds or at someone's home.
Bama, we do serve beer at our functions, but you may be right about liquor (I haven't seen it served on church grounds, anyway).
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Old 08-21-2001, 11:48 PM   #4
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Oh, and Bonochick, congrats!
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Old 08-22-2001, 05:55 AM   #5
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First of all: Congratulations on your engagement! “

I“m a Bahai and my husband is protestant, but when we decided to get married, we wanted both a Bahai wedding.

In the Bahai faith, we have no priests, so when we get married, we say the 'magic' words ourselves directly to God. There need to be two witnesses present, but that“s all.

You can have a Bahai wedding whereever you like, we had ours in a little cottage and invited only some of our best friends and closest family. It was lovely. Very intimate. Very spiritual, exactley like we wanted it to be.
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Old 08-22-2001, 11:16 AM   #6
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Tradition states that the bride's religion is where the wedding should take place. As it currently stands, you seem to be flip-flopped.

By all means, if you really want one, you should have a Catholic wedding, as that is your (the bride) religion. It will, however, only be a ceremony, not a mass, as the Catholic Church only includes a mass when both the bride and groom are Catholic.

If you choose to have a wedding outside the Catholic church--regardless of the religion--it will not be recognized by the Catholic Church, unless you have a priest present. He doesn't necessarily have to participate in the ceremony at all, but--someone correct me if I'm wrong--one just has to be there to witness it and henceforth validate it.

I do not know how devout of a Catholic you are, but please be aware that conflict often takes place amongst people of such vastly different religious backgrounds (Baptist and Catholicism are pretty much on opposite ends of the Christian spectrum). I do hope that both of you have discussed areas of potential confliction--i.e., What religion would your children be? What does he expect out of you as a wife?--beforehand. You might find yourself unpleasantly surprised if you don't bring it up. Needless to say, many divorces do arise from religion problems.

Concerns aside, congratulations! I hope you two will be very happy together.

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[This message has been edited by melon (edited 08-22-2001).]
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Old 08-22-2001, 01:49 PM   #7
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Congrats Bonochick! Bama gives a good synopsis of the differences between the two ceremonies. I think melon brings up some very good points. That's REALLY important stuff for you guys to talk about now.
Also, and this may only be a matter of semantics, I would say that the two of you aren't of different religions. Different denominations, I guess, but Baptists and Catholics are both part of Christianity...of the Church of which Christ is head. Both the Catholic church and most (if not all) Baptist churches agree with the Nicene Creed. Yes, the two may differ beyond that in terms of style of worship, importance of the Pope and the Bible, justification by faith, and the preisthood, (some significant issues) but there is a great deal in common between the two. For example, Melon and I would disagree on A LOT of "religious issues", but from what I've read from him, we agree on the big stuff and I consider him a brother in Christ. I guess I'm getting off topic here. Anyway...this is a decision for the two of you to make together. You need to understand the difference between the Catholic church and the Baptist church and then decide how important those differences are to each of you. Talk to your priest/his pastor. Be honest with each other and with yourselves.

Just my advice...(you asked for it! )
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Old 08-22-2001, 02:33 PM   #8
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Well, I basically became a Catholic because it was expected of me. Growing up, I hated my church because the kids that I was grouped with at the church for classes and such were always mean to me, which made it an unpleasant experience. I did however sing in a Presbyterian choir and was a member of a Baptist youth group.

I think I'm just confusing myself more now...*sigh*

Thank you, Bama, melon, pubcrawler, AM, and Spiral...looks like John and I have lots to talk about.

Anybody else have any input?

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Old 08-25-2001, 06:57 PM   #9
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"Anybody else have any input?"

I hope you won't mind my input?
I'll take silence as a positive token.
Primarily, congrats! I have always been a protestor for marriage, always sermonising on how marriage destroys the female and glorifies the male, devastating their life together and turning into mulch.. however, I have been told that I am terribly old-fashioned.

What can you do? Marriage has always gotten in the way for me...

My advice, again, forgive me for butting in, is to have a CIVIL wedding... as in, no real church or religious institution. WOuld you mind that? Would your faince? That way you can unify all faiths and at the same time deplore the concept of diverse religions in one go. I think its safe to say that all religions, by nature, are one and praise the same God anyway... is it necessary to satisfy all faiths, when you can just embrace them with a token of unification? All faiths are one, and I hope the both of you become one, if you aren't already.

My blessings'
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Old 08-25-2001, 07:00 PM   #10
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Oh, and another thing. I see some talk about the upbringing of your children and their religion; the concept of religion corrupts the human mind in the end... it is always safe to keep your children free of such corruption (not that anyone who follows religion is corrupt... but religion causes more trouble than its really worth, you must agreee!)

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Old 08-25-2001, 07:36 PM   #11
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Oh, I dunno, Anthony.... religion can't be all bad... it has, afterall, made me into the helpful fuck I am today -- you know, a real do-gooder. Yay for world peace! Yay for lifting the poor out of the morass!

It depends on what you do with it.
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Old 08-25-2001, 08:18 PM   #12
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"It depends on what you do with it."

True, I have to agree with you there. However, I think that your goodness and you being a 'helpful fuck' or words to that effect is more owed to your inherent goodness as a decent human being, rather than religious indoctrinations. My only point was that, more often than not, religion is at best superfuous...if not corruptive.

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Old 08-25-2001, 08:41 PM   #13
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Anthony~

That actually isn't a bad idea. We've been doing a lot of talking lately, and that will be something for us to consider. I confess, I've never been much of a religious person, since I did not like my church growing up. I loved the Presbyterian church where I belonged to the choir, but after I had to move, I never did find a new church, so religion hasn't played much of a role, except for personal prayer and such.

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Old 08-26-2001, 04:19 PM   #14
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I'm glad you've posted on this thread, Anthony, because you provide one of the few dissenting voices from the (seemingly numerous) Christians that post on this board. We need varying perspectives if we're ever going to have fruitful and interesting discussion here.

I'd be curious to read more of your thoughts on marriage, because some of your statements appear to be at odds with other of your statements. On the one hand, you state that you "have always been a protestor for marriage, always sermonising on how marriage destroys the female and glorifies the male, devastating their life together and turning into mulch.." On the other hand, you suggest that Bonochick consider a Civil marriage. If marriage is so terrible, why suggest it as an option at all?

Needless to say, I don't have a problem with marriage, per se.

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Old 08-26-2001, 04:29 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally posted by pub crawler:
On the other hand, you suggest that Bonochick consider a Civil marriage.
Whoops, I meant to write Civil wedding. I'm sure the marriage will be civil.
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