Virginia Tech thread, Part II - Page 6 - U2 Feedback

Go Back   U2 Feedback > Lypton Village > Free Your Mind > Free Your Mind Archive
Click Here to Login
 
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
 
Old 04-26-2007, 08:47 AM   #76
Rock n' Roll Doggie
 
U2Girl416's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: and if you don't know where you're going...any road will take you there..
Posts: 3,435
Local Time: 01:31 AM
thinking of you both, Mia and Laura
__________________

__________________
U2Girl416 is offline  
Old 04-26-2007, 10:12 PM   #77
Blue Crack Addict
 
unico's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Rage Ave.
Posts: 18,747
Local Time: 01:31 AM
thanks everyone

it sucks to say this, but i think this week may actually be even more difficult than last. with classes and work resuming this week, our loss has become much more evident...making it even more painful than before.

i'm trying to cope. i'm trying to go out to eat with friends, or even take longer walks with my dog. i'm trying to talk to more people. i even tried posting in some other threads on interference.

but honestly, any thing...just any little thing, can suddenly trigger a period of uncontrollable crying, or a silent retreat into myself.

i've seen gone for counseling 3 times now. i guess i'll have to go again next week. i thought i was getting better...i guess i was wrong.

we've rescheduled the party that i was supposed to see ryan at last monday. now it is next week. part of me wants to go, because i know people are looking forward to seeing me...but part of me isn't ready to see the space where i used to work with him. all those memories, and pictures that are still there...

but then again...i know it will be closure if i were to do this with my community.

i don't know what to do???

as for the sleeping...i was getting better. i still wake up with a jolt at approximately 3:30...but this week i was able to fall back asleep. not last night though. i couldn't sleep. and my appetite has shrunk again to what it was last week.

i'm supposed to graduate in 14 days. this is not how i wanted to spend my last 2 weeks here
__________________

__________________
unico is offline  
Old 04-26-2007, 10:44 PM   #78
ONE
love, blood, life
 
indra's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 12,689
Local Time: 02:31 AM
Quote:
Originally posted by unico

it sucks to say this, but i think this week may actually be even more difficult than last. with classes and work resuming this week, our loss has become much more evident...making it even more painful than before.


but honestly, any thing...just any little thing, can suddenly trigger a period of uncontrollable crying, or a silent retreat into myself.
For me, even with "normal" deaths, the getting back to normal part is really hard -- because it's not the same as it was before. Part of it is that it feels wrong to be moving on when the person or people who died can't and part of it is that the numbness that made it possible to get through the early part is wearing off leaving the stark reality.

As for triggers -- yeah that happens. Last summer I was at a concert and when the band played a certain song this wave of grief washed over me. It was a song I listened to on the drive home from the hospital after my mum died. That concert was the first time I'd been in that city since her death over two years before. I'd heard the song many times since her death (even at the show the night before) and don't generally get that reaction, but that night in that city it just pushed all the right buttons.

You're human, and a nice one at that. It's going to hurt. And it's going to hurt even when you think you are past that. My advice is to get as much counseling as you can stand while it's available and be kind to yourself. It's going to take a while to feel normal again, but you will.
__________________
indra is offline  
Old 04-26-2007, 10:48 PM   #79
Rock n' Roll Doggie
ALL ACCESS
 
sulawesigirl4's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Virginia
Posts: 7,416
Local Time: 01:31 AM
hey there mia. I'm glad to hear that you've been able to be with friends. But please don't beat yourself up if you're not able to "get over it" quickly; you shouldn't expect to. What you're feeling is 100% normal and you need to give yourself the grace to be human. You suffered a loss. It hurts and it takes time to heal. Not to mention, everyone copes in their own way and at their own pace. There is no right or wrong here, just be true to yourself and your own feelings. If you can handle it, I think it would probably be a healthy thing to see that group of friends even though I'm sure it will be a bittersweet reunion. I think in the long run, it will help with the closure. But it might not feel so good at the time. Still, I think one of the best things you can do is to surround yourself with community, with people who you know and who know you so that you can lean on each other.

Be well, my friend.

__________________
"I can't change the world, but I can change the world in me." - Bono

sulawesigirl4 is offline  
Old 04-26-2007, 11:12 PM   #80
Rock n' Roll Doggie
VIP PASS
 
BonoIsMyMuse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Harrisburg, PA
Posts: 5,241
Local Time: 01:31 AM
I think it's completely natural to feel like you're sliding backwards even though you want to be moving forward. Our brains often react to trauma by not fully processing it, but when the shock wears off, you feel like you're having to deal with your grief as if for the first time.

Would it be possible to have the party at a different location? You may not be the only one who doesn't yet feel ready to be there, but it's good that you want to reconnect with people who also knew Ryan.

I really admire how strong you've been for your students and for those around you. But remember that you don't always have to be strong--let yourself feel what you need to, because that will really help you be stronger in the long run.

It will take a long time to heal--you may find that you'll feel like you need to go to counseling regularly or just once in awhile for months. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself. While it's good to try to get back to a routine, you also need to give yourself permission to do things you might not normally do if they help you feel better.

I know there's a banner on its way down from my university.

__________________
BonoIsMyMuse is offline  
Old 04-26-2007, 11:29 PM   #81
Forum Moderator
 
yolland's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 7,471
Local Time: 07:31 AM
indra's right, the time when that numbness wears off is just about the hardest. I'm so, so sorry you have to be going through this during what should be an exhilarating time as you finish up your studies, but all these feelings you're describing are just naturally part of grieving and they arrive at their own time and pace like that, whether you see them coming them or not. But I agree you should take advantage of all the counseling that you can while it's there, and I also agree with sula that you should go to that gathering if you can--others there will be struggling with many of these same feelings too, and they shouldn't be left alone with them and neither should you. It's good that you're making the effort to be with people--you do need your own space during a time like this to keep from getting overwhelmed, but grief can be an alienating emotion, and that's not good for you either. I know there is nothing anyone can say that truly helps, but the simple fact of that companionship and connection to others is still needed and important.

Take care of yourself...we're all thinking about you and praying for you out here.

You too Laura.
__________________
yolland [at] interference.com


μελετώ αποτυγχάνειν. -- Διογένης της Σινώπης
yolland is offline  
Old 04-27-2007, 12:56 AM   #82
Refugee
 
dazzlingamy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: The city of blinding lights and amazing coffee - Melbourne.
Posts: 2,468
Local Time: 05:31 PM
it will be hard, but at least there is solace in other people, and in counselling. Be well mia.
__________________
dazzlingamy is offline  
Old 04-27-2007, 09:27 AM   #83
Blue Crack Addict
 
U2democrat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: England by way of 'Murica.
Posts: 22,140
Local Time: 06:31 AM
It's almost over Mia, hang in there
__________________
U2democrat is offline  
Old 05-04-2007, 11:46 AM   #84
Blue Crack Addict
 
unico's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Rage Ave.
Posts: 18,747
Local Time: 01:31 AM
Well, I went to the Residence Life party. It was awkward. I don't know how that phrase goes about an elephant in the room, but that's what it was. Like, you can tell everyone was thinking it, but they were afraid to talk about it. But I managed to get through it. And I think it brought some closure. I actually got 6 hours of sleep that night, which was really great after only sleeping 3-4 hours max each night over the past 2 weeks.

I just wanted to share with you all Ryan's last work of art. It is of Iggy, our mascot. Ryan added a little twist by giving him a 'fro with a pic.



And we've been getting support from people all over the world! They are sending us banners. There's hardly any wallspace left in our student center!







And from Laura's school


People are making paper cranes for all the victims.


And http://www.hokiecarepackages.com/ has put together some care packages for us for exams. They made 26,000, one for every student! People actually came all the way from Texas to hand deliver these bags to us! Some other groups from all over have sent in care packages as well. However, about 3/4 of the student body have opted out of their classes and left by now. So yesterday I came home with boxes full of goodies. They tell us to take some and come back for more. Theres so many!






Being embraced by people all over the world really gives us a light of hope in such a dark time.
__________________
unico is offline  
Old 05-04-2007, 11:52 AM   #85
Blue Crack Addict
 
Liesje's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: In the dog house
Posts: 19,557
Local Time: 01:31 AM
Quote:
Originally posted by indra


For me, even with "normal" deaths, the getting back to normal part is really hard -- because it's not the same as it was before.
I second that. I remember when our suite mate died when Ellen and I were sophomores and about a week later, I saw this girl in the dining hall who was small and had long brown hair. I was getting up to say "Amanda!" when reality hit....it was such a weird feeling, like that's when it really hit me.



Mia, those pics are amazing, tragic, but amazing. I saw this table in our cafe where these girls are working on a banner like one of those. If they still have it next time I pass, I'll leave you some props on there for staying strong...
__________________
Liesje is offline  
Old 05-04-2007, 12:05 PM   #86
Rock n' Roll Doggie
 
U2Girl416's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: and if you don't know where you're going...any road will take you there..
Posts: 3,435
Local Time: 01:31 AM
wow, those pics are amazing Mia. it's nice to know that in dark times people can really step up and show others that they're not alone.

thinking of you both, Mia and Laura
__________________
U2Girl416 is offline  
Old 05-04-2007, 09:48 PM   #87
Blue Crack Addict
 
verte76's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: hoping for changes
Posts: 23,331
Local Time: 06:31 AM
I just got out of the hospital after a three-week stay so I haven't posted in the threads yet. I appreciate yolland's sensitivity as always. The news was devastating. It was so sad that so many bright young people lost their lives at the hands of this dastardly gunman, I was really offended at the showing of his Manifesto on the news. It's like they were giving him his own platform. That's why he sent it to NBC in the first place. He didn't deserve that kind of attention. Laura, I'm glad you were able to spend some time at home, it sounds like that's what you needed.
__________________
verte76 is offline  
Old 05-06-2007, 08:27 PM   #88
War Child
 
Devlin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Chicago
Posts: 922
Local Time: 06:31 AM
Not much of a praying person, but this whole thing makes me really, really sad for a number of reasons. First, that you guys had to be terrorized first by the guy, then by the media.

As far as them making a backlash, they do it all the time, unfortunately. They mistake losers for loners, and therefore any reserved person is also likely to be a target, simply because it isn't 'normal'.

But anyway. Just know I'm hoping you guys can get through this okay. And yes, I do love ya, even though I don't know ya. Be well, loves.
__________________
Devlin is offline  
Old 05-06-2007, 09:36 PM   #89
Blue Crack Addict
 
U2democrat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: England by way of 'Murica.
Posts: 22,140
Local Time: 06:31 AM
Quote:
Originally posted by unico



And from Laura's school


Being embraced by people all over the world really gives us a light of hope in such a dark time.
Yay CNU!!!

I think I signed that one. There were so many and I signed several.

I'm proudly wearing my VT wristband that my school was selling the last few weeks of school. I'll have to take a picture of it, it's maroon and orange in sort of a marble pattern. On one side it says "April 16th 2007" and on the other side it says "Today we are all Hokies".

Mia I hope things are starting to get back to some normalcy for you. Life will obviously never be the same, but I hope your mood is lighter than it has been these past few weeks.
__________________
U2democrat is offline  
Old 05-06-2007, 10:22 PM   #90
Blue Crack Addict
 
unico's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Rage Ave.
Posts: 18,747
Local Time: 01:31 AM
Thanks Devlin, Diana, and Lies

Lies, let me know about the banner. I'd love to see it. I'm still looking out for some other schools. If anyone has sent something, PM me the school and I'll go look for it and take a pic for you if you want.

Laura, I threw my arms in the air and gasped when I saw this banner. I turned some heads in the student center, and now people probably think I worship CNU. But it really, when I first laid my eyes upon it, it took my breath away, because of my connection (you!) with CNU.

I'm glad to hear you are wearing the wristband. It sounds beautiful. I look forward to seeing the picture of it.

I suppose life is back to some normalcy, I'm sleeping/eating better. But the slightest thing sets me off, and will cause me an entire night of unrest. So, I'm apparently sensitive right now.

I'm moving out, and preparing for my upcoming defense (which still has yet to be scheduled), and getting prepared to graduate. So...things are still pretty hectic here. Plus, we're all preparing for another onslaught by the media. We're expecting them to come, since there is going to be a special presentation of honorary degrees given to the families of the victims. I'm not going to that though, not because of that, but because Gen Abizaid will be speaking. Thank goodness we grad students have a separate ceremony. I don't want to hear a word that man has to say.
__________________

__________________
unico is offline  
 

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:31 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Design, images and all things inclusive copyright © Interference.com