Virginia Tech thread, Part II

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:hug: unico - I was praying for you in two fold until I wondered where redhotswami was and researched to find that you were one in the same. I really miss a lot when I poke in occasionally and rarely post.

Try some Sleepytime tea.. that might help you sleep. Also, some relaxation techniques before you go to sleep might keep you resting through the night.
 
Instead of Tylenol PM I would try these pills you can get in a natural store like Whole Foods-they're called Calms and they're made by a company called Hyland. They can help you relax during the day too, they work for me. Also maybe some alcohol free wine at night if that's ok with you, that helps me too. And if you feel ok walking later in the day, that helps with sleep too and with mental health :)

I hope you can get all the help and support you need, I'm worried about you and Laura :hug:
 
unico said:
hopefully the counseling will help. a friend suggested some tylenol PM, but i'm concerned about becoming addicted.

if anybody has some suggestions, that would be of great help.



i'd try something a bit more natural like Melatonin, and perhaps combine that with some Chamomile tea. exercise in the morning if you can and don't watch TV at night.

good luck.

give a shout when you're next in my 'hood.
 
If you've got a health food store in your area, you might try picking up an herb called valerian. It's a very potent sleep aid--not something you want to use very often, but it definitely does work. I had a really horrible stress-related case of insomnia at the end of last semester (I often was going several days on only a few hours' sleep, despite trying to go to bed at a reasonable time) and my friend gave me some valerian.

A warning: it smells HORRIBLE. To cut back on the smell, mix it with some fresh or dried mint. Put a small amount into a tea ball and brew it as a tea, letting it steep for maybe 10 minutes. It takes maybe half an hour to kick in, but it makes you feel sort of loopy as soon as you start drinking it (which is kind of fun...).

You can also try something like Tylenol Simply Sleep. It contains a mild dose of Benadryl, which will be non-habit forming as long as you're taking the recommended dose, and it will help you sleep.

I hope you get some rest soon :hug:
 
unico said:
hi everyone. thanks again for all of your support. this has been the longest week of my life. i can't believe it was last week. the memories are in my head and my heart as if it were yesterday, but at the same time, each day that passes feels like an eternity.

i'm at work now, and i see that the counseling center is providing services right across my hall. i'll stop by once i'm done with office hours.

campus feels grim. we had a moment of silence. i spent it staring blankly at norris hall through the tears. it was so surreal. i've never seen the drillfield so full of people before.

finally, the media has decided to show some respect. they are staying off-campus...well, away from the buildings. they are staying at the parking lots. each door on each building has a sign posted asking the media to respect us and bugger off. so far it appears to be working.

as for me...my eating and sleeping remains the same...minimal, but not nonexistent. i'm trying the best i can to eat, but i just keep getting sick. i still can't sleep either. i'm jolted awake if i'm unconscious for more than 2 hours.

hopefully the counseling will help. a friend suggested some tylenol PM, but i'm concerned about becoming addicted.

if anybody has some suggestions, that would be of great help.

thanks again for all of your support, and continue to keep us in your hearts. it has been hard. sometimes i feel like the aftermath is just as hard as the actual tragedy. i don't feel like i'm getting better...but i don't necessarily feel worse.

I just saw on our company intranet that your friend Ryan was the son of an employee. The article was so incredibly sad that it's hard to find words to express my feelings. Please know that my thoughts and prayers go out to you and to everyone affected by this horrible tragedy. Wishing you strength...
 
Mia, I had sleeping issues earlier this year because of stress and other things and instead of Tylenol PM I took a normal dose of an OTC "nighttime" formula cold medicine. It had a little bit of an antihistamine in it (something like Benadryl) that helped me fall asleep. Sometimes I get really stuffed up at night, so the cold medicine also helped with my mild allergies. I took it for several weeks straight and never got addicted to it. Once I dealt with my stress, I stopped taking it and all was fine.

:hug:
 
Mia when are you done? I'd love to get together with you this summer, try and get your mind off things. We could always wander around downtown Richmond...hang around the Capitol...swing by Short Pump in all its craziness and just goof off.

I'm up for it if you are :yes::hug:


I don't know how to help you sleep, but peoples suggestions here seem to be good. Hang in there :hug:
 
I thought this was just :love:

By BUSHRA JUHI

BAGHDAD (AP) - Students in Baghdad, where universities have been hard hit by violence, said Monday they were saddened by last week's massacre at Virginia Tech and hung up a banner to express their solidarity with "our brothers in humanity and in pursuing knowledge."
"We want to let the whole world know that we do not support terrorism anywhere," said Yassir Nazar, head of the student union at Baghdad Technology University, who organized the hanging of the banner near the campus gate.
It reads, "We, the students of Technology University, denounce the attack at Virginia Tech. We extend our condolences to the families of the victims who faced a situation as bad as Iraq's universities do. The sanctity of campuses must be protected around the world."
"We have lost many friends and professors," said Nazar. "But in spite of our wounds, we want to show our solidarity with the students of Virginia Tech who are our brothers in humanity and in pursuing knowledge."

In Baghdad and other Iraqi cities, scores of students have been killed and their campuses targeted by Iraqi insurgents who often regard universities as bastions of Western thought and political activities they oppose.
More than 200 university professors have been killed in the past few years, and thousands have fled the country to teach at universities abroad, said Basil al-Khateeb, spokesman for the Iraqi ministry of higher education.
On Feb. 25, a female suicide bomber triggered a ball bearing-packed charge, killing at least 41 people at a mostly Shiite college whose main gate was left littered with blood-soaked student notebooks and papers amid the bodies.
On Jan. 16, two car bombs exploded as students from Mustansiriyah University lined up for rides home, killing at least 70 people and wounding at least 133.
Baghdad Technology University, which is an annex of Mustansiriyah University, can seem more like a war zone than a college campus, despite its sports fields, modern buildings and a small garden with wooden benches.
Concrete barriers block nearby streets to keep out suicide car bombers. Students from Iraq's complex mix of Sunnis, Shiites, Kurds and Christians walk peacefully across the campus, but the sound of ambulance and police sirens, military convoys driving past and U.S. helicopters flying overhead is nearly constant.
All students are searched before entering the campus and cell phones - which insurgents sometimes use to set off hidden bombs - are banned. Some students fall behind in their studies or miss exams because attacks or fighting prevent them from reaching campus. Baghdad's frequent power outages also can make it difficult for them to study at home at night.
Although many Baghdad Technology University students regard Americans as much safer and luckier than they are, they were saddened by the tragedy at Virginia Tech, in which 32 people were gunned down by student Seung-Hui Cho.
"We denounce the shooting in Virginia Tech because it targeted students of knowledge," said Hassan Abdul-Karim, a junior engineering major who said he has lost two friends to deadly insurgent attacks in his neighborhood of Baghdad. "Al-Qaida in Iraq does the same thing here in an effort to make ignorance prevail so its ideology can win."
Zahra Hussein, a fourth-year engineering student, said she was shocked by the Virginia Tech killings in a country that is so much more peaceful and secure than Iraq. "For us, such attacks have become normal, even when they target students," she said.
Mohammed Akram, a third-year chemical engineering student, said Iraq has seen many examples of recluses who have become suicide attackers. "But we are determined to complete our studies and do all we can for our country," he said, as several friends standing around him on the campus nodded their heads in agreement.
 
wow. i cannot even begin to say how touched i am by that article. i am truly at a loss for words. thank you for sharing, sherry, that was beautiful. i think we're all sort of distraught right now, but we've received so many banners and lovely wishes from people all over the world. i hope that next semester we can do something in return for all our friends out there supporting us.

i'm still sad, but now more angry if anything. i just spent a whole hour with my student while she was crying her eyes out. for the record, there have been NO BACKLASHES on our campus against the Korean community. We are not that ignorant. HOWEVER, the friggin media has singled out my student, and all of the other members of the asian american stu union on campus, and have been harassing them. they are CREATING their own damn backlash. i'm so furious right now. i'm taking her to counseling tomorrow morning, and personally dropping her off at her first class. i've also told her to text me all the phone numbers that call her that she doesn't recognize. i will personally talk to them about all of this, and tell them to fuck off. i suggested that we both make t-shirts that say "fuck off media." but i think she's too classy to wear that. i'm not.

thanks for all the tips on the sleep aides! i'm going to the natural foods grocer tomorrow after work and i'm going to see what they have. however, i may not need it. after counseling and a massage today, i've felt better already. i was able to stomach 2 meals, and i even took a 2 hour nap. i expect i'll probably get a good night's rest tonight.

laura, i'll actually be in richmond the week of may 18 for my brother's graduation. i'm meeting kristina, and HOPEFULLY PATTI there, so it'd be great if you could come along!
 
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unico said:
i suggested that we both make t-shirts that say "fuck off media." but i think she's too classy to wear that. i'm not.


I love you. I hope your students know how lucky they are to have you. If they don’t realize it now, they will at some point.
 
I am still trying to understand allowing classes to continue even after the first shootings. They had no suspect in custody, he could have been literally anywhere. Even though there are reports the police first thought it was another guy because of dorm residents saying it was her 'boyfriend' and he was a gun enthusiast who lived off campus, does that mean HE, even if it were that guy, couldn't have still been hanging around? There's no excuse at all. I hate to see the lawsuits that will probably come in the next few weeks as the sting wears off. So tragic in every way.
 
On the contrary, they did have Karl Thornhill in custody almost an hour-and-a-half before the second round of shootings started.
 
unico said:
i'm still sad, but now more angry if anything. i just spent a whole hour with my student while she was crying her eyes out. for the record, there have been NO BACKLASHES on our campus against the Korean community. We are not that ignorant. HOWEVER, the friggin media has singled out my student, and all of the other members of the asian american stu union on campus, and have been harassing them. they are CREATING their own damn backlash. i'm so furious right now. i'm taking her to counseling tomorrow morning, and personally dropping her off at her first class. i've also told her to text me all the phone numbers that call her that she doesn't recognize. i will personally talk to them about all of this, and tell them to fuck off. i suggested that we both make t-shirts that say "fuck off media." but i think she's too classy to wear that. i'm not.

Not even the media should create backlash against a culture just because of one person's actions. :tsk:

At least you are doing the right thing by helping others cope with the grief :hug:
 
thanks everyone :hug:

it sucks to say this, but i think this week may actually be even more difficult than last. with classes and work resuming this week, our loss has become much more evident...making it even more painful than before.

i'm trying to cope. i'm trying to go out to eat with friends, or even take longer walks with my dog. i'm trying to talk to more people. i even tried posting in some other threads on interference.

but honestly, any thing...just any little thing, can suddenly trigger a period of uncontrollable crying, or a silent retreat into myself.

i've seen gone for counseling 3 times now. i guess i'll have to go again next week. i thought i was getting better...i guess i was wrong.

we've rescheduled the party that i was supposed to see ryan at last monday. now it is next week. part of me wants to go, because i know people are looking forward to seeing me...but part of me isn't ready to see the space where i used to work with him. all those memories, and pictures that are still there...

but then again...i know it will be closure if i were to do this with my community.

i don't know what to do???

as for the sleeping...i was getting better. i still wake up with a jolt at approximately 3:30...but this week i was able to fall back asleep. not last night though. i couldn't sleep. and my appetite has shrunk again to what it was last week.

i'm supposed to graduate in 14 days. this is not how i wanted to spend my last 2 weeks here :sad:
 
unico said:

it sucks to say this, but i think this week may actually be even more difficult than last. with classes and work resuming this week, our loss has become much more evident...making it even more painful than before.


but honestly, any thing...just any little thing, can suddenly trigger a period of uncontrollable crying, or a silent retreat into myself.

For me, even with "normal" deaths, the getting back to normal part is really hard -- because it's not the same as it was before. Part of it is that it feels wrong to be moving on when the person or people who died can't and part of it is that the numbness that made it possible to get through the early part is wearing off leaving the stark reality.

As for triggers -- yeah that happens. Last summer I was at a concert and when the band played a certain song this wave of grief washed over me. It was a song I listened to on the drive home from the hospital after my mum died. That concert was the first time I'd been in that city since her death over two years before. I'd heard the song many times since her death (even at the show the night before) and don't generally get that reaction, but that night in that city it just pushed all the right buttons.

You're human, and a nice one at that. It's going to hurt. And it's going to hurt even when you think you are past that. My advice is to get as much counseling as you can stand while it's available and be kind to yourself. It's going to take a while to feel normal again, but you will.
 
hey there mia. I'm glad to hear that you've been able to be with friends. But please don't beat yourself up if you're not able to "get over it" quickly; you shouldn't expect to. What you're feeling is 100% normal and you need to give yourself the grace to be human. You suffered a loss. It hurts and it takes time to heal. Not to mention, everyone copes in their own way and at their own pace. There is no right or wrong here, just be true to yourself and your own feelings. If you can handle it, I think it would probably be a healthy thing to see that group of friends even though I'm sure it will be a bittersweet reunion. I think in the long run, it will help with the closure. But it might not feel so good at the time. Still, I think one of the best things you can do is to surround yourself with community, with people who you know and who know you so that you can lean on each other.

Be well, my friend.

:hug:
 
I think it's completely natural to feel like you're sliding backwards even though you want to be moving forward. Our brains often react to trauma by not fully processing it, but when the shock wears off, you feel like you're having to deal with your grief as if for the first time.

Would it be possible to have the party at a different location? You may not be the only one who doesn't yet feel ready to be there, but it's good that you want to reconnect with people who also knew Ryan.

I really admire how strong you've been for your students and for those around you. But remember that you don't always have to be strong--let yourself feel what you need to, because that will really help you be stronger in the long run.

It will take a long time to heal--you may find that you'll feel like you need to go to counseling regularly or just once in awhile for months. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself. While it's good to try to get back to a routine, you also need to give yourself permission to do things you might not normally do if they help you feel better.

I know there's a banner on its way down from my university.

:hug:
 
indra's right, the time when that numbness wears off is just about the hardest. I'm so, so sorry you have to be going through this during what should be an exhilarating time as you finish up your studies, but all these feelings you're describing are just naturally part of grieving and they arrive at their own time and pace like that, whether you see them coming them or not. But I agree you should take advantage of all the counseling that you can while it's there, and I also agree with sula that you should go to that gathering if you can--others there will be struggling with many of these same feelings too, and they shouldn't be left alone with them and neither should you. It's good that you're making the effort to be with people--you do need your own space during a time like this to keep from getting overwhelmed, but grief can be an alienating emotion, and that's not good for you either. I know there is nothing anyone can say that truly helps, but the simple fact of that companionship and connection to others is still needed and important.

:hug: Take care of yourself...we're all thinking about you and praying for you out here.

:hug: You too Laura.
 
Well, I went to the Residence Life party. It was awkward. I don't know how that phrase goes about an elephant in the room, but that's what it was. Like, you can tell everyone was thinking it, but they were afraid to talk about it. But I managed to get through it. And I think it brought some closure. I actually got 6 hours of sleep that night, which was really great after only sleeping 3-4 hours max each night over the past 2 weeks.

I just wanted to share with you all Ryan's last work of art. It is of Iggy, our mascot. Ryan added a little twist by giving him a 'fro with a pic.

IMG_1175.jpg


And we've been getting support from people all over the world! They are sending us banners. There's hardly any wallspace left in our student center!

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And from Laura's school :)
IMG_1179.jpg


People are making paper cranes for all the victims.
IMG_1181.jpg


And http://www.hokiecarepackages.com/ has put together some care packages for us for exams. They made 26,000, one for every student! People actually came all the way from Texas to hand deliver these bags to us! Some other groups from all over have sent in care packages as well. However, about 3/4 of the student body have opted out of their classes and left by now. So yesterday I came home with boxes full of goodies. They tell us to take some and come back for more. Theres so many!

IMG_1178.jpg


IMG_1182.jpg



Being embraced by people all over the world really gives us a light of hope in such a dark time.
 
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indra said:


For me, even with "normal" deaths, the getting back to normal part is really hard -- because it's not the same as it was before.

I second that. I remember when our suite mate died when Ellen and I were sophomores and about a week later, I saw this girl in the dining hall who was small and had long brown hair. I was getting up to say "Amanda!" when reality hit....it was such a weird feeling, like that's when it really hit me.

:hug:

Mia, those pics are amazing, tragic, but amazing. I saw this table in our cafe where these girls are working on a banner like one of those. If they still have it next time I pass, I'll leave you some props on there for staying strong...
 
I just got out of the hospital after a three-week stay so I haven't posted in the threads yet. I appreciate yolland's sensitivity as always. The news was devastating. It was so sad that so many bright young people lost their lives at the hands of this dastardly gunman, I was really offended at the showing of his Manifesto on the news. It's like they were giving him his own platform. That's why he sent it to NBC in the first place. He didn't deserve that kind of attention. Laura, I'm glad you were able to spend some time at home, it sounds like that's what you needed.
 
Not much of a praying person, but this whole thing makes me really, really sad for a number of reasons. First, that you guys had to be terrorized first by the guy, then by the media.

As far as them making a backlash, they do it all the time, unfortunately. They mistake losers for loners, and therefore any reserved person is also likely to be a target, simply because it isn't 'normal'.

But anyway. Just know I'm hoping you guys can get through this okay. And yes, I do love ya, even though I don't know ya. Be well, loves.
 
unico said:



And from Laura's school :)
IMG_1179.jpg


Being embraced by people all over the world really gives us a light of hope in such a dark time.

:applaud: Yay CNU!!!

I think I signed that one. There were so many and I signed several.

I'm proudly wearing my VT wristband that my school was selling the last few weeks of school. I'll have to take a picture of it, it's maroon and orange in sort of a marble pattern. On one side it says "April 16th 2007" and on the other side it says "Today we are all Hokies".

Mia I hope things are starting to get back to some normalcy for you. Life will obviously never be the same, but I hope your mood is lighter than it has been these past few weeks. :hug:
 
Thanks Devlin, Diana, and Lies :hug:

Lies, let me know about the banner. I'd love to see it. I'm still looking out for some other schools. If anyone has sent something, PM me the school and I'll go look for it and take a pic for you if you want.

Laura, I threw my arms in the air and gasped when I saw this banner. I turned some heads in the student center, and now people probably think I worship CNU. But it really, when I first laid my eyes upon it, it took my breath away, because of my connection (you!) with CNU.

I'm glad to hear you are wearing the wristband. It sounds beautiful. :hug: I look forward to seeing the picture of it.

I suppose life is back to some normalcy, I'm sleeping/eating better. But the slightest thing sets me off, and will cause me an entire night of unrest. So, I'm apparently sensitive right now.

I'm moving out, and preparing for my upcoming defense (which still has yet to be scheduled), and getting prepared to graduate. So...things are still pretty hectic here. Plus, we're all preparing for another onslaught by the media. We're expecting them to come, since there is going to be a special presentation of honorary degrees given to the families of the victims. I'm not going to that though, not because of that, but because Gen Abizaid will be speaking. Thank goodness we grad students have a separate ceremony. I don't want to hear a word that man has to say.
 
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