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Old 09-23-2007, 05:12 PM   #1
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The Great Kid Debate

Recently, I was asked when I would be settling down, marrying, and having children.
My response was, "Not. Going. To Happen." Point blank.

That was when heads exploded, with the oh-so-condescending and predictable, "You're too young to make such a choice; you'll change your mind in a year or two."

Or, my favorite, "That's so selfish!" Damn straight. I'm definitely selfish and hedonistic. Which is why I spend so much time actually helping out the teenagers who seem to think I'm actually a nice person. But ignore that for now.

Keep in mind that I'm 31, and well aware of my choices. Also keep in mind that I'd been perfectly clear about babies since I was aware of the existence of babies: I'd rather cut off my arms and dig out my eyeballs. Never wanted them; can't stand the sound of them, would really rather not be bothered with them.

So, anyway, my question is this: What's up with all those people out there who seem to think that having children is what all female bodied folks want to do with themselves? I mean, really, is it so hard to understand that not everyone wants, or can tolerate, children?
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Old 09-23-2007, 05:19 PM   #2
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I'm very lucky that no one I know has that attitude towards me when I state that I don't think I will have children.
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Old 09-23-2007, 05:21 PM   #3
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Yeah, you are. Those are the kind of people I wish I could meet more of. I suspect a lot of it comes from not looking my age. People assume I am on average, about 23.
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Old 09-23-2007, 05:36 PM   #4
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I was 23 when my son was born, and I thought I was *way* too young!

Tell them MYOB, and that's not required!
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Old 09-23-2007, 05:37 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally posted by MsPurrl
I was 23 when my son was born, and I thought I was *way* too young!

Tell them MYOB, and that it's not required!
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Old 09-23-2007, 05:45 PM   #6
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Re: The Great Kid Debate

Quote:
Originally posted by Hinder
Or, my favorite, "That's so selfish!" Damn straight. I'm definitely selfish and hedonistic. Which is why I spend so much time actually helping out the teenagers who seem to think I'm actually a nice person. But ignore that for now.
How is not having kids more hedonistic than having them? How many people have kids not because they want to, but for The Greater Good?
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Old 09-23-2007, 06:07 PM   #7
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Just curious, you seem to have a desire to help nurture older kids. Any chance you have entertained adopting an older child?

I say this because I was adopted, and I am so thankful for the fact that I was given a chance that some are not fortunate enough to get.

Just a thought.

Your personal choice shows great maturity.
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Old 09-23-2007, 06:17 PM   #8
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I got married, but didn't settle down or have children. I too have know since I began that kids weren't for me.

As for the selfish part, whatta load of hooey. What's selfish is people who spend $30,000 on having a child to satisfy some entitlement urge rather than adopt an already existing child who needs them.
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Old 09-23-2007, 07:25 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally posted by martha
I got married, but didn't settle down or have children. I too have know since I began that kids weren't for me.

As for the selfish part, whatta load of hooey. What's selfish is people who spend $30,000 on having a child to satisfy some entitlement urge rather than adopt an already existing child who needs them.
It's one thing to get defensive about judgemental people criticizing you for not having kids, and almost the same thing for you to criticize those of us who opted to have kids rather than adopt (and probably spend a lot more than $30,000 in the process)
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Old 09-23-2007, 07:58 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally posted by toscano
almost the same thing for you to criticize those of us who opted to have kids rather than adopt (and probably spend a lot more than $30,000 in the process)
I wasn't criticizing anyone who has kids at all. I was comparing "selfishnesses." I think it's a criminal waste of money to get fertility treatments that cost $30,000 to counter what nature gave you. I think the insane entitlement attitude we have in this country that produces people who will go to those lengths simply to have their own child is crazy. If one can't have kids, that's sad if one wanted them, but to spend and spend and spend simply to give birth is the height of "selfishness."
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Old 09-23-2007, 08:03 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally posted by martha


I wasn't criticizing anyone who has kids at all. I was comparing "selfishnesses." I think it's a criminal waste of money to get fertility treatments that cost $30,000 to counter what nature gave you. I think the insane entitlement attitude we have in this country that produces people who will go to those lengths simply to have their own child is crazy. If one can't have kids, that's sad if one wanted them, but to spend and spend and spend simply to give birth is the height of "selfishness."
I find it interesting that it has now become "selfish" to make a choice to have a child and to use a "fertility treatment"

but

God forbid anyone call a woman having an abortion selfish(And I am talking aqbout those that use it as birth control.)

That's her right.

This world is fucked up.
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Old 09-23-2007, 08:04 PM   #12
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Eh, people spend 30 grand on a new car and don't bat an eye.
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Old 09-23-2007, 08:06 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally posted by martha


I wasn't criticizing anyone who has kids at all. I was comparing "selfishnesses." I think it's a criminal waste of money to get fertility treatments that cost $30,000 to counter what nature gave you. I think the insane entitlement attitude we have in this country that produces people who will go to those lengths simply to have their own child is crazy. If one can't have kids, that's sad if one wanted them, but to spend and spend and spend simply to give birth is the height of "selfishness."
I guess having 3 kids (without treatments) I don't see how it's selfish to do what you can to have your own kids
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Old 09-23-2007, 08:08 PM   #14
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I respect people who don't think they would make great parents or who are just not interested in children and never have been, openly stating so rather than giving in to the pressure.

I never had much interest in having a biological child. I'm not closed off to the idea, but I'd rather adopt, and no, I don't need a shiny newborn either. My grandmother's brother was adopted decades ago when it was much more rare, and so nobody in our family has ever thought of it as "different" than having a biological child.
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Old 09-23-2007, 08:08 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally posted by toscano


I guess having 3 kids (without treatments) I don't see how it's selfish to do what you can to have your own kids
Because, it should not be their choice.

They should play the hand they were delt....

Which only applies in the case of people who want to have a baby.......????

See?
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