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Old 08-23-2005, 03:12 PM   #1
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The Conversation Between George And Lance

huffingtonpost.com

Bob Cesca: George and Lance: A Conversation







Saturday, August 20. Lance Armstrong joined George W. Bush for a 17-mile bike ride on Bush's Crawford estate. The following is an excerpt of their conversation.

GEORGE W. BUSH: Do you like riding bikes, Stretch?

LANCE ARMSTRONG: I do. In fact, I won the Tour de France seven--

BUSH: That's Tour De Freedom. Hey Stretch! Guess what?

LANCE: What's that, Mr. President?

BUSH: My ranch is 1,600 acres. We can ride for 17 miles without leaving my property.

LANCE: That's amazing.

BUSH: You betcha. Check it out: I could give away 600 acres to homeless people and I'd still own 1,000 acres of land.

LANCE: Okay.

BUSH: But I wouldn't give away an inch. See, my advisers made it so that I can own a 1,600 acre multi-million dollar estate and still seem like a man of the people. 'Sides, homeless people are mostly insaners.

LANCE: They are?

BUSH: They are what?

LANCE: You just called homeless people "insaners".

KARL ROVE VIA EARPIECE: Abort! Abort! Change the subject! The yellow rubberbands, go!

BUSH: Last year, my opponent Senator Lost-In-A-Landslide wore one of your yellow rubberbands. I hope you don't mind that I don't wear one.

LANCE: They're actually bracelets for--

BUSH: Too faggy.

LANCE: What?!

KARL ROVE VIA EARPIECE: NO! Deneuralyser, now!

(President Bush brandishes a "Men in Black" deneuralyser and flashes it in Lance Armstrong's face.)

BUSH: Hey Stretch, you know what the nickname for my bike is? I call it "Stretch". What's your bike called?

LANCE: It hadn't occurred to me, Mr. President. I, um, I suppose I can call it "Bikey".

BUSH: Damn. That's a good one. Regime change! My bike is now called "Bikey"! And you're starting to pass me. Step off, Stretch.

LANCE: Sorry, Mr. President. I forgot the rule.

BUSH: Speaking of rules, you know what rules? Vacations.

LANCE: I can tell.

BUSH: Let me ask you something, Stretch. What do you think of that woman down there.

KARL ROVE VIA EARPIECE: Cindy Sheehan. Son is named Casey. And she's not there right now.

LANCE: Cindy Sheehan?

BUSH: She went home. I scared her away with my steadfastness and invisible six-shooters.

LANCE: You -- I thought she... I read this morning she's coming back.

BUSH: She is? I know that. She's a flip-flopper.

LANCE: Uh, yeah. Forgive me for changing the subject, but I wanted to talk with you about cancer research.

BUSH: Stem cell research? That's a challenging subject. Hard work. I've talked to a lot of experts who I've nicknamed "Stretch". The various Stretches tell me there's plenty of cells without using babies.

LANCE: I wanted to discuss cancer research, not stem cells. But now that you mention it, they're not babies, they're mainly single-celled embryos earmarked for disposal.

BUSH: Hey -- you know who Professor Stretch, M.D. is?

LANCE: Who?

BUSH: Not you. I met with the experts.

LANCE: What did they tell you?

BUSH: They told me that killing babies is a sin.

LANCE: The scientific community told you that?

BUSH: Dr. James Dobson told me. And he's a doctor. He also told me how to determine whether my daughters are gay.

LANCE: Back to cancer research, I--

BUSH: Back to what I say we're back to, and I say we're back to "you're not an expert, you ride bikes in France".

LANCE: But I'm an advocate for--

BUSH: You know what my helmet's called?

LANCE: Is it called "Stretch"?

BUSH: Nope. I call it my "thinking cap". And I'm thinking you're not an expert. You know what I call your shorts?

LANCE: Smartypants?

BUSH: I call them "Smartypants". Get back to me when you become a doctor and an evangelical. Then we'll talk. And even then, we'll make sure you say some things I want to hear. Ya' hear?

LANCE: All due respect, Mr. President, I just wanted to have a discussion--

BUSH: I know that. You want to make accusations against the president. And it's my job not to listen to accusations against the president.

LANCE: But I wasn't accusing you of anything.

BUSH: Hey Stretch! Race me to acre 1,286?

LANCE: Um. Sure. Okay. But you'll win.

BUSH: Bingo! That's what I wanted to hear. Good boy.

LANCE: Thank you, Mr. President.
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Old 08-23-2005, 03:43 PM   #2
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Quote:
BUSH: Damn. That's a good one. Regime change! My bike is now called "Bikey"! And you're starting to pass me. Step off, Stretch.

LANCE: Sorry, Mr. President. I forgot the rule.

BUSH: Speaking of rules, you know what rules? Vacations.

LANCE: I can tell.

BUSH: Let me ask you something, Stretch. What do you think of that woman down there.

KARL ROVE VIA EARPIECE: Cindy Sheehan. Son is named Casey. And she's not there right now.

LANCE: Cindy Sheehan?

BUSH: She went home. I scared her away with my steadfastness and invisible six-shooters.

LANCE: You -- I thought she... I read this morning she's coming back.

BUSH: She is? I know that. She's a flip-flopper.

That was the best part. Whole thing was hilarious though.
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Old 08-23-2005, 03:46 PM   #3
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I can't say that anyone who wasn't already pretty anti-Bush would find this particuarly amusing, in all honesty.
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Old 08-23-2005, 03:51 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally posted by Lemonfix
I can't say that anyone who wasn't already pretty anti-Bush would find this particuarly amusing, in all honesty.
Thats probably why I think its hilarious
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Old 08-23-2005, 05:08 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally posted by Lemonfix
I can't say that anyone who wasn't already pretty anti-Bush would find this particuarly amusing, in all honesty.
You mean they lack sense of humor?
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Old 08-23-2005, 05:26 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally posted by BonoVoxSupastar


You mean they lack sense of humor?
When it comes to the Prez, a lot of pro-Bush people seem to lack a sense of humor.

For me personally I just felt like it was the same old Bush charicature, nothing new. That's fine in some ways. But to someone who is moderate or conservative leaning it may come across as smug and a bit nasty. (Not that conservatives wouldn't do the exact same type of thing...) Then again, I doubt the intent was to get people to think a certain way, just to entertain.
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Old 08-23-2005, 05:53 PM   #7
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I love this...especially the Karl Rove in the earpiece things.
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Old 08-23-2005, 06:47 PM   #8
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I think it's funny. But then I'm not known around here for being a Bush supporter because, well, I'm not.
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Old 08-23-2005, 06:53 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally posted by Lemonfix


Then again, I doubt the intent was to get people to think a certain way, just to entertain.
There you go. Everyone once in awhile we need to lighten up in here.
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Old 08-23-2005, 07:49 PM   #10
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As much as I am not a Bush fan, I really didn't find that to be particularly funny. Mildly amusing, I'd say.
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Old 08-23-2005, 09:13 PM   #11
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I think we can all find humor in this piece.
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