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Old 02-21-2006, 06:32 PM   #16
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My wife just told me....stop bragging....even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while.
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Old 02-21-2006, 06:41 PM   #17
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You have a very lucky wife Dread.
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Old 02-21-2006, 06:46 PM   #18
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Well the hard part is explaining to the Dr. why she developed vertigo at 300 AM.....

Hehe
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Old 02-21-2006, 06:51 PM   #19
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Old 02-22-2006, 02:28 AM   #20
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Originally posted by Dreadsox
My wife just told me....stop bragging....even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while.
lol
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Old 02-22-2006, 10:31 AM   #21
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Originally posted by nbcrusader

The older man going after the younger women highlights the "conquest" component some men are after. Satisfaction may not come from a relationship, or even the sexual act itself, but only with the "victory" of bedding another person. I've got to imagine that after a while, that gets old.
It doesn't seem to get old for many

Of course women being involved with younger men seems to be more acceptable now, I'd venture an opinion that it's less of a conquest/ego thing for women-not in all cases of course.
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Old 02-22-2006, 10:52 AM   #22
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Originally posted by yolland
[B]
Having kids in particular does tend to drive down the frequency, there's no two ways about that, but frequency and satisfaction are not the same thing.
I think that to some people, frequency does contribute to sexual satisfaction, as well as overall relationship satisfaction. If two partners have vastly different frequency needs, then at least one is apt to not be as satisfied overall, no matter how good the quality. Sounds like you and your partner have struck a good balance between quantity and quality.

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As far as what women friends say, I guess mine must be a more jaded lot than yours, because while it's true that they generally report feeling increasingly less preoccupied with their looks and "flirtability" and seem to welcome that, nonetheless this "freedom" often seems to me more than a little tinged with an attitude of weary resignation, rather than more positive feelings of newfound self-worth. Same with male friends really, though the effect is less pronounced and they're generally more hopeful about their continued desirability.
Weary resignation as far as aging goes? As far as their ability to attract male attention?

Again, I think this is probably a difference in the people we know and associate with. Many of the women I had in mind when writing my previous post have come out of long-term relationships, are very independant and confident, with extremely full lives, and are not really seeking another serious relationship. Not to imply that the women you know aren't these things, however.

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This is a good point. I wonder, though, if there isn't an underlying similarity here in that both transitions involve coming to terms with the reality that you're never going to live up to all the gender role expectations you once aspired to, and are in fact only stunting yourself by doing so. Like AliEnvy said basically.
It's fascinating to posit what the underlying mechanisms of such phenomena might be. In the case of women, I would suggest something much more simple as one factor, and that would be caregiver burn-out. I'm aware that women have more lifestyle choices today than ever, but the fact remains that most conscientious mothers do tend to sacrifice a great deal for their children, giving up some of their own desires and opportunities. The late 40s-50's is typically a time when empty-nest syndrome begins for many of these women, and so they have to opportunity for the first time in many years to be relatively self-indulgent, placing their own needs ahead of others for a change. For men, a rather simplistic explanation could be that their changes come in reaction to their wives' attitudes. Maybe a fear that since the nest is empty, she no longer has anything tying her to said nest, so he becomes more involved in nurturing and maintaining the relationship again. Sweeping generalizations, I know, but I'm just tossing out possibilities.

Speaking of gender roles, interestingly, studies have shown that those who are not caught up in rigid masculine or feminine roles - those where both partners tend to have more androgynous traits - have the happiest and most successful relationships.

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Are you in the mental health field, VintagePunk? You seem to be quite conversant with that literature.
I'm one of those crazy mature students who willingly returned to school. I'm in the clinical division, but social psych is my second love. I'll be seeking employment again very soon. Any contacts would be appreciated.
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Old 02-23-2006, 02:40 AM   #23
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I really am skeptical when reading these articles on these kinds of studies. People are all different, especially the sexes. Factor in health, climate, financial security, lifestyle, and possibly geography and the percentages and data will likely completely change. Still, interesting read. My mother used to tell me when I was newly married (early 20's) that sex would be magnificent in my 30's and she was right...then improved at 40+. Who knows what 50's will be like? We will all have to wait and see when we get there, won't we?!!!
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Old 02-23-2006, 12:29 PM   #24
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I can only speak for my husband. He is fifty five and I am fourty nine. We have been married for almost twenty three years. And both of us have a very satisfing sex life. There is of course love, intimacy and faithfulness. And also, the friendship. He is my best friend. We are more "in love" then we were. When our marriage was new. Neither one of us could imagine spending our lives with out each other.
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Old 02-23-2006, 12:30 PM   #25
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Originally posted by Maeve
I can only speak for my husband. He is fifty five and I am fourty nine. We have been married for almost twenty three years. And both of us have a very satisfing sex life. There is of course love, intimacy and faithfulness. And also, the friendship. He is my best friend. We are more "in love" then we were. When our marriage was new. Neither one of us could imagine spending our lives with out each other.
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Old 02-23-2006, 12:40 PM   #26
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Originally posted by Carek1230
I really am skeptical when reading these articles on these kinds of studies. People are all different, especially the sexes. Factor in health, climate, financial security, lifestyle, and possibly geography and the percentages and data will likely completely change. Still, interesting read. My mother used to tell me when I was newly married (early 20's) that sex would be magnificent in my 30's and she was right...then improved at 40+. Who knows what 50's will be like? We will all have to wait and see when we get there, won't we?!!!
Hi Carek,

I am going to assume from your post that you are female. I am also a woman. And at 49, I am perimenupausal. Because of significant hormonal changes that are normal for a woman my age. The "lust factor" can also be less intense. But, for me. What replaces this is real intimacy with my husband. Making love is much better for both of us.

Another factor is that our home is almost paid for. Our children are grown, educated and have good jobs. The "fifties" is a time for us. We have more freedom and less financial worries. We can at the drop of a hat. Travel, go out to dinner and movie. And we don't have to worry about a babysitter.

I will be fifty this year. And though, I look different than I did at twenty. Two pregnancies, menopause, will put a couple of pounds on you. Acutually, I only weigh twenty pounds more. Then, I did in my twenties. I am now a size ten instead of a six. But, I am going to embrase "fifty." It is a wonderful time in my life.

Take care,

Maeve
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Old 02-23-2006, 12:55 PM   #27
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Originally posted by Maeve
I can only speak for my husband. He is fifty five and I am fourty nine. We have been married for almost twenty three years. And both of us have a very satisfing sex life. There is of course love, intimacy and faithfulness. And also, the friendship. He is my best friend. We are more "in love" then we were. When our marriage was new. Neither one of us could imagine spending our lives with out each other.
That's awesome
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Old 02-23-2006, 01:21 PM   #28
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Originally posted by Maeve


Another factor is that our home is almost paid for. Our children are grown, educated and have good jobs. The "fifties" is a time for us. We have more freedom and less financial worries. We can at the drop of a hat. Travel, go out to dinner and movie. And we don't have to worry about a babysitter.

I am envious. I love my children more than life itself, as any parent does....

But I do miss that freedom we shared in the first five years of our marriage.

We paid $13,000 in childcare/education two years ago. It is a strain on us.

I am not complaining, we have a good life, but if we get away one weekend a year without the kids, it is huge.
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