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Old 04-06-2005, 09:15 AM   #61
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Quote:
Originally posted by Moonlit_Angel


Very true.



Exactly. My parents had their rules, but they weren't all strict and stuff, so my sister and I never really felt a huge need to rebel against them, because there wasn't much to rebel against.


Angela
That's how I am with my kids. While there are those who argue against being your kids' 'friend', I'd rather be a friend than an object of fear. Just remember, when they're teens and in trouble, who will they turn to, their 'friends' or someone who's going to have a fit on them?
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Old 04-06-2005, 09:33 AM   #62
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you said wedgie

SHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

the FCC might hear you.
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Old 04-06-2005, 02:25 PM   #63
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Quote:
Originally posted by U2Kitten
That's how I am with my kids. While there are those who argue against being your kids' 'friend', I'd rather be a friend than an object of fear. Just remember, when they're teens and in trouble, who will they turn to, their 'friends' or someone who's going to have a fit on them?
The thing is to know when to be a friend to your kid and when to do the parent thing, but to do the parent thing in a way that doesn't make them afraid to come to you if you need help, like you said.

Angela
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Old 04-06-2005, 02:52 PM   #64
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Quote:
Originally posted by Moonlit_Angel


The thing is to know when to be a friend to your kid and when to do the parent thing, but to do the parent thing in a way that doesn't make them afraid to come to you if you need help, like you said.

Angela

That is the hardest part I think...riding that fine line between parent and friend. If you are too much of a friend and your kid starts doing something harmful like drugs or drinking, they will not take you seriously when you have to put your foot down and act like a parent. But if you are too strict, don't let them experience things and blow a gasket when they do mess up, they'll be afraid to come to you.

I've probably been too much of a friend at times and its really hard to shift back into the role of parent, but it is possible.
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Old 04-06-2005, 03:34 PM   #65
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I was spanked as a child (not often). The last time I was hit was when my dad slapped my face in fifth grade. I don't really care about it at all now. I'm sure I deserved it every time! I'm not sure if I'd spank my kids or not. I'll probably err on the side of caution and not do it.
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Old 04-06-2005, 07:59 PM   #66
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just to clarify, i don't think that if you spank that means you've failed as a parent, i think it means you've failed as a parent in regards to a specific situation. and that's totally understandable -- parents aren't perfect, they're human, and the important thing is that they do the best they can, acknowledge when they screw up, and remind the child that they are loved "always in all ways" -- actually, my parents wrote that phrase on my high school graduation card and i nearly cried ... seriously, parents, it can be difficult to talk to your teenagers, so write them little letters and cards on special occasions -- and that there was a reason for the spanking, and that it was a direct result of an action by the child.

of course, such a conversation would probably have to happen after the fact, when everyone has cooled down.

at the end of the day, i think spanking isn't a good thing, but it's an understandable thing, and children are smarter and more resiliant and more perceptive than we usually give them credit for. and this goes both ways. if a parent is spanking out of frustration, the child will sense that. if the parent is spanking out of some perverse pleasure of being able to dominate a child, the child will sense that as well.
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Old 04-09-2005, 06:49 PM   #67
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I didn't read the whole thread, sorry

But all I can say is, I was "spanked" as a child. I don't want to get into details but it was clearly abuse to me, I consider being hit w/ a belt and a hand abuse. It did nothing but frighten me and cause me scars that have yet to heal to this day. And emotional pain and resentment as well. I don't believe in "spanking" or hitting of any kind, I think it's a lazy parenting method and just wrong.
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Old 04-10-2005, 05:51 AM   #68
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I honestly cannot recall if I was spanked as a child. If I was, it obviously had no undue effect on me. My parents were and still are, very kind, loving and open people. Like all good people thjey can be pushed to their absolute limits. I am sure I pushed them, as all children do, but whether they ever spanked me as a result remains to be seen. I will have to ask them. I'm sure I did get a smack or two.

I believe in essence spanking and smacking is counterproductive. At too young an age, it is not understood and only creates fear and compounds the lack of reasoning a child has for a violent reaction which to them, results from a situation about a toy or noise or running off and all 'young kid' naughtiness. A physical reaction from you has nothing to do with their toys being scattered everywhere or them not staying with you at the shops. Why is mummy or daddy hitting me? It's awfully confusing for them. Then they get to the age where understanding is reached. They know right and wrong. Then smacking becomes dehumanising and still equally pointless. It's a knee-jerk reaction in most cases I think, to spank or smack, but achieves absolutely nothing. A child who can understand right and wrong behaviour can learn. So use it to teach them.
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Old 04-10-2005, 05:54 AM   #69
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Quote:
Originally posted by Dreadsox
I love it when I am spanked.....I am a bad boy..... a very bad boy.....
I think it is wrong, No parent has the right to spanks a child. You never know the parents could enjoy it.
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Old 04-10-2005, 05:56 AM   #70
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Discipline leads to self-discipline which is one of the most important assets when making a way in the world.
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Old 04-10-2005, 06:00 AM   #71
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I don't consider what happened to me to be "discipline"-it creates fear and low self esteem, which certainly doesn't help you make your way in the world. Also hatred towards the person who did it to you. I had self-discipline because I thought I had to be perfect. I know why.

Maybe it works for some people, I'm just going by my experience.
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Old 04-10-2005, 06:04 AM   #72
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There is a difference between discipline and abuse and there are many damaged individuals who have to suffer the concequences of abuse their whole lives. I am in no way condoning the belt or cane. An open handed smack by a parent or guardian when used rarely and without cruel intent is however legitimate and should not be outlawed.
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Old 04-10-2005, 08:08 AM   #73
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Quote:
Originally posted by MrsSpringsteen
I don't consider what happened to me to be "discipline"-it creates fear and low self esteem, which certainly doesn't help you make your way in the world. Also hatred towards the person who did it to you. I had self-discipline because I thought I had to be perfect. I know why.

Maybe it works for some people, I'm just going by my experience.
Yeah, if all you're teaching a kid is that you're bigger and stronger and that makes you right and don't do as I do do as I say, I think that is not a good message and can lead to bad attitudes and problems later. If you tell a kid they're no good long enough, they'll start to believe it.

BTW I am not talking about my parents. I can count on one hand the times I was spanked in my life and it was always something really extreme. My Mom had a way of talking to me making me feel bad, bad for her, bad for what I'd done, so I'd cry and not want to do it again.
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Old 04-10-2005, 08:58 AM   #74
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Before you read this, I want to make clear that I don't think I am deluded when I say:

My mother spanked and caned me, but I know that it was out of a deep love. So, I am okay with children getting spanked but the children have to know where the parent is coming from; it has to be beyond just a "Dad/Mom is angry with me". Anyway, people associate spanking with small behaviour but I think that, depending on the parent doing it, it takes a brave and strong character to spank your kid. For instance, my mother on the other hand was also the one who taught me to be the bigger person, because she knew how to say "sorry" to me, and this was while I was still very little. Imagine being big enough to apologise to your own 5-year old!

So, spanking, to me, is more than exerting power over your child.

foray
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