Spanking - should it be legal or not?

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nbcrusader said:
I would hold spanking as one of those "ultimate punishments".

I am not opposed to spanking, but I have not reached the point where I've needed to spank my children.

Clear, direct expectations handle most discipline situations.
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:up:

to me, the need to spank is indicative of parental failure (for the situation ... not that you've failed as a parent, just with whatever situation might be at hand).

but we're all human, so i don't think spanking should be illegal, or that only bad people/parents spank their children. and children can get spanked and grow up just fine, and being a parent is so difficult that i can understand sort of losing your cool and swatting a child on the backside.

i don't think it's good, but i understand it, and were i to one day become a parent myself, i would hope that i would never resort to having to spank. i don't think it should be the preferred method of discipline, and i think it accomplishes little except to at least end an argument/problem/whatever, then everyone gets a cooling off period, then you can discuss what just happened and why.

on an aside note, i'm the eldest of 3 children. i remember being spanked as a child, but my younger brother and sister were not.

i can't tell any difference in our personalities/attitudes that might have resulted from this. i would say, so long as parenting on the whole is positive and consistent, spanking probably makes little difference in the end.

but then again, you are instilling the idea that physical force is an acceptable method to solve a problem or dispute ... i think spanking might work when a child is younger than, say, 6, but after that point you're simply going to get a child who internalizes that negative message.

i am, however, fiercely opposed to "whuppings" or whatever it was called in the past. my grandmother's father used to literally take her brothers out behind the house and whip them with belts. granted, this was the 1920s, but to this day, even in her increasingly senile state, she remains *terrified* of her father.

how sad.
 
I mostly agree with Irvine and NBC.

I don't see spanking as a "parental failure" though, more like a last resort to get the job done. When you have to choose between sucking up to their ongoing whining or discipline against their will, it's not necessarily your fault. I don't think it's all about losing control, it's more of a way of standing your ground when you have to.
 
While I admire the noble ideals behind reasoning with your children, I think there's a point after which you can't reason with a three year old. As a parent, I know this is true.

I try to model my own parents, who resolved:
A) never to spank in anger;
B) never spank for a first offense;
C) always talk about why I was getting spanked before I got spanked; and
D) talk after the spanking.

My parents always hugged me after the spanking, and told me they loved me. It made a world of difference when compared to my friends, who were often pinched instead of spanked (which I think frankly is worse), or (worse) never disciplined at all.

Sorry for almost hijacking the thread earlier with my Kings of Leon comment.
 
In short, I don't know how to respond to this thread. Between how inherently rotten kids seem to be, coupled with all the "out of control teens" on daytime TV, I'm kind of loathe to ever want children. :huh:

Either way, I don't think I will even remotely want them until I'm 30 or so. Six years to go, at minimum.

Melon
 
As many have said so far, there is a difference between discipline and battery.

One big concern, for me, is that this concentration on abolishing smacking/spanking of kids, will unnecessarily take up an awful lot of time with police/social sevices/justice system. This could mean that children who are being seriously abused don't get the right help when they need it. In the UK this is frequently the case now even while spanking/smacking is allowed... :sad:
 
i think after a certain age, spanking is a bad idea. a light little smack to a three year old is very different from telling an 8 year old to assume the position. after a certain age, the child starts to make connections between violence and punishment, and humiliation and punishment.

pinching, to me, sounds really rather nasty.

kids love me, i love kids. but i don't know that i'm ready to take care of one just yet -- i can barely feed and dress myself these days ...
 
pax said:
I think physical discipline should be reserved for times when a child in physical danger--e.g. smacking a child's hand away from a hot stove.
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Very true.

Originally posted by pax
That said, though, there definitely has to be a balance between discipline and letting a kid do some exploration and having fun. I think my parents had a pretty good mixof that; there were things I was not allowed to do under any circumstances, but I also remember being let loose pretty frequently. I think it helped me grow up into a person who is creative and independent-thinking, but also responsible.
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Exactly. My parents had their rules, but they weren't all strict and stuff, so my sister and I never really felt a huge need to rebel against them, because there wasn't much to rebel against.

Also, in regards to the mentions of wooden spoons and belts and swatting kids when they're older...yeah, don't agree with any of that at all. As pointed out, the older a kid gets, the better they'll be at understanding the consequences of their actions (well, most kids will understand that, anyway-some kids still will never get it, hell, there's some adults that don't get it). And belts...those leave welts, those leave nasty marks...that's not exactly the best way I can think of to punish a child. You don't want your kid to live in fear of you, after all.

Angela
 
Modern kids are horrible little shits, and should all be spanked once in a while. Bring back the cane, I say.

They've had it coming for years.

:madspit:

Ant.
 
I think kids need some discipline, and if a parent spanks a kid as a last resort in the heirarchy of discipline, it is not necessarily bad. I definitely don't see it as failure on the part of the parent. Keep in mind, I am talking about harmless "swats" as some of you termed them. Regarding the "mention" of woode spoons, belts, etc., I don't think those are so bad as long as they are only "mentioned" (as some elusive double-secret threat). And what I received as a kid was never "bare-bottomed" fortunately. All of you I see here who got some forms of physical punishment as kids seem to have turned out alright.

I will say that I think a risky, negligent trend I see more and more these days is young parents letting their kids do and get away with "whatever" because "kids will be kids." That is only going to be bad for the kids as they mature.

~U2Alabama
 
U2Bama said:
I will say that I think a risky, negligent trend I see more and more these days is young parents letting their kids do and get away with "whatever" because "kids will be kids." That is only going to be bad for the kids as they mature.
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Heh...I'd certainly never do that.

Melon
 
U2Bama said:
I think kids need some discipline, and if a parent spanks a kid as a last resort in the heirarchy of discipline, it is not necessarily bad. I definitely don't see it as failure on the part of the parent. Keep in mind, I am talking about harmless "swats" as some of you termed them. Regarding the "mention" of woode spoons, belts, etc., I don't think those are so bad as long as they are only "mentioned" (as some elusive double-secret threat). And what I received as a kid was never "bare-bottomed" fortunately. All of you I see here who got some forms of physical punishment as kids seem to have turned out alright.

I will say that I think a risky, negligent trend I see more and more these days is young parents letting their kids do and get away with "whatever" because "kids will be kids." That is only going to be bad for the kids as they mature.

~U2Alabama
Click to expand...

I think this post sums up my opinion of spanking fairly well.

Over the past 10-15 years or so, I've seen a real change in the parent-child relationship, wherein kids have more power and parents are less willing to use discipline. A lot of this has to do with schools and the media better educating kids about child abuse and innapropriate touching (a VERY good thing, don't get me wrong here) but some of the unintended effects of this have made some parents afraid to use discipline.

A good example of this happened when my then 5 year old son received a well deserved swat on the behind and the first thing he did was pick up the phone and start to dial 911 to report me for child abuse :huh:

I see a lot of disrespectful kids these days, doing things that I wouldn't have dreamed of doing simply because I knew I would suffer the wrath of mom, which caused just enough fear to make me stop and think twice. Kids today have the upper hand and they know it.
 
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I would never spank a child. Personally, I am totally opposed to such things but have to admit that some mothers told me that practical life is a little different.. anyway, I would never even touch my child, and also would not allow anyone else to.
 
U2Bama said:
I will say that I think a risky, negligent trend I see more and more these days is young parents letting their kids do and get away with "whatever" because "kids will be kids." That is only going to be bad for the kids as they mature.
Click to expand...

Yeah, and many people also seem to take it for granted that you will find their offspring's behaviour as charming and delightful as they do. Which is probably not surprising considering how many people are prepared to coo over other people's children no matter what they do.
 
pax said:
That said, though, there definitely has to be a balance between discipline and letting a kid do some exploration and having fun. I think my parents had a pretty good mixof that; there were things I was not allowed to do under any circumstances, but I also remember being let loose pretty frequently. I think it helped me grow up into a person who is creative and independent-thinking, but also responsible.
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pax, you will make a great parent.

we need more who think like you. :up:
 
nbcrusader said:
It will help remind them to pull up their pants :angry:
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ah, but if their pants are already too low, it makes it that much easier to give them a swift spanking ... low riders are simply *begging* for a smacked bottom.
 
it brings to nothing, it's just a corporal violence act, words are much better, we have the reason, this is the only thing we must use..................
children have an infinite comprehension place in their brains, what sometimes matters in adults who spank them
 
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Bono's American Wife said:
I think this post sums up my opinion of spanking fairly well.

Over the past 10-15 years or so, I've seen a real change in the parent-child relationship, wherein kids have more power and parents are less willing to use discipline. A lot of this has to do with schools and the media better educating kids about child abuse and innapropriate touching (a VERY good thing, don't get me wrong here) but some of the unintended effects of this have made some parents afraid to use discipline.

A good example of this happened when my then 5 year old son received a well deserved swat on the behind and the first thing he did was pick up the phone and start to dial 911 to report me for child abuse :huh:

I see a lot of disrespectful kids these days, doing things that I wouldn't have dreamed of doing simply because I knew I would suffer the wrath of mom, which caused just enough fear to make me stop and think twice. Kids today have the upper hand and they know it.
Click to expand...
:up: I can remember pissing my mom off so much when I threatened to report her for "child abuse" when we had a dispute. While it is a very good thing for kids to learn about it, I suppose I may be a little cynical to divulge it like this, but every rose has its thorn.

I think sometimes even a good thing can have it's paradox, so to speak.
 
I got the wooden spoon when I acted up and it sure as hell taught me manners, and my Dad got the belt and the cane and he turned out fine. I know quite a few impulsive individuals who have total disregard for others who were spoiled as kids and always got what they wanted. Children can be spoken too but that alone does not deter them from repeating.

If a child is struck with intent to cause harm or without cause though, that is a problem.
 
Irvine511 said:



ah, but if their pants are already too low, it makes it that much easier to give them a swift spanking ... low riders are simply *begging* for a smacked bottom.
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Or a wedgie - or is that illegal too? :scratch:
 
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