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Old 04-14-2004, 02:01 PM   #16
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Originally posted by LivLuvAndBootlegMusic
I would say that as long as all parties are consenting adults, I have nothing against arranged marriage. If someone wants, feel free to try to convince me otherwise (I'm really open to arguements here).
How do you measure if it's 100% consentual? This is something that's ingrained into their heads and their culture.
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Old 04-14-2004, 02:06 PM   #17
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I was actually asking Anitram how her friend felt.
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Old 04-14-2004, 08:20 PM   #18
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If the man agrees to let his parents find him a wife and if the woman agrees to let her parents find her a husband.
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Old 04-14-2004, 08:29 PM   #19
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How does she feel about it?
She is considering moving out of the house and is dating a white guy secretly.
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Old 04-15-2004, 10:08 AM   #20
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Quote:
Originally posted by LivLuvAndBootlegMusic
If the man agrees to let his parents find him a wife and if the woman agrees to let her parents find her a husband.
But that's like saying cultures that require women to be submissive, that the women are consenting to this notion. This is how the men and women in these cultures have been raised and most women aren't educated enough to realize this isn't how it needs to be.

How do you know if it's consentual when your culture tells you this is the only way it's done? Is it truly consentual?
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Old 04-15-2004, 11:02 AM   #21
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Its not just that (that I have a problem with) though I agree as well, but its the parents being so involved in who you spend the rest of your life with. This concept is so foreign to me. Parental approval of who you choose is/should be very important, but not their decision. It isn't their marriage. Fine for them to pick you some arsehole bastard (or the female equivilant) who wont love and respect you etc. It's also the marriages which are not happy and successful. What of them? Do the parents then give permission for the divorce? Or are these young people forced/coerced into suffering silently for the rest of their lives simply to 'please the parents'?

Also, I know this covers a few different cultures, but these women on the link at the top aren't uneducated. Quite the opposite really, though an academic education doesn't always make one wise I spose.
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Old 04-15-2004, 12:15 PM   #22
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Originally posted by BonoVoxSupastar

How do you know if it's consentual when your culture tells you this is the only way it's done? Is it truly consentual?
If you want to then it's consentual. I consent to drink a can of mountain dew everyday b/c I want it, not b/c pop culture (no pun intended) says Dew is the "cool" pop and I should drink it.
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Old 04-15-2004, 12:19 PM   #23
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Quote:
Originally posted by Angela Harlem
Its not just that (that I have a problem with) though I agree as well, but its the parents being so involved in who you spend the rest of your life with. This concept is so foreign to me. Parental approval of who you choose is/should be very important, but not their decision. It isn't their marriage. Fine for them to pick you some arsehole bastard (or the female equivilant) who wont love and respect you etc.
When I think of arranged marriages that I'm OK with, I'm thinking of like when the parents pick a few girls and the boy gets to meet them each and they all decide together as a family. Of course, I'd never do this, but I like it b/c marriage is about family and should include family to some extent. In our culture, we don't really include family beyond the guy asking the girl's dad if she can marry him. But just because our marrital arrangement lack family involvement doesn't mean any other way is wrong.
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Old 04-15-2004, 12:20 PM   #24
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Quote:
Originally posted by LivLuvAndBootlegMusic


If you want to then it's consentual. I consent to drink a can of mountain dew everyday b/c I want it, not b/c pop culture (no pun intended) says Dew is the "cool" pop and I should drink it.
My point is that do these cultures or parents allow for anything else other than arranged marriages?
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Old 04-15-2004, 08:51 PM   #25
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Originally posted by BonoVoxSupastar


My point is that do these cultures or parents allow for anything else other than arranged marriages?
I'm not really sure. All I'm saying is that consentual arranged marriages I have no problem with. And these happen everywhere in the world, including the US. I'm not trying to justify someone's "culture" or anything like that. If the parents don't allow for anything else, then I'd say that's the problem, not the acutal arranged marriage.

I'm thinking of a show I saw on TLC or something where a normal guy living in the US called his family back in India and asked them to help arrange a marriage. They chose a few girls who were interested, he went to India, the entire family visited each girl and her family, and then they made a decision together. The guy and chosen girl got married and were still happy together when the show aired. I don't see what's wrong about their marriage. Of course, there are other factors like if the girl was only 14, or forced by her parents, etc that are awful, but THOSE things are what would've made the marriage wrong, not just the fact that it was arranged.
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Old 04-16-2004, 05:14 AM   #26
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how romantic


seriously though
(completely of subject, but anyways)
expecting to just run into the love of your life might be a bit on the naive side
but picking from a number of males/females who have decided that they are also tired of being alone sounds a bit too much like a job interview to me
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