*sigh*

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If you have answers, please help by responding to the unanswered posts.
Hey Melon!

I'm new to the forum and I've disagreed with you on many topics in this forum.

You have an impressive intellect. I love your occasional use of sarcasm to heighten your viewpoints. I don't like to think of sarcasm in a negative way. I like to think of sarcasm as the same thing as WIT but, from an aggressive point of view.

So, because your are very intelligent and have a great deal of knowledge, my words of encouragement come for previous scholars.

Never let life's hardships disturb you. After all, no one can avoid problems, not even saints or sages.
- Nichiren


-AND-

We can try many ways to get rid of the darkness, but none is as effective as simply increasing the light.
-Confucius



Take care Melon!

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God Bless America
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[This message has been edited by whammy (edited 10-05-2001).]
 
You know my English sucks... I don't know how to express myself in this foreign language. All I can say is take care of yourself and cheer up.

Anyway, *hugs melon*
 
I just want to thank everyone again for writing. It has very much helped me try and get things into perspective.

As for this forum, I've lost interest still in the political topics, but I'm still bringing in religion ones. I'm sure you guys can handle the political ones on your own.
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I guess, honestly, this past month has affected me more profoundly than I could ever have imagined. I'm just not used to things getting so reactionary so quickly. I still don't feel like I'm living in the same world anymore. The old one, seemingly, passed away...

Melon

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"He had lived through an age when men and women with energy and ruthlessness but without much ability or persistence excelled. And even though most of them had gone under, their ignorance had confused Roy, making him wonder whether the things he had striven to learn, and thought of as 'culture,' were irrelevant. Everything was supposed to be the same: commercials, Beethoven's late quartets, pop records, shopfronts, Freud, multi-coloured hair. Greatness, comparison, value, depth: gone, gone, gone. Anything could give some pleasure; he saw that. But not everything provided the sustenance of a deeper understanding." - Hanif Kureishi, Love in a Blue Time
 
Originally posted by melon:
I see things people don't see in this world, and it is perhaps this wisdom that I have wished to share with you all all along.

I have been tortured with demons and angels alike my entire life, and perhaps the saddest idea is that they look alike and say similar things. Only it is their hearts that are different, and it is only a few who will be able to see beneath that surface.

When I was young and foolish, I wanted wisdom; the knowledge of the Universal Mind. Now that I am at my most capable to have received this knowledge, I don't want it anymore. I want to be young, stupid, and deliriously in love. I want to be ignorant of the rest of the world, wave my flag, and hate people different than me like everyone else. But I can't take this knowledge out of my mind. I hate myself for seeking what no mortal should seek.



Melon,

I want to tell you about similar feelings I had a while back, and how I am dealing with them every single day. These feelings of seeing what others do not see and knowing what many others just do not know or care to know...I understand exactly how you feel there.

According to what you have posted, you feel like you have attained a level of wisdom that almost no one else has. I believe you. And I also believe that knowing these things and living with the harsh realities of understanding the truth behind the surface is a huge cross to bear.

Over the past 10 years, I have felt like I figured out a lot about humans, perhaps too much for my own good. After taking college courses and reading a lot of books, I realized that humans acted more like animals than I could have ever imagined. Our daily behaviors, mate selection, nuances, personalities, rituals...they are all so deeply rooted in our nature. Very few people use their intellect or souls to rise above animalistic tendencies. To sum it all up, I felt like too many people out there are just products of their evolution, and not too much more. Watching people's actions on a daily basis just proved me right. It made me feel completely out of place, like I knew why people acted the way they did, yet lacked the power to change any of it. People are what they are, and I can either live with them or choose to check out in whatever way. I chose to focus on the best that people have to offer, despite what I know about evolution and natural tendencies.

In the end, even though it bothers me that there are a lot of animals walking around out there (e.g. the Taliban), I can honestly say I would rather know why people do what they do. All of it makes me better appreciate someone like you, who has intelligence and soul. I believe it is still better to know why. Even though ignorance is bliss, nothing matches the simple beauty of knowing the truth, despite the suffering that often comes with it. I know you will never stop asking why, Melon. It is a part of you, and denying it would be against your natural constitution, just like it would be against mine.

AJ
 
Melon, I'm really sorry that you're in so much pain, but I'm glad you're sharing with us. I have seen it before on this board, and it worries me as much as when I see it in people around me... maybe even more so, because when one of the people here is feeling bad and then we don't hear from them for a couple of days, it's so much more worrying because there's no way of knowing what's going on.

I don't have any clever advice to offer you, so I'll just go with my intuition... I don't think you have made a mistake in seeking the knowledge that you have, and I hope and believe that once you have clawed your way out of this hole, you will continue to do so. It's in your nature, and it may very well be what you - the great Melon - need to do with your life. You can't carry the weight of the world on your shoulders all the time, so if you can't "switch off" when you need to, I think you have to learn to distract yourself sometimes. You can't keep that engine running at 100% all the time, or you will wear yourself out at a young age.

I don't know why I'm saying this, but I think you have to look for someone to love, rather than for someone who will love you. I myself am "unique" in a possibly negative sense in ways that are probably not too obvious to the readers of this forum, and this has kept me without a soul mate up until now, but I have learned to take pleasure in and gain fulfillment from just giving love without wondering about what I will get back. I have always been the kind of person who enjoyed giving Christmas presents more than receiving them, so it's strange that it took me so long to figure it out, but it has made me stop hating myself so much.

I'm against those nice little lies people tell you when you're young - "You can be anything you want to be" - "You will find Mr./Miss Right one day, you just have to be patient", so I won't tell you anything like that, but I do believe that you will find the meaning of your life someday... maybe when you're a very old man, but keep looking.
 
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