Irvine511
Blue Crack Supplier
80sU2isBest said:
I'm not married. I am celibate.
yes, but you can get married one day.
i can't.
yet.
80sU2isBest said:
I'm not married. I am celibate.
nbcrusader said:
It creates an unrealistic ideal that can interfere with the natural development of a relationship in reality.
If it creates a thought of "why doesn't she look that way" or "why doesn't she do that for me" - it has created a subtle harm.
Now, I'm sure everyone thinks they can fully separate the two, but if you look at the factors that lead to relationships breaking up, porn is near the top of the list.
martha said:
I think if porn weren't available, something else would break up those relationships. Unrealistic men can always find something to blame.
verte76 said:
I guess not. I don't work with the patrons who use the Internet. My duties at the library are mainly cleaning the shelves and making sure sure the books are in Dewey Decimal order, this is why we ask that patrons not re-shelve the books! Sometimes the shelves are so out of order it's really hard getting them back in order. I do know that there's a list of rules at the computer station and "No Pornography" is one of them.
80sU2isBest said:
I'm not married. I am celibate.
Irvine511 said:
yes, but you can get married one day.
i can't.
yet.
Moonlit_Angel said:
Again, though, that's not the porn's fault. They're just putting a particular image out there. It's still up to us as individuals as to whether or not we want to look like that, or want others to look like that. Don't blame the porn for some people's attitudes, which they most likely would have had long before they saw a porn image.
indra said:
Goody for you. But I'm sure you don't mean to imply that everyone must live as you see fit, as you surely don't want to be forced to live by my rules, for instance.
Irvine511 said:
yes, but you can get married one day.
i can't.
yet.
Irvine511 said:porn breaks up marriages? i'm very skeptical ... are there sources you can cite?
80sU2isBest said:
If no one will marry me, I can't. I'm 37 years old. Chances are that if I'm not married yet, I won't be.
Anyway, the reason I wrote that I'm single and celibate is that I was answering your question: what do gay people and people who can't find someone to marry do, stay celibate all their lives?
The whole point of my answer is that sex is not a necessity in life, despite what many people seem to think.
80sU2isBest said:
I can certainly tell you about a situation I know of personally that involved porn in a marraige.
My closest friend was married to this guy. She found Playboy in his top drawer. It made her seriously doubt her own beauty (although she is beautiful), as if she wasn't good enough for him. It depressed her, and I mean seriously depressed her.
There is no reason to look at Playboy if you are in love with the woman you married. It is an afront to your spouse.
You're right. And I don't know what to say about it.Irvine511 said:also, you have a much, much better chance of getting married in Texas than a gay person getting married in Texas. no one is legally preventing you from getting married. if circumstance doesn't work out that way, so be it, but it remains available to you as a citizen. not for gay people.
80sU2isBest said:I honestly believe that most women would feel the same way if they discovered their husband was looking at Playboy.
There is nothing positive about porn in a marriage.
If you love someone, there'd be no desire to look at someone else naked, much less to watch people have sexual relations on video.
80sU2isBest said:Sorry, Irvine511, but you're not gonna blame this one on her. Yes, she has some difficulties, as we all do, but the issue in question was the effect that porn has on a marriage, and I told you the effect that it had on my friend's psyche. I honestly believe that most women would feel the same way if they discovered their husband was looking at Playboy.
There is nothing positive about porn in a marriage.
If you love someone, there'd be no desire to look at someone else naked, much less to watch people have sexual relations on video.
80sU2isBest said:
You're right. And I don't know what to say about it.
pax said:I just want to add that I don't really have a stance on "vanilla," legally-consenting-adults-type pornography...if single folks or couples enjoy it, that's none of my business.
It would just make me uncomfortable if I knew that it was *my* boyfriend or husband.
MrsSpringsteen said:Maybe people just have widely differing ideals about marriage, what someone else considers idealized is not for another. I'm not faulting what you said Irvine, it's just that some people can handle porn being involved and it doesn't affect their relationship, like Martha said. Some people can't.
Yes porn is "pure fantasy" but when you mix that all in w/ human insecurities and complex emotions, well..
I consider myself to be "mature enough" to realize what porn SHOULD be considered to be, but that's easy in the abstract-not easy in the non-abstract perhaps. And for some people it crosses the line from fantasy.
Irvine511 said:
i think you have an idealized vision of marriage. i have many female friends who have told me, point blank, that they'd be more concerned if their boyfriends didn't have any porn -- that looking at porn like Playboy (not, btw, porn that was excessively into submission/domination, or had anything to do with what is beyond normal standards of sexuality) was an entirely normal thing, and that they knew their boyfriends could tell the difference between fantasy and reality, as can they.
perhaps people who aren't mature enough to understand what porn is -- pure fantasy -- shouldn't be looking at it.
80sU2isBest said:
My idea of marriage is idealized, that's right. I am looking at marriage at how it should be - two people who love each other and are committed each other. Where is the love in looking at pictures of someone other than your spouse naked? Can you give me any support for that being a sign of love for your spouse? Even one? What good is served by a man looking at another woman naked?
Personally, I think your female friends are settling for sub-standard relationships by not expecting their husbands/boyfriends to refrain from porn. If a man loves a woman, he will refrain from porn because he will be satisfied with her, and on top of that, he won't want to hurt her. If I knew your female friends, I'd tell them to go out and find men who would respect them and love them enough to not look at porn.
None of the female friends I know would be okay with it. In fact, every single one of them would tell the husband to stop or she'd divorce him. And I say more power to them.