Shocked by body image confessions - Page 9 - U2 Feedback

Go Back   U2 Feedback > Lypton Village > Free Your Mind > Free Your Mind Archive
Click Here to Login
 
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
 
Old 10-27-2006, 12:18 PM   #121
Refugee
 
AliEnvy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 2,320
Local Time: 02:38 PM
Quote:
Originally posted by BonosSaint
I think a woman's sense of her own attractiveness and validity usually comes quite young. If that is messed with, it is a hard thing to recover. On the flip side, if a young girl is sexual prey, she may grow up fearing or downplaying her own beauty, not valuing it. For both, it might take healthy male attention to begin recovering her sense of of self and power, both sexually and romantically.
Very well said...pretty much explains why validation from girlfriends never really manages to boost self-worth in the attractiveness area.

Quote:
Originally posted by BonosSaint
For all of the nice sounding "you have to confident" advice I saw here, confidence is fed by positive feedback in whatever area.
That why it's a hard cycle to break. There's certainly no positive feedback for normal women in the media, fashion and beauty industries.

It even gets reinforced among girlfriends who fret in drunken stupors...woah, if SHE thinks she's flawed, I must be (insert self-defeating adjective)...etc etc.

How many of our mothers to this day apologize and make excuses whenever they eat something decadent or omg have a second helping of something.

All this little stuff adds up, even for people with generally healthy self-worth.

In everyday life, that leads to a lack of confidence that can be like invisible insect repellent to men no matter what you look like (and vice versa) AND it's mostly non-verbal. So positive feedback is less likely.
__________________

__________________
AliEnvy is offline  
Old 10-27-2006, 01:18 PM   #122
Blue Crack Addict
 
MrsSpringsteen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Posts: 24,984
Local Time: 09:38 AM
So if the hypothetical guy goes for the Maxim chick in the bar or anywhere else (like I said, initially-without any prior interaction), is it the lack of self confidence in me or any other non-Maxim chick that the guy somehow psychically picks up on-or is it the breasts? Let's see, somehow I bet the house on the latter.

I am not picking on your post in any way Ali Envy, it is just a general question that came to mind as a result of some of what you said, and the whole thread in general. Of course the woman can and does go for the guy (wherever) because of his looks. But it just begs the question, how much of the "blame" can you put on that invisible insect repellent? And I just happen to like a sensitive guy who takes the time to understand, and does understand, where my issues might come from. There are valid reasons for them.
__________________

__________________
MrsSpringsteen is offline  
Old 10-27-2006, 01:30 PM   #123
Rock n' Roll Doggie
VIP PASS
 
doctorwho's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: My TARDIS - currently located in San Leandro, CA
Posts: 6,341
Local Time: 06:38 AM
Quote:
Originally posted by deep
women tend to judge themselves by their appearance

men tend to judge themselves by their success


men tend to judge women by their appearance

women tend to judge men by their success


This is changing dramatically.

At my age, I care less about success and appearance. I have long since accepted who I am.

Of course, that doesn't mean I don't want better. And I see men on TV and magazines or whatever and I realize so many things: physical body, facial hair, body hair, head hair, clothing, shoes, etc. I could work on all or none of these. Yes, I need to work out more, but I want to do this for health reasons. Still, a less confident person might do so to look better.

In other words, the male image is changing and more and more of it is appearance based. More and more men are now becoming bulimic in vain attempts to lose weight. More men are dealing with hair removal or hair regrowth. More men are worried about their "endowments". It goes on and on.

And this is sad. Marketing has crossed over and I now fear we'll have a generation of young men feeling worthless if they aren't ripped, with the perfect hair and smile.

My advice is to do everything for you. For example, if YOU feel out of shape, work out for YOU to get healthy. If YOU aren't crazy about your hair, change styles for YOU. However, if you like your mop of hair or your slight belly or your curves or whatever, then don't worry about others. I found the biggest turn-on is usually confidence and a great sense of humor. If you are confident and funny, with the ability to laugh at yourself, this will overcome all silly "deficiencies" in appearance.

Oh, and I find most men do like a woman with curves. Maybe models get some looks, but curvy women are the ones who men marry and dote over in the end. Perhaps that's just my little world, but I've seen it ring true again and again.
__________________
http://u2.interference.com/attachments/forums/signaturepics/sigpic11661_2.gifI always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
doctorwho is online now  
Old 10-27-2006, 04:44 PM   #124
Refugee
 
AliEnvy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 2,320
Local Time: 02:38 PM
Quote:
Originally posted by MrsSpringsteen
So if the hypothetical guy goes for the Maxim chick in the bar or anywhere else (like I said, initially-without any prior interaction), is it the lack of self confidence in me or any other non-Maxim chick that the guy somehow psychically picks up on-or is it the breasts? Let's see, somehow I bet the house on the latter.
It depends on the guy and his particular taste in women and whether he's primarily looking for sex or something else.

There's no "blame" in the lack of confidence being a potential repellent, and there is no easy fix either because as you said, there are valid reasons.

I'm not trying to suggest that non-Maxim chicks have themselves to blame, I was just pointing out the cycle of invalidation that is tough to break.
__________________
AliEnvy is offline  
Old 10-27-2006, 04:50 PM   #125
Refugee
 
AliEnvy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 2,320
Local Time: 02:38 PM
Quote:
Originally posted by doctorwho
I found the biggest turn-on is usually confidence and a great sense of humor. If you are confident and funny, with the ability to laugh at yourself, this will overcome all silly "deficiencies" in appearance.
So many men say this, so many women don't believe it.

Could you, or any other guy here, describe confidence in a woman from a male point of view?

Often confidence is erroneously mixed in with arrogance and obnoxiousness. To me, it's just someone who is comfortable in their own skin and somewhat more resilient to the external invalidations we all experience regularly.
__________________
AliEnvy is offline  
Old 10-27-2006, 05:12 PM   #126
Rock n' Roll Doggie
FOB
 
VertigoGal's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: I'm never alone (I'm alone all the time)
Posts: 9,860
Local Time: 09:38 AM
The hot girl may have higher chances of getting picked up in a bar, but I don't see how that really relates to long term relationships- from what I can see, average people seem to be just as likely to get into a serious, satisfying relationship. If anything, it seems like "beautiful" people are often taken advantage of and used from an early age (teens) before they really develop self worth based on their personality and intelligence. which can fuck you up just as badly.

You can argue forever about who's more likely to get looked over first in a club but really you're not gonna change that (and it's not really guys' fault), and it just doesn't seem all that relevant to me. you don't need to be the hot chick in the club that the guys are looking for a one night stand with in order to find a relationship.

__________________
VertigoGal is offline  
Old 10-27-2006, 05:49 PM   #127
you are what you is
 
Salome's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Netherlands
Posts: 22,016
Local Time: 03:38 PM
Quote:
Originally posted by MrsSpringsteen
I just tend to empathize completely with girls/ women who don't get their deserved attention from men (I'm not saying you don't digsy). I can tell someone like avsgirl how great I think she is until I'm blue in the face, but I also can't put myself in any position of judging why she feels a certain way.
it definitely is a shame
but I don't think it's that different the other way about

it might be true that being avarage looking would stop more women than men becoming a film or rock star
but how many of us really end up as rockstars?
and I don't think in a bar the avarage looking guy gets more attention than the avarage looking girl
it even seems more likely to be the other way about

and then this still has little to do with people actually ending up in a relationship


I haven't read this entire thread to be quite honest, but I just wanted to post something random anyway
__________________
“Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe.”
~Frank Zappa
Salome is offline  
Old 10-27-2006, 08:35 PM   #128
Blue Crack Addict
 
Liesje's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: In the dog house
Posts: 19,557
Local Time: 09:38 AM
Quote:
Originally posted by VertigoGal
The hot girl may have higher chances of getting picked up in a bar, but I don't see how that really relates to long term relationships- from what I can see, average people seem to be just as likely to get into a serious, satisfying relationship.
I agree. I think the last time I've ever even attempted to pick up a guy was....the 8th grade skating party. I've always considered myself pretty average in every way. I never had much time or desire for hooking up or relationships. Last night someone asked me how I got into a relationship with Phil and my honest answer is, I really don't know, it just happened over time. Don't worry about it so much, and it will eventually happen. I'm still an average person and I've got a pretty serious relationship (called a marriage) going on. When I think of the people I know within my age group and kind of arrange them on a line according to looks, there's really no correlation between looks and longterm relationships, or even looks and how often my friends told me they were asked out, etc.

I also agree w/ everything digsy and others said earlier regarding self-confidence. I really think that people's self-confidence is what gets you noticed. Maybe really pretty girls are self-confident because of their looks, but that's not the only reason for one to have confidence (or lack confidence). You don't have to be cocky or superficially confident, but it's pretty easy to pick up on someone that's always getting herself down for whatever reason. I can't stand having friends like that, and I couldn't imagine hooking up with a guy like that, even if he looked like my favorite male celeb.
__________________
Liesje is offline  
Old 10-27-2006, 09:28 PM   #129
Rock n' Roll Doggie
Band-aid
 
ntalwar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 4,900
Local Time: 09:38 AM
Quote:
Originally posted by Liesje

I also agree w/ everything digsy and others said earlier regarding self-confidence. I really think that people's self-confidence is what gets you noticed. Maybe really pretty girls are self-confident because of their looks, but that's not the only reason for one to have confidence (or lack confidence).
True - I'm not sure that the presence of self-confidence is always noticeable, but the lack of it is sometimes noticeable. On the other hand, a lot of guys I know(and maybe even myself) would perhaps equate an overly self-confident woman with an aggressive/"Type A" woman and not necessarily be turned on by that quality.
__________________
ntalwar is offline  
Old 10-27-2006, 10:06 PM   #130
Rock n' Roll Doggie
 
Caroni's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Under Angel´s falls in Venezuela
Posts: 3,603
Local Time: 10:08 AM
OMG You describe some of my feelings. You can´t imagine how hard has been for me all these years because I always had been fat and sometimes I have felt rejection, thank God I had (and have) good friend but is not easy go out and feel that you are not pretty and see how your friends are asked by guys and they really don`t even look at you, and here in Venezuela is even harder because there are LOTS of beautiful women, I mean everywhere you see there`s a beautiful woman, of course TV don`t make it easier, but now I`ve lost 45Kg and feel so much better, I´m still fat but I like myself more. loock at me now (imagine how I was before)

__________________
Caroni is offline  
Old 10-27-2006, 10:08 PM   #131
Rock n' Roll Doggie
 
Caroni's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Under Angel´s falls in Venezuela
Posts: 3,603
Local Time: 10:08 AM
And I was brave (and silly) enough to go to Latin American Idol JAJAJA
__________________
Caroni is offline  
Old 10-27-2006, 10:22 PM   #132
Rock n' Roll Doggie
 
BonosSaint's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 3,566
Local Time: 10:38 AM
Beautiful picture. Did you have a good time?
__________________
BonosSaint is offline  
Old 10-27-2006, 10:23 PM   #133
Rock n' Roll Doggie
 
Caroni's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Under Angel´s falls in Venezuela
Posts: 3,603
Local Time: 10:08 AM
Fantastic jajaja BTW a Venezuelan Won yesterday was the final
__________________
Caroni is offline  
Old 10-27-2006, 10:27 PM   #134
Rock n' Roll Doggie
 
BonosSaint's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 3,566
Local Time: 10:38 AM
Go, Venezuela!
__________________
BonosSaint is offline  
Old 10-28-2006, 03:37 AM   #135
Refugee
 
dazzlingamy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: The city of blinding lights and amazing coffee - Melbourne.
Posts: 2,468
Local Time: 01:38 AM
Quote:
Originally posted by VertigoGal
The hot girl may have higher chances of getting picked up in a bar, but I don't see how that really relates to long term relationships- from what I can see, average people seem to be just as likely to get into a serious, satisfying relationship. If anything, it seems like "beautiful" people are often taken advantage of and used from an early age (teens) before they really develop self worth based on their personality and intelligence. which can fuck you up just as badly.

You can argue forever about who's more likely to get looked over first in a club but really you're not gonna change that (and it's not really guys' fault), and it just doesn't seem all that relevant to me. you don't need to be the hot chick in the club that the guys are looking for a one night stand with in order to find a relationship.

This i agree with absolutely!

See my problem is this, of course you want to be attractive to men, but do you want to be attractive to ALL men? D you want a plethora of men coming up to you in a bar wanting to buy you drinks invite you out etc? with you finally choose a man who then has to deal with out men checking you out and all the fall out that comes from that?

Look at hollywood marriages. Most of the women in hollywood are you typical stunning looks, and not many seem truly happy. But you look at middle america and the people that have been happily married for many years, and 95% of them are average normal looking people.

In our friendship group of about 10 women, 3 are in long term relationships. All three of us are not thin, gorgeous or the typical beauty but we have men that love us, that would die for us! The others ange for equisitly beautiful (and having to deal with million of men hitting on her) to someone who believes she is very plain jane. And they are all single and looking.

I don't know why this is such a complex issue but my point is, there are a lot of fucktard arrogant arsehole men out there, and THEY'RE the men that will come up to you in bars, that will check you out and grade you with his eyes, that will be nasty after a few drinks - but there are many more beautiful wonderful men out there, that are just as shy and worried about finding the one as you are.


But you need to look inside yourself to feel happy, you can't look at anyone else to make you feel good otherwise it will never work.
__________________

__________________
dazzlingamy is offline  
 

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 09:38 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Design, images and all things inclusive copyright © Interference.com