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Old 11-17-2002, 02:39 PM   #1
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Normal Shacking Up

I checked back aways in FYM, didn't see anything recent that covered this topic specifically soooo...........

Just curious as to thoughts out there on people living together before they get married. This issue has recently come up in my family, and though I think I know the majority opinion, I'd like to hear your thoughts/experiences/arguments/praises etc. I've got a twist to throw in later so be sure to check back.
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Old 11-17-2002, 03:24 PM   #2
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My blushing bride of 9 years would not shack up with me.....

Thank goodness for that.....She might have changed her mind


Actually....that is not true.....she did marry me again after we had gotten married. It's one of those Catholic things....I never asked the local Priest for permission to marry in a Protestant church....

so technically, she married me twice and in the eyes of the church....we were living in sin....


hmmmm does that mean we shacked up?
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Old 11-17-2002, 03:32 PM   #3
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It is really only the business of the individuals involved.

I realize most religious adherents frown upon it. That is their right


When someone tells me so and so are living together, I think that is information.
When someone tells me so and so are shaking up, it sounds like a judgement.
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Old 11-17-2002, 03:46 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally posted by deep

When someone tells me so and so are living together, I think that is information.
When someone tells me so and so are shaking up, it sounds like a judgement.
That's pretty much the way I feel about it.
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Old 11-17-2002, 04:44 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally posted by deep
It is really only the business of the individuals involved.

I realize most religious adherents frown upon it. That is their right
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Old 11-17-2002, 04:52 PM   #6
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Normal

what happens if the person youre shacking up with sends you to the doghouse?
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Old 11-17-2002, 05:15 PM   #7
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I think nothing of it.
I've shacked up. With me and the ppl I've known it's a matter of needing a place to live and not really a big deal.
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Old 11-17-2002, 06:16 PM   #8
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I don't see it as anything bad. If a couple want to live together before they're married, that's their business, I don't care.

Plus, doing that will give the advantage of finding out whether both people could be able to handle living together when they get married. Would they each be able to handle how the other lives or would what they do get on each other's nerves?

So, yeah...if two people choose to live together, and they aren't married..*shrugs*. Their lives, their choice, I see no harm in it.

Angela
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Old 11-17-2002, 07:15 PM   #9
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I would have nothing against living with someone who I wasnt married to

But i live in a Catholic family and although my parents are always open about certain issues they are very against the idea of me living with someone before i get married

My dad said last week i could never take a boyfriend to live in our house here but if i want to i can do it under my own roof
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Old 11-17-2002, 07:24 PM   #10
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Originally posted by Moonlit_Angel
Plus, doing that will give the advantage of finding out whether both people could be able to handle living together when they get married. Would they each be able to handle how the other lives or would what they do get on each other's nerves?
Actually, recent studies showed that couples who lived together before marriage had a higher divorce rate.

Do we really want to live by the societal mantra that "It’s none of our business?" Generally, would you watch someone engage in behavior that is detrimental or self destructive and be silent?

To Beth’s original question: No, my wife and I did not live together before marriage – still going strong after 12 ½ years.
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Old 11-17-2002, 07:25 PM   #11
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I don't even mind when people choose to live together without wanting to get married ever!

And they can adopt kids too if they want to
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Old 11-17-2002, 07:40 PM   #12
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Every couple is different, and they have to go with what works best. I think it's time other people keep out of some people's business.
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Old 11-17-2002, 07:42 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally posted by nbcrusader


Do we really want to live by the societal mantra that "It’s none of our business?" Generally, would you watch someone engage in behavior that is detrimental or self destructive and be silent?

To Beth’s original question: No, my wife and I did not live together before marriage – still going strong after 12 ½ years.
My life probably would be easier if I could just say, "it's none of my business". The problem is, I have seen time and time again where these situations turn out badly. I'm trying to spare my sister some pain, but also I realize that she's one of those people who thinks she will always be the exception to the rule and basically has to learn everything the hard way.

nbcrusader - kudos to you and your wife - we'll have our 4th anniversary on December 5th.
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Old 11-17-2002, 08:08 PM   #14
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i agree with what nbcrusader said. I heard a statistic two weeks ago, I believe it's around 65% of marriages beginning with co-habitation out of wedlock end in divorce. In my opinion this arrangement shows a concern for your complete satisfaction in the marriage rather than a desire to satisfy your mate, which is where a real problem arises since marriage will require adjustment on both ends for unselfish reasons. To "test drive" the marriage situation is to half-heartedly go into the commitment. I think it is a given that you will get on eachother's nerves once in a while, so there's no reason to put it up for observation.
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Old 11-17-2002, 08:16 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally posted by bonosloveslave
we'll have our 4th anniversary on December 5th.
Congratulations in advance. I think it took us 4 years just to get the hang of marriage. If there is one thing I can say, it's every day gets better!
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