Shacking Up

[deep]

BLSlave,

I do not think you are ranting.

More importantly, I hope you do not think I am taunting.

I understand you love your younger sister very much and only have her happiness in mind.

You began this thread with a very general question. With the additional information you have provided I think it no longer really is about ?shaking up?.

If she had married BF no 3, it would not have salvaged that relationship. She would be 21 and divorced.
I respect the choices you have made in your own life and the success you have had.

Most of my family and friends share your views about co-habitation. I think the stats are irrelevant.
One could argue that couples from the same nationality are less likely to get divorced than couples from different nationalities. That does not mean one should not get involved with someone from a different nationality.

Being an older sibling I have felt the frustration you seem to be expressing here. The conclusion I came to was that it did not matter how much I tried to persuade. As adults they did what they chose.

Now, I just try to calmly present what I believe is correct in a way they will hear me. Then I let go.
Most of the time my sincere advice is proven correct and they listen the next time. My emotional ranting only shut down the communication.

I know it is not easy.

 

[joyfulgirl]

I don't even mind when people choose to live together without wanting to get married ever!

And they can adopt kids too if they want to

It is really only the business of the individuals involved.

I realize most religious adherents frown upon it. That is their right

When someone tells me so and so are living together, I think that is information.
When someone tells me so and so are shaking up, it sounds like a judgement.

 

[DrTeeth]

Actually, recent studies showed that couples who lived together before marriage had a higher divorce rate.

The question is whether those higher divorce rate (if these numbers are real) is caused by the fact that these couples have been living together before marriage, or if the living together and the higher divorce rate share another cause. I wouldn't know why 'Shacking up' would have any negative effect on the marriage, so I guess I'm with Melon on this one.

 

[BAW]

I tend to disagree with the studies too. My mom lived with my stepfather for 2 or 3 years before they got married and they've been married for almost 22 years. I didn't live with my first husband before we got married and it didn't even last 4 years. I lived with my current husband for 6 years before we got married and we just had our 7th anniversary in October.

 

[Mrs. Edge]

My brother and his girlfriend (for want of a better term) have been living together for something like 13 years now, and have a house and 2 children. They never felt the desire to get married at all, and they are seen as married according to the law here, "common law marriage".

They are one of the happiest couples I know. Maybe it's because there isn't this contract hanging over them....they are choosing to be together, not staying loyal out of obligation...I don't know.

 

[U2Bama]

My wife and I did not live together prior to marriage, and we have had a wonderful marriage, going on 5 1/2 years. The transition was surprisingly easy for us too, despite the fact that we were both recently out of college and had been temporarily residing in our parents' respective homes.

~U2Alabama

 

[Idiosyncrasy]

I dont see anything wrong with it at all. In fact, I think its a wise choice. Maybe not in the case of bonosloveslave's sister, because I agree with the fact that it depends on the couple, and the situation, but how can you really get to know someone unless you live with them day in and day out? Witness first hand all of their habits.. pros and cons?

I lived with someone for 2 years after dating them for 2 years. I am glad that I did because we both realized that we were not right for each other and totally did not mesh well living together.

I am now happier than I have ever been and cant wait until I can live with my current mate.

 

[Moonlit_Angel]

I dont see anything wrong with it at all. In fact, I think its a wise choice. Maybe not in the case of bonosloveslave's sister, because I agree with the fact that it depends on the couple, and the situation, but how can you really get to know someone unless you live with them day in and day out? Witness first hand all of their habits.. pros and cons?

I lived with someone for 2 years after dating them for 2 years. I am glad that I did because we both realized that we were not right for each other and totally did not mesh well living together.

I am now happier than I have ever been and cant wait until I can live with my current mate.

Exactly what I was getting at.

Angela