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Old 12-23-2006, 03:04 PM   #31
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Originally posted by Liesje


I agree, just like people who don't get a prenup aren't necessarily stupid or naive.
I don't think they are. Most people don't get one. But I think the people who don't think about finances at all (not necessarily prenups, but budgeting, salaries, etc) prior to getting married are incredibly shortsighted and yes, stupid.
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Old 12-23-2006, 05:20 PM   #32
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But I think the people who don't think about finances at all (not necessarily prenups, but budgeting, salaries, etc) prior to getting married are incredibly shortsighted and yes, stupid.
Are you implying that people of lesser financial means (people in debt, the unemployed, etc.) should not get married?
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Old 12-23-2006, 06:13 PM   #33
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I think she meant how finances in general would be handled. Like, do they have separate or joint accounts, who balances the checkbooks, what kind of budget to have and how much to save, etc.


These are all valid questions and ones I've been discussing with my boyfriend recently. It's never good to just assume what your SO feels about something. I'm interested in getting some premarital counseling, not because we have problems but I think it would be good to take stock of everything and learn relationship tools. I personally don't want to get a prenup. I have a years worth of college debt after I graduate and all. But for me, personally, I am of the "what's mine is yours" mentality. Now, if I owned a business or came from a large family inheritance that'd be another story, merely because others besides myself would be affected in case my marriage fails.
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Old 12-23-2006, 06:24 PM   #34
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Originally posted by starsgoblue
I think she meant how finances in general would be handled. Like, do they have separate or joint accounts, who balances the checkbooks, what kind of budget to have and how much to save, etc.
Yes, exactly.

Things like, how big of a mortgage you can carry or how much you can spend monthly on rent or what if one person goes back to school or if you have kids, and so on.
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Old 12-23-2006, 06:35 PM   #35
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Quote:
Originally posted by anitram

Yes, exactly.

Things like, how big of a mortgage you can carry or how much you can spend monthly on rent or what if one person goes back to school or if you have kids, and so on.
Ok, but that's just financial planning/budgeting that also applies to single households. Unfortunately it's not taught enough in schools and universities, etc.
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Old 12-23-2006, 06:56 PM   #36
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Agreed. But I think anitram's point is that for example, some women may expect to have full access to her husband's savings or may not have to work at all. Or maybe a husband is expecting his wife to insure the bills have been paid monthly. It is just financial planning but two individuals in a partnership can have radically different ideas...
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Old 12-23-2006, 08:13 PM   #37
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Exactly.

When you're part of a couple, you have to anticipate financial conflict, and how the two of you may handle money differently, etc. When you're single, who cares? Yes, you have to be financially responsible, but only to yourself, not to another person you're sharing your life with.

And I'm not sure it has ever been the function of academia to prepare us for practicalities of life. Nor do I think it should be, honestly.

I wonder whether most of us are either emulating our parents' financial planning styles or running quickly in the opposite direction.
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Old 12-23-2006, 09:22 PM   #38
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For us, the biggest difference between managing finances together as opposed to when we were both single has been merging our different styles. We don't have any more to worry about now, in fact it's been easier having a single rent check, utilities, health insurance, etc instead of two of everything, but we've had to work on being consistent. I budget well in advance so my Feb 1 paycheck has already been allocated, whereas Phil budgets more paycheck to paycheck. I've already decided on what date I'll pay the March Comcast bill, but Phil's style is more that he will pay a bill right before it's due with whatever paycheck he received at that time. What's worked best for us is that I budget for everything that is regularly paid, including all of his loans and cell phone, and then the money he makes is used for things that change in price such as gas, groceries, trips, and spending money. Most times he actually has enough for his phone and loans, and then what I've budgeted goes into savings.

It's been a very important process, but it hasn't been as worrisome as people were making it out to be. I'm a control freak and Phil has seen me budget and pay bills well before marriage, so we just agreed that I'd make sure all the important stuff is taken care of. Sometimes it's better to just have one person do the task, even if it doesn't seem fair. There are other things that Phil takes care of that I have no interest in.
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Old 12-23-2006, 09:42 PM   #39
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Yup, like picking the hair out of the shower....
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Old 12-23-2006, 09:50 PM   #40
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Exactly. I'd rather spend an hour a day accounting than picking the hair out of the tub once a week.
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Old 12-23-2006, 10:09 PM   #41
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Quote:
Originally posted by Liesje


It's been a very important process, but it hasn't been as worrisome as people were making it out to be. I'm a control freak and Phil has seen me budget and pay bills well before marriage, so we just agreed that I'd make sure all the important stuff is taken care of. Sometimes it's better to just have one person do the task, even if it doesn't seem fair. There are other things that Phil takes care of that I have no interest in.
For a long time I handled the financial affairs for Barbara and I. I balanced the checkbook, paid the bills, and set the budget. Like with you guys it was just easier for me to "take care of it." But about a year ago we started doing it together. We just thought it was better for us to be discussing these things together rather than me just making all the decisions. I think it's been a good thing for us, both relationally and financially.
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