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Old 06-12-2002, 05:16 AM   #1
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Poll.For Parents of Preteens-ages 6 and 8

of the 3 which is the least harmful in rearing/ and raising of young children in your estimation?

1.Allowing your 6 and 8 yr old to use the term "shut up" in their volcabulary w/o malice to one another and in a subdued, calm or sarcastic manner?
or
2.Sharing w/your 6 and 8 yr. old child that, the FIRST time that you had sexual intercourse, was when you (being their future parent) was12 yrs of age?
or
3. Allowing your 6 and 8 yr old to listen to the song by the rap artist-"Shaggy" entitled-"Banging On The Bathroom Floor-(it wasnt me)" and explaining the graphic details exactly what this song meant.(being caught in unfaithfulness)

OF these 3 items which is the "LEAST HARMFUL and age appropiate for children 6 and 8 yrs of age??"

Please choose the LEAST HARMFUL , acceptable and age apporpiate item for children 6 and 8 yrs of age..

1.
2.
or
3.

thanks-
sincerely-
diamond
I will explain later.
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Old 06-12-2002, 03:11 PM   #2
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i'm not a parent but i was thinking back to when i was that age....i'd go with #1.

if it's only for parents then disqualify my vote.
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Old 06-12-2002, 03:25 PM   #3
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Not being a parent ... I would say #1 would be least harmful ... #3 would be second (I don't think kids that age would pay that close attention to the lyrics) and #2 third (I still don't want to think about my parent's first time).
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Old 06-12-2002, 03:28 PM   #4
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You unsuccessfully posted a poll.

But anyway my answer would be #1.
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Old 06-12-2002, 03:33 PM   #5
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Well, as a parent of 2 boys who are now 17 and 15, I can say that #1 is the least harmful as long as its not being screamed in your face in anger or used on a regular basis. My kids and I have always playfully told each other to shut up but the first time they tried it in anger or to show off in front of their friends would be the last time.

#2, no, not age appropriate for a 6 and 8 year old. I don't know if details about Dad's sex life are ever appropriate?

#3, they will listen to these kinds of things when you aren't around but I wouldn't encourage it in your presence. Small kids don't need to know about unfaithfulness. If they ask, fine but keep the answers age appropriate and DONT put personal experiences into your answers!

Believe me, the time will come when this is all appropriate to talk about openly but 6 & 8 is too early.
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Old 06-12-2002, 03:33 PM   #6
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Re: Poll.For Parents of Preteens-ages 6 and 8

Quote:
Originally posted by diamond
I will explain later.
PLEASE do. With a question like this, any explanation would be very good.

Not a parent either, but my guess is #1.

OK, i can't imagine any parent ever doing no. 2 (at any age too!), no. 3 is possible but prolly parent can find a clean way out of it.
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Old 06-12-2002, 03:56 PM   #7
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Explanation.

1.The kid's mum (my ex) made a big deal about me allowing our children to use these words "shut up", while in my custody . My position was it isnt harmful and is a development in self expression. After all -theyre kids.

2. The kid's mom (my ex) took the liberty to explain to our 6 yr. old little girl that HER FIRST SEXUAL experience was when she was 12-13 yrs of age.
This broke my heart when my 6 yr old volunteered this information to me. After I overcame the intial shock I addressed this item w/the ex.

3.When driving around one day in my Jeep w/my girls this song came on the radio. I insticntively changed the station not wanting them to hear the lyrics as they were not age appropiate.
My little girls said-"Oh Daddy, thats one of Mom's fav songs and she explained what the song is all about."
example---"I was caught BUTT NAKED banging on the bathroom floor w/the next door nieghbor, it wasnt me!"

This mad me mad and sad.



The ex used item 1 in court while arguing about custody of our children claiming we were 'inconsistent" in parenting together
and
didnt think
items 2 and 3 were that bad.

diamond
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Old 06-12-2002, 03:58 PM   #8
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that really sucks diamond.
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Old 06-12-2002, 04:27 PM   #9
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That's really sad Diamond. I don't want to pass judgement cause I've never met the woman but it sounds like your ex needs to grow up. She's trying to be a friend instead of a mom.

Its so important, especially with girls, to let them keep their innocence as long as possible. I feel so bad for you. Divorce brings out the worst in people.

You sound like a really good Dad if that makes you feel any better.
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Old 06-12-2002, 04:52 PM   #10
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Diamond-

what an awful situation to be in. I agree with Bono's American Wife that your ex sounds like she needs to grow up. At least here you can be the voice of reason to your daughters.

Maybe it's taboo to offer advice on this sort of thing, but I'm willing to stick my foot in my mouth.

First off- I think it is important you do communicate with your ex about the inappropriate things she says/does. I'm not sure if it will stop her but at least you tried.

I don't necessarily think this is a case of the lesser of all evils. Definitely what she did is worse, but maybe in order to stay on the court's good side or not to give her any ammunition, you may want to be more strict about the "shut up" part. I know this is hard since it is so easily used in children's (and our) every day vocabulary.
However, if you feel it really is a mute point, then you can let it go- this one I think is totally your call. I'll offer that my parents still get mad if we say that! (lol! old habits die hard with them, I think )

2. Maybe talk to them about sex. It is important for parents to- and for dads to. Explain to them you feel it is important to be in a committed, loving relationship until they have sex and that it is a big responsibility. emphasis the whole aspect of it's how babies are made, also.

3.If those songs come on, switch the channel anyway. If your daughters inquire about it, handle it how you feel comfortable, either by explaining the song is in appropriate and you do not like to hear it, or you can even go into more detail about how the song treats sex as a casual act and cheating as acceptable (depending on how you feel and the relationship- this is up to you)


Anyway I hope you don't feel like i'm telling you what to do or anything at all like that- but this is what *I* would do if I were in this situation. I'm sure you can handle it all with tact however- good luck.

Olive
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Old 06-12-2002, 07:01 PM   #11
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Re: Poll.For Parents of Preteens-ages 6 and 8

David, you and you complex questions,

OK I have 2 daughters 4 and 8 so I'll answer them as I would see fit ok? ok,

1. I really don't like that term shut up at all and I hate it when kids and adults use it. It is very disrespectful and condescending. You should always say please be quiet and never shut up and when you do say it, your kids hear it, think it's acceptable to say and therefore will say it.
2. why on earther would I share the first time I had sexual intercourse. That is a very difficult one David and I don't know that I could be that honest with my daughter knowing she only had 4 years to go until she was 12. I might tell her that I was young and porbably a little scared and stress that if she ever starts having feelings and is confused to come and talk to me - open communication is the key there I think.
3. Never never would I be graphic sexually or otherise to a young child - they wouldn't understand it anyway and may start repeating things and older children may take that a sign that well you know what I'm saying there.

So probably I'd say 2 is the least harmful - because you are being very open and honest with your child and showing them that it's OK to come and talk to you. That probably is terrible isn't it? Does that mean I'm a terrible parent. David, you know my situation right and I know if I was that age, and my parents were open and honest about those things, I may have felt able to talk to them and maybe I wouldn't need stinking therapy...

How did I do as a parent and be kind Diamond.

Quote:
Originally posted by diamond
of the 3 which is the least harmful in rearing/ and raising of young children in your estimation?

1.Allowing your 6 and 8 yr old to use the term "shut up" in their volcabulary w/o malice to one another and in a subdued, calm or sarcastic manner?
or
2.Sharing w/your 6 and 8 yr. old child that, the FIRST time that you had sexual intercourse, was when you (being their future parent) was12 yrs of age?
or
3. Allowing your 6 and 8 yr old to listen to the song by the rap artist-"Shaggy" entitled-"Banging On The Bathroom Floor-(it wasnt me)" and explaining the graphic details exactly what this song meant.(being caught in unfaithfulness)

OF these 3 items which is the "LEAST HARMFUL and age appropiate for children 6 and 8 yrs of age??"

Please choose the LEAST HARMFUL , acceptable and age apporpiate item for children 6 and 8 yrs of age..

1.
2.
or
3.

thanks-
sincerely-
diamond
I will explain later.
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Old 06-12-2002, 07:11 PM   #12
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Whacka-
From our chats I KNOW youre a good parent.
Re #1 though do you realize the way 'shut up' is being anouciated?
it is NOT- "SHUT UP!!":

it is more like a calm -"shuuut up puleez.." w/a :eyeroll:
do you get it.?

And she chose to share #2 w/my little girl who was in Kindergarten at the time..?
OK so enough campangning.
Is your opinion still the same?
Regardless of that if it is- I think youre still a great parent, Whacka

diamond:
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Old 06-12-2002, 07:18 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally posted by diamond
Whacka-
From our chats I KNOW youre a good parent.
Re #1 though do you realize the way 'shut up' is being anouciated?
it is NOT- "SHUT UP!!":

it is more like a calm -"shuuut up puleez.." w/a :eyeroll:
do you get it.?

And she chose to share #2 w/my little girl who was in Kindergarten at the time..?
OK so enough campangning.
Is your opinion still the same?
Regardless of that if it is- I think youre still a great parent, Whacka

diamond:
Aw get it got it good - But how do you capitalize when you're speaking it - or is that the difference between yelling it and speaking it :laugh already ha ha:

OK I'll agree then that is not so disconcerting saying it like that.

#2 - no I don't think I would share that with my 5 year oild, I was speaking more about my 8 year old and certainly I think you understand what I was trying to say.

Anyhow, I agree, bludgeon her for her explicitness (you got me -points well taken David) A 6 year has no comprehension for that sort of information I think anyway.

And thanks for not trashing me as a terrible parent.
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Old 06-13-2002, 10:25 AM   #14
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Re: Re: Poll.For Parents of Preteens-ages 6 and 8

Quote:
Originally posted by WhackaMole
1. I really don't like that term shut up at all and I hate it when kids and adults use it.
**agrees with Whacka**
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Old 06-16-2002, 12:42 AM   #15
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[teacher rant]

Diamond, I'm not a parent but I am a teacher of young children in that age bracket, and I've seen a lot of terrible parenting.
What you've expressed is shocking to say the least. What she did was FAR worse, and you are totally right.
Numbers 3 and 2 don't surprise me all that much, because I've seen it all but I tell you, Id really have to be holding my tongue if I was your kids' teacher and they mentioned those lil tidbits.
What is SO wrong with letting children keep their innocence?!!!! Arghhhh

As far as the shut up thing goes, it doesnt compare to the others but yeah I guess it is something that some people don't like little kids saying, but lets face it, they all say it! All you can do is remind them there are nicer ways to address people. Its a term that children are asked not to use at school. It is in Australia anyway, I dont know about the States.
However, comparing that to the other things is ridiculous.
Explaining the lyrics??!?!!?!?!?!?!?!!?

[/teacher rant]

Parents, let your children be children!!!!

Good Luck Diamond, sounds like you are doing a good job to me.
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