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Old 06-26-2002, 10:52 PM   #1
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Please Bathe Yourself In My Crap-Tastic Poetry

hahahaha...yes, it seems our ol' guvnuh has a loose tongue like Jesse "The Body" Ventura up north...although this article is wrong to an extent - most of our schools allow THE DiARY OF ANNE FRANK, the Metric system, and discussion of evolution...
Posting in the absence of jewelry, I am...
-R. E. Unplugged

The article is from Panini Mishap's CRACKER WATCH...

Alabama Guv: Boy Earrings is Queer!
by Peaches Formey
September 2001

ALABAMA - It's been awhile since we crossed that Mason-Dixon line for a Cracker Watch ... this time we're barreling through the backwoods of Alabama to receive the latest proclamation from Gov. Don Siegelman: that if God had wanted boys to wear earrings he would have made them girls.

The governor's remarks came (via 1947) in response to a question about a Hoover, Alabama, couple's challenge to the city school board's policy banning earrings on boys at school. Siegelman was asked about the issue at the end of a Birmingham news conference.

Minnesota doesn't have the only straight-talking governor in the Union: "I don't think guys ought to be wearing earrings," Siegelman said. "I think kids that put metal through their tongues are idiots." Parents should talk with their children about the consequences of their actions and about "how their image affects their ability to succeed in life," Siegelman said. Apparently, looking like a television evangelist gets you on the fast track.

"Parents ought to be there talking to their kids and saying, 'You know what kind of fool you look like with an earring? If God had wanted you to wear earrings, He'd have made you a girl.'" Mishap sources cannot confirm that he then proceeded to order all of the female reporters to leave the room and go bake a pie, beeyatch.

Hoover parents Scott and Dana Weaver disagree with Gov. Siegelman's prehistoric ramblings. They're fighting for the right of their 8-year-old son, Dustin, to attend Hoover's Trace Crossings Elementary wearing his earrings.

The Weavers have kept their son out of school for five days since school officials refused to admit the third-grader with his earrings on. Dustin joins the theory of evolution, the Diary of Anne Frank and the metric system as things Alabamans refuse to admit into their schools. The Weavers filed a complaint with the U.S. Department of Education's Office of Civil Rights last week protesting the schools' rule. The parents say the school is engaging in gender discrimination because girls can wear earrings but boys can't. It should be noted that the U.S. Department of Education's Office of Civil Rights was surprised Alabamans knew of its existence.

Hoover schools Superintendent Jack Farr and Trace Crossings Principal Dot Riley said they've gotten numerous calls, visits, faxes and e-mails from parents supporting the school board's policy. "We have not changed our rules and don't intend to," Farr said.

Dr. Riley said she got only one negative response from someone saying the ban on male earrings probably fit community norms when it was established but is now antiquated. Riley also didn't want to rush into anything so soon after the ban on blue jeans was lifted.

Hoover school officials have offered to provide Dustin books, assignments and a home tutor while the issue is being resolved. The Weavers are considering that and other options, such as enrolling Dustin at another school while their complaint is heard. Run for the border, Weavers!!!
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Old 06-26-2002, 10:57 PM   #2
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...and just when you thought there was no toilet paper left on the roll...I bring you this from the BIRMINGHAM NEWS, June 16, 2002.

Seems that mister Cassagrande is unaware of our Guhvnuh's laws against earrings...

Posting from the United Colour of Alabama, I remain...
-R.E. Unplugged

Business News
Benetton gives Birmingham another chance
06/16/02
KRISTI LAMONT ELLIS
News staff writer
The Italian clothing retailer whose sales force once derided Alabamians'
sense of style is making another go of Birmingham.
The Benetton Group, perhaps best known for a controversial approach to
advertising that has involved images of everything from condoms and
homosexuality to war and Death Row, will open a 3,188-square-foot shop at
The Summit across from Saks Fifth Avenue this fall, says developer Bayer
Properties Inc.
The company's Web site says it opened more than 20 new Benetton stores in
the United States in the latter part of 2001, with nearly the same number
planned for 2002.
Benetton also focused on product offerings last year, introducing a new
label The Hip Site aimed at youth in the 11-to-16 age bracket, and
broadening the scope of its menswear collections. The company site also says
the major investments Benetton has made recently in information technology
make it capable of delivering new collections every 15 days.
Alabama was home to several unprofitable Benetton stores in the 1980s, and
the company was sued by the people who opened the locations but never made
expected profits. The stores closed, and the eventual outcome of the lawsuit
was the Alabama Supreme Court upholding a Jefferson County verdict that
called for Benetton to pay the store owners $2.5 million in punitive damages
and for the store owners to pay Benetton $1.1 million owed on merchandise
orders.
During the course of the trial, a 1987 letter written by Gilberto
Casagrande, the exclusive sales representative for Benetton in Alabama,
Mississippi and Louisiana, was made public.
"The sensibility to style is below zero ... ," the sales representative
wrote to Benetton, referring to Alabamians.
"Generally, they don't care too much the way they dress in the daytime," he
said in another memo, which had to be translated from Italian for the court
case. "In the evening, they are instead very conservative in the way they
dress in the evening. Black dress to go out to dinner. ... Anyway, they
don't go around naked."
University of Alabama marketing professor George R. Franke said an important
factor in the chain's future success in Alabama will hinge in part on how it
tailors its advertising and marketing, as well as its merchandise selection,
to state consumers' preferences.
"It's pretty arrogant for a company to say that people in a state don't have
any fashion sense just because they don't like what the company wants them
to buy," Franke says. "It's the retailer's job to serve the customer, not
vice-versa.
"If Benetton hasn't learned that lesson, they won't do any better this time
around than they did in the 1980s."
Efforts to reach Benetton officials in New York for comment were
unsuccessful.
"I would think that whatever went on in the past, I would think they have
taken care of it now," says Marianne B. Sharbel, spokeswoman for The Summit.
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Old 06-26-2002, 11:06 PM   #3
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In 1947, boys wearing earrings was an issue?

I have one earring, in my left ear, and I am a boy-rather a man. I once considered getting the other one done but decided against having both done. I had gotten an earring once before but i was in the military and we had to take them out during the week so my hole grew back.

While having this procedure performed (for the second time on my left ear) at Wal Mart in Yukon, Okla (home of Garth Brooks, famous country-western singer) the lady who performed this accidentally pierced her rubber glove with the piercing stud. When she pulled her hand away the glove stayed and I had a glove hanging from my ear. I didn't realize it, and she was too embarassed to tell me and let me leave the Wal-Mart with her glove hanging from my ear (left)

My friends laughed at me and said nothing, and the little old man that always says "have a nice day" laughed at me too as i left the store. I thought this was because I was a boy-man getting an earring in a small Oklahoma country town where "if God would have intended you to wear an earring , he would have made you a girl". Instead however, they were all laughing at my dangling glove (hanging from my left ear).
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Old 06-26-2002, 11:06 PM   #4
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hahahaha...It seems the swanky resort/golf/fishing beach town of Destin, Florida doesn't want you coming down there getting cheesy Larry Mullen tattoos on your buttocks; head east to Panama City Beach if that's what you want.

Ringing in Y2K with a bottle of house champagne at the Destin Yachy Club, I remain...

-R.E. Unplugged

From The Daily Log...

March 26, 2002
Bad rap? Tattoo parlor just wants respect

By Fraser Sherman, staff writer

Like a lot of Destin residents, Joey Hamilton doesn’t want to see a tattoo parlor and a T-shirt shop on every corner.

Unlike those other Destin residents, Hamilton isn’t against all tattoo parlors. He works in and co-owns Destin’s Exo Graphix, where he charges $80 to $100 an hour for drawing his elaborate skin illustrations.

“I don’t want it oversaturated, with 20 tattoo parlors like Panama City,” Hamilton said. “I live here; so does my brother.”

During Destin’s recent municipal election campaign, city council candidate John Lefler made an issue of businesses such as Hamilton’s.

“Three tattoo parlors in Destin is three too many,” Lefler declared on more than one occasion.

In an interview with The Log, he said that while tattoo studios might be OK “in moderation,” most residents he’d talked to agreed they could hurt Destin’s image as a family-friendly tourist destination.

“People are moving to Destin because of that family atmosphere,” Lefler said. “Let’s not ruin it ... It drives out higher-end businesses, nicely done, that attract families.”

Most of the city councilors say they agree with Lefler: Tattoo parlors aren’t the image Destin needs to show the world.

Some of the councilors said that if the market could support such businesses, there was no legal ground for keeping them out. Other councilors said the city’s land-use code could be used to discourage more tattoo studios in the future or confine them to specific parts of the city.

“They own a business,” said Ray Navitsky of the Destin Area Chamber of Commerce. “If they can get a permit and comply with all the laws, how do you stop them?”

Navitsky said he agreed with Lefler, but unless Destin’s city council chooses to restrict the businesses, nothing much can be done.

Chamber president Lamar Conerly said the chamber has no official position on the issue.

Mayor Craig Barker said that while Destin doesn’t need a flood of tattoo parlors, his main concern was keeping Destin’s scenic corridors attractive. While serving as a city councilor, Barker pushed for design guidelines for city businesses, but without success.

“I’ve seen a competition between businesses to one-up each other in terms of advertising,” Barker said. “It seems the trend is toward bigger and louder.”

BUT IS IT ART?

Hamilton, the co-owner of Exo Graphix, said anyone who thinks tattooing isn’t art probably doesn’t know tattooists and the work they do well enough to judge them.

“This business has a stigma, but I consider it art,” he said. “I’m as much an artist as anyone around here. Unless (people) come down here and look at my work, they don’t have anything to say.”

Jeff Bullard, the co-owner of Exo Graphix and owner of Tattoos Forever in Fort Walton Beach, agrees. He said it wasn’t fair to oppose tattoo studios simply because tourists consider them tacky.

“A lot of this is perception,” Bullard said. “Visit them, see what they’re doing. Then, if you still feel you have to be, be judgmental, but give them a chance.

“All people know is what they read. (Tattoos) have been associated with drunken sailors, prostitutes and criminals. In fact, it’s come an incredible way since then; it’s a folk-art form that’s been around literally over 5,000 years.”

According to city hall, Destin has 2,012 businesses — counting licensed professionals such as realtors and doctors — and three of them are tattoo parlors: Exo Graphix, which has been in business for about five months just to the west of Hog’s Breath restaurant and bar; Alan’s Cool Ink, a four-month-old studio near Kmart; and Just Do It, which opened 10 months ago next to Destin’s westernmost Palace T-shirt shop.

According to their owners, Exo Graphix employs seven people, Alan’s Cool Ink has three and may add two more soon, and Just Do It has four employees.

All three owners say they’re respectable businesses with hard-working employees who add to the Destin community.

“The subcontractors that work for us do pretty well,” Bullard said, “and the people that work with me spend their money in the community. If you’re supporting five or six families, obviously you’re doing something to help the economy. These people are working and making a living. They’re not burdens on society, they’re producers.”

Hamilton said many of his customers spend several thousand dollars for a particularly striking tattoo.

“People are putting much more thought into what they’re going to get,” Bullard said. “There’s so much more material out there for people to educate themselves with. People are realizing they’re going to live with this; they want to make it something they’ll like forever.

WHO GETS TATTOOS?

Contrary to stereotypes of tattoo parlors jammed with drunken spring-breakers or sailors on leave, Alan Dixon of Alan’s Cool Ink says his customers range in age from 18 to 60.

“I’ve worked on judges, doctors, nurses, lawyers,” Dixon said.

Bullard said most of Exo Graphix’s customers are between 18 and 35 but some are in their late 70s.

“When we first started in Fort Walton Beach, we did a lot of spring-break business and hardly anything in winter,” Bullard said. “Now it seems to have leveled off: Spring is OK, summer is really good, winter is OK as well. Destin is a little bit different: We do better in spring and summer, by far.

“We do a certain percentage of military,” he added, “but I don’t think it’s the rite of passage that it once was.”

Hamilton and Bullard said opening a store in Destin, with its strong tourist trade, made good economic sense. Hamilton said they originally opened Exo Graphix three years ago in a mini-mall next to Fisherman’s Wharf, then moved to their present location for greater visibility.

James “Cajun” Jones, a tattoo artist at Just Do It, said the shop relies heavily on tourism for business, but it’s the same “family oriented” tourism most businesses in Destin depend on. He added that when drunks come in for tattoos, he tells them to return when they’re sober.

BEING NEIGHBORS

Bullard, the co-owner at Exo Graphix, said he purchased the building his shop is in because he’d faced so much resistance to leasing him space.

“I’ve been discriminated against many times because of the way I choose to earn my living,” Bullard said. “I’ve had people tell me flat out, ‘I won’t rent because I don’t like tattoos.’”

Bullard said some of Exo Graphix’s neighbors had been uncomfortable when he bought the building, but he said he hoped to win them over: “You live your life in a decent fashion and treat other people justly, and they can’t help but like you ... I’m just as good a neighbor as anybody else, in my opinion.”

Jones said Just Do It works hard and successfully to discourage loiterers and troublemakers from hanging out there and that tattoo parlors, generally, are not trouble spots.

“Call the police department, get them to see how many complaints have been filed at tattoo shops compared to bars,” Jones said. “Yet (bars) are the ones they’re more lenient toward.”

Rick Hord, spokesman for the Okaloosa County Sheriff’s Department, confirmed he had no police reports on file involving Destin’s tattoo studios.

Bullard said when Fort Walton Beach last rezoned its downtown area, he had to convince the city to include tattooing and body-piercing as “conditional uses” rather than excluding them completely.

“Local governments try to be restrictive, and to an extent, I understand it,” Bullard said. “I don’t want to see a tattoo shop every five feet.”

Several Destin city councilors cited U.S. 98 in downtown Fort Walton Beach, where Tattoos Forever, two Tattoo Zoos, Phat City and Sacred Xpressions all do business, as a worst-case scenario for Destin. Several downtown Fort Walton Beach store owners said they’ve had no problems with the parlors, though they said some of their customers disliked them.

“A lot of good customers are from the tattoo parlors,” Grace Respress of Fort Walton Beach’s Coffee de Bayou said. “They come when nothing else is open, for caffeine; they’re really my good customers.”

The tattoo parlors haven’t stopped the Fort Walton Beach Library, the Northwest Florida Ballet, an art studio and several new stores — including Coffee de Bayou, Dathene’s Beachy Things and For Heavens Sake — from moving into the area.

Doug Murphy, whose Coach & Four gift and decorating store has been downtown for 34 years, said the tattoo outlets haven’t hurt his business either.

“I don’t think they’ve had a negative impact outside of perhaps (people’s) perception,” Murphy said. “We haven’t lost business. Our regular customers still come from Destin, Fort Walton. Our locals are still very supportive.”

Perry Lord of Fort Walton Beach Main Street, an organization working for downtown renovation, said in an interview that as stores in downtown Fort Walton Beach become more upscale and culture more prominent, he didn’t see tattoo parlors and T-shirt stores sticking around.

“Our job is to attract the kind of retail we really want,” Lord said. “Tourists won’t come unless locals come here. I think T-shirt shops and rubber gators are a thing of the past.”

Bullard said that while ballet would certainly draw people downtown, so would tattooing.

“It’s just another business there happens to be a demand for,” Bullard said. “If there’s a demand for your product, you’re going to supply it; if that doesn’t work out, you’re going to be out of business.”

Navitsky at the Destin Area Chamber of Commerce said, however, that while there was clearly a market for such businesses, “I don’t think they’re what Destin is all about.”
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Old 06-26-2002, 11:13 PM   #5
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I thought this photo may interest some of you...it is a piece of local art in East Alabama. If you ever need to make a potty stop on your way to Panama City Beach, Brundidge is a nice stop...

Searching for scrap bumpers, I remain...

-R.E. unplugged

From www.roadsideamerica.com

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Old 06-26-2002, 11:19 PM   #6
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Craptastic.. Hahah.. Yes Bama.. I've finally soiled myself.. allow me to add if I may,

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________________________

Page O' Miracles


Send in reports of miracles you think Jesus has performed to be included in the Alleged Miracles section at the bottom of the page

Miracles Jesus has actually performed:



Got an astounding number of people to believe his shit
An inhuman 76 spanks per minute!
Maintained his morning wood 13 hours!
Slept with Jodie Foster, not once, not twice, but thrice! [Update-- third time's a charm. She's expecting Little Jesus in September '98]
A reader sent Steve a picture named jesus.bmp and when he downloaded it with a 28.8 baud connection, it transfered at 85,000 bps! A real miracle! Click here to see the miraculous picture (converted to a jpeg so you don't have to download 700k).


Alleged Miracles

I got stigmata on my nads.
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The other day, i had to take a shit. I had to go so fuckin bad! But i was so busy i couldn't get to the bathroom. Well, i was just about ready to have a good close encounter with that planter in the corner, when suddenly.....I DIDN'T HAVE TO SHIT ANYMORE! I am convinced this was an act of Jesus, and this makes me a believer. Jesus truly is my Saviour! ~Lint the Great One
[I don't know if you could really call that a miracle-- I was in your neighborhood and I hadn't had breakfast yet. --JHC]
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I am a 52 1/2 years old single woman -- last night while masturbating, i grew three new fingers on my right hand -- made me change my cry from "Oh, God!" to "Thank you Jesus!" -- now is that a miracle or what? Plus, I have become so popular with both the girls and the boys!! Especially those girls with real short haircuts and short, stubby fingernails! The boys like me, too! Especially the uptight, unworldly ones who say they prefer hand jobs to blow jobs! THANK YOU,JESUS, for my new social life!!
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Here's a miracle... I went to your site the other day... and it was updated!!! HOLY FUCK!!
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So, I'm shopping at Wal-Mart and I find this great deal. Very cheap oil filters, and I think to myself "Hell yeah!" and suddenly this guy appears and says "I'm Jesus Christ, maybe we go out some time." and I'm all "yeah, ok, sure." And now I'm not positive, but I think I've got a date with Jesus Christ.
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I was walking through downtown Cincinnati last night when I saw this cute little chubby girl standing alone on the corner. She was wearing little shorts, and a tiny shirt so her chubby little belly was poking out from under it. She just kept punching her tummy and saying "I have a chubby tummy and I like to make punches on it!" It's a MIRACLE!!
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I have this real bitch of a CS professor, who seems nice and all, but can't teach for shit, and her tests are too fucking long. Anyhow, I'm getting a good grade in her class, but I haven't learned shit. So I started praying and chanting about her coming death. Well, for whatever reason, Jesus didn't want her dead (maybe she's destined to be a stormtrooper, or a topless entertainer after the 2nd coming, I dunno) but she did get laryngitis, and she missed class! I was pretty fucking happy, cuz that had to be a miracle. In Jesus name I pray, I hope you see fit to kill the bitch please, amen.
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I got laid last night. I'm sure Jesus had something to do with that.
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I saw Jesus at the Subway on Franklin Street handin' out fish sandwiches. I swear. There was only two in the bag, then he kept 'fishin' 'em outta there like he was the messiah.
Actually, once he handed out two, he said he was done. But he promised me there were more in the bag. And I ... I can't explain it really ... I just ... believe him.
Then he took the two sandwiches back and asked me for some change. I gave it to him and he said I was going to heaven.
Praise Be!
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Convinced blind woman she could see with the help of his magic rod.
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Won the Pepsi challenge in overtime.
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I was watching "Friends" last night, and all three of the female friends were completely naked the entire time! I asked my roommate, and he didn't see anything unusual, so I'm convinced I witnessed a miracle, a message from God. And let me tell you, that Jennifer Aniston has a nice pair of messages. [Personally, I think she's low-slung. --steve]
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I've seen it, I've seen it, it's true, I actually saw Jesus perform a miracle.
I'd been to a party last night, a very heavy one, and my head felt like a rock, when I was disturbed in the early morning by someone at my doorbell. My first thought was to grab an axe and invite whoever dared disturb my sleep in [Dangling prepositions are NOT cool. --steve], but I thought about how it would mean a lot of years to spend in jail, and decided to let the creep live. When I opened the door and saw the Jehova freaks, I nearly went berserk. But then came Jesus down from the sky in a wagon of fire and he aimed his shotgun at the Jehova freak and fired twice in his stomach. Then he left with the words "Don't do to others what I would kill you for doing to me". And I went back to sleep, and my dreams were filled with sexual intercourse, just as usual.
KAL
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I was with this chick, right? Dead fuck. So, I'm just doin' all the work, and I come to the point of no return, right? So, I'm just waitin' to blow my load. Then, as if touched by an angel, deity, demi-god, or blessed in a moment of piety, I just started to go, and kept goin', and goin'. Ten minutes. It was the biggest wad I've ever seen (or even read about). Ungodly. Inhuman. Unnatural. Needless to say, I was sore on the drive home. And, I'm driving by this street corner. And this dude winks at me. Just winks at me. Like he knew what happened. Hallelujah!! Praise be!! Lord Jesus, how great thou art!!
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I was waiting in line to go to the bathroom, and the line was real long, right. And then finally I get to the trough, and I didn't have to pee no more. And I wasn't wet or nuthin'.
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It was a Thursday night and I'm sitting at home, bored out of my mind, so I decided to order in some pizza. I called Domino's and gave them my order and said they'd be right over. About three minutes later, the doorbell rings and I'm thinking, "whoa, three minutes? this must be some sort of miracle." But then I open the door and who's standing there but the hottest pizza delivery chick ever to grace the Domino's outfit. Man, she had curves were I didn't know chicks had places.

So I said to her, "let's do it right now", and she's like, "okay." So, she drops the pizza and we started going at it right then and didn't stop for what must have been forty-five minutes STRAIGHT, but seemed like eternity and a day. I'm not talking cheesy stuff... this was three quarter hours of heavy action! We finished up, and I was just sort of lying there in a daze thinking "man, what a good fuck," when I heard the door shut. I ran to the window, but she was already gone. Then I looked on the table and saw the large pizza with everything, and I thought to myself, "man, all this and pizza too.. this is some sorta crazy dream!."

I'm sitting there eating my pizza when the phone rings and it's-- you're not going to be believe this-- Domino's. They're like, "the pizza guy can't find your house, so the pizza's on us." I said, what do you mean, the pizza chick was here just a minute ago. "Chick?" he asked, "we don't have any women employees here." I was just stunned for a minute, but I gave them directions and the guy pulls up with another pizza and hands me the thing, and he's like, "enjoy". So I'm sitting there in awe with two large pizzas and the best fuck of my life when I feel this awesome presence. I knew for sure it had to be Jesus, but just as I turned to say something, I heard a flush and he was gone.

All I can say is, thank you Jesus!
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Friday afternoon the Born-again freaks came to my school to preach. As they were spouting the usual fire-and-brimstone horseshit, a man jumped out of the crowd and proceeded to fuck both of them with an abominably large unit. After they had both been ripped in half, the man surveyed the crowd, and said,
"Can I get a witness?"
So here I am as a witness. Aaaaaaamen.
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I was wandering the streets of Seattle when a burning bush appeared walking beside me. I asked it where I could get a good drink in this town and it directed me to a bar that had 200 kinds of bourbon! It was miracle! When I looked behind me, I saw there was only one pair of footprints in the snow, and I asked the bush how this could be, whereupon it slapped me and said "I'm a bush. I don't have feet, fucko." Praise be!
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little sally made messy
she likes of a nice messy for nice nice
i make miracle of this
Ruchi Kishagami, miracle, yes nice nice.
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I took my wife to the movies, and just as the finale was about to begin...she ran out of quarters. As I looked down at the floor in the corner of the booth..BEHOLD there were three quarters stuck to the floor..PRAISE THE LORD
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I was riding on a float in a Mardi Gras parade in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. I had originally bought only a few of the expensive beads [expensive? --steve] that cause girls to show their tits. But, just like Jesus and the fish, every time I saw a pretty girl, I reached in my bag and out came a big set of beads to go with the big set of tits the girl ended up showing me. It had to be a miracle. Everybody else on the float thought so.
Thank you Jesus!!!!!
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I prayed to Jesus and now Netscape doesn't crash my system anymore.
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My dorky next door neighbor who does nothing but play video games died
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i didn't think jesus had anything to do with my being bisexual, as i've been told a zillion times by christians...but then i met the hottest chick in the universe and she basically jumped on top of me and now i know he's out there somewhere rooting for me...send a couple of more of those, jesus! amen!
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I had a really nasty rash on my crotch. It hurt really bad. It just showed up one day, well the day after I spent the night with some strange girl. I prayed to Jesus. He rubbed it for a day or two until it went away.
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A couple weeks back I was involved in another tiresome sexual encounter with a man (I guess even the Lord Jesus can't make a man last more than the average 2.5 minutes [See me. --steve]) when a light appeared above me and in the light I saw the face of the Lord. Having known the Lord my whole life as a God Fearing Christian (she's especially scary during her time of the month) I recognized Jesus immediately. I cried out to him in frustration and asked for his guidance. As we have read in the pages of this fine Cannon our Lord has a genuine respect for the womynly form and he spoke to me of her beauty. He cried out "Have you never known the joy of nuzzling the breast of a womyn?" Then he instructed me to seek out a woman, for there would I find the ones built in Gods image - and in that image would I experience the heaven of enjoyable sex. Praise God it is true. Thank Jesus for showing me the way. -A Dyke for Jesus
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If this page were actually updated, it would be a miracle
--Mike P.
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Jesus built my hotrod.
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Old 06-26-2002, 11:35 PM   #7
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Crap-Tastic is right.
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Old 06-26-2002, 11:40 PM   #8
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hahahaha Sicy....I should have known you would have chimed in on this thread...perhaps you can share with us something on the prowess of the Ford Mustang, if not the new Mercury Marauder.

Lemonite,,,your post is odd...as expected, what would Touchdown Jesus think of such sacrilege?

Searching for the missing eye of Mullah Muhammed Omar, I remain...

-R.E. Unplugged
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Old 06-26-2002, 11:47 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally posted by RED ELEPHANT
Searching for the missing eye of Mullah Muhammed Omar, I remain...

-R.E. Unplugged
I think this guy's got it...

L.Unplugged




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Old 06-27-2002, 01:04 AM   #10
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Automotive Recalls and Technical Service Bulletins for 1988 Ford Mustang V8-302 5.0L HO.
Provided by ALLDATA



Bulletins for 1988 Ford Mustang V8-302 5.0L HO

Safety Recalls
TSB Number Issue Date TSB Title 95S28 NOV 95 Recall - Ignition Switch Replacement

Emissions Recalls
TSB Number Issue Date TSB Title 91E13 MAY 92 Recall - Catalyst Inspection and/or Replacement
91E03 JAN 92 Recall - Catalyst Inspection/Replacement

General Recalls
TSB Number Issue Date TSB Title 93B31 DEC 93 Campaign - Throttle Lever Grommet Replacement
L6G881101 NOV 88 Campaign - Rear Axle Ratio Change For Police Agencies



---------------------------------------------------------------

1988 Ford Mustang LX Convertible 2D
Kelley Blue Book Suggested Retail Value
To determine a vehicle's initial value, enter the Mileage and select an Engine and Transmission.

Mileage
120,000k
Engine
V8 5.0 Liter Transmission
Automatic

Condition
This vehicle is being represented as fully reconditioned, in excellent condition.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Drive
Rear Wheel Drive

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Convenience, Comfort and Safety Features
Air Conditioning Power Steering
ABS (4-Wheel) Cruise Control
Power Door Locks Power Windows
Tilt Wheel

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Audio
AM/FM Stereo Compact Disc
Premium Sound

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wheels
Alloy Wheels


SUGGESTED RETAIL: $4388

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------




Hmmmmmmmm........

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Old 06-27-2002, 04:37 PM   #11
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"The World's Biggest Idiots Part 2"

Hahaha here's one for those in favor of thinning out the gene pool
ENJOY!



Quote:
Have you ever felt like a complete idiot? Well it could be a lot worse. The following are true incidents of really stupid things people have done.

Police in Wichita , Kansas arrested a 22 year old man at an airport for trying to pass two (counterfit) $16 bills.
--------------------------



A man in Johannesburg, South Africa, shot his 49 year old friend in the face seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other's head.
-------------------------



A bus carrying 5 passengers was hit by a car in St. Louis, but by the time the police arrived on the scene, 14 pedestrians had boarded the bus and had begun to complain of whiplash injuries and backpain.
-------------------------



Swedish business consultant Ulf af Trolle labored 13 years on a book about Swedish economic solutions. He took the 250 page manuscript to be copied, only to have it reduced to 50,000 strips of paper in seconds when a worker confused the copier with the shredder.
--------------------------



Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.
---------------------------



A Los Angeles man who later said he was "tired of walking", stole a steamroller and led police on a 5 mph chase until an officer stepped aboard and brought the vehicle to a stop.
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Old 06-28-2002, 01:30 AM   #12
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how would you like to wake up to THAT every day?

From the folks who thought of this:

we don't crap in your toilet, so don't piss in our sink

When two service station attendants in Ionia, Michigan, refused to hand over the cash to an intoxicated robber, the man threatened to call the police. They still refused, so the robber called the police and was arrested.

HAha (haha)
LOVE MUSCLE (wang)
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Old 07-01-2002, 09:07 PM   #13
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Here is a little one that pays homage to our friendly Bubba

in the nature of "Awwww shucks, climb up on my leg and have a ball"


Question:

What is the capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?







Answer:
One U.S. Leader

----------

HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA
HA HA
HA
ha

ummmmmm

okay

well thank you for checking this out folks!

LOVE,
Zeeeeunplugged
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Old 07-01-2002, 09:25 PM   #14
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Old 07-01-2002, 09:28 PM   #15
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And I thought I had heard every Monica joke..oh my...

Prisoner Flees Jail in Cardboard Box
Mon Jul 1, 9:02 AM ET

BERLIN (Reuters) - German police have launched a manhunt for a convicted murderer who escaped from prison in a cardboard box.


The 27-year-old Yugoslav outwitted guards by concealing himself in a box he had been given to assemble at the Waldeck prison in eastern Germany.

"He had been working in the prison's box folding department and it appears he got into a box," said Christian Pegel, spokesman for the justice ministry in the eastern state of Mecklenburg-Vorpommern.

A truck driver unwittingly transported the box out of jail and the prisoner jumped off the vehicle unseen. Police are combing the area using helicopters, horses and dogs.



__________________________________

Mon Jul 1, 8:59 AM ET

LONDON (Reuters) - A London taxi driver who said Woody Harrelson damaged his cab has dropped charges against the American actor, police said Monday.


Harrelson was arrested last month on suspicion of damaging the vehicle after a late-night taxi chase through the streets of London.

Cabbie Les Hartnell said Harrelson broke an ashtray and a lock before leaping out and jumping into a second taxi.

Hartnell gave chase but was beaten to his target by police who intercepted the cab carrying the 40-year-old actor.

"It was like something out of Hollywood," Hartnell said of the star of such action movies as "Natural Born Killers."

Harrelson was reported Monday to have paid the driver 500 pounds ($800)

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