Non-Belief In Marriage

[shart1780]

Hmmm, missed that scripture. All those roommates, it's ashame they'll all be burning...

You know what I mean

I mean living with someone romantically and skipping the marriage part.

 

[deep]

sure,

do everything that is stated in the bible


would you be incarcerated?
or institutionalize?





i do support and recommend marriage

 

[shart1780]

Ummm... a christian is called to follow the Bible. I don't expect anyone to follow the Bible if they don't even claim to be a christian.

 

[nathan1977]

A couple of thoughts (from a guy who's been married four years):

1. The premium that my wife and I placed on virginity was for a couple of reasons -- to demonstrate that we ruled our passions, not the other way around (it creates a much better sense of trust in our marriage); to show a commitment not only to each other but to the principles on which our beliefs are founded; to create a sense of anticipation for being married -- ie., we wanted not just the day to be special, but everything we experienced after. It has made a real difference in our physical relationship (we aren't one of the couples deep mentioned).

2. We have a funny rule -- no going to the bathroom with the door open. We instituted this mostly because those married couples who go to the bathroom seem to be couples who have just given up. We prefer to preserve the mystery.

3. It didn't make sense to us to focus only on the day, nor did it make sense to spend tens of thousands of dollars trying to make everything perfect. We went through pre-marriage counseling, and we were constantly encouraged to focus on each day of the next 30, 40, 50 years -- not just the first.

4. We go out on dates at least a few times a month. It's harder now, having a little one, but that time is so important for us to re-connect and remember each other.

5. We talk. Some days I'm tired, some days she's tired, but if we look for it, we always find something to talk about.

6. We find ways to serve other people. Through our church, through personal relationships, through just having people over -- we find that we get healthier when we have other people in our lives to serve and care for, as opposed to just driving each other crazy.

7. We pray. I pray for her, she prays for me. All the time, every day. We tell each other what we're praying and asking for, and ask each other how we can pray better. It makes a world of difference...

This isn't prescriptive, each couple is different, but I know these things have helped us have a marriage better than we dreamed of.

 

[deep]

Ummm... a christian is called to follow the Bible. I don't expect anyone to follow the Bible if they don't even claim to be a christian.

you do realize there is picking and choosing of what parts to follow?

 

[shart1780]

you do realize there is picking and choosing of what parts to follow?

No. If that were true the Bible would be useless.

 

[melon]

No. If that were true the Bible would be useless.

Then it's useless, by your definition.

Every Christian picks and chooses, whether they know it or not. Ministers and religions merely choose which passages to emphasize.

Melon

 

[nathan1977]

Off topic, guys. Off topic.

 

[deep]

No. If that were true the Bible would be useless.

actually,

because of that
it is very useful to the leaders
that followers have empowered

allowing them to set the AGENDA by
picking and choosing of what parts to follow.

 

[shart1780]

My point is that reading a certain passage and saying to yourself "eh... doesn't seem good to me. I don't wanna follow it" isn' what God calls a christian to do. I'm not saying we all follow the Bible to the letter (because we don't) but we need to strive to do so. This is why christians must be knowledgable in the Bible, so they'll know how to live their lives.

Yes, alot of people totally ignore certain commandments, but that's wrong, and a christian should always strive to be more perfect in God's eyes. Having no consideration for God's word when you understand very well what He means is a sign of not really being a christian.

God specifically states that a couple isn't to live together before marriage. I don't know how a true christian could say "well, alot of christians pick and choose what commandments to disobey, so I'll disregard some stuff too". That's completely wrong. Especially regarding a subject, that's in God's eyes, as important as marriage and sex.

 

[Macfistowannabe]

i agree that it is a minority, but there is such a premium placed upon virginity and remaining a virgin until that wedding night that i can't help but think that cultural expectation helps produce marriages between two horny kids who might love each other then, but have no idea who they are or who they are going to become.

Perhaps the purpose is to know the person as an individual rather than a sex object. Too many people put sexual aspects of a relationship onto a pedestal as if commitment and compassion have no place in a relationship. That's not to say I would force this belief on others, but I'd rather get to know who I'm sharing my body with than have a one-night stand with a gangbanger who doesn't get tested.

 

[Irvine511]

Perhaps the purpose is to know the person as an individual rather than a sex object. Too many people put sexual aspects of a relationship onto a pedestal as if commitment and compassion have no place in a relationship. That's not to say I would force this belief on others, but I'd rather get to know who I'm sharing my body with than have a one-night stand with a gangbanger who doesn't get tested.

that's not what i'm talking about at all.

there are people who have highly intellecutal reasons for choosing to wait until they get married. more power to them. not somethign i would do, but if there is thought and process behind that decision, i'm find with it.

my problem is that you get kids who are very young, maybe just out of high school, who have been dating, and they are very, very horny, as we all are at 19 (or 27, or older). it becomes very difficult to wait until marriage, so my thought is that there are people in that age bracket (say, 19-23) who think they are in love at that time, but the base motivation to get married is to finally, finally be able to have sex, because there has been such a premium placed upon virginity -- and *especially* female virginity. so they go, they get married young, at like 22, adn by the time they are 32 they're completely different people.

i'm not saying that this is a rule, but i bet you it is common, and with the astonishingly stupid emphasis on abstinence only sex education, you can bet we'll see a lot more of it.

for me, it comes down to this: i support people who make thoughtful, informed decisions. one could decide to have sex before the first date, one could wait to have sex after the wedding ceremony.

so long as decisions are made with thought, and in good faith and with good intentions, then to each his own.

 

[shart1780]

I don't think I've met anyone horny enough to get married over it.

 

[Macfistowannabe]

that's not what i'm talking about at all.

there are people who have highly intellecutal reasons for choosing to wait until they get married. more power to them. not somethign i would do, but if there is thought and process behind that decision, i'm find with it.

my problem is that you get kids who are very young, maybe just out of high school, who have been dating, and they are very, very horny, as we all are at 19 (or 27, or older). it becomes very difficult to wait until marriage, so my thought is that there are people in that age bracket (say, 19-23) who think they are in love at that time, but the base motivation to get married is to finally, finally be able to have sex, because there has been such a premium placed upon virginity -- and *especially* female virginity. so they go, they get married young, at like 22, adn by the time they are 32 they're completely different people.

i'm not saying that this is a rule, but i bet you it is common, and with the astonishingly stupid emphasis on abstinence only sex education, you can bet we'll see a lot more of it.

for me, it comes down to this: i support people who make thoughtful, informed decisions. one could decide to have sex before the first date, one could wait to have sex after the wedding ceremony.

so long as decisions are made with thought, and in good faith and with good intentions, then to each his own.

If I missed your point earlier, my bad. Sure, maybe some (not many) marry just for the sex, but they will have to live that down for the rest of their lives and live with an utterly foolish past. If that happens to be their only motivation, they'll either be stuck together in some crazy maritial knot against their will for independence, or cope with a hurtful divorce.

 

[BVS]

I don't think I've met anyone horny enough to get married over it.

I've met plenty. I had some friends growing up that belonged to a church that held strict dating rules. Basically this church and all their members signed these abstinence vows, and had all these rules set forth. Once you turned 16 you could start dating but only in group dates, you were never allowed alone time, etc. Most of these kids grew up in private schools and went on to private colleges, never taught proper sexual education. The majority were married by the age of 21. Two close friends of mine brother and sister both got married(not to each other) in 98 both had child in 99, neither could finish college. Only two of the couples I knew from this circle of friends are still together, the rest are divorced and most have kids.

They all grew up forced with the idea that you find your mate and have children, if you wait and do this it will all work out. Well most of them married the first person they dated because kissing, holding each other all physical intimacy was removed and they all needed it. None of them were properly educated on sex so many had children way too early. They are now finding out for the first time these things.

 

[shart1780]

Wow that's crazy. Hmmm I'm horny and I obstainn heh hrh, but I'm pretty educated I suppose. I could never get married for sex, and I don't really understand how anyone else could, but apparently they do.

Some churches are way too strict, my girlfriend's church (ex church) which was very tradititional (Chinese), would kick out any youth group members who they discovered were dating. I honestly prayed that those youth leaders would get fired

 

[intedomine]

Marriage is a man-made thing that isn't as sacred as some people like to force us to think.

If ya wanna do it do it, doesnt matter if your in love or not, whether it is out of convenience or not....entirely up to you.

Marriage is something that need not exist, For many people it is a grand thing, but it's not an essential thing...