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Old 12-11-2001, 05:08 AM   #16
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I dunno... the two things I mentioned are not really horrible, and I will admit that I do have a thing about mothers not remaining productive members of society, so maybe I'm biased. I definitely think that taking a year off from work after you have had a child is a good thing, but I think the "backwards" reasoning is a bit odd. I guess I've just seen too many examples of women having children because they didn't like their jobs.

Then again, I think you're at a good age for it. I don't think you have to start panicking yet, and I bet you're better equipped than someone having a baby at age 20. I guess it's all down to what you feel is right, deep down.

Btw, I also loved Hippy's adoption idea.
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Old 12-11-2001, 05:22 AM   #17
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Well, I am one of those who never wanted children. Of course, I never wanted to get married either (was too much of a "flitter"), but I found someone I couldn't pass up. He wanted kids, so we kinda let things happen when they might. Two years after our wedding, we found we were expecting (on Father's Day, at that). The babe didn't mean much to me, as a matter of fact, I honestly think that had I miscarried in the ninth month, it would not have affected me much. HOWEVER.....as soon as I held my son, I never wanted to let him go. I even wept over this day old infant's future. Me, who never wanted children, was joking with my love about when we were having the next one as soon as I got home from the hospital! (The next one was shortly to come, but that's another story) We now have three gorgeous babies (4, 3 and almost 2) and they are the light of my life. Children do present a sacrifice, however, but it sounds like you have a good idea of that already. Do your siblings have children? Those are rather harsh comments they made, I think. The greatest piece of advice I could give you is this: don't have children if you are not going to raise them. Don't hire someone to do your job. Children are a blessing, and it is a blessing to have the privilege of raising them. You can't train them in the way they should go if somone else is with them all the time. Be there....even if it means putting your career on hold. You have 18 years of these children under your roof....nothing else is more important. Every time I think "oh, I wish I could do this than sit here and be with the kids" I think, someday these children will no longer be exclusively mine....they will belong to a college, a job, a spouse, their children. I need to enjoy them and relish them and the time I have while I still have it. My greatest fear with my chidren is looking back someday and saying "I wish I'd been there when...."
Consider carefully, this is no longer just your life you are contemplating.

enterangell@cs.com


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Old 12-11-2001, 06:29 AM   #18
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Klodomir i am 20 with two children,im vey well equipped i like to think im a good mother and i would be a no better mother than i am now if i was 30


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Old 12-11-2001, 07:54 AM   #19
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Poptart, I didn't mean to offend anyone, I can only speak from the experience of seeing parents of different ages around me. Everybody is different, but generally speaking, I'm sticking with what I said, especially if we're talking about parents of roughly the same age. Very young mum/slightly older dad seems to work out better in my experience, but of course there are plenty of exceptions.

And I'm sure you're a brilliant mum!

Btw, I have accepted not ever having children because I feel that I - and only I - am too old now (30 and single).
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Old 12-11-2001, 01:28 PM   #20
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WOW!!! I just wanted to thank ALL of you for taking the time to write such thoughtful, fascinating and insightful answers! Everything that you have said has been reassuring one way or the other. I can promise you I will be giving this LOTS of thought, and I will let you know if I make any earth shattering decisions.

poptart2001, I am in awe of you. I could barely babysit at 20 let alone have 2 kids!!! I may be emailing you yet, thanks for your addy!

Angela, that's a great idea to strip it down to a one word answer. Right now, I am closer to the yes than the no, I think it's more a matter of when and how. Am I ready to give up the lifestyle to which I have become accustomed? That's the hardest part I think, because I am REALLY set in my ways. However, I did have loads of fun in my 20s, so at least I won't feel totally cheated if I do give up some freedoms for awhile.

Adam's Mistress, that is quite a dramatic story. I am much more selfish than you, I would always take time to myself, otherwise I'd go crazy! I'm so glad you have been able to find happiness and balance!

I come from a long line of late birthgivers. My mom had me (as an accident) at age 39! My brother and sister were pressured for YEARS by my mom to have children, and resisted. They finally decided to have kids in their early 40s (no one had any genetic problems or difficulties of any kind, maybe it's the genes?). They each have 2 kids, and overall, I don't think they'd trade them in, although my sister seems happier with parenthood than my brother. He really caved to pressure from his wife.

My mom raised me herself at home, and if at all possible, I would like to do this with my kid(s) too, if we can afford it. If I do have to go back to work, I will find an excellent nanny and PAY HER WELL, right Lilly?

Klodomir, I agree, no none should have kids just to get away from work, but it sure is tempting! I'm sure that if I had children, when they were in school I'd do more volunteer work, or go back to work part time.

Ormus, believe me, the LAST thing I want is disfunctional brats, if there's one thing I CAN'T STAND it's bratty children!!!!!

Oh, Miss MacPhisto, I do have a pet, a cat that I adopted from the pound ages ago. You are right, they sure are hassle free!!

As for adoption, I agree, it's wonderful and well worth considering. I had a colleague who was adopted and what a wonderful life she had, I can't imagine what would have happened to her if her family hadn't adopted her.

Anyway, many, many thanks again to you all for answering!
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Old 12-11-2001, 05:49 PM   #21
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Quote:
Originally posted by drumkeeran:


P.S. Last night in the tub, all three took bubbles and put them on their chins, "Hey, I'm Santa Claus, no... wait, I'm the Edge!"

That's hilarious!!!!
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Old 12-11-2001, 06:41 PM   #22
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my mom had me when she was forty..and I turned out fine!!!!


*returns to trying to put the square peg in the round hole
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Old 12-11-2001, 08:14 PM   #23
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It's a very personal, perhaps THE most personal thing a human being can do. There are a few difficult things about being a parent(would you describe yourself as patient and calm? it helps ), but oh so many wonderful joyous things about being a parent.Don't get me started, cluck, cluck. Actually don't ask me at all Mrs Edge. I was born maternal, I'm biased)
I'd maybe, once again refer to pop culture and ask the Q I think was first put by the Beegees..."how deep is your love?" If you know your man and you feel his committment and love to you, then I'd hazard a guess.... you'll be a wonderful mother!!
I saw your pic with your friends in the GA line at Vegas concert.If you can possibly get a vibe from a pic on the net? you look very centred and serene and beautiful. Good luck to you both .

Ahhh I'm not disconnected yet,so i'll sing you a quick Aussie song
"MrT" by Archie Roach
The first time I saw my baby begin to walk
It made me look
Now he can talk...
..and sometimes I think my baby
Is a wise old man
He helps me understand
My little friend
... I am starting to understand
the meaning of love


LOVE LOVE LOVE 2U
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Old 12-11-2001, 08:17 PM   #24
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ahh Mrs Edge, I just noticed you are from toronto. I just got the Walk On single yesterday, I'm rather wound up about it ...the version of Stay recorded in toronto. Heavenly!! One of those angelic voices belonged to you?
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Old 12-12-2001, 12:45 PM   #25
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Hi cass,

Yes, I am indeed one of the voices singing away in that recording. I'm so thrilled that our show made it into an official recording! What a great night that was. Thank you so much for your comment about my pic. Some days are more serene than others..... LOL!


Quote:
Originally posted by cass:
ahh Mrs Edge, I just noticed you are from toronto. I just got the Walk On single yesterday, I'm rather wound up about it ...the version of Stay recorded in toronto. Heavenly!! One of those angelic voices belonged to you?
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Old 12-12-2001, 10:15 PM   #26
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I start to think about my sons, and I have to immediately go to their room and hug them.

I NEVER thought I wanted to be a mother. After school, I married and had two sons back to back. The marriage ended and my love for them grew even more, since it was basically my sons and I.

Being a parent is the best thing in my life.
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Old 12-13-2001, 10:43 AM   #27
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Hi Mrs. Edge! I could've written exactly what you posted. I am going through the same EXACT thing.
*goes back to read all the replies*

[This message has been edited by Fritzy (edited 12-13-2001).]
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Old 12-13-2001, 12:40 PM   #28
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Really? Well you must stay in touch! I'd love to know what you decided. If you want to email me I'm at cunning@interlog.com.


Quote:
Originally posted by Fritzy:
Hi Mrs. Edge! I could've written exactly what you posted. I am going through the same EXACT thing.
*goes back to read all the replies*

[This message has been edited by Fritzy (edited 12-13-2001).]
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Old 12-15-2001, 02:31 AM   #29
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You are never really ready to have kids. No time is ever perfect. When you do get pregnant, God gives 9 months to prepare.

I never thought I was ready to be a mom. Never had the urge. My baby is 18 months now. He is the light of my life. My husband and I love being a FAMILY. It was the perfect evolution for us.

Before I never thought I would a great mom. But one rises to the occasion with delight and wonder. Children are our greatest blessing.

Also things that were imortant to me before having a baby are even more important. I love blasting U2 in the car and seeing my baby clap his hands and smile. I take great joy in passing down my loves with him.

My marriage is my anchor. Sharing a baby gives a husband and wife a unique bond that CAN NEVER BE BROKEN.


I know lots of couples who don't have kids and they are very content and devoted. So, it is a personal decision. I, very frightened and with some reluctance decided to take journey into motherhood. I truly feel blessed and thankful that God blessed my husband and me with a baby.

Good Luck on your journey and remember whatever you decide will be perfect for you. I'm 33 by the way.

Also, I have enjoyed everyones stories. Thank you posting such a great topic.

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