Monty Python Writer: "I'm losing patience with my neighbours, Mr. Bush' - U2 Feedback

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Old 01-30-2003, 01:39 PM   #1
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Monty Python Writer: "I'm losing patience with my neighbours, Mr. Bush'

Terry Jones
Sunday January 26, 2003
The Observer (UK)

I'm really excited by George Bush's latest reason for bombing Iraq: he's running out of patience. And so am I! For some time now I've been really pissed off with Mr Johnson, who lives a couple of doors down the street. Well, him and Mr Patel, who runs the health food shop. They both give me queer looks, and I'm sure Mr Johnson is planning something nasty for me, but so far I haven't been able to discover what. I've been round to his place a few times to see what he's up to, but he's got everything well hidden. That's how devious he is.

As for Mr Patel, don't ask me how I know, I just know - from very good sources - that he is, in reality, a Mass Murderer. I have leafleted the street telling them that if we don't act first, he'll pick us off one by one.

Some of my neighbours say, if I've got proof, why don't I go to the police? But that's simply ridiculous. The police will say that they need evidence of a crime with which to charge my neighbours.

They'll come up with endless red tape and quibbling about the rights and wrongs of a pre-emptive strike and all the while Mr Johnson will be finalising his plans to do terrible things to me, while Mr Patel will be secretly murdering people. Since I'm the only one in the street with a decent range of automatic firearms, I reckon it's up to me to keep the peace. But until recently that's been a little difficult. Now, however, George W. Bush has made it clear that all I need to do is run out of patience, and then I can wade in and do whatever I want!

And let's face it, Mr Bush's carefully thought-out policy towards Iraq is the only way to bring about international peace and security. The one certain way to stop Muslim fundamentalist suicide bombers targeting the US or the UK is to bomb a few Muslim countries that have never threatened us.

That's why I want to blow up Mr Johnson's garage and kill his wife and children. Strike first! That'll teach him a lesson. Then he'll leave us in peace and stop peering at me in that totally unacceptable way.

Mr Bush makes it clear that all he needs to know before bombing Iraq is that Saddam is a really nasty man and that he has weapons of mass destruction - even if no one can find them. I'm certain I've just as much justification for killing Mr Johnson's wife and children as Mr Bush has for bombing Iraq.

Mr Bush's long-term aim is to make the world a safer place by eliminating 'rogue states' and 'terrorism'. It's such a clever long-term aim because how can you ever know when you've achieved it? How will Mr Bush know when he's wiped out all terrorists? When every single terrorist is dead? But then a terrorist is only a terrorist once he's committed an act of terror. What about would-be terrorists? These are the ones you really want to eliminate, since most of the known terrorists, being suicide bombers, have already eliminated themselves.

Perhaps Mr Bush needs to wipe out everyone who could possibly be a future terrorist? Maybe he can't be sure he's achieved his objective until every Muslim fundamentalist is dead? But then some moderate Muslims might convert to fundamentalism. Maybe the only really safe thing to do would be for Mr Bush to eliminate all Muslims?

It's the same in my street. Mr Johnson and Mr Patel are just the tip of the iceberg. There are dozens of other people in the street who I don't like and who - quite frankly - look at me in odd ways. No one will be really safe until I've wiped them all out.

My wife says I might be going too far but I tell her I'm simply using the same logic as the President of the United States. That shuts her up.

Like Mr Bush, I've run out of patience, and if that's a good enough reason for the President, it's good enough for me. I'm going to give the whole street two weeks - no, 10 days - to come out in the open and hand over all aliens and interplanetary hijackers, galactic outlaws and interstellar terrorist masterminds, and if they don't hand them over nicely and say 'Thank you', I'm going to bomb the entire street to kingdom come.

It's just as sane as what George W. Bush is proposing - and, in contrast to what he's intending, my policy will destroy only one street.
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Old 01-30-2003, 02:24 PM   #2
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Too amusing...

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Old 01-30-2003, 02:35 PM   #3
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So funny, and it makes so much sense...
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Old 01-30-2003, 03:46 PM   #4
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I was making a lot of these same points to someone last night.
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Old 01-30-2003, 03:56 PM   #5
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ya but guys, your either with bush or against him!

how dare you side with saddam! we must bomb the hell out of iraq because weve recently uncovered rumors about a certain terrorist who lost a leg in afghanistan and was surgically repaired in baghdad! that proves that they are supporters of terrorism!

saddam hussein is the most evil man in the history of our universe. he treats his people horribly, and everyone in knows it! you dont ever see them (just like the North Korean public) go on anti-american demonstrations do you?!

george bush has the divine right of our maker to go here and there as he pleases and install puppet governments to his liking. dont you dare say otherwise, unless you want to be some asshole aka unpatriotic bee-yatch.

support our leader blindly! he will lead us to great things! put all your trust into georbe bush!
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Old 01-30-2003, 04:00 PM   #6
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but lets not talk about north korea, i know they admitted that theyre starting up their nuclear program but its iraq thats the true evil.

i mean, north korea is just jokin around. iraq is evil. we must deal with iraq first because weve lost patience with them!

again, follow our leader blindly! please, i beg you too.

sure domestically, things are awful (the economy is terrible, greenspan is likely to announce yet ANOTHER tax cut) and the states are looking at a 100 billion + defecit again this year. but lets divert our attention to a patriotic duty we have to supporting a war that doesnt make sense to anyone except those who already have it all figured out!

george w. bush, i am proud of you!
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Old 01-30-2003, 04:10 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally posted by Cow of the Seas
greenspan is likely to announce yet ANOTHER tax cut
I guess you meant "(interest) rate cut" here? Greenspan is Chairman of the Federal Reserve; he has nothing to do with "tax cuts" shich come out of the Legislature and the White House.

Oh, and yes, we all "blindly" follow Bush; we have no personal, educated and informed reasons for agreeing with him on anything.

And you wonder why people call you names in here.

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Old 01-30-2003, 04:14 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally posted by U2Bama


I guess you meant "(interest) rate cut" here? Greenspan is Chairman of the Federal Reserve; he has nothing to do with "tax cuts" shich come out of the Legislature and the White House.

Oh, and yes, we all "blindly" follow Bush; we have no personal, educated and informed reasons for agreeing with him on anything.

And you wonder why people call you names in here.

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yes, interest rate sorry. my mistake.

i didnt say you all did blindly follow, rather im begging that everyone should.

just a bit of sarcasm.

afterall, we cant have any differing opinions when the nation faces a crises. which is why so many editors of large newspapers were canned after their editorials slammed u.s. foreign policy.
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Old 01-30-2003, 04:57 PM   #9
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in al fairness,
I don't think the people in Terry Jones' street have a history of invading other people's homes
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Old 01-30-2003, 08:32 PM   #10
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My crush on Terry Jones just got bigger
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Old 01-31-2003, 04:16 AM   #11
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Dont laugh, mass proscription works. Terry Jones's street will be nice and peaceful when he is done.
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Old 01-31-2003, 04:36 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally posted by Salome
in al fairness,
I don't think the people in Terry Jones' street have a history of invading other people's homes
And they probably haven't violated 16 Chapter VII resolutions. Then again, he has warned them countless times, so does that qualify as Chapter VI resolutions?

Wondering...


C ya!

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Old 01-31-2003, 10:47 AM   #13
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LMAO! I read the in the Observer this weekend and I laughed so hard I practically spilled coffee all over the newspaper!
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Old 01-31-2003, 11:44 AM   #14
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this is not a laughing matter. the terry jones street is in a crisis now, because a certain guy has ran out of patience. clearly the entire street is wrong, and the writer has every right to disarm them with force if needed. its compassionate. its global-thinking. its beautiful.
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Old 01-31-2003, 09:05 PM   #15
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if you don't mind, i'd like to interrupt here, there is such a beautiful night sky that i thought some of you might want to go out and take a look at the stars. then head to Target for a bottle of 48 suntan lotion, i think tomorrow is going to be a hot one!

Ciao, and see you in my nightmares, i mean dreams, you lovely North American and ROW people
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