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Old 03-13-2003, 10:20 PM   #1
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John Cleese on the "Axis of Just as Evil"

Axis of Evil Wannabees

by John Cleese

Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil", Libya, China and Syria today announced that they had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil", which they said would be more evil than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address.

Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the
new Axis as having, for starters, a really dumb name.
"Right. They are just as evil . . . in their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. "Everybody knows we're the best evils . . . best at being evil ...we're the best."

Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil. "They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad. "An axis can't have more than three counties", explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussien. "This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So, you can only have three, and a secret handshake. Ours is wickedly cool."

International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as within minutes, France surrendered.

Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what has been a game of geopolitical chairs. Cuba, Sudan and Serbia announced that they had formed the "Axis of Somewhat Evil", forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the 'Axis of Occasionally Evil", while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the "Axis of Not So Much Evil Really as Just Generally Disagreeable".

With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the "Axis of Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host the Olympics". Canada, Mexico and Australia formed the "Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty
Thoughts About America", while Scotland, New Zealand and
Spain established the "Axis of Countries That Want Sheep
to Wear Lipstick". "That's not a threat, really, just something we like to do", said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.

While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axes, although he rejected the establishment of the "Axis of Countries Whose Names End in 'Guay", accusing one of its members of filing a false application. Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay and Chadguay denied the charges.

Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any Axis, but
privately world leaders said that's only because no one asked them.




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Old 03-14-2003, 02:47 AM   #2
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Old 03-14-2003, 02:49 AM   #3
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I John Cleese
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Old 03-14-2003, 04:54 AM   #4
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Satire has to twist a knife in your stomach :thumbs up:
He's brill.


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Old 03-14-2003, 07:07 AM   #5
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LMAO
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Old 03-14-2003, 07:36 AM   #6
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This wasn't by John Cleese. It came out after last year's State of the Union on Satirewire.

But it's still hilarious.
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Old 03-14-2003, 12:33 PM   #7
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That's a hoot. I love it!
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Old 03-14-2003, 05:27 PM   #8
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Classic

"Axis of Countries That Want Sheep to Wear Lipstick"
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Old 03-20-2003, 03:52 PM   #9
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Axis of Evil Wannabes

With the state that the world is in today and the second Gulf War started, sometimes you do have to take a step back and laugh.


Axis of Evil Wannabees
by John Cleese

Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil," Libya, China, and Syria today announced that they had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil," which they said would be more evil than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned
of in his State of the Union address. Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new Axis as having,for
starters, a really dumb name. "Right. They are just as evil . . . in their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. "Everybody knows we're the best evils . . . best at being evil
. . . we're the best."

Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil. "They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad. "An axis can't have more than three countries," explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule,
it's tradition. In World War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So, you can only have three, and a secret handshake. Ours is wickedly cool."

International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as within minutes, France surrendered. Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what has become a game of geopolitical chairs.

Cuba, Sudan and Serbia announced that they had formed
the "Axis of Somewhat Evil," forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the "Axis of Occasionally Evil," while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the "Axis of Not So Much Evil Really as Just Generally Disagreeable."

With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the "Axis of Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly
Won't Be Asked to Host the Olympics". Canada, Mexico and Australia formed the "Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts About America," while Scotland, New Zealand and Spain established the "Axis of Countries That Want Sheep to Wear Lipstick." "That's not a
threat, really, just something we like to do," said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.

While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axis, although he rejected the establishment of the "Axis of
Countries Whose Names End in 'Guay," accusing one of its members of filing a false application. Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges. Israel, meanwhile,
insisted it didn't want to join any Axis, but privately world leaders said that's only because no one asked them.
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Old 03-20-2003, 05:37 PM   #10
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this is cute

i think it was posted before, so i'm going to merge it
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Old 03-21-2003, 12:24 AM   #11
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That's hilarious!
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Old 03-21-2003, 04:58 AM   #12
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Old 03-27-2003, 03:22 PM   #13
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Very funny, but not John Cleese. Funny how things take a life (and origin) of their own on the web

http://www.satirewire.com/news/jan02/axis.shtml
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