Life vs. Death

[icelady]

Why does death lead to emptiness.

Does anyone else have a hard time with Easter as much as I do? Easter should be a time for renewal. I lost my mother at Easter years ago. You think it would get easier. A loss should give you peace ? at least that?s what others tell me. Peace in knowing the suffering has ended. Peace in knowing a new life has begun.

Why is it, even with time, the void is not filled? Why is it that even though it?s further away, it?s still close enough to touch?

I?d really like to know how to fill the void and be able to enjoy the time with my kids rather than whallow in sadness and insecurity of ?death?.

Maybe it's the not knowing of life after death....

 

[zonelistener]

((((Icelady))))

I lost my mother more than 12 years ago at the ripe old age of 17. As an adult, I still struggle with this - and has been magnified quite recently. I know what you are struggling with!

 

[Sicy]

I didnt know that about either of you.

I cant imagine losing my mother, especially on Easter. You guys are so strong.

I wish I could offer some advice, but I have not been there so I dont think its fair to tell you how you should be or act about it.

((( HUGS )))

 

[Lilly]

I lost a friend last year on Valentine's Day. It was not the way I wanted to celebrate. But he was in SO much pain (he had AIDS and pneumonia and a cold and the flu and all sorts of things) and it came almost as a releif when I knew he was standing in Heaven. I'm sorry to hear about your mothers though, I couldn't even fathom losing my mother at my age.... ((((((zone))))) & ((((((icelady))))))

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"Just tell 'em what they wanna hear & nobody will complain."

 

[tiny dancer]

I lost my father 3 years ago near Easter, so it's always a difficult time for me. Icelady I don't know how to fill that void even as time goes on. I guess I will have to keep thinking that next year will be better, I hope. I think that both you and myself are still grieving, and there is nothing wrong with that. Grief has no time limit, as I have been told.

 

[*Stormy*]

I'm sorry Icelady, Tiny dancer and Zonelistener.

This is a sad subject, but it is a part of life that can't be ignored. I don't know what to tell anyone else; I don't deal with it very well myself. I lost my Dad about week before Father's Day a few years ago. The Father's Day ads and commercials, and just the day, were devastating. They are again every year. We were very close, and I was Daddy's little girl.

I have another terrible story. I have a friend who lost her mother to a heart attack on Christmas Eve in her own house. The paramedics tried to save her. They pumped her until her body was purple, as her children and grandchildren watched and cried. Of course Christmas was never a happy time for them again.

Being that this is a U2 board, let us not forget the grief of Bono, who lost his mother at 14. She collapsed at the funeral of her father, who had collapsed at his 50th wedding anniversary party. Bono lost his Grandfather and mother in a couple of days. During the tour last summer, he had to struggle with knowing his father was dying. When he finally died, Bono had a concert scheduled that night and had to go on stage anyway. Also, Larry lost his mother in a car crash when he was 17. They have had some sadness in their lives too.



[This message has been edited by *Stormy* (edited 04-01-2002).]

 

[icelady]

just wanted to add my thank to those who tried to shed some light for me - a light that looks like will stay with me for a rather long time.

Zonelistener, email me at oelmannl@aol.com as I'd like to get your snail mail addy.

Thanks again and sorry I brought everyone down. I guess it gets easier over time however long that time may be. It may diminish but never go away completely.

 

[zooropamanda]

I lost my Dad to cancer 21 months ago. I still struggle with it too, icelady. I understand exactly those things you talk of. I havent dealt with the loss or the why yet, and i still don't know how to.

I think all holidays and anniversaries are the hardest times to deal and they always will be. My dad died 3 weeks before mine and my brother's birthdays so that will always be hard for us.
I really can't offer any answers, I guess its all about what u discover for yourself and how u deal with that in the journey.

The not knowing about life after death thing... I still freak out and wonder where the hell he is and if he's ok. I guess maybe thats more a problem with faith or something on my part.

Email me if u ever want to talk icelady
poptart76_99@yahoo.com

 

[Angela Harlem]

I hope this doesn't appear as though I am jumping on a grief bandwagon. But some of you guys know my husband's father passed away on the Christmas morning just gone. I loved him dearly, but I cannot imagine what it is like for my husband and extended family. Christmas is indeed changed forever now. I remember on the day and for a long while after, we all thought of 'all the times of the year for this to happen'. This was made worse by guilt straight after. As if, do we mean it could be possibly easier on another day? We, of course dont mean that. Losing a parent on any day is one of the worst things we will ever face. Yet, it does seem like a cruel twist to add when it occurs on a day marked for celebtration and family. I anticipate next Christmas for us will be bringing us closer together. But nothing is going to fill the emptiness that will accompany it.

I'm so sorry to hear about you guys. Attempting words of comfort only make me feel inept, I cant quite find the right words it seems. ((((Hugs)))) to you all. A stranger on the other side of the world is thinking of you.

 

[YellowKite]

My father died on Dec. 30 and we buried him on New Years Day. I was 16. 17 years later it still makes me cry to even think about it. Time hasn't healed this wound and I agree with Icelady that the grief is still right below the surface.

I keep Halloween alive because my dad loved that holiday (he was great fun) and then I close my eyes until after the new year. The rest is just too much.

 

[BabyGrace]

icelady, I don't have anything I can really say because I don't know what you're going through, but I think your feelings are normal. I also think believing in a life after death can help you to obtain some sense of emotional normalcy once more, though it will never fill that "void." I know my mum, who lost her mother a couple of years ago still feels as though she's very close to her, sometimes I even hear her talking to her and she says she can always feel her presence near and telling her what to do. This seems to be the way she's dealt with losing almost her entire family.
As I said, I don't know from a personal experience so it's difficult for me to understand what you're going through but these are just observations I've made in how one person in my life has coped.
Also, something I heard on Easter, about Easter: Jesus died so that we may believe that there is eternity for us. Knowing that there is this eternity, this tomorrow, can allow us to live today to the fullest and know that one day we will all be together again.
Hope that helps just a tiny bit, and I hope that void does gradually feel less empty for all of you.

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I sing beneath the shadow of your wings...

 

[joyfulgirl]

As some of you know, my closest friend died on Halloween a few months ago. For me it isn't about filling the void--it's about listening to the void, understanding its message. I believe there is a gift in that void. So I embrace the grief to see what it has to teach me. I try to penetrate the grief to see if there is joy beneath it, joy and celebration and peace in the perfect cycle of death and rebirth. I try to view it all as a spiritual experience rather than a tragedy or something that was done to me and my friend.

And I fail miserably at times. But there are glimpses of success. A few more each day.

Don't give up, icelady (and the rest of you--and me, too).