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Old 02-09-2003, 09:34 PM   #1
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Kids with divorced parents

Do kids with divorced parents grow up the same as kids who have 2 parents? (or kids with single parents, alternative families, etc). What's your consensus on this? Does living with one parent/stepparents/2moms/dads/etc etc etc have any effect on the child?
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Old 02-09-2003, 10:12 PM   #2
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the missing label on this can you just opened - read "worms"

This is often debated

Here - meet my friend Mr. Quayle.


A loving home life is more important than marital status.

I think children do best when they are raised in a healthy environment with love, nurturing, and consistency.
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Old 02-09-2003, 11:26 PM   #3
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Personally, I think its better to live with one parent than with two that fight constantly. As in, mine. When they told me they were getting divorced my reaction was "About time!"
I actually see my dad more now than I did when he was living in the same house with me. He's remarried and my mom is engaged to a wonderful man.
I don't think it had any adverse side effects on me, other than my mom constantly telling me after her divorce that I don't need someone to take care of me, I can be independant.
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Old 02-10-2003, 12:00 AM   #4
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kristie, your mom also buys special rocks for your yard.
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Old 02-10-2003, 12:05 AM   #5
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Ya my parents fight constanly and when i move out, me being the youngest, i think within 5 yrs they will divorce. It does suck sometimes
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Old 02-10-2003, 12:25 AM   #6
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minimizing fighting is better for the kids. and if the only way is through divorce, then that's how it's got to be. i'm glad my parents got divorced.
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Old 02-10-2003, 12:41 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally posted by Lilly
kristie, your mom also buys special rocks for your yard.
TRUE..
gotta love that penis rock
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Old 02-10-2003, 01:18 AM   #8
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from my own experience, my 6 year old daughter was hugely affected by the divorce i went thru. she didnt do much talking about it, she more acted out, which is almost the same thing i did when my parents divorced. she would steal things from the house, and she once set the kitchen on fire. from those incidents i learned that my baby was hurting very much, and i encourage her to talk to me about anything and everything thats bothering her. she now tells me everything and i listen to her.
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Old 02-10-2003, 01:42 AM   #9
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as a thirty-two year old single parent whose parents are now going through a divorce, i cannot even begin to answer this question...

but on second thought, i will try...of course my daughter will be affected by having no father in the house. but luckily, (and i say this with much bitterness), she is not alone...none of her friends have daddies either! how can we raise a generation of girls without fathers? who will teach them what a man should be? men who walk out? men who decide they would rather live for themselves than for their children? yes, i can try to compensate by hugging and kissing my daughter twice as often, but i could never take the place of an absent father...

and as for my own parents...i think it is absolutely ridiculous for them to be going through a divorce now, after thirty-three years...and even though i am an adult, it is still painful beyond words.

marriage is a joke. i will never get married again.
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Old 02-10-2003, 03:24 AM   #10
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Re: the missing label on this can you just opened - read "worms"

[QUOTE]Originally posted by deep
[B]This is often debated

Here - meet my friend Mr. Quayle.- a republican.


A loving home life is more important than marital status.

I think children do best when they are raised in a healthy ?
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Old 02-10-2003, 03:35 AM   #11
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Normal

Quote:
Originally posted by icelle
from my own experience, my 6 year old daughter was hugely affected by the divorce i went thru. she didnt do much talking about it, she more acted out, which is almost the same thing i did when my parents divorced. she would steal things from the house, and she once set the kitchen on fire. from those incidents i learned that my baby was hurting very much, and i encourage her to talk to me about anything and everything thats bothering her. she now tells me everything and i listen to her.
some think it's
dan quayle's fault.
some think otherwise.
sorry about your little one.
give the baby hugs for me...

thanks-
dave.

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Old 02-10-2003, 04:15 AM   #12
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I dont think they grow up the same. No child grows up the same as another child as everything around them influences them. Marital status of your parents is only one of many things that shape a child. I think you'd be hard pressed finding a young child that is totally unaffected by a divorce, but divorce in itself is not a bad thing, especially if the parents genuinely cannot live together anymore. The hardest part is when they are young. They have to accept one parent wont be there whenever they need, all visits and contact has to be pre-arranged or a conversation suddenly requires a phone call.
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Old 02-10-2003, 05:43 AM   #13
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I suppose it also depends on the society you live in. I for one grew up among kids who had the full nucleus family, in a conservative society, so there was sort of a stigma going on. I think perhaps asian families back then were more reluctant to divorce because we prefer security.

And it is in how the parents handle it. Parents who complain to the kids about the other parent sometimes foster a spirit of deception, secrecy, or just cuts the kids in half. It's also better for parents to let their children be assured of their love because that's what kept me from blaming anyone. Thank god I was mature enough at 6 years old to tell that it was my parents' problem and not ours. Finally, I think that even though parents try to hide the arguing and tension, children know much more than adults give them credit for.


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Old 02-10-2003, 11:02 AM   #14
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My parents divorced when I was eleven. Both my parents remarried; my dad about a year and a half later, but my mom less than 6 months. I liked my stepmother from day one. She and my dad have been married now for almost eight years and she really is one of my best friends. My ex-stepfather, however, was another story; he eventually became abusive to both me and my mother, and divorcing *him* was certainly among the best decisions my mom ever made. The third time turned out to be the charm; her third husband, who she married a little over 2 years ago, is a great guy who I like a lot.

Was I adversely affected by the *divorce itself*? No; my parents were always careful about making sure my siblings and I could see as much of both of them as we wanted, and we were never stopped from visiting or calling the absent parent when we were with one of them. I think, on the other hand, that my ex-stepfather was very cruel to me and that I've had some issues because of his terrible influence in my life. But I'm a big girl and I need to move past them. I certainly don't blame my mom. All in all, I was luckier than some people.

Bottom line: as long as the parents involved don't try to lock each other out of the kids' lives (unless one is abusive or something) and any stepparents are good people willing to make an honest effort at stepparenting (like my stepmother), I thknk divorced kids will turn out just as well as non-divorced.
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Old 02-10-2003, 11:22 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally posted by paxetaurora


Bottom line: as long as the parents involved don't try to lock each other out of the kids' lives (unless one is abusive or something) and any stepparents are good people willing to make an honest effort at stepparenting (like my stepmother), I thknk divorced kids will turn out just as well as non-divorced.


Or better!

I feel like a completely different person than what I probably would have been had my parents not divorced. Having something like that happen gave me a different perspective, more compassion for other people, and a motivation to explore the way things worked. Since that time I've grown so much. I just don't think I would have had that had my parents stayed together. It was, and still is, painful. But I feel more mature and better able to handle the world since my parents divorce gave me the opportunity to rely on myself and not them.
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