Kids with divorced parents

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The_Sweetest_Thing

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Do kids with divorced parents grow up the same as kids who have 2 parents? (or kids with single parents, alternative families, etc). What's your consensus on this? Does living with one parent/stepparents/2moms/dads/etc etc etc have any effect on the child?
 
the missing label on this can you just opened - read "worms"

This is often debated

Here - meet my friend Mr. Quayle.


A loving home life is more important than marital status.

I think children do best when they are raised in a healthy environment with love, nurturing, and consistency.
 
Personally, I think its better to live with one parent than with two that fight constantly. As in, mine. When they told me they were getting divorced my reaction was "About time!"
I actually see my dad more now than I did when he was living in the same house with me. He's remarried and my mom is engaged to a wonderful man.
I don't think it had any adverse side effects on me, other than my mom constantly telling me after her divorce that I don't need someone to take care of me, I can be independant.
 
minimizing fighting is better for the kids. and if the only way is through divorce, then that's how it's got to be. i'm glad my parents got divorced.
 
from my own experience, my 6 year old daughter was hugely affected by the divorce i went thru. she didnt do much talking about it, she more acted out, which is almost the same thing i did when my parents divorced. she would steal things from the house, and she once set the kitchen on fire. from those incidents i learned that my baby was hurting very much, and i encourage her to talk to me about anything and everything thats bothering her. she now tells me everything and i listen to her.
 
as a thirty-two year old single parent whose parents are now going through a divorce, i cannot even begin to answer this question...

but on second thought, i will try...of course my daughter will be affected by having no father in the house. but luckily, (and i say this with much bitterness), she is not alone...none of her friends have daddies either! how can we raise a generation of girls without fathers? who will teach them what a man should be? men who walk out? men who decide they would rather live for themselves than for their children? yes, i can try to compensate by hugging and kissing my daughter twice as often, but i could never take the place of an absent father...

and as for my own parents...i think it is absolutely ridiculous for them to be going through a divorce now, after thirty-three years...and even though i am an adult, it is still painful beyond words.

marriage is a joke. i will never get married again.
 
Re: the missing label on this can you just opened - read "worms"

deep said:
This is often debated

Here - meet my friend Mr. Quayle.- a republican.:yes::up:


A loving home life is more important than marital status.

I think children do best when they are raised in a healthy ?
 
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icelle said:
from my own experience, my 6 year old daughter was hugely affected by the divorce i went thru. she didnt do much talking about it, she more acted out, which is almost the same thing i did when my parents divorced. she would steal things from the house, and she once set the kitchen on fire. from those incidents i learned that my baby was hurting very much, and i encourage her to talk to me about anything and everything thats bothering her. she now tells me everything and i listen to her.

some think it's
dan quayle's fault.
some think otherwise.
sorry about your little one.
give the baby hugs for me...

thanks-
dave.

:)
 
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I dont think they grow up the same. No child grows up the same as another child as everything around them influences them. Marital status of your parents is only one of many things that shape a child. I think you'd be hard pressed finding a young child that is totally unaffected by a divorce, but divorce in itself is not a bad thing, especially if the parents genuinely cannot live together anymore. The hardest part is when they are young. They have to accept one parent wont be there whenever they need, all visits and contact has to be pre-arranged or a conversation suddenly requires a phone call.
 
I suppose it also depends on the society you live in. I for one grew up among kids who had the full nucleus family, in a conservative society, so there was sort of a stigma going on. I think perhaps asian families back then were more reluctant to divorce because we prefer security.

And it is in how the parents handle it. Parents who complain to the kids about the other parent sometimes foster a spirit of deception, secrecy, or just cuts the kids in half. It's also better for parents to let their children be assured of their love because that's what kept me from blaming anyone. Thank god I was mature enough at 6 years old to tell that it was my parents' problem and not ours. Finally, I think that even though parents try to hide the arguing and tension, children know much more than adults give them credit for.


foray
 
My parents divorced when I was eleven. Both my parents remarried; my dad about a year and a half later, but my mom less than 6 months. I liked my stepmother from day one. She and my dad have been married now for almost eight years and she really is one of my best friends. My ex-stepfather, however, was another story; he eventually became abusive to both me and my mother, and divorcing *him* was certainly among the best decisions my mom ever made. The third time turned out to be the charm; her third husband, who she married a little over 2 years ago, is a great guy who I like a lot.

Was I adversely affected by the *divorce itself*? No; my parents were always careful about making sure my siblings and I could see as much of both of them as we wanted, and we were never stopped from visiting or calling the absent parent when we were with one of them. I think, on the other hand, that my ex-stepfather was very cruel to me and that I've had some issues because of his terrible influence in my life. But I'm a big girl and I need to move past them. I certainly don't blame my mom. All in all, I was luckier than some people.

Bottom line: as long as the parents involved don't try to lock each other out of the kids' lives (unless one is abusive or something) and any stepparents are good people willing to make an honest effort at stepparenting (like my stepmother), I thknk divorced kids will turn out just as well as non-divorced.
 
paxetaurora said:


Bottom line: as long as the parents involved don't try to lock each other out of the kids' lives (unless one is abusive or something) and any stepparents are good people willing to make an honest effort at stepparenting (like my stepmother), I thknk divorced kids will turn out just as well as non-divorced.

:up:

Or better! :D

I feel like a completely different person than what I probably would have been had my parents not divorced. Having something like that happen gave me a different perspective, more compassion for other people, and a motivation to explore the way things worked. Since that time I've grown so much. I just don't think I would have had that had my parents stayed together. It was, and still is, painful. But I feel more mature and better able to handle the world since my parents divorce gave me the opportunity to rely on myself and not them.
 
recent long term studies say a stable, loving enviornment in a healthy 2 parent home is the best for kids.
 
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bonosgirl84 said:
how can we raise a generation of girls without fathers? who will teach them what a man should be? men who walk out? men who decide they would rather live for themselves than for their children? yes, i can try to compensate by hugging and kissing my daughter twice as often, but i could never take the place of an absent father...

With my parents, my father was absent even when they were married. Just because a child's parents are divorced doesn't mean they don't have a father. True, there are some instances when this is the case...
I love my dad, but my soon-to-be stepfather is more a father to me than my dad ever was.
That would totally crush my dad if he heard me say it.
 
Kristie said:
Personally, I think its better to live with one parent than with two that fight constantly

I agree w/ this. Of course this is just my experience, but I constantly wished my parents would get divorced. As I got older, I often asked my Mother why she ever married my father. My Mother got to the point of going to a lawyer, but she didn't go through w/ it because of what she would have lost financially. At that point, all of her kids were grown anyway. Of course how good of a father you have is also an issue :|

But for me, I would have been a lot better off in so many ways other than financially being raised just by my Mother, but like I said, there are other issues involved, mainly the suitability of the parent (s). But growing up in a two parent home w/ a bad marriage is just as difficult as growing up in a single parent home, imo. It leaves you w/ issues to deal w/ into your adulthood.

A parent can be there physically, but not be there in any/ many other ways.
 
Let's See......

When all is said and done, my parental units are working on nine marriages.

So far, my wife and I have outlasted seven of them.'

Relax, what is the worst thing that could happen....look at me....

I turned into a Republican.

Peace
 
Where I grew up it wasn't really 'socially acceptable' for parents to be divorced. Or maybe we were all just lucky. But until I was 20, I only knew of one person with divorced parents.

--Now that I know more people who come from mixed families...I don't know. It seems the majority of them have problems..problems with relationships, just wild in general. One is a huge drug addict. One dropped otu of school. Another goes through boyfriends like there's no tomorrow. Another is way too wild. One is depressed.

Is this a product of the divorce? Probably not (except the depressed person....that was a result of the divorce). I think it's a result of too much freedom on the parent's behalf. But I agree, it is better to grow up in a loving environment, rather than have two parents fight all the time.

Is it not awkward though when parents start dating again? (Just curious)...what if your divorced parents hate each toehr...doesn't that put a kid in an awkward place if one parent always verbally bashes the other? What about moving around from house to house (one parent on weekends). Does this disturb the child?

I have no idea why I've opened this can of worms. I'm sorry. Just some random thoughts spewing from me today.
 
well, I have had some time to think.

I have seen more kids, screwed up by divorces, than I have not.

Just my observation.
 
I do not think 3-4 year olds feel social stigma.
I also think we have many, far to many children, being neglected by their fathers.
 
Dreadsox said:
I do not think 3-4 year olds feel social stigma.

EVERYONE feels social stigma

do 3 and 4 year olds watch tv? do they have friends with families?

There is still a large majority of the population who believes that divorce is bad. But they aren't willing to admit that divorce can be good in many ways. I feel closer to my entire family and more able to value the time I spend with them... and I wouldn't have had that if my parents had stayed together. My brothers and I are also closer because of the divorce, whereas we would still be fighting all the time if we hadn't gone through that.

It's the social stigma that made me (and my parents) feel that divorce was a bad thing. If anything, that social stigma screwed me up more than all the other factors.
 
Dreadsox said:
well, I have had some time to think.

I have seen more kids, screwed up by divorces, than I have not.

Just my observation.

Being a child of divorce and having gone through one myself, I would have to agree.
 
any parent who has has their child look up at them and ask "can i call daddy?" or watched their child tell their absent parent all about their report cards via e mail will understand the damage that is done to divorced children. and there are far, far too many divorced children out there.
 
Divorce can be the best thing in a situation but I wouldn't call it a good thing. Divorce rips something apart and that can only cause trauma. But its the case of something that wasn't whole inthe first place or something which became broken. If a situation is bad for the kids due to fighting, or one partner being abusive (which includes neglect) then for the sake of the children get divorced.

However I think far too many people go intomarraiges thinking, oh well if it doesn't work I have a way out. Perhaps this isn't conscious but it has I think contributed to the divorce rate. People need to be a lot more careful when they get married in the first place. And for goodness sake never have children for the sake of saving a marriage. I'm not saying that's always the case but I've heard far too many stories of that, or of marriages which end right after the last child moves out.
 
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