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Old 02-10-2003, 12:19 PM   #16
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recent long term studies say a stable, loving enviornment in a healthy 2 parent home is the best for kids.
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Old 02-10-2003, 04:21 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally posted by bonosgirl84
how can we raise a generation of girls without fathers? who will teach them what a man should be? men who walk out? men who decide they would rather live for themselves than for their children? yes, i can try to compensate by hugging and kissing my daughter twice as often, but i could never take the place of an absent father...
With my parents, my father was absent even when they were married. Just because a child's parents are divorced doesn't mean they don't have a father. True, there are some instances when this is the case...
I love my dad, but my soon-to-be stepfather is more a father to me than my dad ever was.
That would totally crush my dad if he heard me say it.
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Old 02-10-2003, 04:31 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally posted by Kristie
Personally, I think its better to live with one parent than with two that fight constantly
I agree w/ this. Of course this is just my experience, but I constantly wished my parents would get divorced. As I got older, I often asked my Mother why she ever married my father. My Mother got to the point of going to a lawyer, but she didn't go through w/ it because of what she would have lost financially. At that point, all of her kids were grown anyway. Of course how good of a father you have is also an issue

But for me, I would have been a lot better off in so many ways other than financially being raised just by my Mother, but like I said, there are other issues involved, mainly the suitability of the parent (s). But growing up in a two parent home w/ a bad marriage is just as difficult as growing up in a single parent home, imo. It leaves you w/ issues to deal w/ into your adulthood.

A parent can be there physically, but not be there in any/ many other ways.
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Old 02-10-2003, 05:38 PM   #19
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Let's See......

When all is said and done, my parental units are working on nine marriages.

So far, my wife and I have outlasted seven of them.'

Relax, what is the worst thing that could happen....look at me....

I turned into a Republican.

Peace
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Old 02-10-2003, 05:42 PM   #20
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Where I grew up it wasn't really 'socially acceptable' for parents to be divorced. Or maybe we were all just lucky. But until I was 20, I only knew of one person with divorced parents.

--Now that I know more people who come from mixed families...I don't know. It seems the majority of them have problems..problems with relationships, just wild in general. One is a huge drug addict. One dropped otu of school. Another goes through boyfriends like there's no tomorrow. Another is way too wild. One is depressed.

Is this a product of the divorce? Probably not (except the depressed person....that was a result of the divorce). I think it's a result of too much freedom on the parent's behalf. But I agree, it is better to grow up in a loving environment, rather than have two parents fight all the time.

Is it not awkward though when parents start dating again? (Just curious)...what if your divorced parents hate each toehr...doesn't that put a kid in an awkward place if one parent always verbally bashes the other? What about moving around from house to house (one parent on weekends). Does this disturb the child?

I have no idea why I've opened this can of worms. I'm sorry. Just some random thoughts spewing from me today.
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Old 02-13-2003, 04:35 PM   #21
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well, I have had some time to think.

I have seen more kids, screwed up by divorces, than I have not.

Just my observation.
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Old 02-13-2003, 04:49 PM   #22
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Quote:
Originally posted by Dreadsox
I have seen more kids, screwed up by divorces, than I have not.
I would argue that that fact is because of the social stigma still attached to divorce.
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Old 02-13-2003, 05:18 PM   #23
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I do not think 3-4 year olds feel social stigma.
I also think we have many, far to many children, being neglected by their fathers.
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Old 02-13-2003, 05:37 PM   #24
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Quote:
Originally posted by Dreadsox
I do not think 3-4 year olds feel social stigma.
EVERYONE feels social stigma

do 3 and 4 year olds watch tv? do they have friends with families?

There is still a large majority of the population who believes that divorce is bad. But they aren't willing to admit that divorce can be good in many ways. I feel closer to my entire family and more able to value the time I spend with them... and I wouldn't have had that if my parents had stayed together. My brothers and I are also closer because of the divorce, whereas we would still be fighting all the time if we hadn't gone through that.

It's the social stigma that made me (and my parents) feel that divorce was a bad thing. If anything, that social stigma screwed me up more than all the other factors.
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Old 02-13-2003, 06:08 PM   #25
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Quote:
Originally posted by Dreadsox
well, I have had some time to think.

I have seen more kids, screwed up by divorces, than I have not.

Just my observation.
Being a child of divorce and having gone through one myself, I would have to agree.
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Old 02-14-2003, 09:48 AM   #26
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any parent who has has their child look up at them and ask "can i call daddy?" or watched their child tell their absent parent all about their report cards via e mail will understand the damage that is done to divorced children. and there are far, far too many divorced children out there.
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Old 02-14-2003, 01:06 PM   #27
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Divorce can be the best thing in a situation but I wouldn't call it a good thing. Divorce rips something apart and that can only cause trauma. But its the case of something that wasn't whole inthe first place or something which became broken. If a situation is bad for the kids due to fighting, or one partner being abusive (which includes neglect) then for the sake of the children get divorced.

However I think far too many people go intomarraiges thinking, oh well if it doesn't work I have a way out. Perhaps this isn't conscious but it has I think contributed to the divorce rate. People need to be a lot more careful when they get married in the first place. And for goodness sake never have children for the sake of saving a marriage. I'm not saying that's always the case but I've heard far too many stories of that, or of marriages which end right after the last child moves out.
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