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Old 08-14-2004, 08:06 AM   #1
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I Am Woman, Hear Me Whine

Before the title of the thread gets changed..... These are not my words, they are the title of the editorial and a line from HER editorial:

[Q]By Maggie Gallagher

For all the professional progress women have made, "I am woman, hear me whine" could be the mantra of the postmodern educated woman when it comes to relationships, especially marriage. [/Q]

[Q]Its theme is that women have enormous power over men, especially the power to make your average, decent family guy feel miserably inadequate as a man.[/Q]

[Q]I know that more men today are more horribly irresponsible toward women and children than ever before. At the same time, never before have the good guys received so little appreciation from women, or affirmation from the larger culture, for their masculine contributions.

[Q]In my neighborhood, you see lots of good guys working crushing hours to pay for the nice homes with the good schools, ferrying their kids on the weekend from their multitudinous, highly scheduled, developmentally appropriate activities -- and stopping by to drop off dry-cleaning or pick up take-out along the way.

None of which (in my experience) stops us wives from complaining about their emotional inadequacies, or the difficulties in keeping the little hubby "on task." Career wives or homemaking wives, it seems to make little difference.

Some women routinely treat husbands in ways that, if husbands responded in kind would bring the universal condemnation of all womankind on their heads.[/Q]

and in conclusion

[Q]The problem is not that working wives want more help with household chores, or that all women want husbands deeply involved in family life. The problem comes when a culture of grievance (and the illusions of power it gives) replaces the cultivation of gratitude. Most especially, when appreciation, approval and affection get translated as "subservience" rather than love. [/Q]

Thoughts anyone?


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Old 08-14-2004, 08:21 AM   #2
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I blame the internet!

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Old 08-14-2004, 09:49 AM   #3
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One perspective on a very complex situation.

Opinions are a dime a dozen.

You can find as many, if not more, articles that would refute her position.

Most women nowadays are too busy trying to juggle working to help support their families, take care of the household and the kids to pay too much attention to the ramblings of a columnist.

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Old 08-14-2004, 10:10 AM   #4
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why can't people just be...people?

why must we, to loosely use the words of benedict anderson, 'make up people'?
im the candyman. and the candyman is back.
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Old 08-14-2004, 10:50 AM   #5
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I agree with that.
Wholeheartedly. I certainly wouldn't call it ramblings.
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Old 08-14-2004, 10:52 AM   #6
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Originally posted by kobayashi
why can't people just be...people?
Yes, maybe if we dropped the finger-pointing and entitlement attitudes and just started treating each other like fellow human beings, we might actually make some progress in this world. IMHO, YMMV.
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Old 08-14-2004, 11:33 AM   #7
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it's an interesting article

as just about every other article it doesn't say something about every single situation,
but I do think it makes some rather good observations about the present situation
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Old 08-14-2004, 11:47 AM   #8
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funny thing is just before I read this thread I was thinking what a good team me and my husband make coping with the little things in life like our children, paying bills, household chores ect
no complaining here
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Old 08-14-2004, 12:32 PM   #9
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The author is right on with some of her observations...I'm seeing this type of marriage more frequently, in my own family even, and I feel for these men...it seems like no matter what they do or how hard they work, its never good enough.

And I'm talking about men who work long hours, take more than equal responsibility for the kids and the housework, who even cook and do dishes, yet all I ever hear their wives do is complain. I see a lot of eye rolling, sighs and dirty looks but not many compliments or pats on the back.

Of course I do know that the majority of couples don't have this problem and treat each other with respect and love, I'm just seeing this "never good enough" attitude more and more lately.
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Old 08-14-2004, 01:56 PM   #10
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I can't understand why some women are like that. My husband and I had a deal, he works, I take full responsibility for the kids, I take care of the cars and yardwork, make out all the bills, do all the shopping and carrying in of bags, deal with all the problems on the phone, both business and family.

My husband works, I don't. I have never asked him to change a diaper or feed a baby in the middle of the night, ever. I have never asked him to do any chores, unless the toilet is so stopped up I need his strength to plunge it, or I have trouble getting the lug nuts off the tires and need him to break the grip. Then he bitches. On his time off, he is free to lay about doing literally nothing but playing with the remote control and going out to drink. Yet, to him, I am still a 'worthless bitch' because I don't hold a job outside the home. Well, if I did, I can tell he's one of those who would not help with the things I would no longer have the time to do, and that's the main reason I don't.

I have told him before how lucky he is that I am not one of those working women who whine and nag about him doing his share of the work and child care. I ought to email him this article.

Yes, I do think a lot of women are whiney and too hard on their husbands.
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Old 08-14-2004, 07:11 PM   #11
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I know women like this as well. It usually amounts to someone in the relationship being dependent on the other to make them happy. You can't make someone happy, that comes from within.
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Old 08-15-2004, 12:05 AM   #12
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I guess I haven't observed this phenomenon myself. Most married women I know aren't like this. I did know one woman (wife of a former co-worker) who made her husband's life a living hell, but that had more to do with the fact that she was a borderline psycho than whiny.

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