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Old 06-06-2002, 09:25 AM   #46
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I hope 22 isn't "too old".

I didn't know there was an expiration date on it.
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Old 06-06-2002, 09:59 AM   #47
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Quote:
Originally posted by Basstrap


I don't know. I just think that there should be an immense amount of love between two people who have decided to get married...ideally, an unconditional love, but since were humans the next closest thing!
So close to unconditional that bad sex should NEVER take away love. Thats ridiculous!!
if two people really loved each other and the wife found the husband to be in need of "improvement" or to be "wanting", than they should get help. She should teach him, go see a 'sexpert', etc...not get mad and stop caring about him! I'm sorry but thats just plain ridiculous.
Love overcomes petty things like "chemistry in bed"
Besides, the experience of teaching the loved one would probably fun in itself!

or maybe I'm just blinded by naivity
You're not blind or naive, basstrap. You're right on the money.
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Old 06-06-2002, 10:33 AM   #48
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what I find appalling is the number of ppl some ppl have slept with....not so much the age at which they are virgins.




20-40-40 ppl.......is a bit gross to me.
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Old 06-06-2002, 10:36 AM   #49
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Originally posted by joyfulgirl
I absolutely positively cannot imagine in my wildest nightmares having sex with the person I intend to spend the rest of my life with for the very first time on my wedding night. Not no way not no how.
I don't have to imagine it. I did it. It was awesome, and it still is.
I'm not saying this to try and put any body down, or to say that it somehow makes me better than anyone else. It's just that reading all these comments, it sounds like no one thinks this is possible, or that it ever happens.

Monogamy happens.

My wife and I have never had sex (or any "alternative form of sex") with anyone else, ever. I know that neither of us ever will, as long as we are both living. That's one of several commitments we've made to each other. Monogomy is not some far-fetched ideal, it's a choice and a very real one. It's simple, not easy. But it does happen.

I would not buy a car without test-driving it first. I would also not drop in a new 302 engine with an Edelbrock manifold, Hedman headers, straightpipes, flowmasters, and sway bars without buying the car first. (If no one is catching the analogy here....some say sex with someone you're not married to is like test driving a car before you buy it, I say it's like putting a whole bunch of money into a car you haven't even bought. Money you can never get back.)

Again, I'm not trying to go off on some holier-than-thou trip, I just want to point out that people can be healthy, sexual, and monogamous in spite of high sperm production or the inherent advantages of male genitalia for procreation (see Lilly's post).
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Old 06-06-2002, 10:44 AM   #50
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Quote:
Originally posted by Basstrap


I don't know. I just think that there should be an immense amount of love between two people who have decided to get married...ideally, an unconditional love, but since were humans the next closest thing!
So close to unconditional that bad sex should NEVER take away love. Thats ridiculous!!
if two people really loved each other and the wife found the husband to be in need of "improvement" or to be "wanting", than they should get help. She should teach him, go see a 'sexpert', etc...not get mad and stop caring about him! I'm sorry but thats just plain ridiculous.
Love overcomes petty things like "chemistry in bed"
Besides, the experience of teaching the loved one would probably fun in itself!

or maybe I'm just blinded by naivity
I didn't say that bad sex takes away love. The person I mentioned is still in my life after 10 years and we love each other very, very much and have remained close friends even as we moved into other relationships....but it was obvious that we weren't meant to be mates, after two years of unsatisfying sex that neither of us had experienced with any other serious relationship. All I'm saying is that before I choose to spend the rest of my life with someone, I need to know as much about the person in an intimate way as possible--emotionally, mentally, psychologically, spiritually and physically. Leaving the last part out is not an option for me and if we don't connect physically, that's a deal breaker for me. But hey, if other people want to transcend that and have bad sex 3,4,5 times a week for the next 50 years...well, more power to you!
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Old 06-06-2002, 10:55 AM   #51
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if other people want to transcend that and have bad sex 3,4,5 times a week for the next 50 years...well, more power to you!
your just missing the point that there doesn't have to be bad sex 3 or 4 times a week.
It's a little thing called learning and [i]teaching[i]

Anyway, its apparent we see it differently and I respect that!
I really do!
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Old 06-06-2002, 10:58 AM   #52
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Quote:
Originally posted by joyfulgirl

But hey, if other people want to transcend that and have bad sex 3,4,5 times a week for the next 50 years...well, more power to you!
I'm guessing you don't realize that it's rather offensive (to someone whose chosen a lifetime of monogamy) to state that monogamy is defined by 50 years of "bad" sex.

Imagine me saying this to you:
If other people want to spend the next 50 years hopping from bed to bed, hoping you'll find eventually find *really* good sex....well, more power to you! I'd rather stay home and have great sex 3,4,5 times a week with my wife.

rather offensive.
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Old 06-06-2002, 11:22 AM   #53
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Quote:
Originally posted by Spiral_Staircase


I'm guessing you don't realize that it's rather offensive (to someone whose chosen a lifetime of monogamy) to state that monogamy is defined by 50 years of "bad" sex.

Imagine me saying this to you:
If other people want to spend the next 50 years hopping from bed to bed, hoping you'll find eventually find *really* good sex....well, more power to you! I'd rather stay home and have great sex 3,4,5 times a week with my wife.

rather offensive.
I did not say that monogamy is defined by bad sex!!! I said what I said in response to Basstrap's comment that love should transcend bad sex, that even if the sex is bad there can be a loving marriage [edit]--ok he didn't say that exactly but that's what I inferred. And I'm saying that I can't be married to someone when the sex is bad because a lifetime of bad sex is a LOT of sex. When you say 'well, the sex isn't great but we love each other' I'm just suggesting that people think about 50 years of that.

And I do not have sex casually, thanks, and I do not jump from bed to bed in search of the best sex. But when and if I marry, it will be with someone with whom I totally love on every level, including a sexual level.
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Old 06-06-2002, 11:28 AM   #54
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Quote:
Originally posted by Basstrap


your just missing the point that there doesn't have to be bad sex 3 or 4 times a week.
It's a little thing called learning and [i]teaching[i]

Anyway, its apparent we see it differently and I respect that!
I really do!
I did not miss that point. I spent two years teaching and learning from this guy and it didn't work. He was and is a beautiful man who is an oaf in bed and there wasn't a damn bit of improvement after 2 years of "touch me this way please" and I'm glad we had a sexual relationship to discover this before we both made what I think would have been a very bad mistake--getting married, which was discussed.

And I see where you're coming from,too--your girlfriend is a lucky girl.
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Old 06-06-2002, 11:31 AM   #55
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Quote:
Originally posted by Spiral_Staircase
I would not buy a car without test-driving it first. I would also not drop in a new 302 engine with an Edelbrock manifold, Hedman headers, straightpipes, flowmasters, and sway bars without buying the car first. (If no one is catching the analogy here....some say sex with someone you're not married to is like test driving a car before you buy it, I say it's like putting a whole bunch of money into a car you haven't even bought. Money you can never get back.)
I'm not really getting involved in this whole discussion but I wanted to say that that's a great analogy, really made me think.

As for my opinion, I don't necessarily believe you shouldn't have sex until you're married, but I do believe it should only be with someone you truly love and intend to stay in a relationship with, even if you don't intend to marry.
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Old 06-06-2002, 11:43 AM   #56
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Quote:
Originally posted by joyfulgirl


I did not say that monogamy is defined by bad sex!!! I said what I said in response to Basstrap's comment that love should transcend bad sex, that even if the sex is bad there can be a loving marriage. And I'm saying that I can't be married to someone when the sex is bad because a lifetime of bad sex is a LOT of sex.
Sorry, I didn't catch that you were specifically responding to Basstrap's hypothetical couple with a "bad sex" problem. I still don't agree with you, but I'm no longer offended. (I'm a little slow sometimes!)

Quote:

And I do not have sex casually, thanks, and I do not have jump from bed to bed in search of the best sex.
I hope you know I wasn't trying to imply that you do, I just trying to make the point that general assumptions about sexuality can be offensive to individuals because they are inaccurate, not because they "hit too close to home." Now that I understand you were making comment about a specific (hypothetical) situation....well, I understand there was probably no need for me to make that point. Sorry if I offended. Hopefully no hard feelings.

But I still agree with Basstrap. I think that "bad sex" is far from the biggest threat to a married couple's relationship. And I believe that past sexual experiences are far more likely to contribute to "bad sex" than a lack of them.
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Old 06-06-2002, 11:47 AM   #57
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Quote:
Originally posted by Spiral_Staircase


Sorry, I didn't catch that you were specifically responding to Basstrap's hypothetical couple with a "bad sex" problem. I still don't agree with you, but I'm no longer offended. (I'm a little slow sometimes!)



I hope you know I wasn't trying to imply that you do, I just trying to make the point that general assumptions about sexuality can be offensive to individuals because they are inaccurate, not because they "hit too close to home." Now that I understand you were making comment about a specific (hypothetical) situation....well, I understand there was probably no need for me to make that point. Sorry if I offended. Hopefully no hard feelings.

But I still agree with Basstrap. I think that "bad sex" is far from the biggest threat to a married couple's relationship. And I believe that past sexual experiences are far more likely to contribute to "bad sex" than a lack of them.
Whew! We agree (and agree to disagree as well).

I also don't think bad sex is the biggest threat to a married couple's relationship (money seems to be a much bigger threat, for example) but it is a factor and for me it's an important one.
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Old 06-06-2002, 11:49 AM   #58
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Quote:
Originally posted by Basstrap


I don't know. I just think that there should be an immense amount of love between two people who have decided to get married...ideally, an unconditional love, but since were humans the next closest thing!


those are my thoughts exactly.
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Old 06-06-2002, 11:49 AM   #59
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cool.
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Old 06-06-2002, 12:45 PM   #60
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I don't think people should wait until they get married
I personally don't think it's such a great idea to have sex with someone you have only known for about a month
but that's just me
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