joyfulgirl said:
I spent two years teaching and learning from this guy and it didn't work. He was and is a beautiful man who is an oaf in bed and there wasn't a damn bit of improvement after 2 years of "touch me this way please" and I'm glad we had a sexual relationship to discover this before we both made what I think would have been a very bad mistake--getting married, which was discussed.
Joyfulgirl has a VERY real point here.
I do not speak the following from personal experience. Heck, I wish I could. LOL! But what joyfulgirl experienced is the same as what one of my friends and former coworkers is going through now. He loves this woman - they click on all levels. However, he complained to me that in bed she is a dud. Basically, she just lies there. I told him the same thing about "teaching" her. He said he tried - but instead of things getting better, they were worse! I asked him to elaborate - but, it is rather personal and it's probably difficult to explain. For him, he said he actually preferred her doing nothing than trying something. But the result was turning out that they didn't have sex at all. In other words, here was a healthy, horny man in his 20's who'd rather have no sex - despite all the frustrations it presented - than have bad sex with the person he loved.
And he and I talked about this. He agreed that spending the next "50 years" with this person without that intimate bond was tough. However, when he's tried dating other people, he just doesn't click.
I think this is one of the main reasons why people cheat. They love one person, but their sexual/physical side is not tended to in any matter. As a result, they seek someone to fulfill that aspect of their lives. They need that person where they can have a good romp in the bed, but they still want to go back to the person they love an hour later. Now, if a person did what joyfulgirl stated, perhaps less cheating would occur.
For those of you who waited, I applaud you. However, I agree with joyfulgirl here. It's not a matter of anticipation waiting for my wedding night. This isn't a Christmas present where I open it, then toss it aside minutes later, as I get the next present! This is a person I want to spend the rest of my life with. As such, I want to ensure that we do connect on all levels.