How old is too old to be a virgin?

[joyfulgirl]

I absolutely positively cannot imagine in my wildest nightmares having sex with the person I intend to spend the rest of my life with for the very first time on my wedding night. Not no way not no how.

 

[Basstrap]

I think it will be great.
I mean..the tension the exitement and anticipation.
My heart is beating already...I can't imagine what I'll be like that evening!!
I don't want to be comparing her with anyone either.

And people say you should have lots before, or at least some, because then your marriage night won't suck. But I think the first time can be great!

its all about education and communication.
Not like walking into the bedroom and not knowing how and where to please, and not asking each other how it is for them.

 

[joyfulgirl]

Basstrap, I hope it will be great. You sound like you will be a thoughtful lover.

For me, waiting is not an option because I am not having lame sex til death do we part. And I have had the experience of being in love and then having sex only to discover it wasn't happening and not fixable and there was absolutely no clue that there would be no chemistry in bed. So, I am not very romantic on this one--it's got to be great and I've got to know that in advance.

As for the original question...whenever it feels right, that's all. I have a friend who is 42 and still a virgin and yes, this is a problem. I think he's gay and trapped in a small conservative town with no hope of coming out and being accepted. And now the issues around sex are so huge that he's headed for some kind of breakdown, I fear.... Very sad.

 

[joyfulgirl]

humans are monogomous by nature...sex should be the same way.

I could not disagree more! I have seen no evidence that humans are monogamous by nature. I believe that monogamy is a choice people make, but that it is by no means a natural instinct. Just my personal .02.

 

[Lilly]

paxetaura, i agree with you, cba hopes we didn't come across in any manner that would offend you, because that is not in any way what we were going for. i am proud to be a virgin, cos i just turned 18 and i haven't met anyone i have even enjoyed kissing let alone having sex with. of course, i don't actually like to be touched, so that makes the whole thing really rather complicated and omy i've gone on a tangeant...anyhoo what i'm saying is that i agre with you totally. i am happy being a virgin because that's my decision. if someone else feels comfortable and is ok with it then go for it, your life isn't mine to lead.

 

[Lilly]

oh! two more things!

1. twin, no humans are not monogomous by nature.

exhibit a. (yeah put your bio shields on) the only reason why men make so much sperm in one day is so they can impregnate TONS of females! their reproductive purpose is to spread their seed as far as possible. the more women he is with, the more his seed will be spread. and if that same woman had sex with another male, the sperm within the environment (the vagina, and really more accurately the fallopian tubes) would have to compete with each other to fertilize the available egg. whosever's sperm fertilized was the fittest and and would thus create the fittest child.

exhibit b. the penis is built like it is to create advantages. the...uhm, i don't feel like going into this cos it's long and i'm sure no one cares..so yeah.


2. basstrap, where do you live?

 

[missmacphisto]

I'm sooo sorry...hehehehe!

the..uhm, i don't feel like going into this cos it's long and i'm sure no one cares..so yeah.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Er, i coule REALLY say something here but I'll spare ya!

ROFLMFAO!!!

 

[missmacphisto]

ANYWAY....Yeah I agree that you have to love the person youre with...And i mean actual love, not momentary infatuation.
I think its normal for guys to lose it at age 17 or 18, i'm always shocked and a little concerned whenever i encounter a guy who hasnt "done it" by then. You have to wonder whats wrong with him unless he's actually waiting for marriage or something.
For girls...any age is ok i guess. It is not something to be thrown away just like that. Its extremely special, you should be with your partner for a longtime before you go all the way. Explore other forms of sex in the meantime.

Yeah, yeah, I know, sounds kinda strange coming from an admitted Slut, but hey...do as i say...not as i do

 

[Discoteque]

yep, they do exist (tho they're rare). One is a good friend of mine, who was 28, and just got married; and the other is my own little SISTER (sorry sis) who is just shy of 40 and is very happy being still single and "intact." No really.

Personally, I wish I'd waited....the fact that virgins are 'hard to find' (and then are scorned for being virgins) says alot about our society. It's pretty sad, actually.

I am yet to meet one person yet in my life who is or has waited until they were married- do these people actually exist????

 

[Stories for Boys]

laura: *puts her foot in her mouth*

i stand corrected, but perhaps i am the sheltered one...i'll say it like this: i think humans SHOULD be monogomous. i do, however agree with you, shannon. i say all this now, but i've never had an even close to serious relationship. i may just see things different then. in fact, just a year ago i felt totally different about virginity...i'm not so sure it's as big of a deal as i used to think it was. but i am still proud to be a virgin because i've had no decent relationships that would make the sex justified...

 

[Sicy]

For girls...any age is ok i guess.

?

Originally posted by Stories for Boys
i think humans SHOULD be monogomous

 

[Lilly]

i think humans SHOULD be monogomous

yes twin, but it's just not that easy. people divorce over this and wreck families in the meantime...and even if they didn't mean it it still stings so bad...SHOULD is a word that has so many conditions attached to it.

relationships of any kind take a lot of work to maintain, especially as time passes.

for some reason, some humans (men and women both) want to branch out and will risk everything for it. and until you've experienced that betrayal in any way, you and i will never see eye to eye on monogamy.

 

[Achtung_Bebe]

I'd hate to say that I regret my first time, because what's done is done.... but I would seriously change the circumstances now if I could. I hardly knew the guy and there was drinking involved. I couldn't remember my "night to remember" because I had one too many. I'd definately recommend that anyone wait rather than cheapen what should be a special moment.

Two years (and a few partners) later I've still not found "the one".... the way things are going I'm not sure if I will be any time soon....at this rate if I were to wait for "the one" it seems I may very well burst I remember before I lost my virginity it wasn't even that big of an issue. However after your first time it becomes much easier to do it again... it suddenly becomes this very tangible option. I think before offering it up you should keep this in mind. The first time changes your whole perspective. My advice is to try and put yourself in the situation where your first time won't leave a bad impression.

 

[Achtung_Bebe]

oh and to answer the initial question.... people should do what they feel is best. I think it is ENTIRELY up to the individual. There shouldn't be a stigma against virgins of a certain age because sex opens up lots of windows and emotions (for most people with a pulse)

 

[Basstrap]

And I have had the experience of being in love and then having sex only to discover it wasn't happening and not fixable and there was absolutely no clue that there would be no chemistry in bed.

I don't know. I just think that there should be an immense amount of love between two people who have decided to get married...ideally, an unconditional love, but since were humans the next closest thing!
So close to unconditional that bad sex should NEVER take away love. Thats ridiculous!!
if two people really loved each other and the wife found the husband to be in need of "improvement" or to be "wanting", than they should get help. She should teach him, go see a 'sexpert', etc...not get mad and stop caring about him! I'm sorry but thats just plain ridiculous.
Love overcomes petty things like "chemistry in bed"
Besides, the experience of teaching the loved one would probably fun in itself!

or maybe I'm just blinded by naivity

 

[sulawesigirl4]

I hope 22 isn't "too old".

I didn't know there was an expiration date on it.

 

[Spiral_Staircase]

I don't know. I just think that there should be an immense amount of love between two people who have decided to get married...ideally, an unconditional love, but since were humans the next closest thing!
So close to unconditional that bad sex should NEVER take away love. Thats ridiculous!!
if two people really loved each other and the wife found the husband to be in need of "improvement" or to be "wanting", than they should get help. She should teach him, go see a 'sexpert', etc...not get mad and stop caring about him! I'm sorry but thats just plain ridiculous.
Love overcomes petty things like "chemistry in bed"
Besides, the experience of teaching the loved one would probably fun in itself!

or maybe I'm just blinded by naivity

You're not blind or naive, basstrap. You're right on the money.

 

[V Nura]

what I find appalling is the number of ppl some ppl have slept with....not so much the age at which they are virgins.




20-40-40 ppl.......is a bit gross to me.

 

[Spiral_Staircase]

I absolutely positively cannot imagine in my wildest nightmares having sex with the person I intend to spend the rest of my life with for the very first time on my wedding night. Not no way not no how.

I don't have to imagine it. I did it. It was awesome, and it still is.
I'm not saying this to try and put any body down, or to say that it somehow makes me better than anyone else. It's just that reading all these comments, it sounds like no one thinks this is possible, or that it ever happens.

Monogamy happens.

My wife and I have never had sex (or any "alternative form of sex") with anyone else, ever. I know that neither of us ever will, as long as we are both living. That's one of several commitments we've made to each other. Monogomy is not some far-fetched ideal, it's a choice and a very real one. It's simple, not easy. But it does happen.

I would not buy a car without test-driving it first. I would also not drop in a new 302 engine with an Edelbrock manifold, Hedman headers, straightpipes, flowmasters, and sway bars without buying the car first. (If no one is catching the analogy here....some say sex with someone you're not married to is like test driving a car before you buy it, I say it's like putting a whole bunch of money into a car you haven't even bought. Money you can never get back.)

Again, I'm not trying to go off on some holier-than-thou trip, I just want to point out that people can be healthy, sexual, and monogamous in spite of high sperm production or the inherent advantages of male genitalia for procreation (see Lilly's post).

 

[joyfulgirl]

I don't know. I just think that there should be an immense amount of love between two people who have decided to get married...ideally, an unconditional love, but since were humans the next closest thing!
So close to unconditional that bad sex should NEVER take away love. Thats ridiculous!!
if two people really loved each other and the wife found the husband to be in need of "improvement" or to be "wanting", than they should get help. She should teach him, go see a 'sexpert', etc...not get mad and stop caring about him! I'm sorry but thats just plain ridiculous.
Love overcomes petty things like "chemistry in bed"
Besides, the experience of teaching the loved one would probably fun in itself!

or maybe I'm just blinded by naivity

I didn't say that bad sex takes away love. The person I mentioned is still in my life after 10 years and we love each other very, very much and have remained close friends even as we moved into other relationships....but it was obvious that we weren't meant to be mates, after two years of unsatisfying sex that neither of us had experienced with any other serious relationship. All I'm saying is that before I choose to spend the rest of my life with someone, I need to know as much about the person in an intimate way as possible--emotionally, mentally, psychologically, spiritually and physically. Leaving the last part out is not an option for me and if we don't connect physically, that's a deal breaker for me. But hey, if other people want to transcend that and have bad sex 3,4,5 times a week for the next 50 years...well, more power to you!

 

[Basstrap]

if other people want to transcend that and have bad sex 3,4,5 times a week for the next 50 years...well, more power to you!

your just missing the point that there doesn't have to be bad sex 3 or 4 times a week.
It's a little thing called learning and teaching

Anyway, its apparent we see it differently and I respect that!
I really do!

 

[Spiral_Staircase]

But hey, if other people want to transcend that and have bad sex 3,4,5 times a week for the next 50 years...well, more power to you!

I'm guessing you don't realize that it's rather offensive (to someone whose chosen a lifetime of monogamy) to state that monogamy is defined by 50 years of "bad" sex.

Imagine me saying this to you:
If other people want to spend the next 50 years hopping from bed to bed, hoping you'll find eventually find *really* good sex....well, more power to you! I'd rather stay home and have great sex 3,4,5 times a week with my wife.

rather offensive.

 

[joyfulgirl]

I'm guessing you don't realize that it's rather offensive (to someone whose chosen a lifetime of monogamy) to state that monogamy is defined by 50 years of "bad" sex.

Imagine me saying this to you:
If other people want to spend the next 50 years hopping from bed to bed, hoping you'll find eventually find *really* good sex....well, more power to you! I'd rather stay home and have great sex 3,4,5 times a week with my wife.

rather offensive.

I did not say that monogamy is defined by bad sex!!! I said what I said in response to Basstrap's comment that love should transcend bad sex, that even if the sex is bad there can be a loving marriage [edit]--ok he didn't say that exactly but that's what I inferred. And I'm saying that I can't be married to someone when the sex is bad because a lifetime of bad sex is a LOT of sex. When you say 'well, the sex isn't great but we love each other' I'm just suggesting that people think about 50 years of that.

And I do not have sex casually, thanks, and I do not jump from bed to bed in search of the best sex. But when and if I marry, it will be with someone with whom I totally love on every level, including a sexual level.

 

[joyfulgirl]

your just missing the point that there doesn't have to be bad sex 3 or 4 times a week.
It's a little thing called learning and teaching

Anyway, its apparent we see it differently and I respect that!
I really do!

I did not miss that point. I spent two years teaching and learning from this guy and it didn't work. He was and is a beautiful man who is an oaf in bed and there wasn't a damn bit of improvement after 2 years of "touch me this way please" and I'm glad we had a sexual relationship to discover this before we both made what I think would have been a very bad mistake--getting married, which was discussed.

And I see where you're coming from,too--your girlfriend is a lucky girl.

 

[FizzingWhizzbees]

I would not buy a car without test-driving it first. I would also not drop in a new 302 engine with an Edelbrock manifold, Hedman headers, straightpipes, flowmasters, and sway bars without buying the car first. (If no one is catching the analogy here....some say sex with someone you're not married to is like test driving a car before you buy it, I say it's like putting a whole bunch of money into a car you haven't even bought. Money you can never get back.)

I'm not really getting involved in this whole discussion but I wanted to say that that's a great analogy, really made me think.

As for my opinion, I don't necessarily believe you shouldn't have sex until you're married, but I do believe it should only be with someone you truly love and intend to stay in a relationship with, even if you don't intend to marry.

 

[Spiral_Staircase]

I did not say that monogamy is defined by bad sex!!! I said what I said in response to Basstrap's comment that love should transcend bad sex, that even if the sex is bad there can be a loving marriage. And I'm saying that I can't be married to someone when the sex is bad because a lifetime of bad sex is a LOT of sex.

Sorry, I didn't catch that you were specifically responding to Basstrap's hypothetical couple with a "bad sex" problem. I still don't agree with you, but I'm no longer offended. (I'm a little slow sometimes!)

And I do not have sex casually, thanks, and I do not have jump from bed to bed in search of the best sex.

I hope you know I wasn't trying to imply that you do, I just trying to make the point that general assumptions about sexuality can be offensive to individuals because they are inaccurate, not because they "hit too close to home." Now that I understand you were making comment about a specific (hypothetical) situation....well, I understand there was probably no need for me to make that point. Sorry if I offended. Hopefully no hard feelings.

But I still agree with Basstrap. I think that "bad sex" is far from the biggest threat to a married couple's relationship. And I believe that past sexual experiences are far more likely to contribute to "bad sex" than a lack of them.

 

[joyfulgirl]

Sorry, I didn't catch that you were specifically responding to Basstrap's hypothetical couple with a "bad sex" problem. I still don't agree with you, but I'm no longer offended. (I'm a little slow sometimes!)



I hope you know I wasn't trying to imply that you do, I just trying to make the point that general assumptions about sexuality can be offensive to individuals because they are inaccurate, not because they "hit too close to home." Now that I understand you were making comment about a specific (hypothetical) situation....well, I understand there was probably no need for me to make that point. Sorry if I offended. Hopefully no hard feelings.

But I still agree with Basstrap. I think that "bad sex" is far from the biggest threat to a married couple's relationship. And I believe that past sexual experiences are far more likely to contribute to "bad sex" than a lack of them.

Whew! We agree (and agree to disagree as well).

I also don't think bad sex is the biggest threat to a married couple's relationship (money seems to be a much bigger threat, for example) but it is a factor and for me it's an important one.

 

[Lilly]

I don't know. I just think that there should be an immense amount of love between two people who have decided to get married...ideally, an unconditional love, but since were humans the next closest thing!

those are my thoughts exactly.

 

[Spiral_Staircase]

cool.

 

[Salome]

I don't think people should wait until they get married
I personally don't think it's such a great idea to have sex with someone you have only known for about a month
but that's just me