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Old 02-23-2003, 01:30 AM   #1
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high american admin. source confirms immediate action in iraq!

Ted Connors, AP

New York, New York

Speaking to Chris Matthews and television viewers across America on the hit tv sindicate 'Hardball', American Defence Secretary assistant Jonathon K. Hillbinger announced America's immediate plans to invade Iraq.

Citing the need to "wipe terror from the face of the world," Hillbinger said war was inevitable due to Iraqi President Saddam Hussein's unwillingness to comply with UN resolutions.

"Saddam was given a window of time to prove to the UN and to the whole world that he was serious about disarming his vast array of weapons of mass destruction," Hillbinger said. "Unfortunately, he has not, and had led his people and many of the stupid hippies across the world to believe that he has nothing to hide."

Visibly outraged by the anti-war movement, Hillbinger went on to describe the millions of protesters as "evil", "irrelevant", and "french, spineless clowns."

When asked to explain his outrage towards the "evil hippies", the assistant to Secretary Donald Rumsfeld was quick to offer his take.

"America, and all the free nations of the world are proud to be a part of a democracy, that's what we're all about," said Hillbinger. "For people to be able to protest against the government line is what used to make our country great. Now, they have taken it too far. I'd be lieing if I said my feelings weren't hurt by the protestors stance.

"They are saying things like "no blood for oil" and "we dont want your dirty war," and it's stupid. Their arguement is stupid and it's evil."

In the process of the interview, the assistant persuaded this reporter to comply with his demand that the article be presented in a pro-government fashion.

"I'm sick to the teeth of reading garbage in page 4 editorials about how people have the right to say what's on their mind, the truth is, they shouldn't have that right," exclaimed a very emotional Hillbinger. "When I become President one day, there will be no voice of dissent among my peoples, because I won't allow it to be heard."

Alarmed, CBS cut the interview short of its usual 30 minute slot.

In related news, ratings are expected to increase for tommorow nights broadcast.
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Old 02-23-2003, 01:34 AM   #2
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See my comment in Diamond's lovely thread. Same principle stands. At least you know who you're voting for, when they stop trying to be coy and just say what they're about.
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Old 02-23-2003, 01:35 AM   #3
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i know, i did. thats what uh, you know, gave me the inspiration to post this article.
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Old 02-23-2003, 01:38 AM   #4
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I'm touched. Now I almost wish the article was made-up or taken out of context or something, cause if that's what they really think then God help us.
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Old 02-23-2003, 01:38 AM   #5
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Re: high american admin. source confirms immediate action in iraq!

Quote:

Visibly outraged by the anti-war movement, Hillbinger went on to describe the millions of protesters as "evil", "irrelevant", and "french, spineless clowns."
LOL.
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Old 02-23-2003, 01:41 AM   #6
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LOL Isn't the real news in the world bad enough without making up this story...Bear?
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Old 02-23-2003, 01:45 AM   #7
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I'm telling on you.
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Old 02-23-2003, 01:45 AM   #8
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:P, im bored and ive been sick for a week. i think im going to take up ted connors moniker and write a daily piece with him. its fun.

and more importantly, it wastes time.
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Old 02-23-2003, 01:45 AM   #9
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Does anyone wonder whether the us gov.t actually have an ulterior motive behind their aggressive stance, which they will never tell the public media... because it might be a deep secret that would exploit/shame our own country?
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Old 02-23-2003, 01:46 AM   #10
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Hardball is on MSNBC....not CBS...LOL Just for future reference.

Did you see SNL? Opening was Hardball.
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Old 02-23-2003, 01:46 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally posted by meegannie


I'm telling on you.
for what?

i complied with what the assistant wanted.
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Old 02-23-2003, 01:48 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally posted by Dreadsox
Hardball is on MSNBC....not CBS...LOL Just for future reference.

Did you see SNL? Opening was Hardball.
at first i didnt know if i wanted to source the quote from "Saturday Night Live" or not, but yes, i was inspired by that, lol.

thanks for the clarification, nevertheless. i didnt exactly do my research on this piece.
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Old 02-23-2003, 01:59 AM   #13
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Damn, at first I thought this was real news and couldn't believe a political official would say this to the press!! OMG!!! The real news is bad enough. But I get your drift, I've been sick for a week too. flu...............
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Old 02-23-2003, 02:02 AM   #14
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bear-(off topic)

my idiot friends want to go to winnipeg for spring break because they can drink.

however, there was just a law passed that says if you have an american i.d, you have to be american age.

they argue with me saying that they are grandfathered in, that they can use their i.d to get loaded in winnipeg.

i don't think it's grandfathered...part of me wants to not tell them and let them waste their break in winnipeg, but part of me feels guilty. do you know if it is grandfathered?
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Old 02-23-2003, 02:03 AM   #15
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Oh dear, it was all a hoax. I'll never trust anything again. Hmph. Very plausible though, cause it's often the obscure 'assistant' figures in the administration who get the job of saying the really extreme stuff. But even so, I was duped. What can I say. Eggs etc.
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