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Old 04-20-2002, 03:10 AM   #16
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I don't anything about the book, but teens aren't children. Teens have sex. Of course a 13 year old is different than an 18 year old and there is the question of emotional maturity...

[This message has been edited by joyfulgirl (edited 04-19-2002).]
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Old 04-20-2002, 03:24 AM   #17
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In times past, in different cultures, 13 year old girls were considered of an age to marry. They can procreate, so the body is ready to be sexual. But I think we live in such a different time today...it's all tricky territory.
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Old 04-20-2002, 06:11 AM   #18
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It may be well and good for those living in Nepal or villages in Indonesia, but for the teens in our society I dont agree it is ok. Most 13 or 14 year olds aren't geared for manaing a household or sex, let alone marriage. Their teens are conditioned to it.

I'm sorry to hear about your experience Bono's American Wife. I hope you feel no long term effects from it. I take it also that you meant you hope your son is only having sex with girl of a suitable age or over18? I'm guessing that's what you meant.

I wonder what this book says about these people well into adulthood wishing to have sex with young girls, or boys for that matter. That I think is the worst part. Kids can be excused due largely to their naivety. For adults there is no such excuse.

**Post script**
Sorry Bono's American Wife, I misread your post the first time. I understand you were saying you want him to be with girls his own age, not excessively younger, not excessively older. Sorry! Dont mind me

[This message has been edited by Angela Harlem (edited 04-20-2002).]
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Old 04-20-2002, 08:51 AM   #19
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the reasons we forbid sex between minors and adults has a practical side as well. I read somewhere (why don't I write these things down...but who knew I would need it again!) that most of the teen-age girls who get pregnant are not involved with their bumbling teen-age boyfriends but with older men. Such laws are supposed to help curb the tide of teen-age pregnancy.

Now while underage boys obviously cannot get pregnant...they can get diseases...like AIDS and hepitatis...and other STDs....from adults (both men and women...obviously)

The laws aren't in place to just avoid emotional and mental trauma...they are there also in the interest of public health....

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Old 04-20-2002, 12:50 PM   #20
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Quote:
Originally posted by melon:
I think that Mohammed's wife was nine when they got married. He was 54 at the time.

Melon


Muhammad as in the Prophet? Because he was 25 when he married Khadijah, and since she was a widow, I don't believe she was 9. He definitely wasn't 54, since the Hijrah occured when he was 52.
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Old 04-20-2002, 02:16 PM   #21
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Quote:
Originally posted by foray:

I'm not really interested in the sexual side of it, though. I just wanted to say that I do think a romantic or very close relationship between a young teen and an older person is legitimate. At the age of 15-19, I had at least 2 soulmates who were over 30. But this is all just my humble opinion.

foray

I really agree with you there. I was very mature for my age and often felt very out of sync with people my own age. As a teenager I was always more comfortable talking with people who were significantly older than me but who were youthful in spirit, than I was with my classmates. Now that's kind of flipped on me though...I have more younger friends today than people my own age who are mostly married with kids now. But I have no interest in having a sexual relationship with anyone younger than, say, 5 years.

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Old 04-21-2002, 12:06 AM   #22
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Quote:
Originally posted by Angela Harlem:
It may be well and good for those living in Nepal or villages in Indonesia, but for the teens in our society I dont agree it is ok. Most 13 or 14 year olds aren't geared for manaing a household or sex, let alone marriage. Their teens are conditioned to it.

I'm sorry to hear about your experience Bono's American Wife. I hope you feel no long term effects from it. I take it also that you meant you hope your son is only having sex with girl of a suitable age or over18? I'm guessing that's what you meant.

I wonder what this book says about these people well into adulthood wishing to have sex with young girls, or boys for that matter. That I think is the worst part. Kids can be excused due largely to their naivety. For adults there is no such excuse.

**Post script**
Sorry Bono's American Wife, I misread your post the first time. I understand you were saying you want him to be with girls his own age, not excessively younger, not excessively older. Sorry! Dont mind me

[This message has been edited by Angela Harlem (edited 04-20-2002).]
Nothing to be sorry about I will clarify and say that I am aware that my son is having sex, but with a girl his own age. I don't really like this but I know it's a fact of life and I can't be everywhere he is. I have given him the information he needs to protect himself and have made it clear to him that taking advantage of a younger girl to get sex is very wrong. He's 17 but as far as I know, not interested in girls any younger than that. I would kill him if I found out he was taking advantage of someone too young to know any better. We did have a situation where a woman in her late 20's was calling him and letting him and his friends "party" at her house. I put a stop to that and told her she would be calling him from jail if she didn't leave my son alone, so that's over. I was really disgusted by this woman and couldn't believe that she would be willing to sleep with a then-16 year old boy but I guess they're out there. He is over 6 feet tall and looks 19 or 20 so I have problems with older girls being interested in him all the time.

As far as my situation is concerned, I did have some real problems in my teenage years with self-esteem and feeling unworthy of being loved but I've come a long way since then and have very healthy relationship with my husband. I blamed myself for a long time but realize now that I was taken advantange of by an adult who convinced me that sex meant being in love when at 14, I wasn't ready for either one.
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Old 04-21-2002, 04:06 AM   #23
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Quote:
Originally posted by joyfulgirl:
I really agree with you there. I was very mature for my age and often felt very out of sync with people my own age. As a teenager I was always more comfortable talking with people who were significantly older than me but who were youthful in spirit, than I was with my classmates
I had to end one of my friendships.

That's interesting how you are now friends with mostly young folks now. Why do you think that is, though? Perhaps your experience as a teen made you more sympathetic towards teens now and you don't write them off as silly brats like most adults do.

foray


[This message has been edited by foray (edited 04-21-2002).]
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Old 04-22-2002, 12:06 AM   #24
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Quote:
Originally posted by paxetaurora:
Have any of you actually read the book? I've not yet myself, but I think the author's larger point is that overprotecting teenagers from healthy sexual expression can do more damage than good.

I agree.

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Old 04-23-2002, 03:41 AM   #25
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At lunch today we were talking about a related subject. A friend has a 6 month old son in home day care. There are two girls who are 2 years old and they keep calling her son's penis his 'special area' No one kept a straight face at that. I recall all sorts of other words for privates, but one lady said she uses only the correct terms with her son who is 5. So we had this huge discussion on what was better - real terms or euphasmisms. On the one hand you have a well informed child who can be knowledgable about their body, but who [lets face it] will use these words in her life and you know some mom or dad is gonna call saying your kid is using 'dirty' words. Frankly I think it is stupid to call it the wee-wee or heiny or anything but as I don't have kids I can't say whether I would feel all that comfortable with clinical terms with a child. Although I did have to address the peeing in the back yard with a neighbors child. I told him that was a rude act in my opinion and that even if it was okay at his house, it wasn't okay here and that is why there are bathrooms with doors. No specific words needed.
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