Fred Who? - U2 Feedback

Go Back   U2 Feedback > Lypton Village > Free Your Mind > Free Your Mind Archive
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 07-10-2006, 03:17 PM   #1
Blue Crack Addict
MrsSpringsteen's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2002
Posts: 24,837
Local Time: 11:50 AM
Fred Who?

You know how so many people have those obits now that read like resumes, and go on and on about how great they were?

This is a real obit that appeared in the Richmond Times Dispatch yesterday

Frederic Arthur (Fred) Clark

Frederic Arthur (Fred) Clark, who had tired of reading obituaries noting other's courageous battles with this or that disease, wanted it known that he lost his battle as a result of an automobile accident on June 18, 2006. True to Fred's personal style, his final hours were spent joking with medical personnel while he whimpered, cussed, begged for narcotics and bargained with God to look over his wife and kids. He loved his family. His heart beat faster when his wife of 37 years Alice Rennie Clark entered the room and saddened a little when she left. His legacy was the good works performed by his sons, Frederic Arthur Clark III and Andrew Douglas Clark MD, PhD., along with Andy's wife, Sara Morgan Clark. Fred's back straightened and chest puffed out when he heard the Star Spangled Banner and his eyes teared when he heard Amazing Grace. He wouldn't abide self important tight *censored*. Always an interested observer of politics, particularly what the process does to its participants, he was amused by politician's outrage when we lie to them and amazed at what the voters would tolerate. His final wishes were "throw the bums out and don't elect lawyers" (though it seems to make little difference). During his life he excelled at mediocrity. He loved to hear and tell jokes, especially short ones due to his limited attention span. He had a life long love affair with bacon, butter, cigars and bourbon. You always knew what Fred was thinking much to the dismay of his friend and family. His sons said of Fred, "he was often wrong, but never in doubt". When his family was asked what they remembered about Fred, they fondly recalled how Fred never peed in the shower - on purpose. He died at MCV Hospital and sadly was deprived of his final wish which was to be run over by a beer truck on the way to the liquor store to buy booze for a double date to include his wife, Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter to crash an ACLU cocktail party. In lieu of flowers, Fred asks that you make a sizable purchase at your local ABC store or Virginia winery (please, nothing French - the *censored*) and get rip roaring drunk at home with someone you love or hope to make love to. Word of caution though, don't go out in public to drink because of the alcohol related laws our elected officials have passed due to their inexplicable terror at the sight of a MADD lobbyist and overwhelming compulsion to meddle in our lives. No funeral or service is planned. However, a party will be held to celebrate Fred's life. It will be held in Midlothian, Va. Email for more information. Fred's ashes will be fired from his favorite cannon at a private party on the Great Wicomico River where he had a home for 25 years. Additionally, all of Fred's friend (sic) will be asked to gather in a phone booth, to be designated in the future, to have a drink and wonder, "Fred who?"

I posted this here because

A It makes some politically related points

B It's food for thought

C I think it's hilarious and this place could use some of that

Would you want an obit like this? I think it's great

MrsSpringsteen is offline  
Old 07-10-2006, 03:21 PM   #2
Blue Crack Addict
verte76's Avatar
Join Date: May 2002
Location: hoping for changes
Posts: 23,331
Local Time: 03:50 PM

verte76 is offline  
Old 07-10-2006, 05:05 PM   #3
Rock n' Roll Doggie
BonosSaint's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 3,566
Local Time: 11:50 AM
Go out with a bang instead of a bland whisper.

Great stuff.
BonosSaint is offline  
Old 07-10-2006, 05:35 PM   #4
War Child
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Maine
Posts: 724
Local Time: 11:50 AM

That is the way to do it!! Have an awesome afterlife Fred!!!

I am surely going to go have a cold one in your honour!!
ljclary is offline  
Old 07-10-2006, 07:07 PM   #5
Blue Crack Addict
nbcrusader's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Southern California
Posts: 22,070
Local Time: 08:50 AM
I trust the obituary was written by Fred, or by someone who understood and appreciated his sense of humor. Perhaps it was written to see if anyone actually reads the obits?
nbcrusader is offline  
Old 07-10-2006, 11:38 PM   #6
AliEnvy's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 2,320
Local Time: 03:50 PM
Hahaha that's classic!

I can think of a couple of people in these parts who could have written it lol.
AliEnvy is offline  
Old 07-11-2006, 12:09 AM   #7
Blue Crack Distributor
Lila64's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: ♥Set List Lane♥
Posts: 52,591
Local Time: 07:50 AM
well generally the who ever places the obituary in the paper is the one to pay for it, and usually it's charged per word, or something like that.

That was hilarious

I loved this part:
During his life he excelled at mediocrity
Lila64 is offline  
Old 07-11-2006, 06:10 AM   #8
The Fly
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 220
Local Time: 03:50 PM

Somehow this reminds me of Hunter S. Thompson. Wasn't his fitting end being fired out of a cannon?
silja is offline  
Old 07-11-2006, 06:18 AM   #9
Jesus Online
Angela Harlem's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 1969
Location: a glass castle
Posts: 30,163
Local Time: 02:50 AM
People often say to not mourn when they're gone, but have a happy send off and remember good times. Fred actually meant it, it seems.

I'd love an obit like this. And will sadly probably end up with one. I cant imagine anyone officiating my send off being a good enough actor/liar to convince the world of my charming sense of duty, loyalty, patience, good graces, etc.

Good work, Fred.

<a href= target=_blank></a>
Angela Harlem is offline  

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 10:50 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2016, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Design, images and all things inclusive copyright ©