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Old 06-29-2004, 07:53 PM   #1
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Forgiveness

What is it? What does it mean to forgive? How do you forgive, but still keep your distance from those whom you forgive? Is ti truly forgiveness if you cannot be in the same area code as the person?
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Old 06-29-2004, 09:10 PM   #2
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It means to throw the grocery list of transgressions committed towards you away, and then burn it.
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Old 06-29-2004, 09:48 PM   #3
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Sounds like your going through something similar to what I am. To me, forgiveness is taking the higher road and no retaliating in anger. It's trying to keep the relationship going even though you want to run for the hills away from the other party.

If you don't want to keep the relationship going, forgiveness is like a pardon that helps the other person feel better. That should be enough if too many boundaries have been crossed.
You have a right to keep yourself sane.
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Old 06-29-2004, 09:56 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally posted by BostonAnne

You have a right to keep yourself sane.
That has been my mantra for the last ten years.....

But is there a difference between forgiveness and reconcilliation....

and no, this has nothing to do with the Red Sox and Babe Ruth.
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Old 06-29-2004, 10:03 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally posted by Dreadsox


That has been my mantra for the last ten years.....

But is there a difference between forgiveness and reconcilliation....

and no, this has nothing to do with the Red Sox and Babe Ruth.
Ok, I checked dictionary.com to insure an accurate response..

forgiveness
n 1: compassionate feelings that support a willingness to forgive 2: the act of excusing a mistake or offense

reconciliation
1: the reestablishing of cordial relations

Yes, just because you excuse an offense doesn't mean you have to reestablish relations.
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Old 06-29-2004, 10:09 PM   #6
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To me, forgiveness is coming to a point in your life where you don't want anything bad to happen to the person who wronged you, you no longer want any type of retaliation, and you hope that as you have found your happiness maybe so have they.

I grew up in a war zone where people shot at us, destroyed my house, killed family friends and I can honestly say I forgave them years ago. Nothing to do with distance. I hope the future is brighter for all of us, because as dark as the past is, you can't change it.
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Old 06-29-2004, 11:41 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally posted by BostonAnne

If you don't want to keep the relationship going, forgiveness is like a pardon that helps the other person feel better. That should be enough if too many boundaries have been crossed.
You have a right to keep yourself sane.
Shouldn't forgiveness be about the cleansing of yourself and not just a pardon for the other?
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Old 06-30-2004, 07:23 AM   #8
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I'm not sure BonoVoxSupastar, how do you cleanse yourself?
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Old 06-30-2004, 07:42 AM   #9
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part of forgiveness is letting go of the anger and hurt that will only serve to destroy you. It's letting go of the negative thoughts you have towards another person. Even if the other person never knows that you forgive them it is such an amazing feeling of peace and well-being for yourself.
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Old 06-30-2004, 07:57 AM   #10
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So if you aren't destroying yourself with anger and hurt then you have truly forgiven?

I have found that playing "Walk On" with the Hallelujahís at the end can be very helpful in letting go of the anger and hurt.
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Old 06-30-2004, 09:47 AM   #11
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Dread:

I wish to whatever God is listening that I knew.

I think that it is when you can think of what was done or said towards you, and say the words 'I forgive you', either out loud or just within your mind, and NOT have your heart leap against your ribs in protest and your teeth grind in rebellion.

Sometimes all it takes is time, sometimes there is an action or sentiment by the transgressor that can make it possible, sometimes it may come to you by way of your faith... sometimes it may not be possible for you to forgive something, and instead maybe you have to work towards accepting that you cannot forgive, and move on from there?
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Old 06-30-2004, 12:30 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally posted by BostonAnne
I'm not sure BonoVoxSupastar, how do you cleanse yourself?
I wish I could tell you. I just think forgiveness means more than just trying to make the other person feel better.
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Old 06-30-2004, 03:00 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally posted by anitram
To me, forgiveness is coming to a point in your life where you don't want anything bad to happen to the person who wronged you, you no longer want any type of retaliation, and you hope that as you have found your happiness maybe so have they.

That's how I define forgiveness too. It's a lot easier said than done though. I knew I had finally forgiven my sister and the rest of the people who hurt me deeply the moment I realized that I was worried about their well-being, and the moment when I didn't mind their presence around me. Forgiving others is hard, but forgiving yourself is harder.

There will come a point in your life where the feelings of hurt and despair might become much too overwhelming that you feel like you can't breathe. When I felt like this, the only thing I could do was let the pain go and leave it in God's hands. I let Him do the forgiving on my behalf, especially for the things that seemed like they were much too big for me to forgive right away or at all. There's something cathartic about letting go of the pain. I truly believe that it is in that most painful moment that we are in fact, much closer to Grace than we realize.

I wish you good luck with what you're going through. I hope that you find peace soon.
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Old 07-01-2004, 12:09 PM   #14
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[Q]There will come a point in your life where the feelings of hurt and despair might become much too overwhelming that you feel like you can't breathe.[/Q]

Or having a heart attack....
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Old 07-01-2004, 04:16 PM   #15
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To forgive is to release an offender of any retalliation, or grudge that you hold against them.

I do believe that forgiveness is a touchy subject because it has so many particular circumstances that are sui generis and in which forgiving will only have you stepped on and taken for a fool.
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