Forgiveness

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Dreadsox

ONE love, blood, life
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What is it? What does it mean to forgive? How do you forgive, but still keep your distance from those whom you forgive? Is ti truly forgiveness if you cannot be in the same area code as the person?
 
Sounds like your going through something similar to what I am. To me, forgiveness is taking the higher road and no retaliating in anger. It's trying to keep the relationship going even though you want to run for the hills away from the other party.

If you don't want to keep the relationship going, forgiveness is like a pardon that helps the other person feel better. That should be enough if too many boundaries have been crossed.
You have a right to keep yourself sane.
 
BostonAnne said:

You have a right to keep yourself sane.

That has been my mantra for the last ten years.....

But is there a difference between forgiveness and reconcilliation....

and no, this has nothing to do with the Red Sox and Babe Ruth.
 
Dreadsox said:


That has been my mantra for the last ten years.....

But is there a difference between forgiveness and reconcilliation....

and no, this has nothing to do with the Red Sox and Babe Ruth.

Ok, I checked dictionary.com to insure an accurate response..

forgiveness
n 1: compassionate feelings that support a willingness to forgive 2: the act of excusing a mistake or offense

reconciliation
1: the reestablishing of cordial relations

Yes, just because you excuse an offense doesn't mean you have to reestablish relations.
 
To me, forgiveness is coming to a point in your life where you don't want anything bad to happen to the person who wronged you, you no longer want any type of retaliation, and you hope that as you have found your happiness maybe so have they.

I grew up in a war zone where people shot at us, destroyed my house, killed family friends and I can honestly say I forgave them years ago. Nothing to do with distance. I hope the future is brighter for all of us, because as dark as the past is, you can't change it.
 
BostonAnne said:

If you don't want to keep the relationship going, forgiveness is like a pardon that helps the other person feel better. That should be enough if too many boundaries have been crossed.
You have a right to keep yourself sane.

Shouldn't forgiveness be about the cleansing of yourself and not just a pardon for the other?
 
part of forgiveness is letting go of the anger and hurt that will only serve to destroy you. It's letting go of the negative thoughts you have towards another person. Even if the other person never knows that you forgive them it is such an amazing feeling of peace and well-being for yourself.
 
So if you aren't destroying yourself with anger and hurt then you have truly forgiven?

I have found that playing "Walk On" with the Hallelujah?s at the end can be very helpful in letting go of the anger and hurt.
 
Dread:

I wish to whatever God is listening that I knew.

I think that it is when you can think of what was done or said towards you, and say the words 'I forgive you', either out loud or just within your mind, and NOT have your heart leap against your ribs in protest and your teeth grind in rebellion.

Sometimes all it takes is time, sometimes there is an action or sentiment by the transgressor that can make it possible, sometimes it may come to you by way of your faith... sometimes it may not be possible for you to forgive something, and instead maybe you have to work towards accepting that you cannot forgive, and move on from there?
 
anitram said:
To me, forgiveness is coming to a point in your life where you don't want anything bad to happen to the person who wronged you, you no longer want any type of retaliation, and you hope that as you have found your happiness maybe so have they.


That's how I define forgiveness too. It's a lot easier said than done though. I knew I had finally forgiven my sister and the rest of the people who hurt me deeply the moment I realized that I was worried about their well-being, and the moment when I didn't mind their presence around me. Forgiving others is hard, but forgiving yourself is harder.

There will come a point in your life where the feelings of hurt and despair might become much too overwhelming that you feel like you can't breathe. When I felt like this, the only thing I could do was let the pain go and leave it in God's hands. I let Him do the forgiving on my behalf, especially for the things that seemed like they were much too big for me to forgive right away or at all. There's something cathartic about letting go of the pain. I truly believe that it is in that most painful moment that we are in fact, much closer to Grace than we realize.

I wish you good luck with what you're going through. I hope that you find peace soon.
 
:sad: :sad: :sad: :sad:

[Q]There will come a point in your life where the feelings of hurt and despair might become much too overwhelming that you feel like you can't breathe.[/Q]

Or having a heart attack....:mad:
 
To forgive is to release an offender of any retalliation, or grudge that you hold against them.

I do believe that forgiveness is a touchy subject because it has so many particular circumstances that are sui generis and in which forgiving will only have you stepped on and taken for a fool.
 
too many people look at to forgive someone as being the better person
while it should just be about being a normal person
it's not a way to feel better about yourself
it's because you truly recognize another persons flaws
 
Yes, sorry to hear you're having a tough time.

I think that some instances are so difficult to forgive that it requires God's help.
 
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BonoVoxSupastar said:


Sorry to hear that Dread. I hope things get better.

Take care.

I am good...not to fret...but it is a topic a struggle with and it is always this time of year. :mad:

I am throwing myself into doing lots of good charity work and into my family...I will be running a camp in two weeks which will get me into Aufust, and then, school starts and I can throw myself into work and stop obsessing over things.

Peace
 
I understand what you say about obsessing. I think it's extremely difficult to forgive in cases when it's someone who by all standards is supposed to love you unconditionally, support you-build you up instead of tearing you down. My faith tells me to forgive, but to do so is so difficult. I think it you think of it as healing yourself and not letting them off the hook, it's easier.

I just wonder how people who never acknowledge what they have done and admit they were so wrong for doing it live w/ themselves. It's easy to say that people are flawed and we should accept that (and of course that's true), but to forgive and live w/ certain things is difficult and painful.

I think it's a good question to ask..are certain things ultimately unforgivable?
 
Forgiving is never ever easy, for me its about control, I cant forgive unless someone genuinely wants to redeem themselves otherwise I become percieved as weak and it will only lead to trouble.

Some things are unforgivable but if somebody works hard to make things right then I think they can earn their way back, but never make things normal.
 
MrsSpringsteen said:

I think it's a good question to ask..are certain things ultimately unforgivable?

I think things are forgivable, however, the difficulty is in the outward actions afterward. If I have forgiven do I have to extend the arm of friendship back to the person. Do I have to put my family in jeopardy? My marriage?


When the person says "If you have forgiven me, you should let me into your life or you are not a good Christian." What do you do when the old wounds are open sores, still bleeding inside you and you fear exposing them or your family to them?

I think there is a difference between forgiveness and reconcilliation. I think in some cases what we call unforgivable, are not truly unforgivable, they are unreconsilable.
 
Not to butt into your personal life, but I think using the "you are not a good Christian" argument is manipulative. I think people will say things like that to make you feel guilty. That is for you to decide, not them-and between you and your higher power.

I definitely don't think you have to put your marriage/family in jeopardy. It is your right to draw the line, not the other person, in my humble opinion. And if they can't accept that, well that's how it goes I suppose. Good luck :)
 
MrsSpringsteen said:
I think it you think of it as healing yourself and not letting them off the hook, it's easier.

I agree with this. And I also think there is a big difference between forgiving someone and reconciliation. Just because you were able to forgive someone does not mean you have to expose your life to them again. Things will never be the same, anyway. Do what is best for yourself and your family.

:hug:
 
Dreadsox said:
When the person says "If you have forgiven me, you should let me into your life or you are not a good Christian."
I


um.
okay.
whoa.
I may not be Christian myself but it seems terribly presumptuous of anyone... to think they are of such religious authority themselves... to point a finger at another human being and proclaim "do what I want you to do or you are not a good Christian"....

that's.. that's just perverted and sick manipulation of what can be, and often is, a religion of love and comfort.

ultimately 'forgiveness' has only to do with yourself.. if you have forgiven someone's transgressions against you.. nothing says you have to let them back into your life. forgiving what happened does not mean the wound disappears...

meh. You may well not care to hear anything I have to say on the matter.... I'm a Scorpio after all, we're not known for having a forgiving nature.
But I know manipulation when I see it, and it sickens me when someone twists religious faith to do it. Nobody deserves that.

May you find a spark of light in your time of dark, whatever its source might be.
 
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