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Old 05-04-2004, 01:00 PM   #1
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For Married Catholics....(or anyone really)

Ok well i'm getting married through the Catholic Church next month and of course as you know the Catholic Church requires classes/retreats with other married couples to talk about marriage. We're going to an old married couple (in their 80s) and they've been really nice and stuff but sometimes I feel like they're invading our privacy asking us all these questions. Did you ever get anything out of the talks with the people you had? I have to go tonight and we're going to talk about sex and I REALLY REALLY don't want to talk about that with them and my fiance is relatively quiet when it comes to those things or anything having to do with our personal life really.

What would you do if you were in my situation? and What do you think of this requirement?
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Old 05-04-2004, 01:11 PM   #2
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The discussion may be ackward at the time, but looking back on 14 years of marriage, I wish we had taken all the discussions more seriously.

The discussions do not resolve potential problems. They do, however, get important topics on the table. Most couples do not have open, honest and in-depth discussions about sex, finances, children, etc. before they get married.

Use the discussions as a spring-board to better communication with your fiance.
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Old 05-04-2004, 05:12 PM   #3
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I am not Catholic, but was married in the Catholic church. We were told about the classes but were also told that it wasn't the end of the world if we didn't go, which we didn't in the end!

I found it strange that a priest would facilitate a discussion about a relationship he could never know anything about. We'd been married a year and a half civily and I found the idea bizarre. I was relieved we didn't go in the end.

I am sure this doesn't really help you because you have to go. I can only wish you luck and urge you to be completely honest. If you don't want to talk about sex, then say so. (I know, easier said than done)
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Old 05-04-2004, 05:47 PM   #4
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Why are you talking about sex at all, being as you haven't had any yet?














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Old 05-04-2004, 11:48 PM   #5
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I guess if it's really so terrible, don't get married in the Catholic church.
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Old 05-05-2004, 09:52 AM   #6
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It's good to talk about marriage with people who've "been there, done that", but it's *not* OK to pelt you with really intimate questions. Also, it has to be your choice to marry in the Catholic Church. I've known of situations where the couple getting ready to marry in the Church were really made uncomfortable. The whole idea is to know what you're doing and not rush into the married state. I'm not married so maybe I shouldn't be saying anything.
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Old 05-06-2004, 08:24 AM   #7
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I got married in a Methodist church with a preacher who demanded counseling of young couples before he married them. We told him we'd do it 'later' and later never came. He kept calling the house after we were married and we kept making excuses. One night he heard us whispering in the background, "what are we gonna do, how are we gonna get out of this?" and he got the message and never called back. I felt bad about it but I didn't want to do it. Like you said, invasion of privacy and stuff.
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Old 05-06-2004, 04:03 PM   #8
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These sessions are not an inquisition. If we were humble enough to seek advice from our elders, more people would go to these classes.
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Old 05-06-2004, 04:45 PM   #9
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We can just ask you the REALLY personal questions here, so you won't have to answer them face-to-face.
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Old 05-06-2004, 06:19 PM   #10
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I can't imagine having to take a class in order to marry. I would feel my privacy was being invaded, and my right to make decisions for myself questioned. Obviously, those of the Catholic faith feel that this isn't the case for them. I hope that the classes help you in the way they're meant to!
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Old 05-06-2004, 07:32 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally posted by najeena
I can't imagine having to take a class in order to marry. I would feel my privacy was being invaded, and my right to make decisions for myself questioned. Obviously, those of the Catholic faith feel that this isn't the case for them. I hope that the classes help you in the way they're meant to!
I think the point is to make sure the couple is able to adquately communicate BEFORE they get married. Some people don't know how or don't even think about it. For example, I have this friend who started having sex just b/c she thought she was supposed to. Afterward, she told me she'd made a mistake and her and her bf had never ever TALKED about sex or their owh limitations or birth control or ANYTHING before, they just started having sex b/c each one thought that that's what the other person wanted. Obviously, this is not an issue for married people, but still it demonstrates how some couples don't understand how to communicate their feelings and values to each other before it's too late. Marriage counselling is a way to encourage this, not an attempt to destroy the relationship.
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Old 05-07-2004, 09:50 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally posted by nbcrusader
These sessions are not an inquisition. If we were humble enough to seek advice from our elders, more people would go to these classes.
They are an imposition on privacy to many people.
Advice needs to be given when it is asked, never before hand. It could be lined with 18 carat gold, but unless it is wanted, it will never help.
Age doesn't necessarily equal wisdom. I believe to think so it foolish.
There is no wisdom from an outsider in something as sacred as a marriage between two entirely seperate people.

/my 4 thoughts.
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Old 05-07-2004, 10:08 AM   #13
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Re: For Married Catholics....(or anyone really)

Quote:
Originally posted by Mullen-Girl
What would you do if you were in my situation? and What do you think of this requirement?
This would be unacceptable to me. However, my sister got married through the Catholic Church last year and she didn't have to go to talk to other couples but only had three meetings with the priest. Still not something I would have done, but I could probably live with it if my wive really really really wanted to marry through the church.

In addition, the idea of talking about sex with an 80+ year old couple really sends shivers down my spine.
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Old 05-07-2004, 12:41 PM   #14
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I don't see why it's so horrible. I mean, if anything, you're going to have a BETTER relationship. Maybe you won't learn anything, but you certainly won't be worse off, right? If a religious marriage is important to you, than it seems best to do it this way. If you just want to get married in a Catholic church and aren't Catholic (I have no idea what religion, if any, you are), I'd find another church that doesn't care if you go to meetings.
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Old 05-10-2004, 08:20 AM   #15
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Well we're done with the classes and they really didn't talk about their sex life thankfully They mostly talked about how the Church views sex and everything...so I was really relieved to say the least! lol Anyway that was our last class and we survived but thanks to everybody who replied
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