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Old 12-11-2005, 03:21 PM   #1
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Ever Want to Punch God in the Head?

I have not attended church now but once since May.

I am pissed off at God right now.

I cannot get through it and I want no part of the church community.

The church did nothing to me....my family still goes every Sunday.

I am pissed off.

I am angry.

I was ready to go back three weeks ago....

Then I lost two people in a car crash who were near and dear to me on Thanksgiving.

Then a former student drowned 48 hours later.

Then a good friends wife was diagnosed with a brain tumor.

I am FUCKING pissed off at God.

And God had better be the bigger of the two of us...because the fucking chasm is pretty big right now.

Any thoughts?
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Old 12-11-2005, 03:33 PM   #2
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in 1991

i had several losses, also

i did not think i would get out alive



i did read Kushner's book

"When Bad Things Happen to Good People"

it helped me a lot

i think it may give you some peace


i can not speak to your choice about not going to your church



i have more inner peace now,
than I have ever had in my life when I was seeking it from others

i had to come to terms with myself
and look at what choices I could make
life is much easier and rewarding, now

sincerely,

peace to you
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Old 12-11-2005, 03:46 PM   #3
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Dread,

I've had my own screaming matches with God lately. I've had them before as well. The passage of time has enabled me to see why things happened before. I trust I will learn new lessons as I pass through another valley.

Prayers for your peace and true joy in these difficult times.
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Old 12-11-2005, 03:50 PM   #4
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The other thing that has really opened my eyes is my new job. I do not feel comfortable typing about things that have been happening, but DAMN....where are we heading?
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Old 12-11-2005, 03:58 PM   #5
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I'm sorry you're having a rough time Dread...I agree with NB...as hard as things are now time will help. We're here for you
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Old 12-11-2005, 04:11 PM   #6
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I do not believe God interferes with His creation as much as we'd like to believe. As such, we're generally left to make our own mistakes--with sometimes fatal consequences for us or others--and our genetics left to maintain integrity or completely corrupt on their own.

Plus, we also bear the burden of the mistakes of our ancestors. "Tradition" is a double-edged sword, as we often repeat the same mistakes that killed them centuries ago.

We have been granted the power to control our own destiny from the beginning; and we learn that it comes with both benefits and costs--as does everything. Even the existence of the Bible itself has proven to be a double-edged sword that often proves to be fatal just as often as it is "helpful."

And I do believe that God is bigger than any of us. I believe that to know God would be to surpass all human definitions of logic, morality, and perfection.

Melon
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Old 12-11-2005, 04:18 PM   #7
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I agree w/ deep, read that book

Sometimes it is when we are in our worst place with God, when we are our most angry with him, that we can find strength from him and love from him that we never thought possible-in spite of how much pain and hurt and anger we are feeling. Or maybe because of it, I don't know. It has happened for me in my life, I am just speaking from my experience. God understands how you are feeling, I really believe that with all my heart. Give yourself time then come back to Him when and if you are ready. You are human and have every right to feel the way you are feeling.
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Old 12-11-2005, 05:29 PM   #8
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Hey Dread, I'm sorry to hear about your losses and the rough times you're going through. That's quite a lot to take on at once -- especially this time of year. You're in my prayers, as are the loved ones of your friends, the student you know and your friend's wife and family.

For me, it's always been diffiuclt to explain why crap like this happens. On one hand, when the tough stuff happens, I have to fight to trust that God knows what he's doing and that my understanding is weak. He is God after all. Then, on the other hand, I know there's a destructive force out there as well -- but then I know God uses all things for his glory, as trite as that probably seems to you at this moment.

I think above all and at the very least, I know that through the work on the cross, God understands the kinds of pain we go through -- physically, mentally and emotionally. That alone, to me at least, deserves my worship. I wouldn't worry about church right now -- start with just your own dialogue with God. Yell at him. Tell him you're pissed. He can take it.

"All God wants is a willing heart and for us to call out to him."
-- Bono
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Old 12-11-2005, 05:29 PM   #9
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Re: Ever Want to Punch God in the Head?

Quote:
Originally posted by Dreadsox
I have not attended church now but once since May.

I am pissed off at God right now.

I cannot get through it and I want no part of the church community.

The church did nothing to me....my family still goes every Sunday.

I am pissed off.

I am angry.

I was ready to go back three weeks ago....

Then I lost two people in a car crash who were near and dear to me on Thanksgiving.

Then a former student drowned 48 hours later.

Then a good friends wife was diagnosed with a brain tumor.

I am FUCKING pissed off at God.

And God had better be the bigger of the two of us...because the fucking chasm is pretty big right now.

Any thoughts?
Mr. Dreadsox, unlike most of the other people who have responded, I'm not sure if - in any forum here on interference - I have ever personally addressed. I do not know you as much as some of the other regulars in FYM. Nevertheless, I just want you to know that I've always enjoyed reading your posts. Your posts are illuminating, insightful, and they instigate critical thinking.
This one is no different. Immediately questions about God, evil, power, love, reality etc. all flood the mind. I think these questions often make us feel uncomfortable. So often this uncomfortability leads us to giving rather heartfelt, but unneccessary responses.
Church people do this so often - maybe more often that non-church people, I'm not sure though. Some common responses to someone going through a difficult time are, "God is trying to teach you something," "Maybe God is just trying to get your attention," "Remember to praise God in everything," "Well, just remember that without free will this wouldn't have happened, but without free will life would not be worth living."
- God is trying to teach me something? Like God - the big almighty Lord - can't teach me unless he uses something bad?
- God is just trying to get your attention? Again, screw God if he can't get my attention any other way. That's not a God i care to worship. Sounds rather limited.
-Remember to praise God in everything? Screw that. If i step on a nail, i'm not going to praise God for allowing me the chance to step on a nail and bleed. I'm going to say, "FUCK!" Why would God want to be praised for allowing me to step on a nail?
- Free will? When I'm going through painful experiences, the last thing I want to hear is some mini-philosophical/theological argument. C.S. Lewis had written a book on the problem of pain (titled thusly). However, when he experienced the death of his wife, the arguments he had put forth, gave little comfort.
Here's the thing though. The God i believe in is big enough to take our screams, yells, fights...i think God believes that all of that is a sign of faith. God, for all intensive purposes, invented logic, so if events seem cruel and illogical to you, then he will understand why you feel that way.
If you need another to person to scream at though, i think most of us here would be more than willing to listen. I believe that the people here - though i may disagree with them on political issues etc - are great people. We're hear to listen.
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Old 12-11-2005, 06:05 PM   #10
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I am sorry if you´re having a hard time, Dreadsox.

There is a lot to say about death, and then nothing. I haven´t learned how to deal with it.

May this poem give you a little comfort.


Questions by the Lake

When, after two years you returned to Solentiname,
already a child of five, Juan,
I remember very well what you said to me:
"You're the one who's going to tell me all about God, right?"
And I who all the time
have come to know less about God.
A mystic, that is, a lover of God
called God NOTHING,
and another said: all that you say about God is false.
And if you were to have knowledge of God it was better
perhaps I didn't talk to you of God.
But once,
I certainly spoke to you of God by the lake,
on the dock,
during a twilight all pink and silver:
"God is one who's within all of us,
within you, within me, within everywhere."
"And God is within that heron?" "Yes." "And within the sardines?"
"Yes." "And within those clouds?" "Yes."
"And within that other heron?" "Yes."
A tiny Adam naming all your small paradise.
"And God is within this dock?" "Yes." "And within the waves?"
Why do children ask so many questions?
And I
why do I question why
like a child?
"And God is also within my dad and my mom?" "Yes, God is."
And you told me:
"But God doesn't get to the island of the bad ones, right?"
Now, 12 years old,
you're in the Association of Sandinista Children.
You go to the rallies. You take part in voluntary work.
You take watch turns for the revolution. You're in the militia.
(Now the bad ones have left their island.)
"And God is also within the little stars
the tiny little stars that are so big, right?"
The numbers measuring littleness
are as large as those for bigness.
Where did you come from?
And I was shocked, not only by your questions
but also because I thought that
of three hundred million spermatazoids
it was only you, Juan,
of the three hundred million Juans
distinct from the Juan that you are
but twins of you
it was only you, once.
And like you
three hundred million asked me from their nonexistence
where is God,
telling me I should tell them all about God,
and if God is also within them?
(And with them the whole infinity of nonexistents
infinitely greater than the existent.)
As if all at once I were interrogated
by three hundred million stars that didn't exist.
Although among all those millions,
within which God also is,
you were the only one, Juan,
the one who questioned me that day by the lake.
The one who one day believed that I would tell him all about God.


by Ernesto Cardenal
Translated from the Spanish by Marc Zimmerman
From FLIGHTS OF VICTORY (Orbis, 1985)
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Old 12-11-2005, 06:12 PM   #11
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I just feel stretched.....

STRETCHED!!!!!!

Yesterday, during the breakfast with Santa that our Lion's Club was holding for the children of our town, a parent showed up a half an hour late. Missed Santa and the breakfast....

New to the town, she did not know where the breakfast was based on our directions.

This woman was in tears....uncontrollable anguish....

I attempted to get Santa on the cell to come back....the woman walked out with her daughter.

I call Santa back and say she was leaving to never mind....

Then we hear someone falling down the stairs....

She came back in without her daughter and lost her footing.....

Again in tears, she is telling us her four year old died a year ago of cancer....and her daughter wanted Santa to bring her baby sister a message....

---------------------

A month ago I get a call from a friend.....

Needs money....

His wife spent the money on a tatoo and a trip to FL with her....BOYFRIEND.

WTF? 4 kids...she cleaned him out...

He is in my house in tears....tears.......

His parents died on Thanksgiving.....and he could not afford a suit for the funeral....

----------------------------------

homeless children in school

and on and on......
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Old 12-11-2005, 06:12 PM   #12
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Dread... wish I could say something to help. I hope you'll be okay. I know that's not much help.
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Old 12-11-2005, 06:22 PM   #13
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I'm ok..my wife is telling me that I am carrying too much around for others....
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Old 12-11-2005, 06:32 PM   #14
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It brings me great comfort knowing that Mother Thersea also had shout matches with God. She used to write a lot about what she thought was a lack of faith sometimes. Yet she continued on showing so many people God's love even when she wasn't sure herself. What a remarkable person!
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Old 12-11-2005, 06:48 PM   #15
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I'm sorry, Dread. I know I've been there this year too, and what I have faced is minor in comparison. I don't have any advice but I do offer my sympathy.
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