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Old 07-15-2002, 08:41 AM   #1
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Dublin to make bid for Olympics

In an attempt to influence the members of the international Olympic committee on their choice of venue for the games in the year 2012, the organizers of the recently submitted Dublin bid have already drawn up an itinerary and schedule of events with intentions of persuading the committee thatDublin is without doubt a first choice location. A copy has been leaked and is reproduced below:

OPENING CEREMONY
A petrol bomb thrown by a native of the city (preferably from the Ballymun Tower Block's area), wearing the traditional balaclava will ignite the Olympic flame. The flame will be contained in a large chip van situated on the roof of the stadium.

THE EVENTS
In previous Olympic games, Dublin's competitors have not been particularly successful. In order to redress the balance, some of the events have been altered slightly to the advantage of local 'Dublin' athletes.

100 METRES SPRINT
Competitors will have to hold a video recorder and microwave oven (one in each arm) and on the sound of the starting pistol, a police dog will be released from a cage 10 yards behind the athletes.

100 METRES HURDLES
As above but with added obstacles (i.e.. car bonnets, hedges, garden fences, walls etc.)

HAMMER
Competitors in this event may choose the type of hammer they wish to use (claw, sledge etc.) the winner will be the one who can cause the most grievous bodily harm to members of the public within the time allowed.

FENCING
Entrants will be asked to dispose of as much stolen silver and jewelry as possible in 5 mins.

SHOOTING
A strong challenge is expected from the local men in this event. The first target will be a moving police van. In the second round, competitors will aim at a post office clerk, bank teller or Securicor style wages delivery man.

BOXING
Entry to the boxing will be restricted to husband and wife teams, and will take place on a Friday night. The husband will be given 15 pints of lager while the wife will be told not to make him any tea when he gets home. The bout will then commence.

CYCLING TIME TRIALS
Competitors will be asked to break into the local school's bike shed and take an expensive mountain bike owned by some mummy's boy from the south side on his first trip away from home. All against the clock.

CYCLING PURSUIT
As above but the bike will be owned by a visiting member of the Australian rugby team, who will witness the theft.

MODERN PENTATHLON
Amended to include mugging, breaking and entering, flashing, joy riding and arson.

THE MARATHON
A safe route has yet to be decided, but the competitors will be issued with sharp sticks and bags with which to pick up litter on their way round the course.

SWIMMING Competitors will be thrown off Butt Bridge into the Liffey. The first three survivors' back will decide he medals.

MENS 50KM WALK
Unfortunately this will have to be cancelled, as the police cannot guarantee the safety of anyone walking the streets of Dublin.

THE CLOSING CEREMONY
Entertainment will include formation rave dancing by members of the Coolock Health in the Community anti-drug campaigners, synchronized rock throwing and music by the Darndale's Community Choir. The Olympic flame will be extinguished by someone dropping an old washing machine onto it from the top floor of the block of flats next to the stadium. The stadium will be then boarded up before the local athletes break into it and remove all the copper piping and the central heating boiler.
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Old 07-15-2002, 04:22 PM   #2
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Bitter. Though true.

Tell me has Dublin actually completely lost its mind and put in a bid for the olympics???????? Or did some Dub with time on their hands decide to go ahead and get some contemptuous blows in just from a sense of patriotic duty?

Having spent some time reading the local rags there, I wouldnt be surprised if the latter was the case. Does any native Dub with a pen ever write anything positive about the place? Do its apiring writers ever turn their poison pens on any other city?

Just wondering.

My advice would be for Dublin's op-ed writers to come and live in Dallas for a year. We have clean streets and relatively low crime and yet no more souless shitehole of a city ever existed. I'll take the crap Dublin has to offer (and there's a lot of it) anyday over the Big D.



Cheer up. You'd miss it if you couldnt be there although I agree that Dublin has major problems, not the least of which is a completely unrealistic assessment of itself as a world capital. Tell me has construction begun on that god awful Needle yet????
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Old 07-15-2002, 04:51 PM   #3
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North Belfast is the biggest dump on the planet- they riot all the time and now random children are being stabbed in the neck walking home- its scary

Quote:
Tell me has construction begun on that god awful Needle yet????
LMAO- that looked ridiculous in the plans i saw of it- its not been built yet
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Old 07-15-2002, 05:11 PM   #4
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Oh Lara, that's not even the half of it. They are planning to jam that monstrosity in between two rows of shops on a narrow street near the GPO.

Oh the horror......

I often fantasize that somehow the IRA could convinced that the Needle is an English conspiracy to humilate the Republic. Then they might be persuaded to do for it what they did for Nelson's Pillar.

Then if they could be promptly arrested, that would be even better. Two birds with one stone, if you ask me

I visited Belfast when I was last in the North. I'll never get over it, I don't think. It really did my head in to be so warmly welcomed by such lovely people and at the same time knowing what was going on there. Though most people I talked to were clearly sick of both sides, I came within feet of an IRA bigwig and I'd have never known if he hadn't been pointed out to me. I got the chills thinking of what he had been party to in his career and how completely normal he looked ducking into a pub with his wife. I still do.

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Old 07-15-2002, 05:20 PM   #5
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LOL- it wont be finished for a while=its gonna ruin the nice sight of O'Connell street- i thought they were putting it outside the Gresham lol but its only 1 min away from GPO- i miss dublin already lol its only been a month since i went there lol *sigh* well when im able to drive in aboot 2 months-i hope!!! and if i can afford a car-im gonna save and worksooooo hard for a little cheap motor im gonna take me and my little sis down loads
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Old 07-15-2002, 05:47 PM   #6
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I'll say this for Dublin. It is just sooooo lively compared to most places but especially with Belfast. I never loved the place so much as when I got back from the North. The sun was shining, the streets were packed. There was loads of color everywhere and people were shouting at their friends across O'Connell Street like always....

God, your not the only one that misses that town......
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Old 07-15-2002, 06:04 PM   #7
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well like i only live 2 hours away but i live in a real dump- im glad i live in a "rich" (kinda) place and we all get on well here regardless of religion

You live so far from here
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Old 07-15-2002, 08:07 PM   #8
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Did Dublin really put in a bid for the Olympics or is this a joke? Hell, look at some of the places that have bid on the Olympics. Look at the places that have hosted them. I love Montreal but they lost so much money on the 1976 Olympics that I wonder why the hell anyone bids on the blasted thing now. They held them in Atlanta and I didn't bother to go three hours away from home to see them. I didn't get bombed in Liberty Park. I think it's mainly bragging rights. I wouldn't sweat it.
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Old 07-17-2002, 04:27 AM   #9
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Lara,

I also thought that the needle would be out in the middle of the street in that wide median thing with maybe a sward of green grass around it. That might have actually been (kinda) pretty

Does noone in charge of Dublin have a sense of aesthetics????


PS. Yes I live too far away from Dublin! Dammit. How am I supposed to get my fix????
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Old 07-17-2002, 01:24 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally posted by whiteflag
Does noone in charge of Dublin have a sense of aesthetics????
no, no they do not.

the needle is an abomination, although they were working on the foundations last week.
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Old 07-17-2002, 04:18 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally posted by whiteflag
Tell me has Dublin actually completely lost its mind and put in a bid for the olympics???????? Or did some Dub with time on their hands decide to go ahead and get some contemptuous blows in just from a sense of patriotic duty?
Hey, that's not as crazy as Dallas bidding for the 2012 *SUMMER* Olympics. Have they ever BEEN in Dallas, Texas in the summer??? I mean, it's now mid-July, which means we have at least 2 more months of HELL to live thru....

Quote:
We have clean streets and relatively low crime and yet no more souless shitehole of a city ever existed. I'll take the crap Dublin has to offer (and there's a lot of it) anyday over the Big D.
YOU SAID IT, neighbor. *waves at whiteflag* I've thought the same thing for years! (why am I still here? don't get me started) It's pretty, it sparkles, there's a church on every corner, but it still ain't got no soul.... Dallas: The Wannabe City!

p.s. what's this "Needle" everyone's talkin about?
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Old 07-18-2002, 06:15 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally posted by whiteflag
Lara,

I also thought that the needle would be out in the middle of the street in that wide median thing with maybe a sward of green grass around it. That might have actually been (kinda) pretty

Does noone in charge of Dublin have a sense of aesthetics????


PS. Yes I live too far away from Dublin! Dammit. How am I supposed to get my fix????
*Dublin fix coming up* oh if u ever go again go to St.Michans and see the Crypts- ive been 5 times i love it

Voila- Hey Presto





Live pic- u can keep track of whats happening on O'Connell Street bridge






the Crown in belfast-another live link- its the oldest pub here or something ive never been but its v.popular
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Old 07-18-2002, 10:16 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally posted by Discoteque
It's pretty, it sparkles, there's a church on every corner, but it still ain't got no soul....
this is the modern american city. lacking variety.
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Old 07-18-2002, 04:24 PM   #14
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dublin hosting the Olympics???fuckin hell

ah the joke possibilities.....the 100m down O Connell Street...The javelin in Ballymun....the diving into the Liffey......
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