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Old 10-15-2006, 01:25 PM   #31
love, blood, life
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Old 10-15-2006, 03:06 PM   #32
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Originally posted by icelle
2-3 years ago when i was going thru some very dark times. i did things that were out of character for me. it fees like there's no forgiveness for me on this. always in the back of my mind.
I hear ya there, icelle.

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Old 10-15-2006, 03:09 PM   #33
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The past is history. I live in the moment.
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Old 10-15-2006, 09:00 PM   #34
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Originally posted by Irvine511
you know what's weird? the big mistakes i've made in my life, i don't grieve over. i also tend to agonize over every major decision, and thoroughly think things through, so that when all is said and done, even if it turns out to have been the wrong decision, i know exactly why i made that decision and can point to specific rationale as justification.

however, it's the little things that i agonize over. a thoughtless comment, some social malapropism, unwitting rudeness, or thinking back to childhood when perhaps you did things out of fear of social ostracism that you now regret. it's all emotional stuff that kills me, not the life decisions that seem to have more to do with intellect and reason.

but that's just me.

but, yes, i do know the agony, and i do know the sleepless nights wishing you could go back and change things. and sometimes you can. you can apologize, but more importantly, you can atone.
For me too, it is the little things. I don't question my big decisions in life, I don't regret those things. But what keep me up at night and haunting me during the day are these little insignificant moments...exchanges, if you will.

It isn't even like "oh i said something terrible to that person!" because usually if i feel that way, i will go to them or call over to them and apologize. Instead it is "wow I should've said <i>this</i> instead of <i>that</i>." Or "it would've been wittier if I said <i>this</i> instead."

isn't that just ridiculous???
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Old 10-15-2006, 09:14 PM   #35
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My answer would be that I do this every day of my life. I am always committing big time sins. It keeps me going to confession. I need to go to confession soon, it's been awhile since I did it and I have a thousand sins to confess.
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Old 10-15-2006, 10:16 PM   #36
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All of my regrets are tied to a horrible shyness that I had when I was younger. I was so shy in junior high, that I actually refused to read out an English class report that was a major part of my grade. Luckily, I had a teacher who was amazingly sympathetic, and she allowed me to read it to her when everyone had left the class. That event, however, was hugely embarrassing. I'll never forget the way my classmates tried to urge me on to get up and read. They were chanting my name, while I was just sinking lower and lower in my desk, trying to evaporate from existence.

I'm much better now, but I always wonder about what I might have lost along the way.

Originally posted by Bono'sTyee
I think for the things that were out of my control tend to haunt my parents divorce and all the things involved in that. And I'm not so much angry at the person but what they did. And the only consoling thing I can think of is that what they did can keep eating at me until I'm defeated or I can just say to myself that it wasn't my fault and just keep on keeping on.
Rest assured, your parents' divorce wasn't your fault. It's normal to feel guilt or responsibility, because the D-word is such a world-shifting and emotional experience when you're the one caught in the middle.

I've often wondered about my parents' divorce, and my role in it. I was just a baby when it happened. I used to think that I must have been a stressor....some kind of asshole baby who cried a lot, etc.

Here I am now, all grown up, and then some. I now realize that my parents' separation was as inevitable as the Big Bang; they were (and are) completely distinct personalities that were bound to break apart--whether or not I was in the picture.

Good luck to you, and always realize that although your parents are no longer together, they most likely cherish the special times that lead to you being born. That's something you can hold onto forever.

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