Do as I say, not as I did?

[CannibalisticArtist]

and the problem is?

well it's up to him, you quit smoking when you were 18 because it was your descision to, he might quite a little older, or not at all. if he is happy with his life, then there is no reason for you to change it. you said he was a good kid.

 

[BAW]

Originally posted by CannibalisticArtist:
and the problem is?

well it's up to him, you quit smoking when you were 18 because it was your descision to, he might quite a little older, or not at all. if he is happy with his life, then there is no reason for you to change it. you said he was a good kid.

He is a good kid but am I crappy parent for "looking the other way" so to speak? My attitude lately has kinda been "well, I know you're doing it but just don't let me see it"

Once he's 18, I'll probably relax a little I guess.

 

[pax]

I'm going to get a lot of shit for this, but:

1.) Is he doing anything unethical/immoral to get his pot (stealing, prostitution, running/middleman-ing)?

2.) Has there been a marked change in his behavior/attitude? Have his grades slipped? If he had a job, does he still go to it? Does he hang out with a different group of friends?

3.) Are there any other signs that smoking pot has negatively impacted his life?

Honestly, I'm a *very* recreational pot smoker (once every few months, really) and I've never had a problem with stopping. I have gotten sicker and in more trouble because of drinking than I have smoking pot. I would say that if smoking pot is makiing him an insufferable ass who does nothing but watch Mary Tyler Moore reruns all day, then by all means, get some outside help. If he's doing it on the weekends with a few friends and continuing to maintain a normal life otherwise, then I don't think it's anything to worry about.

I do think that it's worrisome that he's been hiding things and such, but I think you have to weigh all the peripherals and decide how much of a problem this is. My mom, too, smoked pot when she was my age (and younger!), and although I didn't start smoking until I was out of the house, I don't know if I'd want her to know that I smoke up from time to time.

------------------
Well, the God I believe in isn't short on cash, mister. --Bono

But a day will come
In this dawning age
When an honest man
Sees an honest wage.
--The Edge

 

[80sU2isBest]

I think you have every right to try to get him to give up pot, even though you smoked it when you were younger. In fact, you can use that very fact when you talk to him about it. You can say "look, yes, I did smkoe pot when Iwas younger, and that's exactly why I don't want you to. I know how harmful it is, and i hope you can learn from my mistakes, so you won't have to make them yourself".
You can also tell him that smoking pot is very dangerous in that not only does it kill brain cells (and decrease a person's mental capacity), but it can also put him in a situation where he can get hurt or get someone else hurt because he's not fully in control of his own actions. Lastly, you might tell him it's still illegal in this country, and jail is not a place most people wanna go.

 

[mug222]

Originally posted by 80sU2isBest:
I think you have every right to try to get him to give up pot, even though you smoked it when you were younger. In fact, you can use that very fact when you talk to him about it. You can say "look, yes, I did smkoe pot when Iwas younger, and that's exactly why I don't want you to. I know how harmful it is, and i hope you can learn from my mistakes, so you won't have to make them yourself".
You can also tell him that smoking pot is very dangerous in that not only does it kill brain cells (and decrease a person's mental capacity), but it can also put him in a situation where he can get hurt or get someone else hurt because he's not fully in control of his own actions. Lastly, you might tell him it's still illegal in this country, and jail is not a place most people wanna go.

I agree with 80s.

Good luck!

 

[CannibalisticArtist]

Originally posted by Bono's American Wife:
He is a good kid but am I crappy parent for "looking the other way" so to speak?

no, because you are not looking the other way. your concern is valid and what you are doing is what millions of other people do. you're stuck in a sort of tricky mental situation here, but if there is no real physical problem then it's probably all in your head. you don't have to look the other way and at the same time don't try to embrace it and start lighting up with him. stying in the middle is tough, but it's the best way because if you frown upon his use, then he will go elsewhere and increase his use, and if you encourage it then he will use it more too.
he is after all still young and the generation he lives in differs from your parents' generation.

 

[bonoman]

First off make sure its not a huge thing if he is smoking daily get him to stop doing it all the time. Trust me, as soon as it becomes a daily habit it becomes a hurtful drug. I am a recreational smoker(every few months) but i know if it is a daily thing it will definatly change his life maybe not now but down the road.

Dont sit back. Be active in his life and make sure you know whats going on. Dont just be the cool parent or the friend. KICK HIS ASS sometimes!!!

------------------
Running to Stand Still-"you gotta cry without weeping, talk without speaking, scream without raising your voice."

"we're not burning out we're burning up...we're the loudest folk band in the world!"-Bono

 

[Popmartijn]

I'm not qualified to say anything about this. I'm Dutch

(although I've never smoked marijuana or whatever it is called)

That said, I agree with paxetaurora and the questions. If you can answer all those questions with "No" then the situation still is not that bad. Nevertheless, I do know that even possessing marijuana is illegal in the US, but I don't think reminding him of that will have any effect. It's always more tempting to do the things that the establishment call illegal (or immoral, or incorrect, etc.).
I'd say, keep monitoring his behaviour and don't hesitate to interfer when you feel his habit is going out of control.

Good luck,

Marty

------------------
People criticize me but I know it's not the end
I try to kick the truth, not just to make friends

Spearhead - People In Tha Middle

 

[BAW]

I'm having an issue that I understand is becoming pretty common with the younger baby boomer parents and the older GenX parents...how do you handle it when your child starts smoking pot, something that I myself did my entire teenage years? I guess a little background would be in order here.

I grew up with parents who smoked pot everyday of their lives since I was born. Our car looked like the van in Up In Smoke where everytime you opened a door or window...clouds of smoke would pour out. My mother is 53 years old and still smokes daily. I was allowed to and actually encouraged to start smoking when I was 12 or 13 and did so daily from that point on. I was taught how to clean it, how to roll, where to stash it, etc. I made a decision to stop smoking when I turned 18 and left my mother's home. I really don't have a close reltionship with her but when I see her at Christmas for example, its not unusual for her, my stepdad and my 20 year old brother to come rolling in the house with big cheesy grins, munching on some junk food.

Here is my problem. My 17 year old son has become a major pot-head in the past year. I don't like it but how do I preach to him that its wrong when I was doing the same thing at his age? He's basically a good kid, he's very respectful of me and his stepfather, he comes home before curfew every night and he doesn't smoke at home. He tried to at first but I kept throwing his weed away and hiding his pipes so he realized he better do it somewhere else I guess. I have made it clear that I don't approve but he always reminds me that I did it when I was his age and came out okay and he's not going to do it forever. His own grandmother does it and he thinks that's cool, so how can I stress to him that I'm trying to prevent him from becoming a 53 year old stoner someday?

Am I making too big a deal of this considering he will be 18 in February or am I not taking it seriously enough? I always knew that by having kids at 18, I would eventually deal with some issues that older parents might not have to deal with but this one has me stumped.

Have any of you experienced this problem, either as a parent or as a kid whose parents smoked weed or still do? I'm not trying to put anyone on the spot or asking you to reveal what you do in your personal life, I'm just trying to get some opinions from someone outside my own family.

 

[Lilly]

I'm 17 going on 18. No, I don't smoke pot and personally I am disgusted by it. One thing I am sure of is that when you're my age, your parents are finished as your teachers. I tell this to my mother all the time when she tries to instill new morals in me. Once I'm 18, it's my decision. That does not mean that I wouldn't heed my mother's advice . Do you see the difference? My mom tells me things in the form of, "well, you can do it, but be prepared for the consequences." or "I don't approve, but if you want to, then go ahead." Her disapproval hurts me, so then I generally take a second, closer look at my behavior, and usually I stop it because I realize its stupidity. I don't know what your parenting style is now, but my advice (this has made me mind my mom more) is to treat him increasingly as an adult.