Divorce

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BVS

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Ok divorce has been mentioned in here in biblical context and I wanted to get people's opinion.

I was married for 2 years. I married a woman who by all means was an amazing and independent woman, but without getting into details she pretty much woke up one day and decided that marriage interfered with her being an independent woman. Now I'm not saying the problems we had were 100% her fault, but it was this belief and her not coming to terms that eventually ended the marriage. I set up meetings with counselors did the whole nine yards, it wasn't enough. Her own family saw her faults in this divorce. I couldn't force her to stay with me, I worshipped the ground she walked on, there was no infedilty, no abuse, no fundamental differences of belief, none of that. She "loved me but was no longer in love with me". We had a very amicable split.

I'm only 30, someday I want to remarry. Now because this wasn't because of infedility will I be an adulterer the rest of my life if I remarry?
 
You all might want to go talk to ministers instead of web forum members...

I personally see nothing wrong with it, but I have no real Biblical understanding of the situation at hand, so...
 
BonoVoxSupastar said:

I'm only 30, someday I want to remarry. Now because this wasn't because of infedility will I be an adulterer the rest of my life if I remarry?

You have to be kidding! You're divorced. If you aren't married, how can you commit adultery?


* Of course, I'm agnostic so I don't give a rats ass what the Bible says about the subject...:huh: ...of course, if you're an adulterer if you remarry, you would also be an adulterer if you don't remarry (well, if you have sex...). Sorry, man, looks like your screwed...and not in the good way. :wink:
 
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sorry about your divorce

all you can do
is your best
and then let go

the adultry question seems silly to me

is this because of your chosen religion?
 
deep said:
sorry about your divorce

all you can do
is your best
and then let go

the adultry question seems silly to me

is this because of your chosen religion?

You have to be kidding! You're divorced. If you aren't married, how can you commit adultery?

This is more of a philosophical question. In this day and age I have still found that divorce has a stigma. The bible says "But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery (Matthew 5:32)."

"I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery (Matthew 19:9)."

Technically we divorced each other.
 
There sure is a stigma. When people start reassuringly quoting statistics and telling you you are not alone, in a bid to make you feel a bit better, its obvious that society as a whole still isn't comfortable with such a serious committment coming to an end, and more often when it's 'amicable'.
Amicable is a very strange word for any divorce I think.
 
Hi there, sorry to hear about the divorce. Well at least you found out before you went on with even more years and children to go with it. You are so young hun, I was brought up in a jewish family that had christmas trees every year.:wink: Everybody has their own belief in religion and God. If I were you I would be thanking God to know the truth than later on in life. You have so many more years in your life, you have only begun your life. If you are divorced than I would think it is ok to date and that you are not committing adultry. I have done alot of sinful things in my life and now that i have a deeper connection with God, he has forgiven me. It is only because of myself that I have to forgive. When I come to terms to accept the bad things that I have done to myself and others that I will be set free. I feel that is the answer for me. God loves me and has always been there. It was I who wasn't ready to accept him into my heart. I am not religious but very spiritual. This iis your life so I know it has to be your choices that you make in life. Please don't be hard on yourself. God bless
 
I don't think you are committing adultery.

I believe that God would rather see you happy, and your future children raised with 2 loving parents, than trapped in a lie.
 
Sorry but to me she seems like someone who should have never been married anyway. I hope you find yourself some true love one day, marry her and live happily to old age together.:)
 
I am going through divorce myself BonoVoxSupastar, and do not believe that picking up the pieces and moving on is committing adultery.

I also believe that the person that wants the divorce and eventually finds another partner is not committing adultery either. In a case where there is no abuse involved, I do think that the one that wanted to move on should be very careful to commit themselves so much again. It seems that once you break a committment it is easy to continue the pattern. I am my ex-in-process's second marriage.
 
I don't see anything "wrong" w/ asking this question in an internet forum, or "silly" about this question-I happen to think it's rather brave to share something like this, and I'd rather read this than most of what's on this forum :shrug:

Anyway, whatever the Bible says (and I hope this won't turn into some "Bible bashing" thread), I truly believe God knows what is in your heart and why things happened the way they did. Truly sinning in a marriage is an entirely different story. I know people who are really sinning in marriages and in the choices they make re marriage, remarrying, etc, and it's nothing like your situation at all.
 
"Now because this wasn't because of infedility will I be an adulterer the rest of my life if I remarry?"

- would you mind rephrasing the question or making yourself more clear?

be glad you weren't married for 10 years or longer..then you'd be REALLY confused.
( welp...on second thought maybe not)

how do you feel about all this now ..after youve seen counselors and stuff?
I feel like you must still be very sad about it.

what boston anne said was right on that the one making the break , that pattern will continue in thier lives -

you dont have to own the same feelings as your soon to be x spouse does.
 
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I would continue to get counseling, too, if I were you--maybe even consult a member of the clergy you trust to get some professional feedback. You may still need some time to heal from this.

That said, no, I don't think you'd be an adulterer if you got remarried. Give yourself a chance to really think things through and put yourself together, and when you find a woman who really digs all your great qualities, go for it--guilt-free. :)
 
I have two divorced siblings. In both cases, they really needed to get those divorces because their marriages were not working. My brother is now happily remarried and my divorced sister has a wonderful boyfriend. When a marriage isn't working there's no sense in staying in it, and if you develop another great relationship, go ahead, if you want marriage then do it. You've got to make yourself happy.
 
It's a thorny question and not one that can't be resolved by a simple "quoting" of a few verses, I think. One has to see the larger picture, the social context of when the Bible was written for starters. A book that I read a long time ago that I think you would find really helpful is "And Marries Another: Divorce and Remarriage in the Teaching of the New Testament"

In any case, God loves you as his child and understands the circumstances that have brought you to where you are. Of that much, I am certain. :hug:
 
carrieluvv said:
what boston anne said was right on that the one making the break , that pattern will continue in thier lives -

Actually, what I was trying to say was that the pattern COULD continue, so think things through. I don't believe it is a pattern that will definately continue.
 
verte76 said:
When a marriage isn't working there's no sense in staying in it, and if you develop another great relationship, go ahead, if you want marriage then do it. You've got to make yourself happy.

I agree with this to a point. I believe that the 2 people that married should be committed enough to try and work things through. If marriage is based on committment and both partners believe in that committment - I think they tend to work harder to get to a happier place. Marriage is a lot of work and includes sacrifice at times. I also believe that if BOTH partners work hard to have a succesful marriage, the chances are great that they can get through anything together.
 
BostonAnne said:


Actually, what I was trying to say was that the pattern COULD continue, so think things through. I don't believe it is a pattern that will definately continue.

I would love to know the complete context of the biblical quote that Jesus made. What was the time like? Were people jumping from one person to another for frivolous reasons?

I have not been shy about sharing this, my parents combined have been married 10 times.

Think about that....

I am not figuring in the three of the guys my mother married because these three marriages have happened since 1987. I was an adult then, and I have had nothing to do with them since her divorces.

I would say that God knows your heart, and knows if you are abusing the institution.
 
I have a cousin on her 5th husband. Yes, fifth. She's tired of marrying for looks and love, this time she married a fat old rich man. Maybe this time it will last;) I don't mean to knock her, she's a darling, really. I don't know why all her husbands beat her up. She's pretty and has a hilarious sense of humor and fun personality.
 
Angela Harlem said:

Amicable is a very strange word for any divorce I think.

Yeah maybe it's a strange description, but it's better than us hating each other and one person trying to take more than they deserve or sprading hateful things about each other.
 
AcrobatMan said:
"anyone who divorces his wife"

are you sure this applies to you.

I think this was the part that haunted me for a long while. Here I stood before so many friends, family and God and made a promise till death do us part. This is something I never took lightly. So the fact that I was agreeing to break this really bothered me. I didn't think I was going to burn for eternity or anything like that, but it really did bother me.

But then after time I realized that it takes two people to work a relationship and you can't force the other to work on it. As simple as it sounds that took awhile to come to grips with.

So getting back to this piece of scripture, is it aimed at those that are, as Dread says, abusing the system? Is it aimed just at those that are initiating the divorce without reason?
 
U2Kitten said:
Sorry but to me she seems like someone who should have never been married anyway. I hope you find yourself some true love one day, marry her and live happily to old age together.:)

Unfortunately this is the conclusion I've come to, I with she was more honest with herself and me, and neither of us would have to had gone through this.

Good old hindsight.

Thanks.
 
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