Insightful question Mrs. Edge. This topic always reminds me of something I read in "What's So Amazing About Grace" by Philip Yancey. (any spelling errors are mine)
..Paul started with: Why be good? Really, that is the wrong question. It should be: Why love?
One summer I had to learn basic German in order to finish a graduate degree. What a wretched summer! On delightful evenings while my friends sailed on Lake Michigan, rode bikes, and sipped cappuccinos in patio cafes, I was holed up with a Kapomeister tutor, parsing German verbs....I endured such torture for one purpose only: to pass the test and get my degree.
What if the school registrarhad promised me, "Philip, we want you to study hard, learn German, and take the test, but we promise you in advance that you'll get a passing grade. Your diploma has already been filled out." Do you think I would have spent every delectable summer evening inside a hot, stuffy apartment? Not a chance. In a nutshell, that was the theological dilemma Paul confronts in Romans. (7:1-6).
Why learn German? There are noble reasons, to be sure - languages broaden the mind and expand the range of communication - but these had never motivated me to study German before. I studied for selfish reasons, to finish a degree, and only the threat of consequences hanging over me caused me to reorder my summer priorities. Today, I remember very little of the German I crammed into my brain. "The old way of the written code" (Paul's description of the Old Testament law) produces short-term results at best.
What would inspire me to learn German? I can think of one powerful incentive. If my wife, the woman I fell in love with, spoke only German, I would have learned the language in record time. Why? I would have a desperate desire to communicate mit einer schonen Frau. I would have stayed up late at night parsing verbs and placing them properly at the ends of my love-letter sentences, treasuring each addition to my vocabulary as a new way of expressing myself to the one I loved. I would have learned German unbegrudgingly, with the relationship itself as my reward.
That reality helps me understand Paul's gruff "God forbid!" response to the question "Shall we go on sinning that grace may increase?" Would a groom on his wedding night hold the following conversation with his bride? "Honey, I love you so much, and I'm eager to spend my life with you. But I need to work out a few details. Now that we're married, how far can I go with other women? Can I sleep with them? Kiss them? You don't mind a few affairs now and then, do you? I know it might hurt you, but just think of all the opportunities you'll have to forgive me after I betray you!" To such a Don Juan the only reasonable response is a slap in the face and a "God forbid!" Obviously, he does not understand the first thing about love.
Similarly if we approach God with a "What can I get away with?" attitude, it proves we do not grasp what God has in mind for us. God wants something far beyond the relationship I might have with a slave master, who will enforce my obedience with a whip. God is not a boss or a business manager or a magic genie to serve at our command.
Indeed, God wants something more intimate than the closest relationship on earth, the lifetime bond between a man and a woman. What God wants is not a good performance, but my heart. I do "good workds" for my wife not in order to earn credit but to express my love for her. Likewise, God wants me to serve "in the new way of the Spirit": not out of compulsion but out of desire. "Discipleship," says Clifford Williams, "simply means the life which springs from grace."