"Children Of All Ages Have To Behave"

[MrsSpringsteen]

Is it OK for someone to put a sign like that in a store or other place of business? I don't have kids but I can definitely sympathize, that kids do act up sometimes in spite of parents' best efforts. On the other hand so many times I am in a situation in which screaming, misbehaving kids make me want to scream and run out of the place, it ruins my enjoyment -and sometimes the parents are obviously making no effort to do anything about it. It's not PC, a sign like that-but maybe it has become almost necessary.

http://www.boston.com/news/nation/a...s_children_of_all_ages_have_to_behave?mode=PF

CHICAGO -- Dan McCauley had seen one too many children at his café lying on the floor in front of the counter, careening off the glass pastry case, coming perilously close to getting their fingers pinched in the front door. So he posted a sign: ''Children of all ages have to behave and use their indoor voices."

To him, it was a simple reminder to parents to keep an eye on their children and set some limits. But to some parents in his North Side Chicago neighborhood, the sign may as well have read, ''If you have kids, you're not welcome."

That one little notice, adorned with pastel hand prints, has become a lightning rod in a larger debate over parenting and misbehaving children.

''It's not about the kids," says McCauley, the 44-year-old owner of A Taste of Heaven café, who has no children but says he likes them a lot. ''It's about the parents who are with them. Are they supervising and guiding them?

''I'm just asking that they are considerate to people around them."

 

[BVS]

I saw this on the news the other week. There's actually quite a few places in Chicago that have similar signs.

I'm all for it. Some of these restaurants have occured pricey damage from kids stabbing booths with forks etc...

 

[melon]

Maybe we need to execute them. How else will children know it is wrong to misbehave in public?

Satire aside, I think too many parents don't know how to control their children enough. I think the first step is to stop thinking every bad deed they do as an infant or toddler is "cute." It merely encourages them as they get older. Treat a puppy like that and see what kind of rotten dogs they turn into as adults.

Melon

 

[nbcrusader]

The sins of children are often a product of the sins of parents. As much as parents fail to control their children, children simply follow the models their parents set for them.

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

It is annoying when people bring their babies and small kids into R rated movies for instance, don't get me wrong I completely understand that babysitters are expensive, tough to get, etc. but I have been in the movies when the babies/kids cried/acted out the entire time. That's why they have special theaters/movies now that are kid free or kid friendly. Unfortunately there isn't a kid free one near me

There are great parents and there are parents who seem to lack basic abilities to control their kids, or don't seem to even care that their kids are disturbing people. Like I said, I understand that kids can be uncontrollable at times.

Honestly I do try to schedule doing certain things when I know kids won't be there. I admit that I have very little patience for them sometimes when they are out of control because I don't have any.

 

[BAW]

I have no problem with the sign and neither should other parents. If they do have a problem with it, they probably allow their children to engage in the behavior that caused the notice to be put up in the first place.

This obviously wouldn't (or shouldn't) offend a parent whose child is occasionally cranky or just having a bad day...its meant for the parents who as a habit just tune it out or who feel their little darlings have every right to stretch out on the floor of a cafe after a good meal

I find myself just shaking my head at times when I see parents simply tune out their kids while they climb under tables, stand up in restaurant booths and throw food everywhere. If your child isn't old enough or well behaved enough to sit through a restaurant meal or can't stay quietly occupied while the parents have coffee, get a sitter or go to a more kid friendly establishment.

My own kids got one warning and if they kept it up, they were taken outside. That was usually all it took. I don't understand this fear of discipline.

 

[nbcrusader]

I don't understand this fear of discipline.

Perhaps it was the result of a era where we were told to never spank your children. Too often, I see parents trying to reason with their children or be the friends of their children instead of the parents of their children. In my experience, children crave boundries. And giving them clear boundries gives them freedom to live within those boundries, instead of trying to guess where the boundries are.

 

[BVS]

Perhaps it was the result of a era where we were told to never spank your children. Too often, I see parents trying to reason with their children or be the friends of their children instead of the parents of their children. In my experience, children crave boundries. And giving them clear boundries gives them freedom to live within those boundries, instead of trying to guess where the boundries are.

I've seen results of both parents who spank and have horrible kids, and parents who don't and have wonderful kids. And vice versa. I think you are simplifying things by saying it's a result of an era that _____, or that it's the sin of the parents. Honestly I've seen arguments for all. The one thing I've noticed to be consistant throughout all camps is that inconsistancy is a problem. Parents that will spank or discipline in other ways at home but not in public, out of fear of what they will look like.

I do agree about boundaries though.

 

[Irvine511]

Perhaps it was the result of a era where we were told to never spank your children. Too often, I see parents trying to reason with their children or be the friends of their children instead of the parents of their children. In my experience, children crave boundries. And giving them clear boundries gives them freedom to live within those boundries, instead of trying to guess where the boundries are.

can boundaries be created with words and consequences for actions instead of physical harm? i don't see why the best way to enforce a boundary -- which i do agree children want and need -- is through an open hand (or, worse, a closed fist).

i've seen many kids who are spanked who are excessively anxious and nervous, and tend to overreact to the slightest problem (i.e., the blocks fell over) because of the constant fear of physical threat from their parents.

we don't hit other people, why is hitting a child acceptable?

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

I am in favor of discipline, not physical discipline but discipline gained from respect and proper teaching of behavior that is expected.

I think part of it is that some kids are overindulged and spoiled, to the point that some parents actually seem afraid of their kids- I've seen that.

Btw I'm not talking about kids who have ADHD or other physical problems which cause them to misbehave on occasion, that is different.

I see plenty of kids who can't even behave for one hour in church, and some parents refuse to take them to the parents' room too, seemingly they don't care how disruptive that is.

 

[nbcrusader]

can boundaries be created with words and consequences for actions instead of physical harm? i don't see why the best way to enforce a boundary -- which i do agree children want and need -- is through an open hand (or, worse, a closed fist).

i've seen many kids who are spanked who are excessively anxious and nervous, and tend to overreact to the slightest problem (i.e., the blocks fell over) because of the constant fear of physical threat from their parents.

we don't hit other people, why is hitting a child acceptable?

Spanking instead of clear communication will never work. Spanking as a last resort will get the attention of a child.

I've never resorted to spanking because, I believe, I've gotten in my children's face (clear face to face communication) to set expectations early. I have found this works both at home and in public because it does not require a raised voice, but clearly conveys my desires for their behavior.

And it is always followed by a hug. You've got to teach a child that you discipline because you love them. If I didn't care about them, I wouldn't discipline them. Both understand and appreciate this.

 

[Irvine511]

Spanking instead of clear communication will never work. Spanking as a last resort will get the attention of a child.

I've never resorted to spanking because, I believe, I've gotten in my children's face (clear face to face communication) to set expectations early. I have found this works both at home and in public because it does not require a raised voice, but clearly conveys my desires for their behavior.

And it is always followed by a hug. You've got to teach a child that you discipline because you love them. If I didn't care about them, I wouldn't discipline them. Both understand and appreciate this.

to me, and going on my experience teaching pre-school and in working with kids for years, this seems like exactly the right way to go about sending clear messages to your children.

clarity is key.

i was questioning your linking of the message "don't spank" to a lack of parental clarity and discipline. one has nothing to do with the other.

 

[NYRangers78]

It is annoying when people bring their babies and small kids into R rated movies for instance, don't get me wrong I completely understand that babysitters are expensive, tough to get, etc. but I have been in the movies when the babies/kids cried/acted out the entire time. That's why they have special theaters/movies now that are kid free or kid friendly. Unfortunately there isn't a kid free one near me

There are great parents and there are parents who seem to lack basic abilities to control their kids, or don't seem to even care that their kids are disturbing people. Like I said, I understand that kids can be uncontrollable at times.

Honestly I do try to schedule doing certain things when I know kids won't be there. I admit that I have very little patience for them sometimes when they are out of control because I don't have any.

u aint kidding....ive been to movies like SAW and SAW 2 at midnight and there have been people with strollers and babies and very young toddlers...making noise and crying all over the place..the movie theater needs to stop them from bringing their kids..its wrong on 2 levels...

1) the kids shouldnt be subjected to violence and stuff like that and shouldnt be out that late at night except in the case of emergency....

2) its disrespectful to the other theater goers who paid their hard earned money to have to sit and listen to other people's kids crying....if its a kids movie, i understand, but a violent gory movie or a movie with adult themes? totally ridiculous...

 

[Irvine511]

u aint kidding....ive been to movies like SAW and SAW 2 at midnight and there have been people with strollers and babies and very young toddlers...making noise and crying all over the place..the movie theater needs to stop them from bringing their kids..its wrong on 2 levels...

it's true. i am mortified when i see people bringing children to movies like "saving private ryan" or "road to perdition."

it blows my mind.

 

[stammer476]

it's true. i am mortified when i see people bringing children to movies like "saving private ryan" or "road to perdition."

it blows my mind.

To me, this is the obvious flaw of the ratings system. Just because you're accompanied by a parent, that makes it less traumatic or harmful?

I wish there was some type of theatre policy about these situations. NC-17 shouldn't be the only rating that bars minors from viewing.

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

When I went to see the last Mission Impossible (it was on the night it came out, a Wednesday) there were people there with a very young infant-that movie was quite loud and violent, I can't imagine subjecting an infant to that. The baby kept crying and screaming, she was obviously tired and probably scared of the audio assault.

The theater can't do anything, I'm sure they'd be accused of discrimination if they did, if they tried to keep infants/kids out of certain movies(supposedly they can do something about disruption if people complain). Of course there are plenty of adults who are disruptive at movies too.

I find it interesting that stores, etc. are starting to put up these types of signs, in my experience most people and establishments never complain about disruptive kids. I usually just give dirty looks and shake my head

 

[nbcrusader]

My 11-year old doesn't like the volume levels in movie theaters. I can't imagine what it does to an infant.

 

[Irvine511]

I find it interesting that stores, etc. are starting to put up these types of signs, in my experience most people and establishments never complain about disruptive kids. I usually just give dirty looks and shake my head

while i've never yelled at a child, i've just recently started yelling at loud people in movie theaters. i yelled at someone in "rent" and i yelled at someone when i saw "catch me if you can." all adults, and all inexplicably talking at normal conversation levels throughout the movie.

fuck them. i paid $9.25. i'm damn well going to enjoy it.

 

[stammer476]

while i've never yelled at a child, i've just recently started yelling at loud people in movie theaters. i yelled at someone in "rent" and i yelled at someone when i saw "catch me if you can." all adults, and all inexplicably talking at normal conversation levels throughout the movie.

fuck them. i paid $9.25. i'm damn well going to enjoy it.

Off topic, my apologies to Mrs S. . .

I've noticed a trend lately among some groups of teenagers to stage a contest to go into a crowded movie and see how quickly you can disrupt everyone and get thrown out.

It makes me wonder, do today's teens really have that much money to throw away?

 

[nbcrusader]

It makes me wonder, do today's teens really have that much money to throw away?

Yes. Parents find it easier to give them some $$ and drop them off at the mall. From my observations, the amount of interaction between parents and children drops significantly at age 12-13.

 

[stammer476]

Yes. Parents find it easier to give them some $$ and drop them off at the mall. From my observations, the amount of interaction between parents and children drops significantly at age 12-13.

I guess that explains it. If you're dropped off at the movies frequently, you'll eventually get bored, and so you create your own entertainment. And since it's not your money anyway, you aren't concerned about losing it.

 

[anitram]

I remember there was a proposal to ban children from a shopping mall once. To me, that was bliss.

Parents seem to be under the impression their children are cute and charming. Newsflash: they aren't necessarily to the rest of us. I can't tell you how much it annoys me to go to a mall on the weekend and it's so obvious that some parents bring their kids there so that they can be somebody else's burden. Running around, screaming, banging on the walls of the bathroom stalls and so on.

I used to work at a hockey arena when I was a student. I remember there would be kids climbing up over the seats, running around obstructing the view of other paying customers, dunking popcorn into Coke and flinging it at another kid's head (who happened to be 4 rows in front so that everyone in between got a nice shower), and I kid you not, half the time the ushers would go and speak to the parents and get a response like "Oh, come on, don't be a hardass, they're just trying to have fun."

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

That's a good point, why are people so intimidated as far as saying anything to/about adults and their kids? Well I speak for myself, I am. Which is pathetic. When I saw Rent these teenagers in the front were being very inappropriate, I just did my "sssh" a few times. Has anyone here ever gone to complain to a manager?

I saw Walk The Line w/ my Mother, she confronted some loud 20 somethings. I just moved a few rows forward and stayed there for most of the movie Why should people be afraid/embarrassed to confront people who are disrupting something they've paid their hard earned money for? A few months back, at War of the Worlds, this woman got all nasty w/ this guy because he told her to go outside for her cell phone convo, what a nerve.I called her a bitch after she left, I think her kids heard me.. they seemed embarrassed by her too though. People brought small kids to that movie too, they were obviously scared.

I do say something when people kick my seat, that drives me crazy. I have long legs and I can manage not to do that. That's why I usually go to the back row.

/tangent/ but bottom line is the adults don't set the best example for the kids all the time..

 

[Irvine511]

as far as movies go, i think the only solution is to stay out of your average mall cineplex (which feels more like an airport anyway) and go support your independent (sort of) theaters that show smaller indie movies. you won't find obnoxious teenagers there, and the teenagers you will find will be of the smart, artsy type who can be wonderful to engage in conversation with.

 

[stammer476]

^^

Or save the money and get a nice home theater system. At $9.25 per show, that's only 541 tickets!

 

[anitram]

That's a good point, why are people so intimidated as far as saying anything to/about adults and their kids? Well I speak for myself, I am. Which is pathetic.

For me, it's because I had enough experience in this area to realize that some parents are psycho, and they will have no trouble bitching YOU out if you so much as suggest that their child is inconveniencing you.

When we were little, if somebody would have approached my parents and requested of them that we behave, we'd be in so much trouble that it simply wasn't worth it. Seems like these days, it's your fault for having the audacity to complain, and not the kid's fault for being an idiot.

 

[BAW]

For me, it's because I had enough experience in this area to realize that some parents are psycho, and they will have no trouble bitching YOU out if you so much as suggest that their child is inconveniencing you.

When we were little, if somebody would have approached my parents and requested of them that we behave, we'd be in so much trouble that it simply wasn't worth it. Seems like these days, it's your fault for having the audacity to complain, and not the kid's fault for being an idiot.

You've hit the nail on the head...instead of a "thank you for letting me know" you are more likely to get a ration of shit and a "how dare you" attitude.

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

For me, it's because I had enough experience in this area to realize that some parents are psycho, and they will have no trouble bitching YOU out if you so much as suggest that their child is inconveniencing you.

When we were little, if somebody would have approached my parents and requested of them that we behave, we'd be in so much trouble that it simply wasn't worth it. Seems like these days, it's your fault for having the audacity to complain, and not the kid's fault for being an idiot.

That's exactly it, it's as if the person who complains is in the wrong - it is so twisted. Not to mention honestly I am afraid sometimes that they will confront me later in the parking lot or whatever.

And same goes for me if I had misbehaved, maybe part of the problem is that the kids know the parents will defend them no matter what kids are very observant and pick up on that.

Unfortunately the only movie theater that is easy for me to get to is a multiplex.

 

[indra]

Perhaps it was the result of a era where we were told to never spank your children. Too often, I see parents trying to reason with their children or be the friends of their children instead of the parents of their children. In my experience, children crave boundries. And giving them clear boundries gives them freedom to live within those boundries, instead of trying to guess where the boundries are.

You know, I was never, ever spanked. Never. And I knew I wouldn't be, and I knew from a very young age that no one had the right to spank me either. But I was a good kid. Did I pitch fits or have crying jags once in a while? Yep, of course I did. But my mum was a smart, resourceful woman who handled it without pissing everyone in the area off (by allowing me to continue unabated) and without resorting to violence against me.

 

[indra]

we don't hit other people, why is hitting a child acceptable?

That's exactly what my mum said....well she put it this way "why is it legal to hit a child but illegal to hit an adult?"