By Popular Request: The Manly Thread

[For Honor]

I know this may stem from a corny movie, but these principles are very good, IMO.

Samurai Code --- Bushido

 

[Kieran McConville]

I like men with as much sensitivity as possible as much as the next female, but men risk (?) being or seeming entirely unmasculine if it is these things on their own without a bit (or a lot) of the counter to balance it.

So yeah, all that sensitivity crap, but they must be strong, be confident, be able to take charge, to provide, to work hard, is not afraid to get dirty, to know right from wrong, to change roles as needed...all of it. The last one on changing roles as needed is more about being able to be what they want when it's needed. I dont want to know men who cannot partake at all in any stereotypical man activity. Call me a ...I dont know, lol, but I want to know a man can entertain his mates with sport or the pub or whatever and also wash up and vacuum. A man who is one of these roles all the time is a problem, but one who can be more than mr sensitive or mr bastardballs is what I want. I have to confess that excessively effeminate men bother me as much as arsehole shitheads. I really get uncomfortable feeling I have larger balls than the man, though. And I dont mean literally, lol.

So basically you want a man who can be everything and anything. How heartening. Something tells me I wouldn't live up to your ideal, as I am neither particularly sensitive nor particularly capable (assuming that the two are polar opposites).

 

[A_Wanderer]

There is a fine line between manly and camp ~ case in point Captain Kirk

 

[Angela Harlem]

So basically you want a man who can be everything and anything. How heartening. Something tells me I wouldn't live up to your ideal, as I am neither particularly sensitive nor particularly capable (assuming that the two are polar opposites).

If I may drop this PC bullshit for one moment, what I desire in a man is one who is not some girly bloody female in a man's body ie, one who cries at the drop of a hat and frankly cannot be manly because he is too busy trying to be some SNAGified woman. Alternatively I do not want one who lives on XXXX and Sargents pies and lives down the local drinking hole with his Harley mates and Mack driving interstate sex deprived fucks of mates who have wolfwhistling as part of their vocabulary.

There is a rather healthy middle ground.

 

[Irvine511]

If I may drop this PC bullshit for one moment, what I desire in a man is one who is not some girly bloody female in a man's body ie, one who cries at the drop of a hat and frankly cannot be manly because he is too busy trying to be some SNAGified woman. Alternatively I do not want one who lives on XXXX and Sargents pies and lives down the local drinking hole with his Harley mates and Mack driving interstate sex deprived fucks of mates who have wolfwhistling as part of their vocabulary.

damn.

ever think of writing an opinion column? that's some powerful writing!

 

[verte76]

Well, it's what I like to see in a man. It's what a man should be, for his own sake as well as other people around him. The ideal man is kind, gentle, compassionate, feels genuine emotion, is bright, articulate and fun to be around.

 

[ruffian]

A man who is not afraid to make a commitment!!!


THREE CHREERS FOR THIS GUY

wow, now that is a manly man.

in the same vein as some of your comments here, I think I equate masculinity/manliness with confidence (not to be confused with arrogance). It's feeling secure in your identity without relying on some "hyper-masculine" persona. I could probably say the same about women. Maybe I'm arguing authenticity is more important than manliness or femininity.

There is an interesting book written by an anthropologist about masculinity that demonstrates that in all cultures, manliness is something you have to "win" through undergoing a painful rite of passage, performing dangerous/courageous acts, etc...and you can lose it by showing weakness. Femininity, however, is simply attained through biological processes of menstration, pregnancy, etc, and is less precarious. So a male presidential candidate who bursts into tears over something mundane suffers a greater stigma about not being manly than a woman who varies from her gender role and is a "tomboy." I've digressed...

 

[pax]

...I think I equate masculinity/manliness with confidence (not to be confused with arrogance). It's feeling secure in your identity without relying on some "hyper-masculine" persona.

I think you're on to something there, Ruffian. I'm very leery of traditional gender labels, and so I find a man "masculine," I think, when he seems happy to be a man and has made his own decisions about what is "masculine" for him, rather than have masculinity dictated to him by society/media. An authentic, individualized masculinity is the best kind, IMO.

At the risk of embarrassing my absent gentleman by saying this, I find him to be quite masculine for precisely the above reasons. He rejects about "traditional" masculinity what he finds to be restrictive, unfair, or simply uncomfortable while embracing what he has deemed to be constructive about it. He's intelligent enough to choose for himself what it means to be a man, which is the best way, I think, to be masculine (or feminine, really...a "feminine" woman is one who's secure and happy in being a woman and knows what it means for her).

To veer off this subject a bit, I think that one of the problems between the sexes these days is that so few women seem to really like men (and vice versa). Sure, straight women are, theoretically, attracted to men, but sometimes I wonder if these straight women actually make an effort to appreciate and understand masculinity, if they actually enjoy the company of men. There is more to "straight-ness" (or "gay-ness" for that matter) than sexual/biological attraction; to me, I'm not sure a woman can actually be called heterosexual if she doesn't actually like men. (And, again, vice versa; I know quite a few straight guys who don't actually seem to like women.)

Anyway, as Ruffian said quite well and more succinctly, a masculine man (or a feminine woman) is one who's comfortable with himself (or herself) and has an authentic, self-chosen gender identity. It has less to do with grooming habits, political attitudes, etc., and more to do with confidence. Gay men can be masculine. Effeminate men can be masculine. And a bench-pressing, sports-car-driving man can be not masculine at all.

 

[ruffian]

but sometimes I wonder if these straight women actually make an effort to appreciate and understand masculinity, if they actually enjoy the company of men.

you know, this is a complicated issue. i honestly think that often male-female communication is like people from two different worlds trying to communicate (and there's lots of literature on this--some sophisticated theories that go beyond the mars/venus stuff). And when I'm in those moments, I would really prefer to talk to a woman. On the other hand, I absolutely adore men and am attracted to their "otherness." So maybe women's amibivalence, and in turn, men's ambivalence about women, is rooted in confusion. we communicate quite differently, we have different needs in relationships, different needs for intimacy. it's amazing the we actually get together and breed from time to time

 

[pax]

i honestly think that often male-female communication is like people from two different worlds trying to communicate (and there's lots of literature on this--some sophisticated theories that go beyond the mars/venus stuff). And when I'm in those moments, I would really prefer to talk to a woman. On the other hand, I absolutely adore men and am attracted to their "otherness." So maybe women's amibivalence, and in turn, men's ambivalence about women, is rooted in confusion. we communicate quite differently, we have different needs in relationships, different needs for intimacy. it's amazing the we actually get together and breed from time to time

LOL, so true.

BTW...super-jealous that you saw U2 in Glasgow at the same time as Ewen and I didn't!

 

[ruffian]

pax, what a shock to meet him--and then be 2 people down the rail from him during the show...it's a small interference world. the GA admission for that show was so crazy...people *running* up and down steep stairs at full tilt...

sorry for being off the off-topic, everyone.

 

[foray]

The question is flawed.

foray

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

I think a man being honest w/ a woman in a sensitive, kind way is "manly", rather than being cold/evasive in some effort to avoid the situation or whatever. Honesty up front hurts much less in the long run.

There's also a huge difference between that and brutal honesty and meanness

Being a good listener and friend to a woman (or to another man) is very "manly"

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

Playgirl's hunks? The hairy, chubby & poor!

BY RIVKA BUKOWSKY
NYDAILY NEWS WRITER

Forget waxed chests and rock-hard abs. A new survey finds ladies like their men scruffy, a wee bit chubby - and definitely not a metrosexual.

Playgirl asked 2,000 of its readers what they find sexy in a man and the answers were surprising: 42% said they thought love handles were kind of sexy and 47% approved of chest hair.

The mag, which often features toned, hairless males in its beefcake photo spreads, is now searching for a man who meets readers' standards.

Average Joes everywhere can send photos to models@playgirlmag.com to compete for a shot at a pictorial in a future issue.

Rich playboys need not apply - only 4% of women said the size of a man's wallet mattered. Metrosexuals are also out: 73% want a guy who is "rough around the edges."

"This survey shows that the guy who's most attractive to our readers is not your average Hollywood hunk," said Playgirl editrix Jill Sieracki. "It's the average Joe who came up on top. Women are practical about their choices, and they're smart."

New York matchmaker Janis Spindel, a self-described specialist at setting up "highly successful, well-educated, attractive professionals," confirmed the survey's findings. "It's scary, but women don't care [about looks]," she said. "Men are very superficial and very shallow."

But Spindel disputed the claim that women don't care about finding a rich man: "Women want a man who makes more money than they do," she said. "They want to be able to live a comfortable lifestyle."

PS, I would like some of the men here to send their pictures in

 

[BVS]

PS, I would like some of the men here to send their pictures in

Yeah I'll be right on that. Just need to find someone with a camera.

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

actually I meant to say all

and I have a camera, it's just a simple digital but it'll do

seriously I don't find that magazine appealing, I'd rather look at GQ or something similar

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

I find it interesting that some men think body hair makes you "manly". I would like to hear what men think about that, let's talk about manscaping

The male resistance to waxing is melting away

By Olivia Barker, USA TODAY Wed Aug 24

They skulk in, alone or dragged by their wives or girlfriends - follicularly endowed fellows seeking a drastic solution to their body hair hang-ups: waxing.

"They're somewhat scared and kind of shy because it's new to them," says Hector Peña, general manager of Manhattan's Nickel. The spa for men has seen a surge over the past two years in the number of clients willing to subject their skin to those strips of white muslin all in the name of confidence - on the beach and in bed.

Backs, shoulders, chests, brows and (gulp) nethers are increasingly fair game for de-furring. (Or "manscaping," as Queer Eye for the Straight Guy's Fab Five call it.) Forget the tufted torsos epitomized by heretofore hunks like Burt Reynolds and Tom Selleck - they've gone the way of the gold medallion necklace.

Hollywood is taking a hard line against hairiness this year. Consider Hitch's Will Smith, who counsels Kevin James that dating success is as dependent on a fuzz-free back as dancing skills. In My Date with Drew, Brian Herzlinger sees his Chia chest as an impediment to snagging a snuggle session with Drew Barrymore. (Maybe he shouldn't have worried: Barrymore revealed her hirsute armpits at Marc Jacobs' February show, to much clucking from the follicle-phobic fashion flock.)

And then there's The 40-Year-Old Virgin's Steve Carell, who, in the summer's most painfully memorable scene, has ape-ish abs reduced to what Paul Rudd dubs a "man-o-lantern." (Carell, who really did go under the wax-smeared spatula, aborts the procedure after a few patches are yanked off.)

Having too much body hair is akin to having too little head hair, says Stan Williams, fashion and grooming director of Maxim magazine. "A lot of guys are concerned about it, but it's not something you really talk about."

At Nickel, where waxing is the most popular treatment, 60% of the appointments are made by women on behalf of their husbands or boyfriends. Customers range from twentysomethings to fifty-somethings, Wall Street types to truckers. "Girls inquire all the time, 'What do I need to do to get him to come in there?' " says Peña, who began turning his unibrow into two on the advice of a girlfriend.

Not all men are convinced. "Chest hair is back, like fanny packs and aviators," says Jonah Enbar, 20, a rising senior at Northwestern University. "I want it to grow."

Body hair "makes you a man. It's a maturity thing," says Bates College senior Chris Robinson, 21. "I bet it would be ridiculously painful" to take off. But he could be persuaded: "If a girl asked me, yeah, I would do it."

Still, Williams waxes horrific about the eyebrow-raising extremes. "Go to any club and look at these young guys" who have thinned their brows to Norma Desmond wisps. "It's pretty frightening."

When it comes to his chest, the average man clips it or simply lives with it, Williams says. If it's a source of relationship anxiety, "then why are you with (that person)?"

Waxing makes up 35% to 40% of the business at Joq Day Spa for Men in Atlanta. "Men are just becoming a lot more conscious of what their body looks like," spa director Christopher Keever says. "They realize you don't need to go around looking like the missing link."

Even cowboys get the back-hair blues. At Napoleon's for Men, a 2-year-old hot-shave-and-haircut hangout in Boise, guys who are no strangers to reins and rifles will occasionally call and ask whether waxing hurts. "I say, 'You can handle it,' " receptionist Dayna Ross says.

Fear not: Williams says there's a reprieve in sight for those with Brillo-padded pecs. Fall fashion is "woodsy," he says. "So when you emasculate the guy and whip off his hair," it doesn't jibe with what's on the runway - no matter that the men modeling those clothes are as smooth as Michael Jordan's pate.

 

[Irvine511]

I find it interesting that some men think body hair makes you "manly". I would like to hear what men think about that, let's talk about manscaping

yuck to looking like a plucked chicken.

i like chest hair (though back hair i can do without).

i'm all for body hair, though some carefully applied manscaping in certain areas is never a bad idea, both for the optical illusion of enhancement (ahem) and the reduced possibility of hair caught in the throat.



did i just say that out loud?

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

Being a good listener and friend to a woman (or to another man) is very "manly"

I agree with this one 100%.

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

I wish I could find a man who is a good friend and listener, I guess when you can't even get a man to be interested in you in any sort of romantic way either that's impossible

I found one who is just about the sweetest guy I've ever known, he's married and quite a bit younger than I am, as a friend I can't imagine a more lovely or more manly man. We've never met, I got to know him though here actually. I hardly ever hear from him anymore and I miss that. The qualities he has are so rare in a man, and it just struck me right away.

Oh well, my dog listens to me..sometimes a girl too, figures..