Dreadsox said:
I now attend the "Cathlolic Light" church (Episcopal). We have a female preist, the best I have had since my Congregational Minister from College. I am very happy.
The church supports Gay Civil Unions. The parishoners have not yet tackled the supbject of marriage. The parishoners have MUCH MUCH more say in the parish than I have ever encountered in the Catholic Church. My children are THRILLED to attend church now.
I am happier.
The more I learn about Catholicism, the more I wonder if I really was ever "Catholic," in the philosophical sense. For all of my life, up to the last two or three years, I believed that Catholicism was a "liberal religion." I was pleased that they believed that science and religion were compatible, and I was also pleased with their stance against fundamentalism. I also believed that, through the precedent set by medieval Catholic scholars, that it was perfectly "moral" to disagree with church teachings, and still be in communion with the church, as one's "conscience" is supposed to be one's supreme moral guide--not the Vatican. Heck, even in the 1890s, the Vatican even said that liberalism and Catholicism were compatible; thus, in addition to Vatican II reforms, it was better to keep religion and politics separate, as to allow one's conscience to choose the way.
And now? I believe that they were never really sincere about it. I believe that their rejection of fundamentalism was only so they could put their "traditions" above the Bible--hence, if scholars discovered that the original Biblical texts meant something different, they could cry "tradition" to keep things the same. I'm upset with my old religion, not so much as I didn't like what they had to say, as much as I felt that they were betraying their own philosophy. The things that Dreadsox here describes--i.e., how the priest told them, as a married couple, that they were "living in sin"--I find to be totally repugnant, and if you asked me if it were repugnant ten years ago, I would have said the same thing.
I'm ultimately torn, because I find that my parents are part of that Catholic contingent that I can no longer be a part, due to my conscience: the Catholic who only goes to church because they feel they have to, not because they want to. I'm sorry; the Bible says "honor the Sabbath day," not "go to church." Towards the end, I started leaving so angry that I believe I was dishonoring the day by going. I know that there are many Catholics like me or my parents, but I am ultimately disappointed by their silence; they are too afraid to speak up against their hierarchy, since it is "tradition" to shut up and take the abuse.
And, like an abusive spouse, you're brought up to believe that once you're Catholic, you're always Catholic--e.g., you can never really leave. Sadly, I think I fall under that category. I don't know if I will ever be able to "leave" completely, and nor do I think I will ever find solace in organized religion ever again. I will never be atheist; my own faith experiences and feelings leads me to believe that God exists. But to be in a congregation of people that all have similar belief systems? I doubt I'll ever find it.
I can only wonder what life would have been like had I never been brought up or involved in this religion. In the meantime, I am only left to wander aimlessly and, to a degree, in bitterness; but I do believe that religion is forever ruined for me.
Melon