Ask The Old Married Guy

[nbcrusader]

15 years today

I always wanted a thread of my own

 

[U2democrat]

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!



any special plans for your special lady?

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

Congratulations

How did you meet your wife, and what do you love most about her? What things bug you sometimes about her?

 

[nbcrusader]

[Bany special plans for your special lady? [/B]

Wow - tonight will be great. A friend of ours is out of town (single mom), so we will have her two kids over.

I have a Youth & Family committee meeting at church (I'm the moderator, so I can't skip).


We talked about this and realize that we celebrate every day. Our big gift to each other will be the U2 concert April 5 at the LA Staples Center

 

[Scarletwine]

Congratulations NBC. That is great.

Last year we went to a fancy restaurant - with our kids and loved it. You always have quiet time later in the evening.

You advice for keeping it together?

 

[nbcrusader]

How did you meet your wife, and what do you love most about her? What things bug you sometimes about her?

I met my wife in college. During 2nd semester of our sophomore year, we both took a business finance class (I know, real romantic). I sat in the row ahead of her and almost never turned around. Toward the end of the year, we were both on a group project with some mutual friends. I remember teasing her about the way she dressed (this was 1984, so clothing styles had a certain punk-new wave flair). That summer, she took classes in Paris (French language and literature) while I took summer school classes at UC Irvine. By the end of summer, I realized I had missed her. It all grew from there.

What I love about my wife? Honestly, of all the things I could list, it comes down to her steadfast faith. Our mutual faith has held us together and guided us through the dark times.

What bugs me about her? At this point, I’m not sure if anything in her personality bugs me. If there is one thing were we are opposites, its her cats. She loves them, I don’t. We’ve had them 14 years and I keep asking her how long they last. I know this will cost me points with the cat lovers of the forum.

 

[lauren430]

congratulations! Here's to many more happy years

 

[nbcrusader]

You advice for keeping it together?

In a word: communication. As I look back over the years, I realized that all the bumps and bruises were caused by a lack of true, open communication on a subject. Especially the important subjects like work, money, kids, sex, housework, etc. It is the long conversations, sometimes on a very narrow subject, that have drawn us closer together.

Coupled with communication is a willingness to hear, understand and change based on what is said.

 

[MrsSpringsteen]

Now I remember reading how you met before

what else to ask - Do you see marriage as being more "work" or more idealized, romantic ie if it becomes too much work, something's "wrong" ?

When you think about the future, how do you hope your marriage will grow and change?

 

[joyfulgirl]

Congratulations!!

What kind of music does she like?

 

[nbcrusader]

what else to ask - Do you see marriage as being more "work" or more idealized, romantic ie if it becomes too much work, something's "wrong" ?

Honestly, I wish marriage was portrayed as requiring more effort than as this magic ideal. To me, true love makes changes “work” into “desire”. There have been times when I think “why should I bother” – but realize that the alternative (walking out or otherwise disengaging from the relationship) won’t do any better.

It becomes “too much work” when only one party is working at the relationship. Both parties must work at the relationship, and must work together at the relationship. And this is where the communication is critical.

When you think about the future, how do you hope your marriage will grow and change?

As for the future, I can only hope our relationship will inspire our children when they start developing deeper personal relationships. We will occasionally see older married couples (over 70) walking together holding hands. We hope we continue on a path that has us holding hands (and more ) for decades to come.

 

[nbcrusader]

What kind of music does she like?

Right now, I've got her listening to HTDAAB - so she will be ready for the concert.

Her music collection consists mostly of contemporary christian, 80's classics, and stuff I call "white guys from the 70's". She also took years of piano, so she has an appreciation for classical music, but never listens to it on cd.

We both like the 80's music as it reminds us of our college days.

My musical tastes are much broader: hard rock, rap, disco, funk, new wave, rockabilly, metal, pop, classical, etc., but I really don't get into the contemporary christian stuff.

 

[Irvine511]

long term couples are very inspirational, so i applaud and congratulate you!

what do you think are the biggest challenges for long-term couples to overcome? i'm not talking about the ways to overcome them -- you've mentioned communication -- i'm wondering about real issues that have come up that you've had to deal with.

and enjoy your first U2 show!

 

[nbcrusader]

what do you think are the biggest challenges for long-term couples to overcome? i'm not talking about the ways to overcome them -- you've mentioned communication -- i'm wondering about real issues that have come up that you've had to deal with.

The biggest challenges are the preconceived notions or expectations that are brought into the relationship. I think studies have verified this, but finances, sex and children would be the areas that present the biggest challenges.

Money is a challenge, as two people must live on one budget. In society today, it is far too easy to go shopping as a release or form of relaxation. Now, if someone in a relationship uses shopping as a release from financial challenges in a relationship, you’ve got a self-perpetuating problem.

I remember a movie years and years ago when a young groom was excited about getting married because it would be like an “all you can eat buffet”. He was talking about sex. The bride didn’t use the same description.

Children are a never-ending source of challenge in a relationship. From the lack of sleep stage, to discipline, to instilling values, to helping with homework. The list goes on.

 

[joyfulgirl]

What does your wife think of this blue crack business?

 

[nbcrusader]

What does your wife think of this blue crack business?

Great question. When I first started with Interference, it was to get back up to speed on U2 (I was a “lapsed” fan) at the tail end of the Elevation tour. It soon grew into more.

Now, Interference is my first and only venture into an online community. I love being here. It brings a different dynamic to a relationship, however, as instead of setting up a time to go out with friends, I could plop down behind the computer and chat with my new blue crack friends. It wasn’t long before I’d come home from work, and while my wife was busy with some part of the evening routine, I would sneak off to the computer and check in. Eventually, this led to the “who are you talking to?” question.

Now, I had a choice regarding my blue crack addiction. Post when I was at work or when my wife wasn’t around and keep it off her radar. Or, I could talk to her about what I was doing. I chose the later.

We talk regularly about the topics that come up for discussion, especially the religious and political subjects. I try and post as if my wife reads all my comments. There are times, however, where I’ll use innuendo as humor that I imagine brush up against that line of if my wife were to read the post. I try and keep a “respectable distance” in my posts.

Bottom line: my wife has no interest in joining an online community (between two children and teaching a bible study class of 250-300 women, she just doesn’t have the time or energy); BUT she understands why I enjoy the forum. I think we both have grown based on our discussions of the issues raised on this board and it has given her a broader perspective in her teaching.

 

[pax]

Besides the time she was in Paris, did you and your wife ever spend a long time apart? How did you deal with that?

 

[U2democrat]

There are times, however, where I’ll use innuendo as humor that I imagine brush up against that line of if my wife were to read the post. .

you? use innuendo? really?

 

[nbcrusader]

Besides the time she was in Paris, did you and your wife ever spend a long time apart? How did you deal with that?

I think we've been apart for more than a week only a few times since we first met.

1. When we broke up. This was from 1987 to 1989. I think I’ve posted the details before, but it dealt with her faith, my lack of faith and 2 Corinthians 6:14. It was only by God’s Grace that (i) I became a believer and (ii) that our paths crossed again.

2. My 6-week backpacking trip through Europe in 1989 after I took the California Bar exam (to become a lawyer). I spent more on postage than I did on food during those weeks as I sent home a postcard every day. I think (actually, I know) she still has all those cards.

3. A 2-week mission trip to Egypt in 1999. This was tough because it took almost a week before we figured out the local phone system.

 

[Moonlit_Angel]

The biggest challenges are the preconceived notions or expectations that are brought into the relationship.

My dad's told me the same thing, so there's somebody else who can vouch for this one.

Congrats on 15 years of marriage! . Loved the story of how you and your wife met (hey, you're not alone-I met my first boyfriend in school, too-ironically, we were paired together for a "get to know your classmate" project at the beginning of that school year ).

Originally posted by nbcrusader
We will occasionally see older married couples (over 70) walking together holding hands.

...I've seen and heard about that, too, and I would love to be able to do the same thing someday. Considering how well you and your wife seem to be handling your marriage, something tells me you'll be doing that same thing yourselves .

Let's see...question to ask you...what's the most fun thing you and your wife have done together? Was it something big, or was it something simple and sweet?

By the way, you like new wave music? .

Angela

 

[pax]

Shucks, I forgot!

May you and Mrs. Crusader enjoy many more happy years.

 

[LarryMullen's POPAngel]

I have no questions (well, except for, how did your wife get so lucky to catch a nice guy like yourself! ) but I did want to step in and wish you a happy anniversary.

 

[Macfistowannabe]

What was your wedding song?

(I'm considering "Wonderful Tonight"... not sure though)

 

[nbcrusader]

Let's see...question to ask you...what's the most fun thing you and your wife have done together? Was it something big, or was it something simple and sweet?

Wow! I think you've stumped me. It must have been something simple and sweet. I don't know, we seem to have fun together all the time.

I've been horrible about planning vacations or date nights - I need to get better at that.

 

[nbcrusader]

What was your wedding song?

(I'm considering "Wonderful Tonight"... not sure though)

Ah, at least I remember the date.

No, seriously, she picked the song and I'm guessing it was something by Amy Grant. It's not in my collection.

Now, if she were here, I would say something like, "I was too dazzled by your beauty to remember the song."

 

[nbcrusader]

I have no questions (well, except for, how did your wife get so lucky to catch a nice guy like yourself! ) but I did want to step in and wish you a happy anniversary.

Thank you, but I am afraid that I am the lucky one.

 

[joyfulgirl]

I try and post as if my wife reads all my comments.

It's funny, I do this, too--I post as if one of my friends might read it and bust me if I've embellished or been inappropriate. Kinda keeps me in line.

 

[tiny dancer]

Best Wishes to you and your wife.

 

[verte76]

Congrats, have a great day!

 

[coemgen]

Congratulations man - on the marriage and the thread! God bless you guys!